Q: My wife was just diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. She rarely engages in conversation, and even though she's on medication, she acts like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. She's not the same person I married. I try to talk to her, and she says it's just a phase and to leave her alone. I am so hurt. What can I do?

Jim: We're sorry to learn of your predicament. Clinical depression is a complex problem involving a blend of genetic, biochemical, personal and spiritual factors. That being the case, our counseling team recommends that you not take your wife's behavior toward you personally. The forces contributing to her emotional distance are beyond her control.

Your mention of a diagnosis suggests that your wife is receiving ongoing care. That is essential in a situation like this. Our counselors suggest that you encourage her to continue taking her medication and to remain under the care of a trained physician or qualified professional.

You might also read an excellent book on this subject: "Mood Swings" (Thomas Nelson; 2001) by Dr. Paul Meier. It will help you understand how to support and encourage your wife while at the same time maintaining realistic expectations and boundaries.

Finally, you should be aware of your own needs during this emotionally trying time. You're in a difficult position, and you need all the outside help you can get. Seek out a support network through your church or a special interest group. And don't be afraid to enlist the assistance of a licensed counselor, with or without your wife's willing participation. Contact Focus on the Family for a referral.

Q: I'm a single mom with two children. My ex-husband doesn't have anything to do with our kids, which is devastating to them. Whenever my 8-year-old daughter gets in trouble, she starts to say things like "I hate myself" and "I'm worthless." I think this is due to her not having both parents involved in her life. How can I help her be more positive about herself?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: Our hearts go out to you and your kids as you face this difficult situation. Children react to divorce in different ways, depending on age and a variety of other factors that can affect their sense of self-worth.

Younger kids may blame themselves for the divorce, in which case it's important to reassure them that your struggles as a couple had absolutely nothing to do with them. Teens and young adults may actually feel relieved after the strife of the divorce has ended, and this in turn may cause them to beat themselves up for taking a positive view of a bad thing like divorce.

What can you do to help ease your daughter's pain? First, encourage her to talk about what she's feeling and why she thinks these feelings are popping up. Help her to see that, though life has changed dramatically, things won't always feel as bad as they feel right now. Give her hope for the future, and do everything you can to maintain normalcy and routine in her life.

Also, reassure her that she has value to you, simply because "you are you." And help her find other healthy adult mentors with whom she can be honest about her feelings; alert teachers, school counselors, youth leaders or a pastor to the situation.

Finally, we'd strongly encourage you and your kids to seek a trained family therapist to help you weather this storm. Contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation with a counselor, as well as a referral for ongoing care in your area.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: In our household my husband is the stay-at-home parent and I work full-time outside the home. Do you have any advice on how we can make this successful in our family and marriage?

Jim: One critical piece of information missing from your question is the age of your kids. Research shows that young children need a great deal of time with Mom during their formative years. If your kids are young, the first thing we'd recommend is that you make every effort to spend as much time nurturing them as possible.

This is not to suggest that you should feel guilty for working outside the home. We all have to operate within the circumstances God has granted to us. Since men are generally hardwired to be financial providers, you'll want to talk with your husband and make sure that he's comfortable being a stay-at-home dad for the time being. Some men genuinely enjoy being "Mr. Mom." They're good at it, too. Not only do they love their kids, they have been blessed with a nurturing temperament and enjoy being with them 24 hours a day. Regardless of who is staying at home and who is acting as the breadwinner, you and your husband need to agree that the most important thing is that your kids aren't being deprived of parental love and leadership.

When it comes to your marriage, our advice is similar to what we'd offer if your husband were the breadwinner: Be sure to make time to connect every week without the distractions of kids and career. Schedule a regular "date night" to invest in your relationship.

You might also visit WorkingMom.com, a website we've mentioned on our broadcast. It contains a wealth of helpful advice for families in your situation.

Q: I am engaged to be married and have been dating my fiance for two years. Recently I've felt like we're not on the same page regarding premarital counseling. I feel it's important but my fiance doesn't want it. What is your opinion?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: Premarital counseling is essential! Every couple should do it. In fact, some pastors refuse to perform weddings for couples who haven't engaged in at least some form of premarital counseling. Studies show that couples who do it can reduce their risk of divorce by as much as 30 percent. Perhaps that is why some states have entertained the idea of making premarital counseling a prerequisite for obtaining a marriage license.

I would encourage you to sit down with your fiance and have an honest conversation about why he's hesitant to engage in premarital counseling. Don't pressure him or twist his arm; just encourage him to express his feelings. Chances are, he simply feels that it's unnecessary. But here's the thing: Premarital counseling isn't just for people who have troubled backgrounds or difficult relationships. It's not necessarily a sign or admission that something is "wrong" between you. Rather, it's a commitment on both of your parts to make a positive investment in your relationship and to ensure that it's as strong and solid as it can be before you tie the knot.

Once your fiance is on board, find a counselor who can navigate you through the PREPARE/ENRICH Premarital inventory. You can find a sample test at www.prepare-enrich.com. Also, you can take Focus on the Family's "Couple Checkup" for engaged couples at www.focusonthefamily.com/couplecheckup. This is not meant to be a replacement or substitute for premarital counseling, but it might give you and your fiance some good talking points as you seek out a counselor together. Best wishes to you!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Now that I'm divorced, how can I stay involved with my kids and have a positive influence on them? Legally, I'm only allowed to have them a few days out of each month and my ex-wife is very strict in her interpretation of the court order.

Jim: You're in a tough spot, and my heart goes out to you. So what can you do? You might begin by praying the "Serenity Prayer":

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

The application for you is obvious. You're determined to have an influence in the lives of your children despite the breakup of your family. That requires courage. It means finding the strength and fortitude to seize and maximize every opportunity that comes your way. Meanwhile, you have no choice but to accept your limitations and make the most of your circumstances.

When you do have time with your kids, make an intentional effort to put it to the best use. This doesn't mean that you need to be a "Disneyland Dad." In fact, it's best to make your days and hours with them as "normal" (and as upbeat) as possible.

How do you do this? Here are a few suggestions: Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex-spouse or complain about the "system." Don't play the "blame game." Don't try to compensate for the pain, loss and confusion of divorce by acting like Superman. All the exciting, expensive and exotic outings in the world can never take the place of a loving dad who is simply there for his children when they need him. So be there, whether that means sitting and talking with them, helping them with their homework or taking them out for ice cream.

Finally, you might find additional help and encouragement by joining a DivorceCare support group. For more information check out their website at www.divorcecare.org.

Q: Our adult son is unemployed, living in our basement and drawing heavily on our financial resources. My husband and I can't agree on the best way to handle this situation, and it's becoming a real strain on our relationship. What should we do?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: Millions of American families have adult children living at home, and the trend continues to grow. Sociologists call them "boomerang kids," and they have the potential to present challenges in a marriage. Tension often arises when one parent takes a more authoritative approach while the other is more permissive. Before doing anything else, you and your husband need to get on the same page. In fact, marital counseling may represent the first and most important step toward solving these parenting difficulties.

Once you're able to present a united front, I suggest that you hold a family meeting. Tell your son that he is welcome to remain in your home, but that as an adult he will need to start assuming more responsibility. This includes responsibility for personal expenses, laundry, cleaning, transportation, utilities, groceries and rent.

Your statement that your son is "drawing heavily on your financial resources" leads us to believe that he may be irresponsible with money or assuming too much from your generosity. If you and your husband continue to pick up the slack, your son will learn to expect it and never grow up. The key is balancing love and limits, and this applies to young adult children as well as toddlers and elementary school kids. For help in understanding and applying this principle, feel free to contact our counseling staff at (855) 771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.