Q: Our family enjoys laughing together. Sometimes this includes poking fun at each other. Do you think there's a problem with this kind of humor?

Jim: Your family humor dynamics sound like those of the Daly household -- but they're not necessarily for everyone. Everything depends on your distinctive family "culture." Because you are interconnected in ways unlike any other group of people, you take certain things for granted and know things about one another that no one else can know. You have a common language. If it's understood that teasing is part of that, then you probably can't eliminate it without damaging your ability to connect.

Tone and motives are also important factors to consider. Are the jokes and stories designed to hurt or embarrass someone? Or are they meant to express affection and appreciation? The real litmus test should be the reaction of the one who's getting "roasted" and whether or not they think it's funny.

It really boils down to two basic principles. First: Never sacrifice respect for humor. There are jokes that demean and jokes that can preserve the self-esteem of family members. Make sure everyone understands the difference.

Second: Whatever happens, make sure that every person in your family feels that home is a safe place to be. If humor comes across as threatening, communication will cease. This can cause all kinds of negative fallout. In this case, Mom and Dad need to dig deeper and find out what else is going on.

There's an old saying that "many a truth is spoken in jest." But when teasing becomes a way of rubbing salt into open wounds, it's time for people to put all joking aside and to air genuine grievances in open and honest dialogue.

Q: I'm newly married and have been surprised and disturbed by the amount of conflict we've experienced in our relationship. This rarely happened when we were dating. Is something wrong?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: The first thing that's important to understand is that conflict is inevitable and unavoidable in any relationship -- even those of marriage "experts." Conflict isn't always a bad thing. In fact, when handled with a respectful, nonabusive spirit, it can lead to a stronger, more satisfying marriage. If you want to resolve conflicts effectively, commit to confronting issues as soon as they arise. Simply suppressing your differences is not an effective way of dealing with the problem. The longer a disagreement stews, the bigger it becomes.

Once you've initiated a discussion, be sure to communicate your concerns clearly and specifically. Avoid generalizations, ambiguities and absolutes. Using words like "never" or "always" to describe your spouse's undesired behavior are rarely accurate and usually produce a defensive response. Try saying something like, "It frustrates me when you don't take the trash out on Mondays," rather than, "You never do what you say you're going to do."

Along these lines, remember that it's important to use "I" rather than "you" statements. For example, "I feel hurt when you don't follow through," versus "You're so irresponsible." In other words, be careful to attack the problem, not the person.

Stick with the issue at hand and resist the temptation to support your argument by generalizing or following rabbit trails. Work hard to understand your partner's point of view, and be sure to keep your discussion private.

After you've expressed your viewpoints and reached an understanding, share your needs and decide where to go from there. Be willing to ask forgiveness, and always remember that maintaining the relationship is more important than winning the argument. Finding a solution that benefits both spouses lets everybody win.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My husband has been participating in a weekly poker night with his friends. Lately I've become concerned that he's turning into a compulsive gambler. He says I'm worried about nothing. How can I be sure?

Jim: It sounds trite, but your husband may be in denial. Dr. Robert Custer, a trailblazer in the field of gambling addiction treatment, says that denial "means refusing to acknowledge something to oneself, getting oneself to actually believe that there is no danger at all." It's a common mindset among those who struggle with gambling addiction.

Unfortunately, denial can affect the addict's spouse and family, too. They may subconsciously use it as a technique for explaining away, minimizing, or rationalizing destructive behavior.

This being the case, our counseling team recommends that you first take an honest look at yourself. You say you're worried, but is it possible you've been ignoring the obvious for a while now? A gambler's spouse can sometimes remain in a state of denial for years until some dramatic incident suddenly jerks her back to reality.

If, upon reflection, you're convinced that your husband's gambling is compulsive, sit down with him and confront the issue head-on. Has he placed any limits on his gambling activity, either in terms of money wagered or time invested? Depending on the answers to those questions, insist that he consider the possibility that he has a serious problem. Suggest that he seek professional assistance. If he's unwilling to listen, enlist the help of an objective third party -- a pastor, a relative or a male friend who agrees with your assessment. Our counseling department can offer you a free consultation and a referral to qualified help.

Q: My teenage son and his friends are always drinking "energy drinks" like Red Bull and Rockstar. They say it gives them energy and helps them stay awake in school, but I think it's just expensive, glorified soda pop. What do you think?

Bob Waliszsewski, director of Plugged In: You have reason to be suspicious! Energy drinks have become a huge industry, appealing primarily to young people who use them to "keep their edge" amid busy lives that don't include adequate sleep.

True energy, however, comes from a well-balanced diet. Energy drinks simply stimulate the central nervous system and provide a jittery "buzz." Dr. Vijay Roy, a cardiologist with Prairie Cardiovascular Consultants, says, "Some students get up in the morning and take an energy drink with them. Instead of a healthy meal, they are replacing that with fluids that aren't natural in the body."

While some drinks add negligible amounts of vitamins, the big appeal for young people is the caffeine. Some single-serving energy drinks contain the caffeine equivalent of FIVE cans of Coke! Drinkers get that typical caffeine "buzz," only to feel sluggish later on, necessitating another jolt. It's an endless cycle. Even more troubling, energy drinks have been linked to a number of hospitalizations, even deaths in recent years. While other factors may be at play in these instances, excessive caffeine consumption is certainly not healthy.

Also, some teens believe that consuming energy drinks is the same as drinking Gatorade or other sports drinks. Not so! Most energy drinks don't contain the electrolytes and other vital elements found in sports beverages. If an athlete downs an "energy drink" in the hope of improving his game, he'll more likely end up dehydrated and sick.

Should you ban your son's energy drinks? Not necessarily, but make sure he's not using them in excess, or as a replacement for a healthy, well-balanced meal, or as a "quick fix" for staying up too late the night before a big test.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: As a single mother whose kids are approaching puberty, I'm becoming acutely aware of their need for positive male role models. Where can I go to find this kind of input?

Jim: You're right -- this is extremely important! I've been where your kids are now. My father was an alcoholic who abandoned the family when I was very young.

One of the best places you can look for male input is your own extended family. Do your kids have a good relationship with your father? If you believe he's a positive role model, ask your dad if he'd be willing to spend time with them. If he lives nearby, you could arrange for them to spend one weekend a month at their grandparents' house. If grandpa lives far away, send them for an extended stay during school vacations.

Another good resource is your church. Ask the pastor if there's a trustworthy older couple in the congregation who might be willing to act as "surrogate grandparents" for your family.

Other options could include a trusted schoolteacher or coach. You'll need to screen them to ensure they're reputable and that their values align with yours, of course. I had a football coach in high school (my mom had succumbed to cancer years earlier) who took me under his wing and welcomed me into his family. It changed my life!

Q: My son is 17 and has been dating a girl from school for the last year. She is very negative and not a good influence on him. If I say anything, he gets defensive and tells us that he loves her and that is all that matters. I don't want to push him away, but I would like for him to find someone more encouraging. I could use some advice.

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: This is a tough dilemma for many parents. My heart goes out to you!

It's obvious that your concern is for your son's well-being. You love him and you want what is best for him. But is this the message he hears when the subject of his girlfriend comes up? Or does he feel like you're simply attacking her -- and, by extension, him and his choices? It's true that many teens become combative despite their parents' best efforts to broach a controversial subject peacefully. But to the extent you're able, make sure he knows that your concerns are motivated by your love for him, and not out of a desire to control his life.

My colleague, Dr. Greg Smalley, and his father, Dr. Gary Smalley, surveyed 5,000 parents about what they considered to be "fair fighting" between parents and teens. Here are the top 10 answers that emerged from their survey:

-- Listen for understanding.

-- Avoid yelling, verbal threats or abuse.

-- Maintain an honoring, respectful and loving atmosphere.

-- No name-calling.

-- Use open communication.

-- Don't bring in past "garbage."

-- Keep the focus off the person's character.

-- No violence.

-- Avoid accusatory language (e.g., "You never ... You always ...").

-- Make sure only one person talks at a time.

That's a pretty good list. You might want to write it down, so the next time this issue arises, make sure that you, your husband and your son all abide by these rules. Remember, too, that your son, like most men, desires respect (which is not the same as agreement) as he assumes more maturity and independence. He'll be more likely to listen if he has the assurance that you respect him, and that you are clearly hearing -- and understanding -- what he's saying.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.