Q: My father didn't offer me much in the way of affection or emotional support, and I'm implementing this same style of fathering with my boy. Though I realize this approach might be softened, I'm convinced it will ultimately make him tough and spur him on to achieve more than he otherwise would. What do you think?

Jim: As an orphan who grew up without a nurturing father figure, I learned the hard way how critical the demonstration of love and compassion is to effective fathering. Many men don't realize how desperately their sons need their love, affection, approval and affirmation. Boys even need a certain amount of appropriate physical touch from their dads. There is a tendency among some fathers to withhold emotion, tenderness and approval in their interactions with their sons. I'd caution you, though, that this approach can be destructive and damaging.

Just as dangerous is the impulse to insist that he share all of your interests and grow up to be "just like dad." You can communicate genuine love for your son and validate his manhood by encouraging him to follow his natural bent and develop his own unique God-given talents. If he's a born musician, don't force him to play football. Or if he'd rather turn a wrench than crack a book, don't expect him to become a Rhodes Scholar.

It's all well and good to talk about the importance of being strong and learning to overcome obstacles. But I'd suggest that life is capable of giving your son all the adversity he needs without any help from you. Your role is to get on his team and help him face the opposition with confidence. Instead of adding to the pressure, stand beside him as an encourager, comforter, cheerleader and friend.

Q: My friend and her husband are divorcing, and she's asked my husband to provide counseling and advice. I think she should be getting support from another woman, but he feels he should help her. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: Your question reminds me of a story I read about a group of New York firefighters who had been charged with caring for the widows of fallen firefighters following the 9/11 tragedy. Sadly, although they had accepted the assignment with honorable intentions, within two years up to a dozen had left their wives and families for the women they were asked to help support.

The point: Even if your husband is gifted with unusual wisdom, and even if your friend genuinely values his opinion, it's still vital to maintain proper boundaries in marriage. To put it more bluntly, you and your husband need to protect your own relationship. As we see it, the kind of help your friend needs requires a level of intimacy and trust that simply isn't appropriate between a woman and a man who isn't her spouse. A mature, wise and caring woman would be in a far stronger position to relate to all that she's experiencing at this moment. If she really wants his input, invite her to come over and talk with the two of you sometime.

One last thought before closing. As a man of integrity and good sense, your husband needs to realize that he earned this good reputation by setting reasonable boundaries. If he wants to hold on to it, he's going to have to maintain those boundaries and keep those fences in good repair. Our advice to both of you is to get on the same team and do everything you can to prevent this from driving a wedge between you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I'm concerned about my little girl's selfish attitude. How do I discourage this behavior and help her develop a grateful heart?

Jim: Yours is a question to which almost every parent -- me included -- can relate. The answer depends upon your daughter's age. Smaller kids may be too young to understand ideas like unselfishness and gratitude. They're still in the process of grasping what it means to be an individual "self" distinguishable from the rest of the world around them. If your daughter is only 5 or 6 years old, there's probably no reason to be overly concerned about her behavior.

It's a different matter where older children are concerned. This is when many parents begin to realize the impact of our materialistic, consumer-driven culture. Advertisers and toy manufacturers aren't in the business of helping moms and dads teach concepts like contentment and thankfulness. From their perspective, kids are a lucrative "market" sector, and they design their publicity campaigns accordingly. As a result, children are conditioned to believe that they're entitled to have everything they want -- right now!

The best way we as parents can counter this is by modeling a grateful and selfless attitude ourselves. As we go through our daily routines, we should remember to express gratitude on a regular basis -- even for simple things. Convey thankfulness to friends, family and co-workers, and not just when they do something special for you. Let people know how much you appreciate them just for who they are.

Another way to encourage gratitude is by serving others who are less fortunate. Volunteer to serve meals at a local rescue mission. Visit shut-ins at a nursing home, or sponsor a poor child in a third-world country. This will increase your family's awareness of their blessings while getting in touch with the needs of people around the world.

Q: Grandma and Grandpa are spoiling my children. They give them whatever they want, sometimes in complete disregard of my wishes. How do I address this without alienating my parents?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: Almost every grandparent occasionally overindulges their grandchildren. There's usually little harm in this as long as everyone understands that such occasions are to be viewed as exceptions and don't become expectations. Your reference, however, to Grandma and Grandpa's "complete disregard of your wishes" leads me to think that you may be dealing with a bigger issue. If they're deliberately undermining your authority as a parent, you need to take decisive steps to address the problem -- and soon.

I suggest you get a baby-sitter and schedule a dinner out with your parents. Begin the conversation by letting them know how much you love and appreciate them. Then explain that something's come up that you'd like to discuss.

Tell them you are working hard to teach your children the importance of obedience, discipline and respect for authority. Explain that although you appreciate their generosity toward your kids, you feel that their actions are hurting your efforts. Identify some specific incidents and share how this made you feel as a parent. Provide reasons for the rules you've established and help them understand why you feel it's important to maintain a consistent standard.

Finally, before having this conversation, take time to consider things from their perspective. If they grew up in depressed circumstances or lower-income homes, they may be simply trying to compensate for their own childhood deprivations by lavishing luxuries on your kids. It's difficult to say how they will react. They may feel hurt for a while, but it's critical that you address the issue before even greater resentment is allowed to build.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our family enjoys laughing together. Sometimes this includes poking fun at each other. Do you think there's a problem with this kind of humor?

Jim: Your family humor dynamics sound like those of the Daly household -- but they're not necessarily for everyone. Everything depends on your distinctive family "culture." Because you are interconnected in ways unlike any other group of people, you take certain things for granted and know things about one another that no one else can know. You have a common language. If it's understood that teasing is part of that, then you probably can't eliminate it without damaging your ability to connect.

Tone and motives are also important factors to consider. Are the jokes and stories designed to hurt or embarrass someone? Or are they meant to express affection and appreciation? The real litmus test should be the reaction of the one who's getting "roasted" and whether or not they think it's funny.

It really boils down to two basic principles. First: Never sacrifice respect for humor. There are jokes that demean and jokes that can preserve the self-esteem of family members. Make sure everyone understands the difference.

Second: Whatever happens, make sure that every person in your family feels that home is a safe place to be. If humor comes across as threatening, communication will cease. This can cause all kinds of negative fallout. In this case, Mom and Dad need to dig deeper and find out what else is going on.

There's an old saying that "many a truth is spoken in jest." But when teasing becomes a way of rubbing salt into open wounds, it's time for people to put all joking aside and to air genuine grievances in open and honest dialogue.

Q: I'm newly married and have been surprised and disturbed by the amount of conflict we've experienced in our relationship. This rarely happened when we were dating. Is something wrong?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: The first thing that's important to understand is that conflict is inevitable and unavoidable in any relationship -- even those of marriage "experts." Conflict isn't always a bad thing. In fact, when handled with a respectful, nonabusive spirit, it can lead to a stronger, more satisfying marriage. If you want to resolve conflicts effectively, commit to confronting issues as soon as they arise. Simply suppressing your differences is not an effective way of dealing with the problem. The longer a disagreement stews, the bigger it becomes.

Once you've initiated a discussion, be sure to communicate your concerns clearly and specifically. Avoid generalizations, ambiguities and absolutes. Using words like "never" or "always" to describe your spouse's undesired behavior are rarely accurate and usually produce a defensive response. Try saying something like, "It frustrates me when you don't take the trash out on Mondays," rather than, "You never do what you say you're going to do."

Along these lines, remember that it's important to use "I" rather than "you" statements. For example, "I feel hurt when you don't follow through," versus "You're so irresponsible." In other words, be careful to attack the problem, not the person.

Stick with the issue at hand and resist the temptation to support your argument by generalizing or following rabbit trails. Work hard to understand your partner's point of view, and be sure to keep your discussion private.

After you've expressed your viewpoints and reached an understanding, share your needs and decide where to go from there. Be willing to ask forgiveness, and always remember that maintaining the relationship is more important than winning the argument. Finding a solution that benefits both spouses lets everybody win.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.