Q: Our good friends have an aggressive preschooler who is always kicking, hitting and hurting our kids whenever we visit. He likes playing with them, but he's too physical. Is there a way to put a stop to this without offending them?

Jim: I appreciate your feelings and the challenge you're facing. Although this situation is touchy, it could actually serve to deepen your friendship if everyone approaches it with thoughtfulness and in a spirit of supportive concern and humility.

There could be a number of reasons for this child's aggressive behavior. Since the parents are good friends, it wouldn't be inappropriate for you to suggest that they have their son evaluated by a mental health professional. If it turns out that this is simply a result of ineffective or inconsistent parenting, your friends will likely get some helpful instruction as part of the process.

In the meantime, you need to protect your children from harm. Sit down with your friends and explain that their friendship is important to you, but that your kids' safety needs to be your priority. Then ask them if they will agree to this plan: The next time your children visit, the parents should inform their son that if he is mean or acts aggressively in any way, his friends will have to go home.

Then, if he gets rough, his parents should remind him that hitting is not allowed and that your family is leaving. Leave immediately, even if their son protests or cries. Since he values playing with your children, it will probably take only a few incidents like this to put a serious dent in his negative behavior. If you and your friends are consistent and work together, the problem should eventually disappear.

Q: I recently discovered that my daughter has been cutting herself. I've tried to let her know how much this concerns me, but she's very sensitive and perceives this as criticism. Do you think we can work this out between ourselves, or is that a naive assumption?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'm sorry to learn about your daughter's struggles. With great sensitivity, let me say yes, it's naive to assume you can handle this alone. Cutting is a serious problem, usually with complicated underlying causes. You should insist that your daughter get professional help. In fact, it would be best if counseling involved the entire family. Contact Focus on the Family for a referral.

In the meantime, it might help to understand what's going on in your daughter's mind. Cutting is often a response to overwhelming feelings of anxiety or depression. Cutters basically want control. If a teen is being abused or hurt by someone else, cutting may represent an attempt to "release" the pain through bleeding. She may also be trying to "drown it out" by incurring even more intense suffering upon herself. Cutting can also be a way of expressing anger -- by taking it out on herself, rather than running the risk of exposing it to others.

In every instance, cutting is a coping mechanism, a method of managing pain. The cutter can't be set free from this self-destructive habit until she finds a way to replace cutting with a healthy coping mechanism. Because of this, it's a mistake to interpret cutting as a suicide attempt. The cutter isn't trying to kill herself. Rather, she's groping for a way to get through life.

Finally, cutting can be addictive due to the endorphin rush that normally accompanies the body's self-healing process. For this and many other reasons, we urge you to solicit the help of a counselor. May God grant you wisdom during this difficult time.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My teenager just got his learner's permit and I'm nervous! Do you have any advice for preparing him to drive?

Jim: There are plenty of statistics and stories out there to justify your concerns, so you're wise to use this opportunity to teach safe driving habits and influence your young driver's behavior. First, be patient and stay cool. Teaching your son to drive may be nerve-racking for you, but it's more so for him. Give directions calmly and clearly, and be liberal with encouragement and praise.

Second, children will imitate their parents, so model safe driving habits for your adolescent. Know the traffic laws and enforce additional limits based on his attitude and skill. Observe the speed limit and be courteous of other drivers.

Third, consider phasing your teen into full driving privileges in steps. For example, in stage one he's not allowed to drive after dark, while in stage two he can, but only with adult supervision.

Fourth, emphasize basic safety. Always require everyone in the car to buckle up before the engine is started. He should never drive if he is drowsy, and don't fail to drive home the message that drinking and driving kills. Whatever your feelings about alcohol, let him know that he can always call you for a ride to avoid being in a car with an intoxicated driver.

Finally, if he refuses to correct unsafe driving habits, confiscate the keys. The first thing would-be drivers need to learn is that driving is a privilege, not a right. Your first priority is not to win a popularity contest, but to keep him (and others on the road) alive and well while he learns to operate an automobile safely and skillfully.

Q: I know my first responsibility to my kids is as a parent, but how can I build a friendship with them?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are principles and practices that are foundational to all rich relationships. When it comes to building a friendship with your children, these six are essential.

-- Articulate a lifetime commitment.

A commitment that says, "No matter what happens, I am here for you, and will never stop loving you," provides the foundation of trust necessary for friendship to develop with your child.

-- Become a student of your child.

Instead of forcing your child to do something or be someone they're not, learn who they are: their personality, natural talents, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Interact with them and encourage them according to their individual uniqueness and interests.

-- Schedule time together.

Set aside special time for your child every day. Friendships don't develop by chance or accident, but are the result of spending time together on a regular basis.

-- Be available.

Teachable moments, illnesses and memorable events don't always happen according to our schedule. Sometimes we must drop what we're doing, because our children are more important. By doing so, you'll provide them with a sense of security and value.

-- Actively listen.

A good listener never assumes they know what their child is saying. By giving your child your undivided attention and asking clarifying questions, you'll be communicating that your child's words and feelings are extremely important.

-- Use meaningful touch.

Not every friendship requires an element of touch, but for your kids it's absolutely essential. A gentle, tender and warm touch from a parent -- hand holding, an arm around the shoulder and even bear hugs -- provides proven physiological and psychological benefits for kids, and communicates that they are valued.

Building meaningful friendships with children takes time and effort. But if you commit to and practice these principles, then over time a beautiful friendship can blossom.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our preschooler recently walked in on us while we were having sex. Should we be concerned that this will have any negative long-term effects on him? I tried to cover up as best I could, but I could tell he was upset. I'm feeling very guilty about this.

Jim: Other parents who've experienced the panic of "children interruptus" -- and have since installed locks on their bedroom doors -- know just how you feel. But you don't need to be overly concerned about what your son witnessed. He may have been a bit confused by what he saw, but if he hasn't brought it up since, I doubt that the incident has caused any long-term damage.

There's no reason for you to feel guilty about this. Sex is an important element of marriage and a normal part of family life. When you're a parent, things like this can happen from time to time, and it's best to take it in stride and move on.

I'd encourage you, though, to use this incident as a place to begin talking about sex and sexuality with your son. Approach this as a lifelong learning process, not a one-time "birds and bees" discussion. As a preschooler, he's old enough to understand some basic concepts about human sexuality, provided they're presented in age-appropriate language. At the most basic level, he needs to know that sexuality is not something scary and shameful, but a wonderful gift from God designed to be expressed between a husband and wife.

Among other things, this may help you resolve your feelings of guilt. It will also go a long way toward helping him clear up any remaining confusion over what he saw.

Q: Our teenage daughter is out of control. She's disrespectful to us, and she's causing problems in school. She's never been like this before. It's so out of character for her. We try to talk to her, and she just says there's nothing wrong. We're at our breaking point and feel so helpless. Is it time for counseling?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: We often hear from weary parents who have reached the end of their rope with a strong-willed adolescent. You're not alone!

When it comes to her behavior, it's critical that you lay out your expectations in advance and make sure that your daughter understands them. The consequences for rebellious or disobedient behavior should also be spelled out beforehand, and the implementation of those consequences should be prompt and consistent. Your daughter will likely challenge these standards at every opportunity, but it's crucial to keep your cool in the face of defiance. Don't give her an opportunity to seize control of the situation.

Also, keep in mind that teens of all temperaments are in the process of trying to form an identity. This can often play itself out in behavior calculated to define "self" in opposition to the values, beliefs, wishes and instructions of the parents. This is another reason why consistent guidelines are so important. They should be divided into at least three different categories: non-negotiable rules, negotiable rules, and rules that can be discarded as your daughter matures and demonstrates a growing ability to regulate her own behavior.

Is it time for counseling? That's a tough determination to make from afar, but you might start by calling Focus on the Family for a free consultation with one of our licensed marriage and family therapists.

Finally, don't lose hope! We hear from many parents who are ready to give up on their volatile teens, only to see them reach a more mature equilibrium after high school. In the meantime, just hang on and pray!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.