Q: How can I forgive someone who isn't sorry for what he's done? My father hurt me deeply when I was young. Friends have said that I need to forgive him in my heart, but how can he receive something he isn't even asking for?

Jim: I understand how you feel, and my heart goes out to you. For years I couldn't forgive my alcoholic father who abandoned me when I was 5, or the stepfather who left me and my four siblings to fend for ourselves when my mom died four years later. Why should I?

But what I eventually had to come to grips with was that I either had to forgive or slowly poison my mind and heart. Holding on to unresolved bitterness will destroy you. You can't control your father's actions and attitudes. But by God's grace and with His help, you must learn to control your own. If you choose not to forgive, you'll only hurt yourself.

How your father hurt you is a very important piece of the puzzle. If you've experienced sexual or physical abuse, it's critical that you talk openly with someone else about the hurt and betrayal you've endured. Or perhaps you've been scarred by years of rejection or emotional neglect. These are serious and painful wounds that won't heal until you're able to forgive your father from the heart.

To be honest, this won't happen without divine grace, and possibly the guidance of a professional counselor who can help you sort all this out in a healthy, nonthreatening way. Focus on the Family's counselors would be pleased to discuss your concerns with you over the phone. I'd strongly encourage you to give them a call at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My brother and his girlfriend have been living together for four years. He's wanted our two boys to come over and spend a weekend with them, but because their living arrangement contradicts our values, I've been putting him off. My wife disagrees with their living together, but feels we should let them spend the night so they can develop a relationship with their uncle. What are your thoughts?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Because I share your concerns related to cohabitation, I understand and appreciate your struggle. So what's the answer?

The first thing you need to make absolutely certain is that you don't allow this to drive a wedge between you and your wife. As you discuss this question, don't forget that you're both on the same team.

Your next step is to prayerfully identify what your real concerns are. For your wife, it's that your boys won't develop a relationship with their uncle. That's legitimate. I suspect that's equally important to you, but you're afraid that by allowing them to spend the weekend with your brother, you'll be communicating a confusing and compromising message to your kids.

Depending on your boys' ages and maturity, you might consider allowing them to go, provided you discuss things with them beforehand. The truth is, their values will be challenged and confronted soon enough, and this provides a teachable moment opportunity.

You can start by teaching them the important differences between marriage and cohabitation. Second, you can help them answer the hard question of, "What do we do when we don't agree with someone's choice?" You can do this by helping them understand the difference between "love" and "approval"; that they can love their uncle by spending time with him, without approving of his choices. And though they disapprove of his choices, it doesn't mean they don't love him.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can a couple resolve issues over the frequency of sex? My wife would be content making love once a month, which doesn't come close to satisfying me. Which one of us is "abnormal"?

Jim: The first thing to understand is that there's no such thing as "normal." Research shows that there's a wide range among couples as to the frequency of sex, and individuals can differ radically in terms of their sexual desires and interests. That's why many couples clash over the question of how often they "should" have sex.

Here are four points our counselors encourage you to remember in this area.

-- Every couple is different. Such subjects as gender, individual expectations, developmental maturity as a couple and cultural differences all have an impact.

-- Quality precedes quantity. This doesn't mean that either spouse has an excuse to avoid the bedroom. Instead, it's a call to excellence. Once intimate communication begins to grow and needs are satisfied, increased frequency usually isn't far behind.

-- There's a time to serve. Sadly, the realities of our broken world can leave one or both spouses needing special consideration. Sexual trauma, abuse, addiction, abortion and disease can affect our sexuality in profound ways. Recovery is often slow, requiring patience and understanding from both spouses. It's also important for a husband to understand and show sensitivity to his wife's reproductive cycle and other unique physiological needs.

-- Be intentional. Impulsive, spontaneous sex can be great, but it tends to fall by the wayside as jobs, mortgages and children enter the picture. If you give your spouse only the leftovers of your time and energy, neither of you will be sexually satisfied. Planning a time and place for intimacy seems anything but intimate, but the lack of negotiation can lead to lack of fulfillment.

Q: My kids are 5 and 7. We monitor what shows they watch on TV, but now it's the commercials that are undermining our efforts. If we turn the TV off during an ad, it just feeds their curiosity and leads to cries of, "Turn it back on!" What's the solution?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I'm a firm believer in the digital video recorder, or DVR, an incredible piece of technology that can help families navigate media in several ways. For instance, it can help us record only family-friendly programming. With it, we can pause live or recorded TV to discuss something we've just seen, and turn it into a valuable teachable moment. Plus, it can help us fast-forward through commercials and other unnecessary TV moments such as, in my opinion, sports halftime shows. We're all busy people, so why waste time watching commercials and mind-numbing programming?

Unfortunately, even highly offensive ads can air during some "family friendly" shows or relatively innocuous sporting events. Who needs that? I suggest using a DVR to record everything your children might watch. Then train them -- even at ages 5 and 7 -- to fast-forward through the commercials. Show them how to do it. It won't take them long to catch on. Not only will your family members steer clear of sleazy and troublesome ads; they'll also turn a 30-minute viewing into a 22-minute endeavor. Who couldn't use the extra eight minutes?

As a side note, consider setting a rule in your home that requires your children to read for an hour to receive a "coupon" for 30 minutes of television viewing. That way, they'll get to watch TV occasionally, while getting twice as much exposure to worthwhile reading.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Is it normal to deeply grieve a miscarriage? My husband and I suffered one, and we're surprised at how devastating it's been for us.

Jim: You've just experienced a genuine loss -- a deeply meaningful loss. It would be surprising if you didn't feel as if the rug had been pulled out from under you.

When a pregnancy ends in miscarriage, a woman and her spouse usually experience a wide variety of turbulent emotions. According to mental health professionals, you may feel guilty, as if the miscarriage were somehow your fault. Your mind may default to denial and cling to the possibility that you're actually still pregnant. Depression and mood swings are common. Anger can become a mask for grief. Jealousy toward pregnant women or new mothers may be a problem, causing you to withdraw from social contacts. Eventually, you'll probably experience a combination of these symptoms, spinning through a recurring cycle of grief, shock, denial, anger, depression, detachment, and mental "bargaining" with God.

Whether they're experienced immediately or at some point later on, the emotional and physiological responses to a miscarriage are the same as those involving any significant loss. As with any loss, it's important to ride the cycle of grief out to its natural conclusion -- that of accepting the reality of the situation.

For healing to occur, you and your spouse need to give and receive permission to fully grieve. If this doesn't happen, you can get "stuck" in the denial stage, mired in a morass of depression and repressed emotions. This in turn can have a detrimental effect on your overall spiritual, emotional, and physical health. If you need help working through the cycle of grief, please don't hesitate to call our team of counselors here at Focus on the Family.

Q: I'm a woman in my twenties, raised by a single mom and who rarely saw my dad. Recently he's expressed an interest in seeing me, but when I schedule a time he always cancels. I've decided not to initiate anything further because I feel he doesn't really care for me. I love my mom, but she's insisting that I continue to pursue a relationship with him, to the point where it's created tension between us. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I can understand some of the emotions you're feeling. You've never had a relationship with your dad and want to guard your heart from further disappointment. But this is threatening the good relationship you have with your mom. You're feeling caught in between.

Since the relationship with your mom is one you value and want to preserve, I'd start there. Talk to her and try to understand why this is such an important issue for her. The energy behind this may possibly stem from feelings of guilt over the divorce, or perhaps regrets from an unfulfilled relationship with her own father. Your goal here is to better understand your mom's feelings, but not to be controlled by them. As part of the conversation, you'll want to set clear boundaries and respectfully communicate that the relationship with your dad is a matter between him and you, and that you won't be discussing it unless you raise the subject.

As for what happens with your dad, the decision is yours. If you want a relationship with him, let him know that's your desire. If you haven't, he may be thinking it's all your mom's idea. Move slowly. Start by writing him a letter, or communicating on Skype or Facebook. And work on getting to know each other first, before airing your grievances or sharing deep emotions.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.