Q: Our teenage son's girlfriend is pregnant. He's 17 and she's 16. It's difficult to admit this to anyone. What does he most need to hear from us?

Jim: We're sorry to learn of this difficult situation. Your son and his girlfriend have clearly made a serious mistake, but mistakes of this kind can be important stepping-stones to maturity and adulthood.

Our counseling team suggests that your whole family can play a role in guiding the expectant mother through this frightening new experience. She needs to be reminded of the value of the precious life she's carrying. In partnership with her parents, you can help her weigh and balance her options and determine what her personal goals ought to be at this point. She won't be able to do this without the assistance of caring, life-affirming adults.

Your son also needs your understanding. At his age, he's trying hard to become his own person. Unfortunately, his bid for independence has put him in an awkward position.

Unlike the girl, who has to deal with the realities of pregnancy, a teenage dad can find it easy to dissociate himself from the situation. Part of your role will be to see that this doesn't happen. Gently but firmly compel him to face the implications of his choices. Talk to him about the sanctity of human life. Help him think about the tremendous and awesome responsibility of bringing a child into the world. Encourage him to discuss these issues openly with his girlfriend and her parents. Urge him to explore ways in which he can take an active role in the pregnancy, the birth and the crucial decisions that lie ahead.

We'd strongly suggest that all of you seek professional counseling as you attempt to navigate these waters. Contact Focus for a free consultation and referral. May God grant you strength during this emotional time!

Q: Should I accept a "friend" request on Facebook from an old boyfriend? I'm very much in love with and committed to my husband, so I feel sure that this will not pose a threat to our marriage.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The first thing you should do is sit down and discuss this with your husband. Tell him about the "friend" request, and ask him how he feels about it. It's important to be open and honest and lay everything out on the table. Keeping secrets only undermines trust. If your marriage is as strong and healthy as you say it is, then it's worth protecting.

A recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers revealed that Facebook has been a major factor in U. S. divorces the last few years. You need to be careful about exposing your relationship to threats of any kind, no matter how remote they may seem.

Since your former boyfriend has initiated this contact, you should consider his motives. If you suspect that his intentions are not entirely appropriate or honorable, ignore the request and move on. Plus, you don't know what's going on in his life, and this might cause him to stumble.

If you're still confused, apply this basic litmus test: Would it be helpful or harmful to your marriage to re-establish a connection with this person? If you're feeling inclined to grant the request, you may need to pause and evaluate your own motives. Are you certain that you don't feel compelled to revisit the past because of present discontent? We're not suggesting that this is the case, but it's a question worth considering. In the final analysis, it's a decision that you and your husband must make together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How do I handle conflicts with my ex-husband over parenting styles? I'm a firm believer in structure and discipline. But that goes out the window every time the kids spend a weekend with my ex, who cares nothing for rules or guidelines. What can I do about this?

Jim: Conflicts of this kind are usually the result of nonexistent communication. You may be divorced, but if you care about your kids, you owe it to them to be on the same page.

How do you find common ground? Try to be as positive and friendly as possible, and resist the temptation to criticize or blame. Don't put your ex-husband down in front of the children. Begin by affirming the good things he's doing with the kids. From there you can move on to questions like, "How do you think we can do a better job? What do our kids need most from both of us at this point? What are we doing right and what needs to change?"

If you handle it right, a conversation like this can bring out areas of mutual agreement between you and your ex. It will reveal those rules, standards and values that you share in common and that can be made to apply in both homes. By building on this foundation, you can begin to make real progress toward a genuine meeting of the minds.

And while it might seem counterintuitive, you might consider seeing a counselor with your ex-husband. An objective third party can steer you away from anger, accusation and other negative forms of communication. Later on, you can ask the counselor to sit down with you and your kids to talk about relationships, assumptions and expectations.

Q: Sometimes my wife and I talk about sensitive issues while out on a date. We seem to be so busy that the only time we can discuss our problems or concerns is when we're alone. Is this a good idea?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: First of all, I want to commend you and your wife for going out on dates in the first place! For many married couples, dating falls by the wayside once children, careers and other responsibilities enter the picture. Their relationships can suffer as a result.

For this reason, I'd encourage you to do whatever it takes to protect your dates from conflict and overly "serious" discussion. Conflict can be destructive to your recreation because it intensifies emotions. As this happens, it becomes difficult to relax and enjoy each other. The conflict becomes like a red shirt in a load of white laundry -- it tends to color the entire experience. If this pattern occurs too often, your mate may lose the desire to do fun things because your dates end up turning "pink."

This isn't about avoidance, of course. You do need to set aside time to discuss the serious issues; just don't call it a "date night." It might require staying up a little later after the kids are in bed, or even getting up early once in a while. Schedule the conversation when you can provide the necessary attention it deserves.

It's worth noting that I haven't always taken my own advice on this issue. I remember scheduling a day at Disneyland with my wife, Erin, but before we even reached the park, I brought up a sensitive issue in the car that resulted in arguing and tears. Needless to say, our date was ruined. You can read all the gory details in our book, "Take the Date Night Challenge." It's full of conflict-free dating ideas for couples in your shoes!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our daughter's first semester away at college was an academic disaster. We haven't seen evidence of any other troubling behaviors, so we're not quite sure what to think. Should we threaten to withdraw funding for college?

Jim: Sending a child off to college can be an emotionally difficult event for a family, and when the initial result is disappointing, it's hard not to feel upset. Even the best of students often experience a drop-off in grades during their first year in college. The world of the university is very different from that of high school, and a freshman typically undergoes a certain amount of culture shock. She has to learn her way around a new and confusing campus, and adapt to a strange schedule that involves a great deal more time working outside of class than sitting in a lecture hall.

In your daughter's case, she has to adjust to a new living situation and being responsible for her own eating, sleeping and study habits. It also involves processing a whole host of new friends and acquaintances. On top of everything else, she may suffer from homesickness. Once she's navigated this, she has to find time and energy to devote to physics, English, geography, French and chemistry. It's not an easy assignment.

You should certainly retain the option to defund her education if things don't improve. But for now, I'd encourage you to find out what's going on, what she needs from you, and what will help ease the adjustment process. It's possible that she's longing for some reassurance from you. She may be desperate to know that you have confidence in her and are willing to stand by and support her during this challenging transition. I have a feeling that specific answers will emerge out of your relationship with your daughter. So don't jump to conclusions. Instead, take the time you need to talk things through.

Q: My wife and I are constantly getting in power struggles. How can we get beyond this?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Why do power struggles cause us such trouble? It's simple. In every power struggle, couples see themselves as adversaries. This can be as subtle as insisting on "making a point." The problem is, even if one member of the pair "wins" the point, it means an automatic loss for the relationship. If one person in the marriage "loses," then both persons in the marriage lose. There is no such thing as a win/lose scenario in marriage.

I encourage you to make a commitment to a new way of doing things and to abandon the failed, old model. This begins by establishing what my colleague, Bob Paul, calls a "No Losers Policy." In a No Losers Policy, couples agree that it will never be acceptable, from this point on, for either of them to walk away from any interaction feeling as if they had lost. Each spouse has to feel good about the solution.

Creating a No Losers Policy goes a long way toward creating the kind of relationships that yield joy and satisfaction rather than grief and frustration. It's worked for my wife, Erin, and I, and it can work equally well for you, regardless of the type of relationship in which you apply it. Although it takes some work, we have yet to be unable to find a win/win solution when addressing a decision or issue.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.