Q: My husband and I recently married. We both have children from previous marriages. It's hard to be fair and consistent in how we treat all of them. Do you have any ideas on how we can build strong relationships among all of us?

Jim: Congratulations on your marriage! Blending two families can be tough, but it's not impossible.

Ron L. Deal, an expert on blended families, has identified three positive relationship stages that you and your husband should consider:

1) The baby sitter role. Baby sitters have power to manage children only if parents give them power. Your husband should make it clear to his kids that he has granted you the power to manage them, and you should do the same with your kids. For a while, you will simultaneously be the primary parent to your own kids and the "baby sitter" to your husband's. But this arrangement will not work if you have one set of rules for his kids and another for yours.

2) The "uncle/aunt" role. An uncle or aunt is not a full-fledged parent, but carries authority as an extended family member. Stepparents can gradually gain respect that allows children to accept them as extended family members.

3) The "parent" or stepparent role. Eventually, as trust is built, some stepparents gain "parental" status with some children. Younger kids tend to grant stepparents parental status more quickly than adolescents.

For more, read Ron L. Deal's book "The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family" (Bethany House Publishers, 2006). It's essential reading for families in your situation.

Q: My son responds to discipline in a defiant manner. We have come up with clear consequences for certain behaviors. Even though he knows the consequences, when we apply the discipline (e.g., wash the dishes for a week) his anger gets out of control. Do you have any suggestions on how to help him respectfully respond when he has made the choice to disobey?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: The main issue here is not your son's disobedience (you've already established reasonable consequences for that), but his angry and inappropriate outbursts when those consequences are enforced.

Author Shana Schutte suggests that parents not wait until their child becomes too angry to deal with the problem. Think about the last time you were really angry. Was it easy to reason with you? More than likely, the problem was resolved after you had a chance to cool off. In the same way, wait until your son is calm before addressing his anger. In addition, author Lynne Thompson suggests the following:

-- Show respect. Don't participate by calling names or getting physical.

-- Give your child words to express his anger. Say, "I know you are disappointed (or sad, or frustrated)."

-- Set positive limits. Instead of saying, "Don't you throw that toy," say, "After you put the toy on the table, we can talk about this."

-- Avoid power struggles. If your goal is to control, you will teach him to control others.

-- Provide a cooling-off period by reading a book together or going on a walk. Then calmly discuss what happened and make a plan for next time.

-- Finally, help your son find clarity about what is driving his anger. Is it the consequences? Is it guilt about getting caught in certain behaviors? He needs to learn what's in his heart that's driving his anger, not just focus on the surface of his angry actions.

Your son's outbursts might simply represent an attempt on his part to avoid the consequences (e.g., washing the dishes) of his original infraction. Even as you employ techniques to help diffuse his anger, make sure he follows through on washing those dishes!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: We're struggling to get our children to be organized and keep their rooms clean. Do you have any tips that would help?

Jim: As the father of two boys, I know how you feel! Every parent has his or her own method of handling such challenges. It's fair to say that "discipline" isn't usually the best way to deal with a situation like this. As a matter of fact, a hard-nosed approach could prove counterproductive. You could end up transforming thoughtless irresponsibility into premeditated rebellion.

We recommend you take full advantage of "natural consequences." Use masking tape to mark off a boundary at the doors of your kids' rooms, between their personal "messyzone" and the rest of the house. Then say, "Inside the messyzone, you can do as you please. But if you want anything that's been left on the floor outside the messyzone, make sure you pick it up before bedtime. After that, it will be confiscated and placed in quarantine until you have enough money to buy it back. The going price is $1."

If nothing else, this is a good way to reduce clutter in the house. It can also provide you with a handy fund for a family pizza night. The mess inside their rooms will likely disappear when they get tired of it and when they realize you're not going to hound them into doing the job.

If these strategies don't work, consider whether there might be something more serious going on. Our counseling team notes that there can be physical or emotional causes, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), for a child's inability to follow through on simple tasks. In that case, you should see a family counselor who is trained to diagnose and deal with such conditions.

More than likely, your kids are just being kids. Best wishes as you help them take responsibility for keeping their rooms presentable!

Q: How can I find age-appropriate movies for my teens? So many movies are not family-friendly, and the current movie ratings can be misleading.

Bob Waliszsewski, director of Plugged In: I'm glad you asked! And I feel your pain. Here at Focus on the Family, we often hear from parents who feel "sucker punched" when they take their kids to a PG or PG-13 film, only to encounter content that is entirely inappropriate.

That's why nearly 15 years ago we began offering content-oriented reviews online. We believed (and still do) that parents needed more than MPAA ratings. They needed to know for themselves what's actually in a film, so they could make wise choices for their children. As such, our Plugged In website (www.pluggedin.com) can be your one-stop destination for anything playing at your local theater. Each review contains information about a film's overall themes and messages, as well as details about sexuality, crude language, violence, drugs and alcohol. There's also an archive of past reviews of movies that are now on DVD or streaming online. We offer similar evaluations of music, TV shows and video games.

From our website you can also access our blog, Facebook page, podcasts (available via iTunes) and other great tools. My favorite is the Plugged In app for iPhone or Android, which offers the same analysis in the palm of your hand.

I know it sounds like we're tooting our own horn here, but we're convinced this is an essential service for families. Your time and money are limited. Why waste them by attending a movie that ends up assaulting your senses with inappropriate content? We won't tell you whether to go or not (thankfully!), but Plugged In will equip you with the information you need to avoid those pitfalls.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can I stop my child from swearing? I've confronted him about this several times. But the problem only gets worse. What can I do?

Jim: Assuming you don't swear at home yourself, there are many places where he could have picked up this bad habit. The most likely culprits are the media and school. Although you can't shield him from every negative influence, it's important that you regulate his media habits and oversee his social interactions.

Also, our counseling team recommends that you consider his motivations. Why is he using these words, especially in your presence? Is it a symptom of rebellion? An expression of anger? A reaction to feelings of rejection? In that case, it might be wise to ignore the language for a moment and deal with the deeper emotions. Ask him some strategic questions about school, his social life and how he feels about his relationship with you.

Eventually you'll want to make the point that profane language is inappropriate in polite society. (This can be a tough case to make -- sadly, many U.S. presidents have been caught using swear words.) Make it clear that he's expected to clean up his language as long as he's in your home. If he refuses to cooperate, apply appropriate consequences -- for example, the loss of television, computer or video game privileges for a period of time.

Q: My wife and I have wronged each other in many ways over the years. Affairs, lies, you name it. We've forgiven each other and committed to rebuilding our marriage. But how can we restore trust?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of Marriage and Family Formation: First, congratulations on your determination to fight for your marriage. That's an encouraging sign!

When it comes to rebuilding trust, be wary of cliches and pat answers that promise quick solutions. It's taken many years to build the wall of suspicion that now stands at the heart of your relationship. You can't expect to tear it down in a single day. Restoring trust takes time.

This is especially true when the offenses in question were unusually hurtful or if they've been repeated numerous times. When a person has been wounded, it's difficult to trust again unless they can see tangible evidence that things are going to be different in the future. Here are some things that you and your wife need to look for as you seek to rebuild trust:

1) Take personal responsibility for the damage done without shifting blame or adopting evasive tactics.

2) Focus on empathy. Trust is hard to rebuild until your spouse knows that you really "get it" -- that you deeply understand the hurt and pain you've caused. Sympathy is when you feel bad "for" your spouse, but empathy is when you feel bad "with" your spouse. Invite your wife to share how your behavior made her feel, and vice versa. Empathy says, "I accept responsibility for my actions, but more importantly, I care that I hurt you."

3) Come up with a precise and definitive plan designed to prevent further offenses.

4) Commit to seeking counseling. This would include an active resolve to sort through all problematic issues and to make all the necessary changes.

5) Demonstrate patience and forbearance in allowing both of you the time necessary to heal from the hurts you've endured without undue pressure.

When it comes to point No. 4, I hope you'll call Focus for a free consultation with one of our counselors, who can also refer you to a qualified marriage counselor in your area. May God bless you as you seek to restore your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.