Q: My husband has been participating in a weekly poker night with his friends. Lately I've become concerned that he's turning into a compulsive gambler. He says I'm worried about nothing. How can I be sure?

Jim: It sounds trite, but your husband may be in denial. Dr. Robert Custer, a trailblazer in the field of gambling addiction treatment, says that denial "means refusing to acknowledge something to oneself, getting oneself to actually believe that there is no danger at all." It's a common mindset among those who struggle with gambling addiction.

Unfortunately, denial can affect the addict's spouse and family, too. They may subconsciously use it as a technique for explaining away, minimizing, or rationalizing destructive behavior.

This being the case, our counseling team recommends that you first take an honest look at yourself. You say you're worried, but is it possible you've been ignoring the obvious for a while now? A gambler's spouse can sometimes remain in a state of denial for years until some dramatic incident suddenly jerks her back to reality.

If, upon reflection, you're convinced that your husband's gambling is compulsive, sit down with him and confront the issue head-on. Has he placed any limits on his gambling activity, either in terms of money wagered or time invested? Depending on the answers to those questions, insist that he consider the possibility that he has a serious problem. Suggest that he seek professional assistance. If he's unwilling to listen, enlist the help of an objective third party -- a pastor, a relative or a male friend who agrees with your assessment. Our counseling department can offer you a free consultation and a referral to qualified help.

Q: My teenage son and his friends are always drinking "energy drinks" like Red Bull and Rockstar. They say it gives them energy and helps them stay awake in school, but I think it's just expensive, glorified soda pop. What do you think?

Bob Waliszsewski, director of Plugged In: You have reason to be suspicious! Energy drinks have become a huge industry, appealing primarily to young people who use them to "keep their edge" amid busy lives that don't include adequate sleep.

True energy, however, comes from a well-balanced diet. Energy drinks simply stimulate the central nervous system and provide a jittery "buzz." Dr. Vijay Roy, a cardiologist with Prairie Cardiovascular Consultants, says, "Some students get up in the morning and take an energy drink with them. Instead of a healthy meal, they are replacing that with fluids that aren't natural in the body."

While some drinks add negligible amounts of vitamins, the big appeal for young people is the caffeine. Some single-serving energy drinks contain the caffeine equivalent of FIVE cans of Coke! Drinkers get that typical caffeine "buzz," only to feel sluggish later on, necessitating another jolt. It's an endless cycle. Even more troubling, energy drinks have been linked to a number of hospitalizations, even deaths in recent years. While other factors may be at play in these instances, excessive caffeine consumption is certainly not healthy.

Also, some teens believe that consuming energy drinks is the same as drinking Gatorade or other sports drinks. Not so! Most energy drinks don't contain the electrolytes and other vital elements found in sports beverages. If an athlete downs an "energy drink" in the hope of improving his game, he'll more likely end up dehydrated and sick.

Should you ban your son's energy drinks? Not necessarily, but make sure he's not using them in excess, or as a replacement for a healthy, well-balanced meal, or as a "quick fix" for staying up too late the night before a big test.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: As a single mother whose kids are approaching puberty, I'm becoming acutely aware of their need for positive male role models. Where can I go to find this kind of input?

Jim: You're right -- this is extremely important! I've been where your kids are now. My father was an alcoholic who abandoned the family when I was very young.

One of the best places you can look for male input is your own extended family. Do your kids have a good relationship with your father? If you believe he's a positive role model, ask your dad if he'd be willing to spend time with them. If he lives nearby, you could arrange for them to spend one weekend a month at their grandparents' house. If grandpa lives far away, send them for an extended stay during school vacations.

Another good resource is your church. Ask the pastor if there's a trustworthy older couple in the congregation who might be willing to act as "surrogate grandparents" for your family.

Other options could include a trusted schoolteacher or coach. You'll need to screen them to ensure they're reputable and that their values align with yours, of course. I had a football coach in high school (my mom had succumbed to cancer years earlier) who took me under his wing and welcomed me into his family. It changed my life!

Q: My son is 17 and has been dating a girl from school for the last year. She is very negative and not a good influence on him. If I say anything, he gets defensive and tells us that he loves her and that is all that matters. I don't want to push him away, but I would like for him to find someone more encouraging. I could use some advice.

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: This is a tough dilemma for many parents. My heart goes out to you!

It's obvious that your concern is for your son's well-being. You love him and you want what is best for him. But is this the message he hears when the subject of his girlfriend comes up? Or does he feel like you're simply attacking her -- and, by extension, him and his choices? It's true that many teens become combative despite their parents' best efforts to broach a controversial subject peacefully. But to the extent you're able, make sure he knows that your concerns are motivated by your love for him, and not out of a desire to control his life.

My colleague, Dr. Greg Smalley, and his father, Dr. Gary Smalley, surveyed 5,000 parents about what they considered to be "fair fighting" between parents and teens. Here are the top 10 answers that emerged from their survey:

-- Listen for understanding.

-- Avoid yelling, verbal threats or abuse.

-- Maintain an honoring, respectful and loving atmosphere.

-- No name-calling.

-- Use open communication.

-- Don't bring in past "garbage."

-- Keep the focus off the person's character.

-- No violence.

-- Avoid accusatory language (e.g., "You never ... You always ...").

-- Make sure only one person talks at a time.

That's a pretty good list. You might want to write it down, so the next time this issue arises, make sure that you, your husband and your son all abide by these rules. Remember, too, that your son, like most men, desires respect (which is not the same as agreement) as he assumes more maturity and independence. He'll be more likely to listen if he has the assurance that you respect him, and that you are clearly hearing -- and understanding -- what he's saying.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I'm 19 years old and living with my parents while I attend college close to home. They're having a really hard time in their marriage. I'm trying to be supportive to both of them, but they try to put me in the middle of their arguments. If I don't take a side, then they are angry with me. I feel helpless. How can I help them see how it is affecting me?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. We often hear of the wounds a troubled marriage can inflict on young children, but your experience shows that it can happen to adults as well.

Author Sandi Greene has written about the pain she experienced as a result of her parents' divorce. I'm not suggesting your own parents are destined for divorce, but I think you'll find Sandi's advice helpful.

First, she recommends that you not become isolated. Do you have close friends nearby, or classmates, or a pastor to whom you can talk about your frustrations? Don't endure this situation alone.

Second, don't allow yourself to believe that the problems your parents are experiencing are your fault. You didn't cause them, and it's not your responsibility to fix them.

Third, don't be drawn into taking sides. You can't play referee, and you can't be expected to pit one parent against the other. When they try to draw you into the melee, walk away.

Finally, forgive your parents to the extent possible. It's wrong for them to manipulate you in this way, but try to understand that by drawing you into their arguments, they're attempting to deal with their own pain in an inappropriate manner.

Finally, talk openly and honestly with your parents about the pain this situation has caused. Urge them, as lovingly as possible, to seek counseling. This will help them work through their issues with an objective third party, and relieve you of the burden of trying to be their mediator.

Q: I just found out my wife has been having an emotional affair over the Internet. I'm devastated. She's having a hard time letting this other man go. I want to place some boundaries on her external relationships and gain trust again. How can we rebuild our marriage?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: I'm sorry to hear about this painful situation. Certainly, your wife needs to decide whether she'll commit to you or continue contact with this other man. But until she makes that decision, you need to take care of yourself. Your real fight is to keep your heart open to her. And to do this, you need the support of close friends, a pastor or a counselor. You need to talk about your pain and emotions. These are not "gripe" sessions. Talking with trusted confidants will help you keep your heart open and think through your decisions.

Once own support network is in place, you'll be prepared to ask your wife a direct question: "Are you or are you not willing to work with me to save this marriage?" If she's willing, she has only one choice: to cut off all contact with the other man.

As you grapple with the fallout, make every effort not to give in to the extremes of "all my fault" or "all your fault" thinking. Don't insist on knowing why your wife has been having an affair. Instead, ensure that she's willing to start over.

Most importantly, you and your wife need to seek out an experienced counselor. Contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation with a licensed counselor, as well as a referral to a qualified professional in your area.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.