Q: How can we enjoy Christmas when we have to spend so much money on presents? We're stressed over our finances all year, but it gets worse during the holidays.

Jim: I understand your frustration. This is a common complaint and real challenge for many families. With Black Friday officially in the rearview mirror, hopefully these timely tips from my friend, financial guru Ron Blue, will still be helpful in making this Christmas more enjoyable and less financially stressful:

-- Don't spend more than you have. When cash is short, it's tempting to put it on the credit card and defer payment until next year. But January always shows up, and with it months of financial pain if you don't shop wisely and exercise restraint.

-- Give something of lasting value. Who hasn't bought the "perfect" gift for a child, only to find it tossed aside by the end of Christmas Day? Discuss this with your kids, reinforce a long-range perspective, and explain that you want them to have gifts they'll enjoy for a long time.

-- Do something meaningful for someone else. Make a family project of doing a good deed for a neighbor, a shut-in or a relative. You can fix a meal, rake leaves, clean out gutters or give a "service coupon book" that they can redeem whenever they want to.

-- Focus on the spiritual, not material. Find fun and creative ways to counteract the commercialism of Christmas, and find creative ways to emphasize the spiritual significance of the day.

-- Build memories. Spend meaningful time together during the weeks leading up to Christmas. In the process, you'll be doing more than stockpiling family memories -- you'll be building a legacy for generations to come.

Q: How do I deal with my mother-in-law's favoritism? Just recently, when I invited her to spend Christmas with our family, she said she "would have to let me know" after finding out what was going on with her daughter's family. She's always given preference to my husband's sister and her family, and I don't know what to do.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I can empathize with your dilemma. It's quite possible your mother-in-law's behavior won't change, but that doesn't mean you always have to dance to her tune.

Sometime soon, it's important that your husband have a chat with his mom and dad. Simple honesty requires that they know how the two of you have been feeling. This may be tough for him, especially if he's not comfortable confronting his parents. But it's largely his responsibility to respectfully take this up with them.

Meanwhile, you need to set some firm boundaries with his folks. When discussing future holiday plans, the two of you should say something like this: "Mom, we'd really love to spend Thanksgiving with you this year. We need to have our plans in place and confirmed by the first of September, so can you let us know by then?"

If she can't commit because she doesn't know what her daughter will be doing, calmly say, "Just let us know by the first of September, or we'll need to make other plans." Then stick to your guns. If she doesn't respond by the deadline, go ahead and arrange something else. It's critical that you remain unavailable and that you not back down if she acts hurt or upset. Tell her you're sorry and that you'd love to get together with her soon. It shouldn't take her long to get the message.

If she leaves your family hanging at holiday time, she'll simply lose out on seeing you and your kids.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My spouse doesn't get along with my parents and siblings. The situation has gotten so bad that he doesn't even want to travel to attend our annual Thanksgiving celebration at my parents' home. I'm tired of the tension and dissension. Can you suggest a solution?

Jim: All too often, family gatherings that are supposed to be filled with love and warmth end up turning into tense, uncomfortable confrontations. You may have resigned yourselves to the fact that things will never be hunky-dory between your husband and your family, but that doesn't mean you can't take steps that might lead to positive change.

First, you and your husband need to sit down together and discuss this problem rationally. It's vital that the two of you come to a meeting of the minds over this issue. Interactions with extended family are an important and inevitable part of every marriage. This is a fact that you're going to have to face together. Don't let it create a wedge between the two of you.

Perhaps it would be possible to work out a compromise. For example, consider the option of skipping certain big family gatherings every other year. This Thanksgiving, could you tell your family that, while you appreciate the invitation, you and your husband have decided to spend a quiet holiday with your immediate family? This may remove some of the stress and tension and make it easier for your husband to face the family gathering next year.

You might also go ahead with your Thanksgiving plans, but arrange to stay at a local hotel rather than in your parents' home. If things become absolutely unbearable for you or your spouse, you can politely excuse yourselves and take refuge in the tranquility of your hotel room.

Again, the most important thing is that you and your husband agree on the course of action. Short of a miraculous breakthrough in your husband's relationship with his in-laws (although that's certainly something to hope and pray for!), these are some practical steps you can take to minimize the holiday stress.

Q: How can we teach our daughter good problem solving skills? Whenever she encounters a challenge, such as putting together Legos, she quickly abandons it and runs to us for help.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries:

Teaching kids to problem solve begins with parents modeling AND verbalizing how to solve common problems. Modeling alone is not sufficient. We must explain the process we used to arrive at the solution. Instead of simply having your daughter watch you fix something around the house (or put together Legos), verbally walk her through the steps.

Also, parents should praise their kids when they attempt to solve problems. I had a rotation in a children's therapeutic treatment center during my doctoral internship and residency. One of the treatment goals was to foster better problem solving skills. Any time we noticed a child working on a project, we would say, "Nice problem solving. I like how you ..." We always encouraged their attempts and explained what they had done that was positive.

It's important to find the balance between encouraging your kids to ask for help and simply solving the problem for them. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to teach them to ask questions -- but then allow them to wrestle with the solution. If we immediately solve all of their problems for them, they won't learn how to think through the problem solving steps.

Finally, take advantage of teachable times when your children make mistakes. You can use this opportunity to probe ways they could have handled the situation differently to get more positive results.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I feel like my daughter's slipping away. I want to be a great dad, but I don't know how to connect with her now that she has reached the "tween" years.

Jim: The single most important thing you can do is spend quality time with her. This is a constant challenge for me as I try to invest in my two boys. Dr. Kevin Leman suggests that the bond fathers develop with their daughters during times of real conversation and connection can pay huge dividends.

According to Dr. Leman, during the tween years fathers need to adopt the policy of "dating" their daughters on a regular basis. Showing your daughter that she's a high priority is essential for many reasons. For one thing, it will help her seek out men who will respect her later in life. Affirming your daughter's femininity and treating her special conveys this important charge: "Honey, seek out someone who will treat you right." If you can demonstrate for your daughter what a true gentlemen is like -- someone who honors, respects and values her -- she'll be more likely to gravitate toward men like that when she begins dating.

So take your daughter out for dinner or a round of miniature golf, or something else that interests her. I know this can be tough, especially when you also need to make time for your other family members. But it's so important. The investment you make in your daughter now will impact her for the rest of her life.

Q: Can you suggest guidelines for modesty in the home? I assume it's OK for my husband and me to shower with our children and change clothes in front of them while they're still toddlers. I'm just wondering when we should stop doing that. Any ideas?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There isn't a hard and fast rule for dealing with this issue. Most pediatricians and child development experts agree that when a child begins to express a desire for privacy when naked or going to the bathroom, that's the time parents should begin to express more personal modesty. This typically occurs around the age of 3 or 4. For some kids it may be a little later.

It's also important that you begin to instill a healthy view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You should start when they're toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language.

For example, when a young child asks questions about where babies come from, answer their questions in a positive, straightforward manner. Deflecting the question or making an awkward reference to "the stork" won't cut it! You might say something like, "God made a special way for mommies and daddies to have babies. He uses a tiny little seed from Daddy and a tiny little egg from Mommy. The seed and the egg come together inside Mommy's tummy, and then God does a miracle and makes a new baby." This kind of explanation is typically sufficient for most kids. You don't need to go into a detailed description of human physiology.

One more thing that is bound to come up in your home, if it hasn't already: Most experts also recommend using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Cutesy names or code words can be confusing to a child, and can unintentionally lead to shame and embarrassment down the road, especially with other children.

For more guidance in this area, check out Dr. Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell's book, "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.