Q: Should I ask my fiancee to be tested for infertility before we're married? I've always wanted my own kids and I'm determined to be intentional about that. If I can't do this with my fiancee, I'm not sure I want to pursue marrying her.

Jim: I'm sorry to put this so bluntly, but you sound like someone who has no clue what marriage is really all about. Your question betrays a self-centered motive that isn't conducive to true marriage on any level. To marry a woman is to promise to love her for who she is -- not for what you think she can do for you. It's about committing yourself to her "in sickness and in health" and "for better or for worse." Genuine, sacrificial love doesn't ask someone to jump through hoops or pass tests before sealing the deal. Instead, it gives itself away unconditionally and unreservedly.

Once you understand this, you'll be one step closer to laying the foundation for a strong and lasting marriage. At that point, you can sit down with your fiancee and have a deep and serious conversation about your goals and priorities. Among other things, make sure that you're both on the same page about your desire for children. If you don't pin this down now, it could lead to misunderstandings and big problems down the road. Lay everything out on the table as honestly as you can, with a humble, open heart.

But whatever you do, don't insist that she submit to infertility testing. That's just a way of saying, "I will love you if ..." No woman wants to hear this from the man she plans to spend the rest of her life with.

Q: My mother-in-law is starting to struggle living on her own. My husband feels he needs to honor her and take her in. She lived previously with his brother and caused all kinds of problems, and even tried to break up his marriage. Should I give into my husband's wishes, even though I think it's risky for us?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Rather than "give in," which implies someone "losing," I'd encourage the two of you to approach this situation as teammates and find a solution you both feel good about. Once you've joined forces, identify and talk through your respective concerns. As you do, resist the urge to dismiss or "trump" the other's feelings. As a team, you'll win only when both of your needs are heard and addressed.

In this case, you both have important objectives. You value your marriage and want to protect it. Your husband loves his mom and wants to guard her dignity and ensure that she's cared for. Your challenge is to find an agreeable solution that satisfies both.

Although the health of your marriage should be your priority, it doesn't necessarily mean that taking your mother-in-law in will destroy your relationship. Ask yourselves, "Given what we know, how can we protect our marriage if Mom moves in with us?" It may mean a trial run and establishing clear boundaries, which she must respect if she's to remain under your roof. If she doesn't, it should be understood and acknowledged that "honoring" and "providing for" one's parents doesn't rule out other living arrangements.

Admittedly, not all couples can reach a resolution on their own, and you shouldn't be ashamed to look for help from an objective third party -- perhaps your pastor or a counselor. Our Focus on the Family staff of licensed therapists would be happy to take your call and be of assistance.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Do you think it's OK for a 14-year-old boy to sleep in the same bed with his 11-year-old sister on a family vacation? Our family of four will be sharing a single room with two queen-sized beds, and I don't like the idea of sleeping without my wife for two weeks.

Jim: As someone who travels frequently and misses his wife when he's gone, I can appreciate your wanting to be close to her. In this case, though, I'd strongly encourage you to make a sacrifice during the trip. Given the potential life-altering consequences, it simply isn't worth taking the chance -- especially when it involves a 14-year-old boy who is going through puberty and a girl who may be about to enter puberty.

Though we rarely hear about it, sibling child sexual abuse is a very real and very destructive phenomenon. Our Focus on the Family Counseling staff receives calls dealing with heartbreaking cases of this nature on a regular basis. You're best to play it safe and err on the side of caution.

An option you may not have considered is to reserve a rollaway bed at each motel where you'll be staying. One of the kids can sleep on the rollaway while the other sleeps on the queen-sized bed. If one isn't available, another alternative would be to bring along a sleeping bag and an air-mattress.

This situation raises one last thought and brings up a larger issue. Have you and your wife made it a practice of having age-appropriate discussions about sexuality with your kids? If not, you'll want to begin doing so. Given the many risks and temptations in today's youth culture, they need your loving guidance in this area. Our Focus counselors would be happy to help coach you through the process. Please give them a call.

Q: I really hate my job. It's stressful and has sucked the life out of me. It's time-consuming to where I can't even look for another job to support my wife and kids. Would it be wrong for me to quit without another job?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Few things can be more stressful and miserable than a bad work situation. This is especially true for someone like you who takes seriously the responsibility of providing for your family. What can often be overlooked, however, is that "providing" encompasses more than just the financial. It also means being there for your family emotionally, spiritually and relationally. If your job threatens to permanently compromise these areas, a change may be for the best.

How you make that change should be a matter of careful thought and prayer. While matters of health and ethics should always take priority, generally the best career moves are made from a position of strength. Things like spousal buy-in and unity, adequate income or financial reserves, and an awareness of your skills, interests and aptitudes can offer real advantages and help you avoid bad, desperate decisions.

With this in mind, consider moving forward on some things, perhaps while still hanging in there at work. If you haven't already, bring your wife into the loop. Not only do you need her support and wisdom, but you should also view this as an opportunity for you both to evaluate what you really want. Work out a plan together. This might include saving six months' salary, or her temporarily taking a larger role income-wise. Seek the help of a career counselor and learn what kind of jobs are in your wheelhouse. Finally, seek the support of wise friends, and invite them to pray and advocate for you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q. How should we handle the discovery that our teenager has been sexually active for the past several months? We're not happy about it, but we want to deal with the problem without alienating our child. What should we do?

Jim: It's obvious you're a caring and sensitive parent who understands that blowing up or lecturing is counterproductive. You're facing a significant family problem that deserves a loving and thoughtful response. It's normal to feel upset and disappointed, so I'd encourage you to pray and think before you react.

After you've sorted through these emotions, arrange a time to sit down and talk with your teen. Your goal is to contain the damage and encourage more healthy and rational decisions without driving a wedge into the parent-child relationship. Ask open-ended questions ("Can you tell me about your relationship with ...?") instead of judgmental ones ("How could you have done this?"). Then listen. Your response should put the emphasis on the big picture and explain how premarital sexual activity jeopardizes your teen's future goals and dreams. Although you'll want to take corrective action and consider appropriate consequences, don't tear down your teen's sense of self-worth with comments like, "I am so ashamed of you!"

On the practical side, be sure to get the necessary medical attention (i.e. testing for STIs and pregnancy) from a provider who supports your values. You may also need to have a candid conversation with your teen's partner and with his or her parents, while reassessing and restructuring future contact.

Finally, consider getting your teen (and yourself) into counseling. A wise counselor may be able to talk more candidly about sexuality and encourage your teen to remain abstinent in the future. Sexual activity may be a symptom of more basic problems that need ongoing work.

Q: Our 3-year-old son insists on sleeping with us every night. We've tried everything to keep him in his own bed, with the exception of disciplining him. What can we do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Believe it or not, this is a winnable war. But it's critical that you and your spouse are unified and committed to reclaiming your bed, your sleep and your intimacy.

Once you're both "all in," success will depend on your ability to establish meaningful consequences and consistent follow-through. Make sure your son understands upfront both the expectations and the unpleasantries his noncompliance will bring. This could involve the removal of some privilege that's part of his bedtime routine. For example, if he's used to looking at a picture book or cuddling a stuffed toy, take them away until he obeys.

After you've put him to bed, be prepared to sit outside his door and intercept him immediately if he gets up. If he comes out, take him back to bed, repeating the process as many times as necessary. Be firm, but not angry or exasperated. Your job is to outlast him, no matter how long it takes. It's a matter of simple endurance. Once the battle's won, he'll probably live within the parameters you've established. If you surrender though, the next conflict will be even more difficult.

Meanwhile, don't forget to invest an equal amount of energy on the positive side of things. Here, as in so many other areas, it's important to "catch your child being good." When he has a good night, find some way to praise and encourage him. For example, you might put a marble in the jar every time he stays in bed without a fuss. Then, when the jar is full, you can celebrate by planning a fun family outing.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.