Q: How can I motivate my two lazy teenagers? They won't help me around the house. As a single mom, I don't have the energy to make them get to work. Is there a way to break this negative pattern?

Jim: Being a single parent is tough. (My own mom would have attested to this!) Especially when the kids are being uncooperative. Unfortunately, even though you're exhausted, you need to establish clear rules and guidelines for your teens -- and then be prepared to enforce them.

You might start by employing what psychologists call "Premack's principle," which states that preferred behaviors can be used to reinforce unpreferred behaviors. For example, explain to your kids that leisure activities (TV, Xbox, going out with friends, etc.) will be off-limits until homework and household chores are completed. Sit down with them before implementing this system, and explain your love for them and your desire for them to learn responsibility. Let them know that, as members of the household, they need to contribute to the overall functionality of your home.

Once you've established these rules, it's imperative that you follow through. Stick with it, even when you don't feel like being tough. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into arguments about the finer points of the new standards. To avoid this, we'd suggest that you put everything in writing. Draw up a contract that clearly spells out both the rules and the rewards. Each of you should sign your names to the contract and post it on the refrigerator.

If you stick to the plan faithfully for a few weeks, you should start to see some positive changes in your teenagers' behavior.

Q: How can I keep marriage a priority when it takes everything I've got to keep the household running? Being a stay-at-home mom of small children isn't easy, but I don't want to neglect my husband.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President of Family Ministries: There are many women who can relate to your frustrations. For all its joys, keeping up with young kids can be a daunting challenge, too. No one could fault you for being physically and emotionally spent by the time your husband arrives home at the end of the day.

Nevertheless, as you know, your marriage is vitally important. It's the foundation on which your children's welfare depends. Here are a few suggestions for keeping romance alive in spite of the stresses of parenthood:

When your husband comes home from work, let him know that you're happy to see him. Don't greet him with a laundry list of complaints or "honey-do's" before he's crossed the threshold. Demonstrate your love with a heartfelt embrace. Don't allow the kids or the family dog to be the most excited ones to see him.

Give him a few moments to unwind if possible. And even when you're exhausted, make an effort to show interest in his world. Do you know what's happening at his workplace? He'll feel affirmed if you're as interested in his day's events as you would like him to be in yours.

Also, schedule some uninterrupted "couple time." Take the initiative to clear a night, arrange childcare and make some plans. You don't have to wait for your husband to get the ball rolling. Regular "date nights" are critical.

Finally, remember that men are affirmed by a positive sexual response from their wives, just as women are by thoughtful gestures from their husbands. Your husband will feel loved and honored when you initiate sex, especially if he realizes that you've had to plan carefully for intimate time with him at the end of a busy, tiring day.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Due to a job transfer, we're moving to a different region of the country. How can we help our kids adjust to a cross-country move?

Jim: First, realize that this can be a tough transition for kids. According to Parents Magazine, "Toddlers will mourn the loss of their room and the house they've always lived in. School-age children will mourn the loss of their friends and their school. Teenagers, along with mourning all of the above, are likely to feel anger at their parents for a major life change that is beyond their control."

With all of this mourning going on, you should allow your kids time to grieve. So be patient with them. Life will eventually feel normal for them again, but it won't happen overnight.

In her book "After the Boxes Are Unpacked," author Susan Miller suggests several ways of helping your kids make the transition as smoothly as possible.

-- Don't play down the importance of the changes they're going through. Telling them that "everything will work out" isn't necessarily the best approach.

-- Encourage them to express their fears and concerns. If they're too young to verbalize their thoughts, help them. If you have teenagers, ask them to express their feelings.

-- Let them do the talking and make up your mind to be a good listener.

-- Whatever you do, don't deny your children's feelings. That will only increase their sense of isolation and frustration.

-- Don't feel that you need to shoulder all the blame or justify the move to your kids. It's not up to you to solve all their problems.

-- Remember that it's normal for some children to experience a temporary regression in behavior after a move. If you have school-aged kids, you may even see a drop in their grades. If that's the case, don't panic. Give them the time and space they need in order to adjust to the new situation.

Q: My daughter is really starting to get into the "emo" style of clothing. We have told her we won't allow her to dress in an emo fashion, but we really don't understand what it means to be emo. Can you tell us a little about what this means and if it is destructive?

Bob Waliszsewski, director of Plugged In: This is a difficult question to answer because the term "emo" means different things to different people. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is "a style of rock music influenced by punk rock and featuring introspective and emotionally fraught lyrics." At our media review website, www.pluggedin.com, our staff has reviewed some albums that would be considered emo in style and have decent lyrics and melodies, while other albums in the genre are filled with dark, unhealthy themes. So there is no one-size-fits-all answer here.

The same goes for emo fashion. Some emo kids adopt the look to fit into a current trend, while others do so to indicate that they belong to a group that has a particular mindset and attitude to convey.

In either case, it's necessary to consider what being emo means in your community. That's something we can't answer for you, but it's a worthwhile question for you and your daughter to consider. In her mind, what does she hope to communicate to those around her by embracing this style?

Sit down with her and simply ask her what being "emo" means to her. Does she merely want to dress like the other kids in her peer group? Or is she hoping to convey some sort of inner angst or rebellion? Her answers to those questions will be instructive as you consider how to proceed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My grandson is going to be 2 years old next month. Whenever he doesn't get his way, he screams at the top of his lungs and throws a tantrum. My daughter says it's a stage, but I don't remember my kids doing that. What can I do to help?

Jim: Your concern for your grandson is admirable. Although you might not agree with your daughter's assessment that his tantrums are "just a stage," our counselors suggest that it's best to be careful in broaching the subject with her. Your grandson's parents should have the final say in the way their children are reared. Our counselors recommend that unless grandparents suspect negligence or neglect, they should offer advice only if asked; furthermore, grandparents should work at building a relationship in which they can compare notes and share the benefits of their parenting experience.

That said, if your daughter is open, there are some general principles you might share with her. Very young children sometimes need help controlling their emotional reactions. A parent's job is to set definite boundaries for the expression of childish anger and frustration, and to enforce those boundaries with consistent consequences. Time-outs are especially effective with toddlers. Taking a screaming toddler to a neutral location -- perhaps his bedroom -- and leaving him alone for a predetermined period usually does the trick. Our counselors suggest one minute of time-out for each year of a child's age -- in other words, two minutes for a 2-year-old.

Your daughter might also find useful advice in Dr. Kevin Leman's book, "Have a New Kid by Friday" (Revell, 2008). He suggests that the most effective strategy for extinguishing tantrums is to ignore them. Kids often throw tantrums as a way of manipulating their parents. If the parents refuse to be manipulated, the behavior often ceases.

Q: Our son has Asperger's syndrome and is now in high school. His attitude is changing, and he seems to be getting more rude and angry. He's socially awkward, and people don't understand his behavior. How can we help him and, more importantly, help those who befriend him understand how to deal with this kind of behavior?

Leon Wirth, Executive Director of Parenting and Youth: The teen years can be frustrating for any parent, without the added challenges of Asperger's (now classified as a high-functioning autism spectrum disorder). Our hearts go out to you and your son.

First, we're assuming your son is receiving ongoing psychological care. That is critical. Talk to your son's therapist about the changes in his behavior. It's possible that some of the problem can be minimized through medication, diet, supplements and other therapies. But that determination can be made only by a qualified professional.

When it comes to helping other people understand, direct them to a website or other information related to Asperger's. Don't embarrass your son or "make an example" of him. Rather, discreetly approach his teachers and the parents of his friends in an effort to educate them. Here are some resources:

WEBSITES:

-- The Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support (OASIS) center (www.aspergersyndrome.org)

-- The National Dissemination Center for Children With Disabilities (nichcy.org)

-- The Autism Society (www.autism-society.org)

-- Autism Speaks (www.autismspeaks.org)

BOOKS:

-- "Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns," by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick.

-- "Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum: A Parent's Guide to the Cognitive, Social, Physical and Transition Needs of Teenagers With Autism Spectrum Disorders," by Chantal Sicile-Kira.

Finally, don't hesitate to call our counseling team here at Focus for a free consultation. They can also provide a referral to a qualified counselor in your area. May God bless you and your son!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.