Q: Is there anything wrong with seeking support from my Facebook friends when I need to "vent" about my marriage? Sometimes I get frustrated and upset with my spouse, and feel like I need to express my feelings to someone who cares and understands.

Jim: Everyone needs to "vent" once in a while, and there's a place for it in any relationship. But that place isn't Facebook. If you air your dirty laundry in an open forum, you'll only hurt your marriage and destroy trust between you and your spouse.

Because venting is intensely personal, it should be done only with someone you trust, who understands your situation, and who has a personal interest in the emotions you're experiencing. The purpose is to get your feelings out in the open so that you can take a second look at them, view them more impersonally and evaluate them. This is an important part of the process of communicating with loved ones, setting and re-adjusting goals, and making necessary changes. But it should only be done in a private setting with a trusted confidant.

If you need to vent, take it offline. If the two of you find it difficult to communicate, locate a trained marriage counselor who can help you work through your issues. If you need to let someone else know what's going on, open your heart to a spiritual mentor, a parent, a sibling, a pastor or a close friend. Don't make yourself vulnerable with anyone but a person you know you can trust. As for your Facebook "friends," you can let them know that you need prayer without discussing any details. That's as much information as they need.

Q: I'm a single mom of a teenage son who's never been given any responsibility. He's spoiled, and it's my fault. I wanted to make things easier for him because he didn't have a dad, but I realize now that it's only made him self-centered and ill-equipped for adult life. Is it too late to turn this around?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It's never too late to require age-appropriate responsibility from a child. And with a humble approach and firm resolve, you could start seeing some immediate progress.

Begin by having an honest conversation with him. Let him know that you've been misguided in your efforts to show compassion toward him, and that you're sorry you haven't given him the opportunities he's needed to grow as a man. Sincerely apologize, ask forgiveness, and then ask him to join you in making some positive changes that will benefit both of you.

How the discussion moves from there will depend on his response. Your goal is for him to have buy-in and avoid a power-struggle. He may be cooperative and agreeable, but regardless, he should understand that his participation isn't voluntary.

Discuss what's involved in running a home. Because everything's been taken care of for him, he probably has no clue what all needs to be done. Once you've painted that picture, invite him to suggest what responsibilities he'd like to take on. Again, don't ask him "if" he could help around the house. Make a list of chores that need to get done and let him pick.

At first, you may need to work with him to provide instruction and show him what results are acceptable. It's also critical that you determine and clearly communicate what the consequences will be if chores don't get done. Accountability and consistency will be the keys to your success.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q I recently became a single parent when my husband left me and moved in with another woman. My children are confused because their dad has been lying to them about where he's living and the reasons for our separation. What should I tell them?

Jim: We're sorry to hear about this painful situation. While your desire to protect your kids' innocence is admirable, it's important to be honest with them about what's going on -- as honest and as forthright as you can be while taking their age and maturity into account.

Our counselors recommend that you sit down with your kids and, using age-appropriate language, tell them that Mommy and Daddy haven't been getting along, and that Daddy has made some bad choices that are hurting the family. Resist the temptation to badmouth your spouse -- you don't want to alienate him even further from the kids. If they ask about the other woman, give them a straightforward answer and explain that it makes you very sad that their father has moved in with her.

Most importantly, reassure them of your love and make it clear that you understand how painful this situation is for them. Encourage them to be open about their sadness and anger, but don't permit them to engage in aggressive or destructive behavior. Writing and journaling are good emotional outlets for older kids. Younger children sometimes find it helpful to express their feelings by drawing pictures.

Don't hesitate to contact our counselors here at Focus for insights specific to your situation. They will offer a free consultation, and can also refer you to a qualified professional in your area who can help you and your kids navigate this difficult time.

Q: Is living together before marriage a good test of marital compatibility? My boyfriend and I both come from broken homes, and want to make sure we don't end up divorced like our parents.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are many well-intentioned couples who believe that living together before marrying is a good way to find out whether they have what it takes to build a strong marriage. Intuitively speaking, it seems to make sense that a "test drive" will provide all the information needed to predict marital success or failure. Unfortunately, when stacked against the facts, the exact opposite is true. The best research indicates that couples who live together before marriage have a 50 percent higher divorce rate than those who don't. These couples also have higher rates of domestic violence and are more likely to become involved in sexual affairs. If a cohabiting couple gets pregnant, there is a high probability that the man will abandon the relationship within two years, leaving a single mom to raise a fatherless child.

A far better alternative to the one you're considering is premarital counseling. The very best way to test your compatibility for marriage is to date for at least one year before engagement while participating in a structured counseling program that includes psychological testing.

Pre-marriage assessment tools, such as The Couple Checkup available through the Focus on the Family website, can also be helpful. This assessment is an in-depth set of questions that will identify the areas where you shine as a couple, as well as help you target spots that could use a little improvement.

For referrals to qualified Christian marriage and family counselors in your area, feel free to contact Focus on the Family's Counseling Services and Referrals department.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: When and how should we tell our child that she was adopted?

Jim: According to our counselors and the team who oversees our Focus on the Family adoption outreach and initiative, a child adopted at birth should be told about it from a very early age. This should happen almost as soon as they are capable of understanding language. And it should be a recurring theme in conversations with your child throughout the growing-up years.

Unfortunately, some parents avoid disclosing this to their child because it makes them uncomfortable. Then, later on, they're faced with having to tell an older child something they've been keeping secret. This can undermine the child's sense of security and may result in feelings of rejection or betrayal.

You'll want to share the facts using age-appropriate words and imagery. Her adoption should always be presented in a positive light. For example, a parent might tell a 2- or 3-year-old that mommy and daddy chose her over all the other children in the world. This will let her know how special she is.

When she is slightly older -- 4 or 5, maybe -- you can explain the difference between a biological parent and an adoptive parent. Explain that she has actually had two different mothers. Her first mommy took care of her when she was very, very tiny, inside of her tummy. Then, after she was born, you brought her home from the hospital to live with you because she was so extra-special. Please call our Focus counselors if we can be of help.

Q: How can I help my daughter, who is struggling with her racial identity? I'm white and my ex-husband is black. She struggles with issues of her "color" and I'm not sure how to help.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'd encourage you to talk about race with your daughter. She needs to know it's OK to be herself, just exactly as she is, and you can help cultivate this attitude by being free and frank in your discussion of the subject.

It's particularly important to spend time listening and understanding her situation from her viewpoint. Ask open-ended questions like, "Tell me what you like or don't like about the way you look," or "Describe a time when you felt different from the other kids at school."

Also provide her with opportunities to interact with children and families of various ethnic backgrounds. This is vital in helping develop healthy attitudes toward race and ethnicity. You can also expose your daughter to media (books, videos, etc.) featuring multicultural characters and themes. This will supply her with positive role models of people who, like her, come from racially diverse backgrounds.

Just as important is teaching her about the many differences and likenesses that exist among human beings, and that race isn't the only distinguishing element. Point out that people all have similar needs and feelings, such as being loved and accepted. When she is able to grasp this, explain that, while she may look different from her peers, she is also very much like them.

Finally, don't shy away from discussing racism, but remember to talk about it in an age-appropriate way. She may not be able to grasp the complexities of slavery, but she does need to understand that some people strongly dislike others who are different from them, and may even treat them unkindly. She'll also need to learn how to respond to the comments or questions of others. Both children and adults can sometimes be rude with their remarks about race, but there are also many occasions when their words and behavior are simply the result of ignorance or curiosity.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.