Q: I'm concerned about my little girl's selfish attitude. How do I discourage this behavior and help her develop a grateful heart?

Jim: Yours is a question to which almost every parent -- me included -- can relate. The answer depends upon your daughter's age. Smaller kids may be too young to understand ideas like unselfishness and gratitude. They're still in the process of grasping what it means to be an individual "self" distinguishable from the rest of the world around them. If your daughter is only 5 or 6 years old, there's probably no reason to be overly concerned about her behavior.

It's a different matter where older children are concerned. This is when many parents begin to realize the impact of our materialistic, consumer-driven culture. Advertisers and toy manufacturers aren't in the business of helping moms and dads teach concepts like contentment and thankfulness. From their perspective, kids are a lucrative "market" sector, and they design their publicity campaigns accordingly. As a result, children are conditioned to believe that they're entitled to have everything they want -- right now!

The best way we as parents can counter this is by modeling a grateful and selfless attitude ourselves. As we go through our daily routines, we should remember to express gratitude on a regular basis -- even for simple things. Convey thankfulness to friends, family and co-workers, and not just when they do something special for you. Let people know how much you appreciate them just for who they are.

Another way to encourage gratitude is by serving others who are less fortunate. Volunteer to serve meals at a local rescue mission. Visit shut-ins at a nursing home, or sponsor a poor child in a third-world country. This will increase your family's awareness of their blessings while getting in touch with the needs of people around the world.

Q: Grandma and Grandpa are spoiling my children. They give them whatever they want, sometimes in complete disregard of my wishes. How do I address this without alienating my parents?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: Almost every grandparent occasionally overindulges their grandchildren. There's usually little harm in this as long as everyone understands that such occasions are to be viewed as exceptions and don't become expectations. Your reference, however, to Grandma and Grandpa's "complete disregard of your wishes" leads me to think that you may be dealing with a bigger issue. If they're deliberately undermining your authority as a parent, you need to take decisive steps to address the problem -- and soon.

I suggest you get a baby-sitter and schedule a dinner out with your parents. Begin the conversation by letting them know how much you love and appreciate them. Then explain that something's come up that you'd like to discuss.

Tell them you are working hard to teach your children the importance of obedience, discipline and respect for authority. Explain that although you appreciate their generosity toward your kids, you feel that their actions are hurting your efforts. Identify some specific incidents and share how this made you feel as a parent. Provide reasons for the rules you've established and help them understand why you feel it's important to maintain a consistent standard.

Finally, before having this conversation, take time to consider things from their perspective. If they grew up in depressed circumstances or lower-income homes, they may be simply trying to compensate for their own childhood deprivations by lavishing luxuries on your kids. It's difficult to say how they will react. They may feel hurt for a while, but it's critical that you address the issue before even greater resentment is allowed to build.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our family enjoys laughing together. Sometimes this includes poking fun at each other. Do you think there's a problem with this kind of humor?

Jim: Your family humor dynamics sound like those of the Daly household -- but they're not necessarily for everyone. Everything depends on your distinctive family "culture." Because you are interconnected in ways unlike any other group of people, you take certain things for granted and know things about one another that no one else can know. You have a common language. If it's understood that teasing is part of that, then you probably can't eliminate it without damaging your ability to connect.

Tone and motives are also important factors to consider. Are the jokes and stories designed to hurt or embarrass someone? Or are they meant to express affection and appreciation? The real litmus test should be the reaction of the one who's getting "roasted" and whether or not they think it's funny.

It really boils down to two basic principles. First: Never sacrifice respect for humor. There are jokes that demean and jokes that can preserve the self-esteem of family members. Make sure everyone understands the difference.

Second: Whatever happens, make sure that every person in your family feels that home is a safe place to be. If humor comes across as threatening, communication will cease. This can cause all kinds of negative fallout. In this case, Mom and Dad need to dig deeper and find out what else is going on.

There's an old saying that "many a truth is spoken in jest." But when teasing becomes a way of rubbing salt into open wounds, it's time for people to put all joking aside and to air genuine grievances in open and honest dialogue.

Q: I'm newly married and have been surprised and disturbed by the amount of conflict we've experienced in our relationship. This rarely happened when we were dating. Is something wrong?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: The first thing that's important to understand is that conflict is inevitable and unavoidable in any relationship -- even those of marriage "experts." Conflict isn't always a bad thing. In fact, when handled with a respectful, nonabusive spirit, it can lead to a stronger, more satisfying marriage. If you want to resolve conflicts effectively, commit to confronting issues as soon as they arise. Simply suppressing your differences is not an effective way of dealing with the problem. The longer a disagreement stews, the bigger it becomes.

Once you've initiated a discussion, be sure to communicate your concerns clearly and specifically. Avoid generalizations, ambiguities and absolutes. Using words like "never" or "always" to describe your spouse's undesired behavior are rarely accurate and usually produce a defensive response. Try saying something like, "It frustrates me when you don't take the trash out on Mondays," rather than, "You never do what you say you're going to do."

Along these lines, remember that it's important to use "I" rather than "you" statements. For example, "I feel hurt when you don't follow through," versus "You're so irresponsible." In other words, be careful to attack the problem, not the person.

Stick with the issue at hand and resist the temptation to support your argument by generalizing or following rabbit trails. Work hard to understand your partner's point of view, and be sure to keep your discussion private.

After you've expressed your viewpoints and reached an understanding, share your needs and decide where to go from there. Be willing to ask forgiveness, and always remember that maintaining the relationship is more important than winning the argument. Finding a solution that benefits both spouses lets everybody win.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My husband has been participating in a weekly poker night with his friends. Lately I've become concerned that he's turning into a compulsive gambler. He says I'm worried about nothing. How can I be sure?

Jim: It sounds trite, but your husband may be in denial. Dr. Robert Custer, a trailblazer in the field of gambling addiction treatment, says that denial "means refusing to acknowledge something to oneself, getting oneself to actually believe that there is no danger at all." It's a common mindset among those who struggle with gambling addiction.

Unfortunately, denial can affect the addict's spouse and family, too. They may subconsciously use it as a technique for explaining away, minimizing, or rationalizing destructive behavior.

This being the case, our counseling team recommends that you first take an honest look at yourself. You say you're worried, but is it possible you've been ignoring the obvious for a while now? A gambler's spouse can sometimes remain in a state of denial for years until some dramatic incident suddenly jerks her back to reality.

If, upon reflection, you're convinced that your husband's gambling is compulsive, sit down with him and confront the issue head-on. Has he placed any limits on his gambling activity, either in terms of money wagered or time invested? Depending on the answers to those questions, insist that he consider the possibility that he has a serious problem. Suggest that he seek professional assistance. If he's unwilling to listen, enlist the help of an objective third party -- a pastor, a relative or a male friend who agrees with your assessment. Our counseling department can offer you a free consultation and a referral to qualified help.

Q: My teenage son and his friends are always drinking "energy drinks" like Red Bull and Rockstar. They say it gives them energy and helps them stay awake in school, but I think it's just expensive, glorified soda pop. What do you think?

Bob Waliszsewski, director of Plugged In: You have reason to be suspicious! Energy drinks have become a huge industry, appealing primarily to young people who use them to "keep their edge" amid busy lives that don't include adequate sleep.

True energy, however, comes from a well-balanced diet. Energy drinks simply stimulate the central nervous system and provide a jittery "buzz." Dr. Vijay Roy, a cardiologist with Prairie Cardiovascular Consultants, says, "Some students get up in the morning and take an energy drink with them. Instead of a healthy meal, they are replacing that with fluids that aren't natural in the body."

While some drinks add negligible amounts of vitamins, the big appeal for young people is the caffeine. Some single-serving energy drinks contain the caffeine equivalent of FIVE cans of Coke! Drinkers get that typical caffeine "buzz," only to feel sluggish later on, necessitating another jolt. It's an endless cycle. Even more troubling, energy drinks have been linked to a number of hospitalizations, even deaths in recent years. While other factors may be at play in these instances, excessive caffeine consumption is certainly not healthy.

Also, some teens believe that consuming energy drinks is the same as drinking Gatorade or other sports drinks. Not so! Most energy drinks don't contain the electrolytes and other vital elements found in sports beverages. If an athlete downs an "energy drink" in the hope of improving his game, he'll more likely end up dehydrated and sick.

Should you ban your son's energy drinks? Not necessarily, but make sure he's not using them in excess, or as a replacement for a healthy, well-balanced meal, or as a "quick fix" for staying up too late the night before a big test.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.