Q: I've heard that you were abandoned and orphaned as a child, and that Focus on the Family is encouraging adoption through the foster care system. Can you provide my spouse and me with any guidance, or suggest any resources as we consider adopting a child?

Jim: You've heard correctly, so I'm encouraged to learn of your interest in adoption. Currently, there are approximately 100,000 kids in the United States waiting for permanent adoptive families. In each instance, parental rights have been terminated, so the only "parents" the children have are the states in which they live. For this reason, to adopt from foster care, it's necessary to work through a licensed placing agency.

After selecting an agency, individuals will need to complete an application, have a background check and undergo a home study (conducted by the agency). You can access your state's website through the link on our site at www.iCareAboutOrphans.org/StateAdoptionRequirements. This page will direct you to more specific information on adoption in your state and help answer many of your questions.

I'd also encourage you to visit our Adoption and Orphan Care Initiative website (www.iCareAboutOrphans.org) from time to time to stay current on matters related to adoption. It offers a wide range of current resources that will be of help, regardless of where you are in the adoption process. I'd also strongly recommend reading David Sanford's "Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family: Real-Life Solutions to Common Challenges" (Focus on the Family, 2008). If we can be of further assistance, please contact us at orphancare@family.org or call 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Q: My 16-year-old daughter wants to get a tongue ring and a tattoo. I'm skeptical. What are your thoughts on this?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Piercings and ink are becoming more and more popular among youth and even adults. But there are some things you and your daughter need to be aware of before she takes the plunge.

When it comes to tattoos, there are health risks to consider. Complications can include local bacterial infections, allergic reactions and potential disfiguring skin reactions. More serious infections, such as hepatitis C, hepatitis B and HIV can result from tattoo needles that have been contaminated with infected blood. Plus, as time passes, many regret the tattoos they got in their younger days. Removing them is not only costly, but may leave scarring.

Piercings carry similar risks. Oral piercing carries a higher risk of infection than ear piercing, and also opens the door to dental and gum problems.

Finally, there are sexual and "subcultural" implications associated with certain tattoos and piercings. Your daughter may not intend to send overtly sexual or rebellious signals through her choices, but that doesn't mean others won't perceive them that way. Do some homework first to make sure she's not communicating anything dangerous or unnecessarily provocative. Like it or not, other people will often make assumptions about her character and personality based on her appearance. This is especially true in job interviews. So it's worth taking the time to think through the image she wants to portray.

If, after examining all the evidence, your daughter is still determined to go through with it, you have two choices. Given that this decision will have lifelong consequences, you may feel it's in her best interest to exercise your authority as parents and ask your daughter to hold off until she's 18. On the other hand, since she's considering something that is not inherently immoral or illegal, is this worth creating a potential rift between you? May God grant you wisdom in this process!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can I forgive someone who isn't sorry for what he's done? My father hurt me deeply when I was young. Friends have said that I need to forgive him in my heart, but how can he receive something he isn't even asking for?

Jim: I understand how you feel, and my heart goes out to you. For years I couldn't forgive my alcoholic father who abandoned me when I was 5, or the stepfather who left me and my four siblings to fend for ourselves when my mom died four years later. Why should I?

But what I eventually had to come to grips with was that I either had to forgive or slowly poison my mind and heart. Holding on to unresolved bitterness will destroy you. You can't control your father's actions and attitudes. But by God's grace and with His help, you must learn to control your own. If you choose not to forgive, you'll only hurt yourself.

How your father hurt you is a very important piece of the puzzle. If you've experienced sexual or physical abuse, it's critical that you talk openly with someone else about the hurt and betrayal you've endured. Or perhaps you've been scarred by years of rejection or emotional neglect. These are serious and painful wounds that won't heal until you're able to forgive your father from the heart.

To be honest, this won't happen without divine grace, and possibly the guidance of a professional counselor who can help you sort all this out in a healthy, nonthreatening way. Focus on the Family's counselors would be pleased to discuss your concerns with you over the phone. I'd strongly encourage you to give them a call at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My brother and his girlfriend have been living together for four years. He's wanted our two boys to come over and spend a weekend with them, but because their living arrangement contradicts our values, I've been putting him off. My wife disagrees with their living together, but feels we should let them spend the night so they can develop a relationship with their uncle. What are your thoughts?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Because I share your concerns related to cohabitation, I understand and appreciate your struggle. So what's the answer?

The first thing you need to make absolutely certain is that you don't allow this to drive a wedge between you and your wife. As you discuss this question, don't forget that you're both on the same team.

Your next step is to prayerfully identify what your real concerns are. For your wife, it's that your boys won't develop a relationship with their uncle. That's legitimate. I suspect that's equally important to you, but you're afraid that by allowing them to spend the weekend with your brother, you'll be communicating a confusing and compromising message to your kids.

Depending on your boys' ages and maturity, you might consider allowing them to go, provided you discuss things with them beforehand. The truth is, their values will be challenged and confronted soon enough, and this provides a teachable moment opportunity.

You can start by teaching them the important differences between marriage and cohabitation. Second, you can help them answer the hard question of, "What do we do when we don't agree with someone's choice?" You can do this by helping them understand the difference between "love" and "approval"; that they can love their uncle by spending time with him, without approving of his choices. And though they disapprove of his choices, it doesn't mean they don't love him.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can a couple resolve issues over the frequency of sex? My wife would be content making love once a month, which doesn't come close to satisfying me. Which one of us is "abnormal"?

Jim: The first thing to understand is that there's no such thing as "normal." Research shows that there's a wide range among couples as to the frequency of sex, and individuals can differ radically in terms of their sexual desires and interests. That's why many couples clash over the question of how often they "should" have sex.

Here are four points our counselors encourage you to remember in this area.

-- Every couple is different. Such subjects as gender, individual expectations, developmental maturity as a couple and cultural differences all have an impact.

-- Quality precedes quantity. This doesn't mean that either spouse has an excuse to avoid the bedroom. Instead, it's a call to excellence. Once intimate communication begins to grow and needs are satisfied, increased frequency usually isn't far behind.

-- There's a time to serve. Sadly, the realities of our broken world can leave one or both spouses needing special consideration. Sexual trauma, abuse, addiction, abortion and disease can affect our sexuality in profound ways. Recovery is often slow, requiring patience and understanding from both spouses. It's also important for a husband to understand and show sensitivity to his wife's reproductive cycle and other unique physiological needs.

-- Be intentional. Impulsive, spontaneous sex can be great, but it tends to fall by the wayside as jobs, mortgages and children enter the picture. If you give your spouse only the leftovers of your time and energy, neither of you will be sexually satisfied. Planning a time and place for intimacy seems anything but intimate, but the lack of negotiation can lead to lack of fulfillment.

Q: My kids are 5 and 7. We monitor what shows they watch on TV, but now it's the commercials that are undermining our efforts. If we turn the TV off during an ad, it just feeds their curiosity and leads to cries of, "Turn it back on!" What's the solution?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I'm a firm believer in the digital video recorder, or DVR, an incredible piece of technology that can help families navigate media in several ways. For instance, it can help us record only family-friendly programming. With it, we can pause live or recorded TV to discuss something we've just seen, and turn it into a valuable teachable moment. Plus, it can help us fast-forward through commercials and other unnecessary TV moments such as, in my opinion, sports halftime shows. We're all busy people, so why waste time watching commercials and mind-numbing programming?

Unfortunately, even highly offensive ads can air during some "family friendly" shows or relatively innocuous sporting events. Who needs that? I suggest using a DVR to record everything your children might watch. Then train them -- even at ages 5 and 7 -- to fast-forward through the commercials. Show them how to do it. It won't take them long to catch on. Not only will your family members steer clear of sleazy and troublesome ads; they'll also turn a 30-minute viewing into a 22-minute endeavor. Who couldn't use the extra eight minutes?

As a side note, consider setting a rule in your home that requires your children to read for an hour to receive a "coupon" for 30 minutes of television viewing. That way, they'll get to watch TV occasionally, while getting twice as much exposure to worthwhile reading.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.