Q: How can I stop my child from swearing? I've confronted him about this several times. But the problem only gets worse. What can I do?

Jim: Assuming you don't swear at home yourself, there are many places where he could have picked up this bad habit. The most likely culprits are the media and school. Although you can't shield him from every negative influence, it's important that you regulate his media habits and oversee his social interactions.

Also, our counseling team recommends that you consider his motivations. Why is he using these words, especially in your presence? Is it a symptom of rebellion? An expression of anger? A reaction to feelings of rejection? In that case, it might be wise to ignore the language for a moment and deal with the deeper emotions. Ask him some strategic questions about school, his social life and how he feels about his relationship with you.

Eventually you'll want to make the point that profane language is inappropriate in polite society. (This can be a tough case to make -- sadly, many U.S. presidents have been caught using swear words.) Make it clear that he's expected to clean up his language as long as he's in your home. If he refuses to cooperate, apply appropriate consequences -- for example, the loss of television, computer or video game privileges for a period of time.

Q: My wife and I have wronged each other in many ways over the years. Affairs, lies, you name it. We've forgiven each other and committed to rebuilding our marriage. But how can we restore trust?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of Marriage and Family Formation: First, congratulations on your determination to fight for your marriage. That's an encouraging sign!

When it comes to rebuilding trust, be wary of cliches and pat answers that promise quick solutions. It's taken many years to build the wall of suspicion that now stands at the heart of your relationship. You can't expect to tear it down in a single day. Restoring trust takes time.

This is especially true when the offenses in question were unusually hurtful or if they've been repeated numerous times. When a person has been wounded, it's difficult to trust again unless they can see tangible evidence that things are going to be different in the future. Here are some things that you and your wife need to look for as you seek to rebuild trust:

1) Take personal responsibility for the damage done without shifting blame or adopting evasive tactics.

2) Focus on empathy. Trust is hard to rebuild until your spouse knows that you really "get it" -- that you deeply understand the hurt and pain you've caused. Sympathy is when you feel bad "for" your spouse, but empathy is when you feel bad "with" your spouse. Invite your wife to share how your behavior made her feel, and vice versa. Empathy says, "I accept responsibility for my actions, but more importantly, I care that I hurt you."

3) Come up with a precise and definitive plan designed to prevent further offenses.

4) Commit to seeking counseling. This would include an active resolve to sort through all problematic issues and to make all the necessary changes.

5) Demonstrate patience and forbearance in allowing both of you the time necessary to heal from the hurts you've endured without undue pressure.

When it comes to point No. 4, I hope you'll call Focus for a free consultation with one of our counselors, who can also refer you to a qualified marriage counselor in your area. May God bless you as you seek to restore your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our son won't do his homework! He's smart and capable; he'd just rather play or watch TV. I don't want to see him fall behind in school, so I have to monitor him at every step. What can I do?

Jim: It's hard to say for certain without knowing all the details (such as his age), but this sounds like it might be an opportune time for what Dr. Kevin Leman calls "reality discipline."

This method is less exhausting and more successful than ranting, raving, blaming, pleading, begging or threatening. It helps children learn to think for themselves and to become more responsible through guidance and action-oriented techniques. Dr. Leman says, "Action-oriented discipline is based on the reality that there are times when you have to pull the rug out and let the little buzzards tumble. I mean disciplining your children in such a way that he/she accepts responsibility and learns accountability for his actions."

When it comes to your son and his homework, we'd suggest that you stop "monitoring him at every step." Let him see what happens when he turns in an assignment late, or fails to turn it in at all. He needs to discover that his actions, or in this case, inactions, have consequences. And he needs to understand that you will not always bail him out when he fails to take responsibility.

Your desire to see him not fall behind in school is admirable, but again, you're not doing him any favors by making his homework your burden. A few missed assignments will not doom him for life. In fact, they very well may be just the motivation he needs to start doing his homework.

Q: Our daughter is out of control with her lying. It isn't just big things; she lies about everything. We have taken privileges away and disciplined her, and nothing seems to help. Why does she do this? And is there something we can do to help her understand the deceit behind the lying?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: Virtually every child lies at some point, but some seem to make an art out of it. We're sorry for the stress this has placed on your family.

First, it's important to note that preschool-age children do not fully comprehend the difference between lies and the truth. Parents with young kids need to be sure they understand this difference before lowering the boom.

It sounds like your daughter is old enough to know what she's doing, however. The question you need to ask is, "Why?" Is she lying to avoid unpleasant consequences or to gain an advantage of some sort? Or is she using lying as a means of getting your attention? Dishonesty is never justified, but sit down with her and see if you can ascertain what might be at the root of her behavior. Make sure she understands that it's important for her to always tell you the truth, even when it hurts her to do so.

You mentioned that taking privileges away hasn't helped. But maybe you just need to find out what's important to her. There's no value in barring her from the TV if she's not really that invested in watching TV. When determining consequences for misbehavior, it's important to identify those things that will truly motivate a child to do better.

Finally, be aware of the example you're setting in this regard. The best way to teach honesty is to be honest. If you find yourself taking liberties with the truth, you'll have little authority in preventing your daughter from doing the same.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I lost my arm in a heavy equipment accident recently. I'm not dealing well with it, and I'm concerned about the major adjustments this means not only for me, but also for my family.

Jim: We're so sorry to learn of your injury. You're right: This will mean adjustments for you and your family. But that doesn't mean you can't live life to the fullest.

Our counseling team recommends six things you can do as you learn to live with your "new normal":

-- Educate yourself about your condition.

-- Recognize your limits and learn to say "no."

-- Accept help from others.

-- Build fun into your life.

-- Focus your physical and emotional resources on those things that matter most.

-- Share your gifts and talents with others.

In addition, marriage and family therapist Deborah B. Dunn recommends that married couples facing an injury of this nature find a third party outside of the family who is supportive and encouraging and who can help them process the event. She also recommends being honest with children about the realities of the injury. There's no need to be graphic, but don't try to sugarcoat what has happened.

There are several organizations that can offer you additional encouragement and resources. These include Rest Ministries, Joni and Friends, and Endurance With Jan and Dave Dravecky. In addition, if you think it would be helpful, feel free to contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation with one of our licensed counselors and a referral to a counselor in your area. God bless you and your family!

Q: My husband works hard, and I appreciate that, but he doesn't help out at home. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, and the situation feels unfair (to me and to the children). How can I get him to understand the importance of helping me and of spending time with the kids?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of Marriage and Family Formation: In my years of marriage counseling, I've discovered that emotional word pictures can be powerful tools for getting your message across. An emotional word picture involves using either an object or a story to express your feelings. This simultaneously activates a person's emotions and intellect -- it's a fancy name for an analogy or parable. The key to crafting a potent word picture is identifying things your husband is interested in.

It sounds like you want to communicate several things to him: 1) the importance of helping you with housework, 2) the importance of spending time with the kids, 3) that you feel the situation is "unfair" and 4) that you feel "exhausted."

For the sake of illustration, let's assume that the most pressing issue is the need for him to understand the importance of helping around the house. And again, for illustration, let's say he's interested in fighter planes.

You could say something like this: "Managing the housework makes me feel like I'm a fighter pilot whose jet has been riddled with bullets and can barely fly. But to win the war, we really need my jet flying at full strength. When you help me with the kids and the housework, I feel like you're a dedicated ground crew, working overtime to bring me back to full strength and getting me ready to soar into battle again. It makes me feel like we're a team and that you value me enough to help me recover from battle. I need my excellent ground crew because I can't fight without you."

Of course, your illustration may be different depending on your husband's interests. It may seem far-fetched, but I've seen it work time and again -- emotional word pictures can help get your message across!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.