Q: Am I obligated to take care of my parents even though they hurt me in many ways when I was growing up? Our family was really dysfunctional. Now my parents are old, feeble and increasingly unable to look after themselves, and I'm not sure how I feel about caring for them given our past.

Jim: Your question hits home with me because I, too, grew up in a dysfunctional home. Sadly, situations like yours and mine are not unique. Many adults carry the scars of a painful childhood. We may look back, even at the recent past, and remember only abuse and neglect from the people closest to us.

As hard as it may seem, we believe it's important for you to reach out to your parents during this difficult time, and to forgive them. Even when they're not seeking that forgiveness, we can choose to give respect and care to our elders. True honor is placing the highest value on our loved ones whether they deserve it or not.

You can't change the painful events of your childhood or alter your parents' choices. But you can refuse to give their problems power over you. You can make up your mind to find the good in your parents, no matter how meager or unrefined, and to honor them in spite of their flaws. Caring for your parents doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with everything they say, or giving in to their every demand. It simply means doing what you can within a realistic framework to live at peace with your aging parents. It means making wise choices that will keep your conscience clear. When they're gone, you don't want to look back on this time and regret not reaching out to them.

Q: What can I do when my spouse avoids conflict and seems to want "peace at any price"? Unresolved issues are boiling beneath the surface, and we're growing apart. How can I turn things around before it's too late?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President of Family Ministries: If handled correctly, conflict can be a pathway to deeper intimacy in your marriage. Disagreements about money, career, child rearing, sex and in-laws can typically be traced to one underlying issue: fear. At some point, all of us are gripped by the fear of inadequacy, rejection, powerlessness and so on. The cure for these fears can be found in intimacy, validation, love, and connection -- qualities that are essential to any marriage.

With that in mind, we suggest that you ask your spouse to try an experiment with you. It will take just 20 minutes once or twice a week. During the first 10 minutes, one of you will talk about issues that are bothering you. The other will agree to listen without argument or debate. The only response allowed is to ask for clarification. During the second 10 minutes, the other spouse will talk. Again, a request for clarification is the only response permitted.

At the end of the 20 minutes, take a time-out from each other. Reflect on what your spouse has said. Does it help you understand some of the reasons for his or her feelings? Chances are, this experiment will help you both better understand the underlying issues that are causing strain in your marriage.

If your spouse remains intent on avoiding conflict, seek assistance from a qualified counselor who can help you gain perspective on what's happening. Contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation and referral. Also, you may want to seek out a copy of my book "Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage" (Howard, 2012), which is custom-made for your situation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: After the Boston Marathon bombings, I'm feeling more anxious about world events and the possibility of terrorist attacks in our country. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with these fears?

Jim: Many Americans report feeling stressed out by the potential for terrorist attacks at home. But our counseling team suggests that these feelings are normal.

One of the best ways to deal with them is to talk with someone you trust. We all need "safe" people in our lives -- friends with whom we can be honest without having to worry that they'll judge us or make us feel ashamed. If you know one or two people like that, give them a call, get together for coffee, and tell them how you're feeling.

If you don't have any safe people in your life, you need to find some. Church is a great place to start. Many churches sponsor support groups where honesty and vulnerability are encouraged. And if you're spiritually inclined, bringing your fears before God in prayer and meditating on Scripture can provide great comfort.

Also, while the events in Boston and elsewhere are tragic, they are also, mercifully, rare. Keep in mind that our media and the relentless 24-hour news cycle can contribute a great deal to anxiety in the wake of terrorist acts. Sometimes it's best to just tune out.

Finally, if you're experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety -- shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sweaty palms -- you should talk to your physician. You can also contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation with one of our licensed counselors.

Q: How can I help prepare my daughter for the physical, emotional and psychological changes that adolescence brings?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President of Family Ministries: I have two teenage daughters of my own, so I've had a bit of experience in this area. My advice is for you to get out of the house while you still can. Ha!

Seriously, while navigating a young girl through the emotional teen years might seem daunting, it can be a beautiful experience for both parent and child.

First, open communication is the key! You need to help your daughter understand the physical changes her body will experience. Girls need to know about breast development, new hair growth and the reproductive cycle. The first menstrual period should be viewed in a positive light, as a passage into adulthood rather than a burden or a "curse."

It's also important to talk to your daughter about her increasing interest in the opposite sex. She'll need to be prepared to deal with attention from boys. This is an important time to review specific guidelines about relationships, affectionate touching, the progressive nature of sexual contact and the spiritual, physical and emotional advantages of saving sex for marriage.

Ideally, you want to create a home environment where talking is the norm. Plan on having a series of conversations with your prepubescent girl, perhaps at age 9 or 10. Some parents plan a special weekend away from home in order to have undistracted, one-on-one time during which these discussions can take place. If you're a single dad who feels uncomfortable discussing these matters with your daughter, consider seeking help from an adult woman who not only shares your values, but has enough rapport to talk with her about these topics.

Other issues to talk about might include the importance of friends, the need for independence and your daughter's desire to form her own identity. If you will stay in communication about the changes she's experiencing, the teen years have the potential to deepen your relationship considerably. Remember, you're on the same team!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can I motivate my two lazy teenagers? They won't help me around the house. As a single mom, I don't have the energy to make them get to work. Is there a way to break this negative pattern?

Jim: Being a single parent is tough. (My own mom would have attested to this!) Especially when the kids are being uncooperative. Unfortunately, even though you're exhausted, you need to establish clear rules and guidelines for your teens -- and then be prepared to enforce them.

You might start by employing what psychologists call "Premack's principle," which states that preferred behaviors can be used to reinforce unpreferred behaviors. For example, explain to your kids that leisure activities (TV, Xbox, going out with friends, etc.) will be off-limits until homework and household chores are completed. Sit down with them before implementing this system, and explain your love for them and your desire for them to learn responsibility. Let them know that, as members of the household, they need to contribute to the overall functionality of your home.

Once you've established these rules, it's imperative that you follow through. Stick with it, even when you don't feel like being tough. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into arguments about the finer points of the new standards. To avoid this, we'd suggest that you put everything in writing. Draw up a contract that clearly spells out both the rules and the rewards. Each of you should sign your names to the contract and post it on the refrigerator.

If you stick to the plan faithfully for a few weeks, you should start to see some positive changes in your teenagers' behavior.

Q: How can I keep marriage a priority when it takes everything I've got to keep the household running? Being a stay-at-home mom of small children isn't easy, but I don't want to neglect my husband.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President of Family Ministries: There are many women who can relate to your frustrations. For all its joys, keeping up with young kids can be a daunting challenge, too. No one could fault you for being physically and emotionally spent by the time your husband arrives home at the end of the day.

Nevertheless, as you know, your marriage is vitally important. It's the foundation on which your children's welfare depends. Here are a few suggestions for keeping romance alive in spite of the stresses of parenthood:

When your husband comes home from work, let him know that you're happy to see him. Don't greet him with a laundry list of complaints or "honey-do's" before he's crossed the threshold. Demonstrate your love with a heartfelt embrace. Don't allow the kids or the family dog to be the most excited ones to see him.

Give him a few moments to unwind if possible. And even when you're exhausted, make an effort to show interest in his world. Do you know what's happening at his workplace? He'll feel affirmed if you're as interested in his day's events as you would like him to be in yours.

Also, schedule some uninterrupted "couple time." Take the initiative to clear a night, arrange childcare and make some plans. You don't have to wait for your husband to get the ball rolling. Regular "date nights" are critical.

Finally, remember that men are affirmed by a positive sexual response from their wives, just as women are by thoughtful gestures from their husbands. Your husband will feel loved and honored when you initiate sex, especially if he realizes that you've had to plan carefully for intimate time with him at the end of a busy, tiring day.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.