Q: We have three children, and we are looking at any advice you can give us on how we should do money allowances in our household.

Jim: Some parents believe in paying a weekly allowance, and some pay their kids for individual chores. Others don't pay anything, opting instead to give their children money for purchases based on their overall attitude and helpfulness. There's no one-size-fits-all approach.

Whatever system you adopt, it's important to remember that one of your major goals is to prepare your children to live in the "real world" -- the world of work, taxes, charitable giving and investments. In that world, nobody is going to pay them for making their beds or taking out the trash. Instead, they'll be paid for things like managing a group of employees, tuning up somebody's car or selling a pair of shoes to a demanding customer.

With that in mind, we would suggest that kids perform certain tasks around the house simply because they are part of the family. This might include taking care of their own rooms, picking up their toys, helping prepare meals, washing their own clothes and, yes, even taking out the trash.

On the other hand, you might pay your kids for chores that demand more time and energy -- contributions to the life of the household that go beyond the call of duty. This might include mowing the lawn, washing the car or, in the case of a responsible teenager, baby-sitting younger siblings for an entire Saturday afternoon.

Whether it's a regular responsibility or a chore that earns a "paycheck," it's important to communicate clearly what you're looking for in terms of the time frame and the level of quality you expect.

Q: What do you do when your spouse is unwilling to compromise or discuss issues that you don't agree on in your marriage?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President of Family Ministries: The key is to dig down below the surface issue to what is actually driving both spouses' feelings of hurt. Instead of getting stuck arguing about a specific issue (money, sex, kids, work, etc.), or what each partner is doing wrong, use the opportunity to discuss what is really going on deep inside of you.

What drives hurt and frustration in marriage? Buttons. Whenever someone says something that hurts you or makes you mad, it pushes your buttons. Common buttons include feeling rejected, abandoned, helpless, inadequate, unloved, worthless or unimportant. All of these buttons are ultimately rooted in fear. When someone pushes your fear button, you tend to react with unhealthy words or actions calculated to motivate the other person to change and give you what you want. For example, if you fear being a failure, you want to feel successful. If you fear being rejected, you desire to feel accepted. Most of us use unhealthy reactions to deal with our fear, and, as a result, we sabotage our relationships.

The key to breaking this cycle is for you and your spouse to first identify your buttons, and then your reactions. Remember, you can either talk about the surface issue, arguing about what the other person does that hurts or frustrates you, or you can talk about what is really driving your hurt and frustration -- your buttons. Don't be afraid to ask an outside party for help with this process, if necessary. Focus on the Family can offer you a free counseling session by phone and also put you in touch with a qualified counselor in your area.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our son is heading off for his first year at college and wants to pledge to a fraternity. Is this a good idea for a freshman? I don't know much about fraternities.

Jim: The answer to this question depends on a number of factors.

Not every fraternity resembles "Animal House." While some may be considered almost entirely social in nature, others seek to bring together students who share similar interests or who are involved in the same academic disciplines. There are service-oriented fraternities, ethnically and linguistically based fraternities, and even some fraternities whose purpose is primarily religious or spiritual.

That being the case, it's important for you to discern what type of fraternity your son is hoping to join. Unfortunately, many do have a reputation for wild behavior and crazy parties. That's not to mention the peer-group power they wield. It can have a huge impact on an impressionable freshman living away from home for the first time in his life. And some campuses are known for these types of frat houses more than others. Is the atmosphere on campus studious or "party like"? Is the fraternity in question spiritual, academic or purely social in purpose? If you don't know, sit down with your son and find out.

It's also critical that you consider your son's character. Is he firmly grounded in his beliefs? Does he know his own mind, or is he easily influenced by others? If you feel that he lacks the maturity to handle a fraternity at this point, encourage him to look for loyal companions elsewhere by pointing him toward other academic and social groups on campus.

Q: My teenage daughter has battled boredom and wasted a lot of time during summer break. What can I do to change that next year?

Bob Waliszewski, director of Plugged In: It's difficult to move from a schedule of structured six- to 10-hour days to total free time. And a bored teen will be unhappy and more likely to gravitate toward trouble. But counselors Tim Geare and Tim Sanford suggest that it's possible to help structure your daughter's life over the summer months and still have her feel ownership and excitement.

Geare and Sanford recommend that parents decide the overall priorities and tone of the summer. Will every day begin at noon or dawn? Will there be a family vacation? Is there a financial goal for your teen? Is camp or a mission trip an option? How do siblings' needs fit into the picture? How about summer school? Are there sports she could further develop? And most importantly, are there character qualities lacking in her life? Develop a vision for what you feel is in your daughter's best interest. Consider her gifts, skills and interests, and develop options that will engage her imagination.

Too many bored teens gravitate toward the TV or video game controller. While I don't think these things should be taboo, I do recommend that your daughter "earn" the privilege: Every hour of reading a great book translates into 30 minutes of screen time.

For older teens, employment is a key issue, but make sure any job supports the overall goals of the summer. If camp or a family trip is important, don't let a job confound those priorities. If age or circumstances eliminate paid employment, consider volunteer service.

At this point, you've got one month left this year and nine or 10 months before summer vacation rolls around again. Your inspiration and determination to make summer fun and productive may be the jump-start your daughter needs. Kudos to you for thinking about this important period in her life so far in advance!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: What can we do about our teen's use of marijuana? When we confronted him, he said that it's now socially acceptable and on the verge of being legalized. He's refused to stop, and we're not sure how to respond.

Jim: Sadly, your son is correct in some respects. The social stigma against marijuana is diminishing rapidly, and some states -- including my home state of Colorado -- have legalized it for even non-medicinal purposes.

Nevertheless, marijuana remains off-limits to anyone under 21 in every state, and is still illegal at the federal level. Legalities aside, the fact remains that cannabis is a mind-altering and addictive drug. Your son needs to know that his physical and mental health is being compromised. If you've noticed recent changes in his personality, you can strengthen your case by describing these behavioral shifts in specific terms. You can also direct him the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (www.samhsa.gov), where he can see images of "the brain on pot" and access facts about the effects of marijuana on the central nervous system.

Once you've covered the science, don't hesitate to draw a line in the sand. Let your son know that, as long as he's living with you, the weed has to go. The permissive attitudes of society have nothing to do with the standards governing your home. Set firm and consistent boundaries, and enforce them by imposing swift and powerful consequences -- for example, the loss of cellphone or driving privileges.

If he refuses to cooperate, our counseling team recommends that you seek professional help together, as a family. The most successful treatment programs take a family systems approach that involves intensive evaluation and a series of counseling sessions offered in an environment of community and accountability.

Q: How can couples achieve intimacy with a newborn in the house? How can we keep the spark going?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of Marriage and Family Formation: After the birth of a baby, interest in sex can be very different for each person. Some want to resume intimacy as soon as possible. Others experience a decrease in desire. There can be many reasons for this: postpartum depression, fatigue, preoccupation with the baby, fear of discomfort during intercourse (due to temporary physiological changes following the birth), tension or anxiety about new responsibilities, and hormonal changes.

Before you and your spouse resume your sexual relationship, talk with your doctor. Ask specific questions about how long you should wait before intercourse and what you might expect physically.

Medical considerations aside, the key to a couple's sexual relationship after childbirth is not how active their sex life is. Instead, it is tied to their understanding of one another's needs. Ask each other questions like, "What would make our intimate relationship a '10' to you?" "What do you need from me sexually right now?"

It's important to really listen to how your mate responds to these questions. Don't diminish his or her responses. Remember, this is what your mate needs from you sexually right now. There is no right or wrong answer. If you receive an answer that is below your expectations, honor your spouse, even though you may not agree.

And don't forget, a wife will respond sexually after she feels emotionally connected to her husband. Make sure you're focusing on meeting each other's emotional and relational needs. Talking about your day, praying together, setting relationship goals and having regular date nights will help build your emotional relationship.

A positive sexual relationship stems from a positive relationship first. Once your spouse feels like you're honoring his or her needs, then he or she can better respond to yours, too.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.