Q: Our son and his wife both work and have extremely busy lives -- probably too busy. My husband and I frequently take care of our grandchildren so that their mom and dad can keep their hectic pace. We love being with the kids, but do you think this is a healthy arrangement?

Jim: You obviously love your grandkids, and there's nothing wrong with intergenerational cooperation. It's a good thing for family members to help one another as needs arise. But a great deal depends on the attitudes and expectations of your son and his wife. If you're feeling unappreciated, put upon or taken advantage of -- even just a little bit -- then it's safe to say that something needs to change.

If you want your interactions with your son, his wife and your grandchildren to remain positive, I'd encourage you to establish appropriate boundaries. Arrangements like yours usually work best when everyone agrees on some specific limitations. For example, you can say, "We'll keep the kids two afternoons a week until your graduate coursework is finished in December." If things remain vague and open-ended, it's only a matter of time until you'll begin to resent it.

If you're finding it difficult to set reasonable boundaries, it's possible that you're operating on the basis of a guilty sense of obligation or your own co-dependent needs. Neither leads to healthy relationships. It's also important to remember that while grandparents have a critical role to play in the lives of their grandkids, it's best under normal circumstances that they not take on the role of primary caregivers. That's the parents' job.

If you honestly feel that Mom and Dad are missing out on opportunities to strengthen their connection with their own children, it may be best for everyone if you don't make yourselves so available.

Q: My 14-year-old daughter tells us that all her friends are dating now and that waiting until she's 16, like we did, is very "outdated." We haven't budged yet on letting her start dating, but my wife and I are questioning if we're being too strict. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My first suggestion would be to put less stock in age. Birthdays are legal milestones when it comes to a teen driving a car or casting a vote, but they're an unreliable measure of maturity. When it comes to our sons and daughters dating, character is king.

At this point, invite your daughter on a date for some ice cream. After you've broken the ice, bring up the subject of dating. Once you've respectfully listened to her thoughts, tell her how special she is and that you want only good experiences for her when it comes time for her to date. Let her know you'll be observing her (and anyone she goes out with) for evidence of key maturity markers that will indicate she's ready.

Let her know what's on your list, such as integrity, trustworthiness, respect for herself and others, honesty and responsibility. Spell out what these qualities look like, and give both positive reinforcement and corrective feedback based on what you see in the coming months.

That said, you still would be wise to institute some age-related restrictions. Consider limiting opposite-sex interactions to mixed-group settings, such as a church youth group, until your daughter has turned 17. This can offer a more secure environment and allow boys and girls the opportunity to learn how to relate and enjoy one another's company without the awkwardness and sexual tension that often goes along with unsupervised dates.

Above all, keep the lines of communication open. The teen years aren't simple, but your daughter needs you now more than ever.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Should I step in to help if I feel my son-in-law isn't caring properly for my daughter and grandchildren? He constantly neglects to put oil in their car -- which leaks like a sieve -- so I do it. Basically, I end up doing almost everything in order to make sure that they're safe and cared for.

Jim: I can appreciate your concerns and the emotions involved. Regardless, clear boundaries are an important part of healthy in-law relationships, and it's critical to realize that this is an independent family unit for which you bear no immediate responsibility.

If your daughter and your son-in-law are happy together and appear to have a relatively successful marriage, it's best for everyone if you adopt a hands-off policy -- leaky crankcase notwithstanding. Otherwise, you jeopardize their relationship by shaming the husband in front of his wife.

That said, I'd agree that there's a need for growth here, and your response is key as to the likelihood of that occurring. At this point, you might begin by apologizing for overstepping your boundaries and taking inappropriate actions in the past. Also, make up your mind that you will no longer be an enabler. Establish clear limits and boundaries. For example, you might say, "If your car breaks down on the highway, I'll be happy to come and pick you up, but I can't check and fill your oil anymore." Then allow your son-in-law to feel the effects of the consequences of his actions. Only then will there be motivation to change.

If there's serious marital conflict brewing here, that's a different story. If your daughter sees the difficulty and is reaching out to you for help, you may need to encourage her to take appropriate action. This may include seeking guidance from a pastor or marriage therapist. Don't hesitate to contact our Focus on the Family counseling staff if we can be of help.

Q: I realize it's probably not a good thing, but I spend a lot of time on my smartphone: talking, checking emails, texting, posting to Facebook, getting caught up with news and sports, etc. I'm afraid my kids are getting the wrong message. I don't want to say I'm addicted, but I'll admit, this is an area where I really lack discipline. Any help?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: You're not alone in this struggle. A recent study published in the journal Pediatrics suggests that a lot of parents are being distracted by their mobile devices to the detriment of their children. Researchers observed 55 caregivers with young children at fast-food restaurants. Of those, 73 percent used their mobile devices at some point during the meal. Nearly 30 percent used them almost continually.

Although I know it won't be easy, I'd suggest establishing clear and strict boundaries for your whole family regarding cellphone use. A possible first move would be to collect all electronic devices, including yours, before mealtimes (not just at restaurants) and "lock" them away until after everyone is finished. If you're really serious and courageous, you may want to allocate to everyone an additional 30 minutes after the evening meal to text, check emails, etc., but then call it quits for the night.

Designate for yourself set blocks of time each day during which you can be on your phone, and don't go beyond those parameters. If the urge to give in seems overwhelming, remind yourself that as interesting as all the "stuff" in cyberspace may be, it's much more important and meaningful to interact and engage as a family and to be actively involved in your children's lives. Even more than keeping up with random "friends" on social media.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Should I ask my fiancee to be tested for infertility before we're married? I've always wanted my own kids and I'm determined to be intentional about that. If I can't do this with my fiancee, I'm not sure I want to pursue marrying her.

Jim: I'm sorry to put this so bluntly, but you sound like someone who has no clue what marriage is really all about. Your question betrays a self-centered motive that isn't conducive to true marriage on any level. To marry a woman is to promise to love her for who she is -- not for what you think she can do for you. It's about committing yourself to her "in sickness and in health" and "for better or for worse." Genuine, sacrificial love doesn't ask someone to jump through hoops or pass tests before sealing the deal. Instead, it gives itself away unconditionally and unreservedly.

Once you understand this, you'll be one step closer to laying the foundation for a strong and lasting marriage. At that point, you can sit down with your fiancee and have a deep and serious conversation about your goals and priorities. Among other things, make sure that you're both on the same page about your desire for children. If you don't pin this down now, it could lead to misunderstandings and big problems down the road. Lay everything out on the table as honestly as you can, with a humble, open heart.

But whatever you do, don't insist that she submit to infertility testing. That's just a way of saying, "I will love you if ..." No woman wants to hear this from the man she plans to spend the rest of her life with.

Q: My mother-in-law is starting to struggle living on her own. My husband feels he needs to honor her and take her in. She lived previously with his brother and caused all kinds of problems, and even tried to break up his marriage. Should I give into my husband's wishes, even though I think it's risky for us?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Rather than "give in," which implies someone "losing," I'd encourage the two of you to approach this situation as teammates and find a solution you both feel good about. Once you've joined forces, identify and talk through your respective concerns. As you do, resist the urge to dismiss or "trump" the other's feelings. As a team, you'll win only when both of your needs are heard and addressed.

In this case, you both have important objectives. You value your marriage and want to protect it. Your husband loves his mom and wants to guard her dignity and ensure that she's cared for. Your challenge is to find an agreeable solution that satisfies both.

Although the health of your marriage should be your priority, it doesn't necessarily mean that taking your mother-in-law in will destroy your relationship. Ask yourselves, "Given what we know, how can we protect our marriage if Mom moves in with us?" It may mean a trial run and establishing clear boundaries, which she must respect if she's to remain under your roof. If she doesn't, it should be understood and acknowledged that "honoring" and "providing for" one's parents doesn't rule out other living arrangements.

Admittedly, not all couples can reach a resolution on their own, and you shouldn't be ashamed to look for help from an objective third party -- perhaps your pastor or a counselor. Our Focus on the Family staff of licensed therapists would be happy to take your call and be of assistance.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.