Q: We're only two months into the school year and already we're drowning in extracurricular activities. How much is too much? Can you suggest any practical guidelines?

Jim: I understand and share your concern. That's because kids need lots of time, space and leisure to develop their creativity and imagination. Stress from excessive organized activity can be a deadly enemy of a happy and healthy childhood. While every family is different, I'd suggest that in general, elementary- and secondary school-age kids shouldn't take on more than one extracurricular activity per school term.

The definition of an "extracurricular activity" isn't set in stone. In evaluating each commitment, it might be helpful to ask some basic questions about the time involved. How many evenings per week is your child spending away from home? If the number is too high, you might consider making some cuts.

If this seems like an impossible proposition, I'd challenge you to ask yourself some hard questions about the motives behind the busyness. Is it really about your child and his best interests? Or is the push to achieve driven by issues of your own? We're all susceptible to negative motives such as parental pride, insecurity or desires to compensate for our own unrealized achievements. But if allowed to run rampant, they can end up seriously damaging your child's self-image and the dynamics of your family interactions.

On the positive side, I'd encourage you to strive for the correct balance for your family. A certain amount of "stretching" can be a good thing, but you must always consider each individual member's unique needs and capabilities. There are some telltale signs that will let you know if your kids are being pushed beyond their limits -- depression, for example, or irritability, emotional withdrawal and physical symptoms such as stomach pain. If you see any of these red flags, don't delay in making the needed adjustments.

Q: How can I get my husband to help more with the kids? He enjoys the "fun" part of raising kids -- like "wrestling" with our toddler. But when it comes to the practical side of parenting, I don't think he's pulling his weight.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Speaking from personal experience, communication is usually the key here. Many couples never talk to each other about their parenting expectations, or the fears and struggles they're facing as parents. In most cases, both of them are doing the best they can, but are feeling insecure. The first step is to air these feelings in an honest, safe and non-threatening way.

Gender roles and distinctions can also be a factor. Mothers tend to have an immediate connection with a new baby, while fathers sometimes feel uncomfortable and "out of their element." When Dad tries to lend a hand, Mom may be inclined to correct everything he's doing. This leads to greater irritation on both sides, and the husband may shrink from trying to help.

Again, the solution is to discuss your feelings and expectations. If you're home full-time with the kids while your husband is out in the workplace, talk about what practical aspects of this arrangement should look like. If you both work outside the home, it's even more important that you clearly understand what the other is thinking.

Whatever your situation, it's important that you learn how to function as a team. This is another area in which husbands and wives need to be patient with one another and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

If you're struggling in your roles, our staff counselors would be happy to listen and help. You can contact them at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I've never gotten along with my in-laws. Three years ago, there was a huge argument and we haven't spoken since. At that time, they told my wife they'd pay for a divorce if she would end the marriage. Now my son is graduating and he wants my in-laws to be there. I want to forgive and get along for the sake of my son, but I'm just so angry. What should I do?

Jim: Situations like this one are extremely common. In home after home, family gatherings that are supposed to be filled with love and warmth end up turning into tense, uncomfortable confrontations. But "extremely common" isn't the same thing as "unavoidable." You're an intelligent and morally responsible human being, and you can make choices that will lead to positive change.

One option is to be honest. Let your son know that it would simply be too awkward and uncomfortable to invite the in-laws, and that for his sake, you don't want the graduation to turn into a family debacle. Naturally, you and your son (not to mention your wife) will have to be in agreement on this.

A second choice would be to invite them, but ensure that all graduation-related activities take place at a neutral location, such as a restaurant or community center. If the party disintegrates into a shouting match, politely excuse yourselves and take refuge in the tranquility of your home.

There is a third option. You could approach the graduation with an entirely different attitude. Try to see it as a time for reaching out in kindness and grace. Look for opportunities to demonstrate love to some unlovely people. Take the initiative to extend an olive branch. You might be surprised at how well your peacemaking gesture is received!

Q: My wife doesn't communicate well with me. I work long hours, and when I get home I want her to fill me in on what is going on in the family. I try to make time so we can talk about any issues, but she always just tells me everything is fine and then later I find out things that I never knew about. How can I improve our communication with each other?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: In many cases it's the other way around -- the wife wants a deeper connection, while the husband is uncommunicative. But in either case, the frustrations are very real.

To encourage more meaningful communication, ask your wife if she'd be willing to try the "Ten-Minute Plan." Three times a week, you'll spend four minutes reading a recommended marriage book together. After that, take four additional minutes to have a positive discussion about what you've read (no criticism allowed). Then, finish with a two-minute prayer.

In addition to trying the Ten-Minute Plan, keep the following in mind:

-- Communicate your need for conversation in a clear, respectful and honest way. Don't assume your wife knows what you're thinking.

-- Be sure to take notice when your wife does make an effort to talk with you. Reinforce this behavior by expressing your appreciation with sincerity and kindness.

-- Look for opportunities to turn routine activities -- shopping, cooking or yard work, for example -- into times of meaningful conversation.

-- Maintain a sense of humor about the unexpected challenges that may arise during the course of your conversations. Be patient and persistent.

-- By employing these ideas, you'll create an environment where it becomes comfortable to talk. This, in turn, can easily lead to a desire for more interaction and even more minutes together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My husband told me a month ago that he has started to eat lunch with a single lady in his office. He says they're only friends and feels sorry for her since she is new to the company. I told him I didn't feel comfortable with him eating with her alone and asked if some other co-workers could eat with them as well. He said there isn't anyone else to sit with them. Am I being too paranoid, or should I insist that he stop?

Jim: Your concerns are warranted. Your husband may genuinely feel sorry for his co-worker and have a desire to make her feel welcome at the office. But consistent one-on-one time with her is not a healthy idea. Most people who fall into extramarital affairs didn't set out to do so. Rather, the illicit relationship began on innocent terms.

There are always compelling reasons to be cautious about opposite-sex friendships outside of one's spouse. Before you were married, you may have had lots of friends of the opposite sex, but things are different now. Once you say, "I do," your bond with your spouse takes priority over every other relationship.

An excellent book on maintaining appropriate boundaries in marriage is "Hedges," by Jerry B. Jenkins. If your husband is willing, you might consider reading it together. But make sure he knows that your desire to read the book is motivated not by suspicion, but rather a desire to make your relationship as healthy and strong as possible. You might also consider taking Focus on the Family's Couple Checkup (www.family.org/couplecheckup), which will help both of you evaluate the strengths and weaknesses in your relationship.

Q: I found some very inappropriate texts and pictures on my teenage son's cellphone the other day. I know when I confront him, he will be devastated that I know. How can I approach this so that he understands it's wrong to do this without scarring him for life?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Confronting your son about inappropriate behavior won't scar him for life, but allowing that behavior to continue unchecked just might.

The first thing he needs to know is that sexting is potentially illegal. He could face arrest and prosecution for sharing or receiving explicit pictures over the phone. If the subjects are minors, the pictures fall into the category of child pornography, the distribution and possession of which is strictly illegal in every state.

Will your son be embarrassed when you confront him about this? Probably. So when you do confront him, make sure he knows that you're doing so out of a deep love for him and a concern for his emotional and spiritual well-being.

This will require you to walk a very fine line. If you make light of the situation and dismiss the seriousness of the mistake your son has made, you increase the likelihood that he'll repeat the behavior. On the other hand, if you take an excessively hardline approach, you run the risk of driving your teen into even deeper despair.

Even as you endeavor to address the situation with love and compassion, then, there can be no question of minimizing the anguish your son is experiencing. The key to successfully managing this situation is to help him take ownership of that anguish, assume responsibility for the actions and choices that produced it, and turn it into a springboard to better, wiser behavior in the future. If you need help with this crucial process, don't hesitate to contact Focus on the Family for a consultation with a member of our counseling team.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.