Q: Should I ask my husband to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases? He recently ended an affair, and we're working toward reconciliation. It's a touchy process and I don't want to do anything that might suggest a lack of trust or that I haven't forgiven him.

Jim: I'd strongly suggest that you both get tested immediately. The health risks and ramifications are too serious not to. But I sense you don't need to be convinced of this. Your bigger concern is that any suggestion of mistrust or lack of forgiveness may derail the reconciliation process.

While I can understand your hesitancy, medical testing has nothing to do with trust. It's just a straightforward way of ascertaining some very critical facts. There's also a sense in which trust is a moot point at this stage in the game. Your husband has already proven himself untrustworthy. But if he's truly interested in changing, he should admit this and face the consequences head-on. His willingness to do so is the only way he can expect to rebuild his relationship with you.

Finally, it's important to understand that forgiveness and trust are two different things. You can forgive your husband for his past waywardness, but this doesn't mean that you should give him carte blanche for the future or necessarily take his word for it when he insists he'll never stray again.

Through his actions he's forfeited a degree of freedom and respectability. Real healing and reconciliation between the two of you can't occur unless he's ready to be held accountable. Trust can be restored only if accountability is maintained over a long period of time.

If you haven't already, I'd suggest you locate a good counselor who can guide you through the reconciliation process. Don't hesitate to call our Focus counselors for a referral at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: We just learned our teenage daughter is five weeks pregnant. She and the father are only 17, and we're trying to get them to think seriously about how they're going to care for and support a child. We've assured our daughter that our love for her has not wavered and that we're thankful they've chosen life for the baby. But we're frustrated that neither of them is open to adoption. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Although it won't be easy, I'd encourage you to take a low-key approach and not pressure them to make a decision right now. If you do, they may react by proudly and publicly proclaiming that they're determined to become parents. At that point, it will be much harder for them to reverse course and consider adoption later on. You also should refrain from making any commitments of financial or practical support.

After the dust has settled, encourage your daughter to contact your local pregnancy resource center. These centers -- which can be found by visiting the Option Line website (optionline.org), or by looking up "Abortion Alternatives" in the Yellow Pages -- provide practical help and emotional support to those experiencing a crisis pregnancy. According to some experts, many teen couples say early on that they aren't interested in the adoption alternative. But as time passes and they begin to consider what it really means to care for a baby, reality starts to set in. At that point, many teens are willing to take a second look.

In the end, it's important that you honor their final decision. Though the hopes and dreams you had for you and your daughter look much different today, this news doesn't mean your futures will be worse. As only He can, God often surprises us with joy from unexpected places.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Our son and his wife both work and have extremely busy lives -- probably too busy. My husband and I frequently take care of our grandchildren so that their mom and dad can keep their hectic pace. We love being with the kids, but do you think this is a healthy arrangement?

Jim: You obviously love your grandkids, and there's nothing wrong with intergenerational cooperation. It's a good thing for family members to help one another as needs arise. But a great deal depends on the attitudes and expectations of your son and his wife. If you're feeling unappreciated, put upon or taken advantage of -- even just a little bit -- then it's safe to say that something needs to change.

If you want your interactions with your son, his wife and your grandchildren to remain positive, I'd encourage you to establish appropriate boundaries. Arrangements like yours usually work best when everyone agrees on some specific limitations. For example, you can say, "We'll keep the kids two afternoons a week until your graduate coursework is finished in December." If things remain vague and open-ended, it's only a matter of time until you'll begin to resent it.

If you're finding it difficult to set reasonable boundaries, it's possible that you're operating on the basis of a guilty sense of obligation or your own co-dependent needs. Neither leads to healthy relationships. It's also important to remember that while grandparents have a critical role to play in the lives of their grandkids, it's best under normal circumstances that they not take on the role of primary caregivers. That's the parents' job.

If you honestly feel that Mom and Dad are missing out on opportunities to strengthen their connection with their own children, it may be best for everyone if you don't make yourselves so available.

Q: My 14-year-old daughter tells us that all her friends are dating now and that waiting until she's 16, like we did, is very "outdated." We haven't budged yet on letting her start dating, but my wife and I are questioning if we're being too strict. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My first suggestion would be to put less stock in age. Birthdays are legal milestones when it comes to a teen driving a car or casting a vote, but they're an unreliable measure of maturity. When it comes to our sons and daughters dating, character is king.

At this point, invite your daughter on a date for some ice cream. After you've broken the ice, bring up the subject of dating. Once you've respectfully listened to her thoughts, tell her how special she is and that you want only good experiences for her when it comes time for her to date. Let her know you'll be observing her (and anyone she goes out with) for evidence of key maturity markers that will indicate she's ready.

Let her know what's on your list, such as integrity, trustworthiness, respect for herself and others, honesty and responsibility. Spell out what these qualities look like, and give both positive reinforcement and corrective feedback based on what you see in the coming months.

That said, you still would be wise to institute some age-related restrictions. Consider limiting opposite-sex interactions to mixed-group settings, such as a church youth group, until your daughter has turned 17. This can offer a more secure environment and allow boys and girls the opportunity to learn how to relate and enjoy one another's company without the awkwardness and sexual tension that often goes along with unsupervised dates.

Above all, keep the lines of communication open. The teen years aren't simple, but your daughter needs you now more than ever.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Should I step in to help if I feel my son-in-law isn't caring properly for my daughter and grandchildren? He constantly neglects to put oil in their car -- which leaks like a sieve -- so I do it. Basically, I end up doing almost everything in order to make sure that they're safe and cared for.

Jim: I can appreciate your concerns and the emotions involved. Regardless, clear boundaries are an important part of healthy in-law relationships, and it's critical to realize that this is an independent family unit for which you bear no immediate responsibility.

If your daughter and your son-in-law are happy together and appear to have a relatively successful marriage, it's best for everyone if you adopt a hands-off policy -- leaky crankcase notwithstanding. Otherwise, you jeopardize their relationship by shaming the husband in front of his wife.

That said, I'd agree that there's a need for growth here, and your response is key as to the likelihood of that occurring. At this point, you might begin by apologizing for overstepping your boundaries and taking inappropriate actions in the past. Also, make up your mind that you will no longer be an enabler. Establish clear limits and boundaries. For example, you might say, "If your car breaks down on the highway, I'll be happy to come and pick you up, but I can't check and fill your oil anymore." Then allow your son-in-law to feel the effects of the consequences of his actions. Only then will there be motivation to change.

If there's serious marital conflict brewing here, that's a different story. If your daughter sees the difficulty and is reaching out to you for help, you may need to encourage her to take appropriate action. This may include seeking guidance from a pastor or marriage therapist. Don't hesitate to contact our Focus on the Family counseling staff if we can be of help.

Q: I realize it's probably not a good thing, but I spend a lot of time on my smartphone: talking, checking emails, texting, posting to Facebook, getting caught up with news and sports, etc. I'm afraid my kids are getting the wrong message. I don't want to say I'm addicted, but I'll admit, this is an area where I really lack discipline. Any help?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: You're not alone in this struggle. A recent study published in the journal Pediatrics suggests that a lot of parents are being distracted by their mobile devices to the detriment of their children. Researchers observed 55 caregivers with young children at fast-food restaurants. Of those, 73 percent used their mobile devices at some point during the meal. Nearly 30 percent used them almost continually.

Although I know it won't be easy, I'd suggest establishing clear and strict boundaries for your whole family regarding cellphone use. A possible first move would be to collect all electronic devices, including yours, before mealtimes (not just at restaurants) and "lock" them away until after everyone is finished. If you're really serious and courageous, you may want to allocate to everyone an additional 30 minutes after the evening meal to text, check emails, etc., but then call it quits for the night.

Designate for yourself set blocks of time each day during which you can be on your phone, and don't go beyond those parameters. If the urge to give in seems overwhelming, remind yourself that as interesting as all the "stuff" in cyberspace may be, it's much more important and meaningful to interact and engage as a family and to be actively involved in your children's lives. Even more than keeping up with random "friends" on social media.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.