Q: I want to do something special for my wife for Valentine's Day beyond the usual dinner and flowers, but I'm at a loss. Do you have any ideas?

Jim: Don't underestimate the power of dinner and flowers! Many wives would love to be shown that much attention on Valentine's Day. Just be sure that she knows your gift comes from the heart, and is not just a holiday obligation.

You also might consider turning a Valentine's Day date into the gift that keeps on giving. Focus on the Family's resident marriage expert, Dr. Greg Smalley (a frequent contributor to this column), has cited a wealth of research showing that married couples who engage in regular date nights enjoy a stronger bond. Maybe this year, Valentine's Day could signal the start of a commitment to begin intentionally dating your wife on a regular basis.

Certainly, with careers, kids and other obligations, it can be tough to find the time for regular date nights. But the benefits of making it happen are well documented. Many couples have committed to going on a date at least once a month for a year. I'm guessing a commitment of this nature is a present your wife would appreciate even more than chocolates or flowers. For more information, go to www.focusonthefamily.com/datenight.

Q: My husband and I both used drugs before we were married. We were able to conquer our habit together several years ago. Recently, he confessed that he has been using recreational drugs on occasion to deal with stress and depression. Because he has kept this from me and because he is using again, it has put a huge strain on our marriage. I am becoming very angry and don't know how to help my husband or deal with my emotions. What should we do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of Marriage and Family Formation: We're sorry to learn of your husband's relapse. Obviously, there are two critical factors to consider here: 1) the drug use itself and 2) the damage his behavior has done to your marital relationship.

When it comes to the drug use, your husband needs to enroll in a treatment program immediately. I take it as a good sign that he confessed his behavior to you, rather than you "catching him in the act." This suggests that he feels remorse for his decisions and, hopefully, wants to seek help. We would recommend a comprehensive treatment program called Thriving: Recover Your Life (www.thrivingrecovery.org).

It's also critical that you and your husband work together to address the fallout in your marriage as a result of broken trust. All too often, once a problem is exposed and the negative activity has been brought to a halt -- whether it be drug use, adultery, gambling or something else -- many people tell themselves that all is well. But in reality, very little healing can occur unless the root issues behind your husband's drug use are found and treated. A paradigm shift has to take place at the heart of your marriage. Without that shift, you can become hopelessly trapped in an ongoing pattern of grief, anger or depression.

Here again, it's important that you and your husband enlist outside help. You need to find a qualified marriage counselor who can help you both work together to build trust. Seeking counseling isn't an admission of defeat; rather, it's a bold proclamation that you're both willing to do whatever it takes to heal and to help your marriage thrive. Contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation with a counselor, as well as a referral to qualified professionals in your area.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I'm a single mother of two teenagers. This past year, I have been struggling financially. I am working full-time and part-time jobs and can barely make my monthly expenses. My sons have birthdays coming up, but I just can't see how I can afford the things on their wish lists. How can I help them have happy birthdays this year without all the presents?

Jim: There's no doubt about it: Times are tough. Your question moves me because it reminds me of my own mom. Like you, she was single, and she had to sacrifice and scrape just to put food on the table for me and my four siblings.

When it comes to their impending birthdays, I'd recommend sitting your sons down and explaining the situation honestly. Let them know that there just isn't money in the budget for big-ticket items this year. Offer some budget-friendly alternatives. They're old enough to not have the same sense of entitlement that a toddler would have. Your love for them and your desire to give them a happy birthday will likely mean more than any present.

In the long term, Brenda Armstrong, president of Mercy Tree, a ministry to single parents, offers some solid advice for those in your situation:

-- Set goals. Write down everything relating to your finances, from income and spending to debts, and create a plan for achieving them. When a child asks about an unplanned purchase, say, "It's not that we don't have enough money, it's that the item doesn't fit with our goals right now."

-- Involve your kids in creative ways to save money. Sell unneeded stuff on eBay, have a movie night at home and so on.

-- Get out of debt. If at all possible, get rid of credit cards.

-- Find support. Network with other single parents in your church or workplace.

For more, check out Brenda's book "Financial Relief for Single Parents: A Proven Plan for Achieving the Seemingly Impossible."

Q: Our 9-year-old grandson is a great boy, but has a problem with anger. He begins to wrestle in fun with his siblings and then something triggers in him and he becomes extremely angry. As he gets older, it seems to get worse. Is there something you would recommend to help him control his anger?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: It's encouraging see grandparents so interested in their grandkids' character development. Your grandson's mom and dad bear the primary responsibility for helping him manage his anger, but there are steps you can take as well.

Author Lynne Thompson has written about "Anger Busters for Kids." See if you can incorporate some of the following suggestions into your interactions with your grandson:

-- Model anger management. Don't respond to his angry outbursts with angry outbursts of your own.

-- Show respect. Don't participate by calling names or getting physical.

-- Give him words to express his anger, such as, "I know you are disappointed ... or sad ... or frustrated."

-- Identify with his pain: "I remember when I didn't get to go to a party ..."

-- Set positive limits. Instead of saying, "Don't you throw that toy," say, "After you put the toy on the table, we can go have a snack."

-- Redirect energy bursts that often come with anger. Encourage positive outlets like running, jumping or painting.

-- Avoid power struggles. If your goal is to control, you will teach him to control others.

-- Provide a cooling-off period by reading a book together or going on a walk. Then calmly discuss what happened and make a plan for next time.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: We are the parents of two teens and we have Internet filters for our home computers. My concern is that our teenagers are now using iPods to access the Internet. Is there anything we can do to protect them from the things they should not be accessing on these types of devices?

Jim: With technology advancing so rapidly, it's tough to keep tabs on your kids' online activity. And you're right -- most kids consume online content through their mobile devices now. The idea of using the home computer to go online is so 2005!

Focus on the Family has partnered with Net Nanny to provide Internet filtering options for parents. In addition to offering filtering software for Windows and Mac users, Net Nanny offers filtering software for Android devices, including the Kindle Fire. Filtering software for iOS devices (such as the iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch, etc.) is currently in development, as well. For more information, go to www.focusonthefamily.com/netnanny. You can also find additional information on our Family Safety Resources page at www.focusonthefamily.com/safety. Best wishes to you as you endeavor to keep your kids safe on the digital frontier!

Q: We just found out that our 10-year-old daughter has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She started taking medication after being evaluated by her doctor. I have noticed she is more focused on her work and is doing better in school, but her attitude is more negative and she isn't as happy as before. How can we help her have a more positive attitude and be happier?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: It's possible that her mood swings are the result of the medication. If the behavior continues, you should consult with your doctor and ask whether your daughter's prescription might be the issue and what the best course of action would be.

There are also some practical steps you can take to help your daughter deal with the emotional challenges of her ADHD. Here are a few, adapted from Dr. Domeena C. Renshaw's book "The Hyperactive Child:"

-- Be consistent in rules and discipline.

-- Keep your own voice quiet and slow. Anger is normal. Anger can be controlled. Anger does not mean you do not love your child.

-- Try to keep your emotions cool by bracing for expected turmoil. Recognize and respond to any positive behavior, however small.

-- Avoid using ceaselessly negative words like "stop," "don't" and "no."

-- Do one thing at a time. Multiple stimuli will prevent her from focusing on her primary task.

-- If angry outbursts are a problem, learn to read her pre-explosive warning signals. Quietly intervene to avoid explosions by distracting her or discussing the conflict calmly.

-- Share your successful tips with her teacher. Strategies for helping your hyperactive child are as important to her as diet and insulin are to a diabetic child.

As you have undoubtedly discovered, successful management of ADHD involves a range of options. So first and foremost, after the diagnosis, you must have education. People living with ADHD are usually greatly relieved to learn that they have an identifiable, treatable condition. They are gratified (as are their parents) to learn that they've done nothing wrong. This condition is not caused; you are born with it. It's part of your design and makeup.

For additional guidance, you may want to contact Children and Adults With Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, or CHADD (www.chadd.org), an organization that provides a wealth of evidence-based and trustworthy information for families in your situation. Also, you may want to look for two books: "The Hyperactive Child" by Renshaw (mentioned above) and "Why A.D.H.D. Doesn't Mean Disaster" by Dennis Swanberg, Diane Passno and Walter L. Larimore, M.D. (Both are out of print, but should be easily found on the secondary market.)

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.