Q: In our household my husband is the stay-at-home parent and I work full-time outside the home. Do you have any advice on how we can make this successful in our family and marriage?

Jim: One critical piece of information missing from your question is the age of your kids. Research shows that young children need a great deal of time with Mom during their formative years. If your kids are young, the first thing we'd recommend is that you make every effort to spend as much time nurturing them as possible.

This is not to suggest that you should feel guilty for working outside the home. We all have to operate within the circumstances God has granted to us. Since men are generally hardwired to be financial providers, you'll want to talk with your husband and make sure that he's comfortable being a stay-at-home dad for the time being. Some men genuinely enjoy being "Mr. Mom." They're good at it, too. Not only do they love their kids, they have been blessed with a nurturing temperament and enjoy being with them 24 hours a day. Regardless of who is staying at home and who is acting as the breadwinner, you and your husband need to agree that the most important thing is that your kids aren't being deprived of parental love and leadership.

When it comes to your marriage, our advice is similar to what we'd offer if your husband were the breadwinner: Be sure to make time to connect every week without the distractions of kids and career. Schedule a regular "date night" to invest in your relationship.

You might also visit WorkingMom.com, a website we've mentioned on our broadcast. It contains a wealth of helpful advice for families in your situation.

Q: I am engaged to be married and have been dating my fiance for two years. Recently I've felt like we're not on the same page regarding premarital counseling. I feel it's important but my fiance doesn't want it. What is your opinion?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: Premarital counseling is essential! Every couple should do it. In fact, some pastors refuse to perform weddings for couples who haven't engaged in at least some form of premarital counseling. Studies show that couples who do it can reduce their risk of divorce by as much as 30 percent. Perhaps that is why some states have entertained the idea of making premarital counseling a prerequisite for obtaining a marriage license.

I would encourage you to sit down with your fiance and have an honest conversation about why he's hesitant to engage in premarital counseling. Don't pressure him or twist his arm; just encourage him to express his feelings. Chances are, he simply feels that it's unnecessary. But here's the thing: Premarital counseling isn't just for people who have troubled backgrounds or difficult relationships. It's not necessarily a sign or admission that something is "wrong" between you. Rather, it's a commitment on both of your parts to make a positive investment in your relationship and to ensure that it's as strong and solid as it can be before you tie the knot.

Once your fiance is on board, find a counselor who can navigate you through the PREPARE/ENRICH Premarital inventory. You can find a sample test at www.prepare-enrich.com. Also, you can take Focus on the Family's "Couple Checkup" for engaged couples at www.focusonthefamily.com/couplecheckup. This is not meant to be a replacement or substitute for premarital counseling, but it might give you and your fiance some good talking points as you seek out a counselor together. Best wishes to you!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Now that I'm divorced, how can I stay involved with my kids and have a positive influence on them? Legally, I'm only allowed to have them a few days out of each month and my ex-wife is very strict in her interpretation of the court order.

Jim: You're in a tough spot, and my heart goes out to you. So what can you do? You might begin by praying the "Serenity Prayer":

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

The application for you is obvious. You're determined to have an influence in the lives of your children despite the breakup of your family. That requires courage. It means finding the strength and fortitude to seize and maximize every opportunity that comes your way. Meanwhile, you have no choice but to accept your limitations and make the most of your circumstances.

When you do have time with your kids, make an intentional effort to put it to the best use. This doesn't mean that you need to be a "Disneyland Dad." In fact, it's best to make your days and hours with them as "normal" (and as upbeat) as possible.

How do you do this? Here are a few suggestions: Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex-spouse or complain about the "system." Don't play the "blame game." Don't try to compensate for the pain, loss and confusion of divorce by acting like Superman. All the exciting, expensive and exotic outings in the world can never take the place of a loving dad who is simply there for his children when they need him. So be there, whether that means sitting and talking with them, helping them with their homework or taking them out for ice cream.

Finally, you might find additional help and encouragement by joining a DivorceCare support group. For more information check out their website at www.divorcecare.org.

Q: Our adult son is unemployed, living in our basement and drawing heavily on our financial resources. My husband and I can't agree on the best way to handle this situation, and it's becoming a real strain on our relationship. What should we do?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: Millions of American families have adult children living at home, and the trend continues to grow. Sociologists call them "boomerang kids," and they have the potential to present challenges in a marriage. Tension often arises when one parent takes a more authoritative approach while the other is more permissive. Before doing anything else, you and your husband need to get on the same page. In fact, marital counseling may represent the first and most important step toward solving these parenting difficulties.

Once you're able to present a united front, I suggest that you hold a family meeting. Tell your son that he is welcome to remain in your home, but that as an adult he will need to start assuming more responsibility. This includes responsibility for personal expenses, laundry, cleaning, transportation, utilities, groceries and rent.

Your statement that your son is "drawing heavily on your financial resources" leads us to believe that he may be irresponsible with money or assuming too much from your generosity. If you and your husband continue to pick up the slack, your son will learn to expect it and never grow up. The key is balancing love and limits, and this applies to young adult children as well as toddlers and elementary school kids. For help in understanding and applying this principle, feel free to contact our counseling staff at (855) 771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My father didn't offer me much in the way of affection or emotional support, and I'm implementing this same style of fathering with my boy. Though I realize this approach might be softened, I'm convinced it will ultimately make him tough and spur him on to achieve more than he otherwise would. What do you think?

Jim: As an orphan who grew up without a nurturing father figure, I learned the hard way how critical the demonstration of love and compassion is to effective fathering. Many men don't realize how desperately their sons need their love, affection, approval and affirmation. Boys even need a certain amount of appropriate physical touch from their dads. There is a tendency among some fathers to withhold emotion, tenderness and approval in their interactions with their sons. I'd caution you, though, that this approach can be destructive and damaging.

Just as dangerous is the impulse to insist that he share all of your interests and grow up to be "just like dad." You can communicate genuine love for your son and validate his manhood by encouraging him to follow his natural bent and develop his own unique God-given talents. If he's a born musician, don't force him to play football. Or if he'd rather turn a wrench than crack a book, don't expect him to become a Rhodes Scholar.

It's all well and good to talk about the importance of being strong and learning to overcome obstacles. But I'd suggest that life is capable of giving your son all the adversity he needs without any help from you. Your role is to get on his team and help him face the opposition with confidence. Instead of adding to the pressure, stand beside him as an encourager, comforter, cheerleader and friend.

Q: My friend and her husband are divorcing, and she's asked my husband to provide counseling and advice. I think she should be getting support from another woman, but he feels he should help her. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: Your question reminds me of a story I read about a group of New York firefighters who had been charged with caring for the widows of fallen firefighters following the 9/11 tragedy. Sadly, although they had accepted the assignment with honorable intentions, within two years up to a dozen had left their wives and families for the women they were asked to help support.

The point: Even if your husband is gifted with unusual wisdom, and even if your friend genuinely values his opinion, it's still vital to maintain proper boundaries in marriage. To put it more bluntly, you and your husband need to protect your own relationship. As we see it, the kind of help your friend needs requires a level of intimacy and trust that simply isn't appropriate between a woman and a man who isn't her spouse. A mature, wise and caring woman would be in a far stronger position to relate to all that she's experiencing at this moment. If she really wants his input, invite her to come over and talk with the two of you sometime.

One last thought before closing. As a man of integrity and good sense, your husband needs to realize that he earned this good reputation by setting reasonable boundaries. If he wants to hold on to it, he's going to have to maintain those boundaries and keep those fences in good repair. Our advice to both of you is to get on the same team and do everything you can to prevent this from driving a wedge between you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.