Q: We have three children, and we are looking for any advice you can give us on how we should do money allowances in our household.

Jim: Some parents believe in paying a weekly allowance, while others pay their kids for individual chores. Some parents don't pay anything, opting instead to give their children money for purchases based on their overall attitude and helpfulness. There's no one-size-fits-all approach.

Whatever system you adopt, it's important to remember that one of your major goals is to prepare your children to live in the "real world" -- the world of work, taxes, charitable giving and investments. In that world, nobody is going to pay them for making their beds or taking out the trash. Instead, they'll be paid for things like managing a group of employees, tuning up somebody's car or selling a pair of shoes to a demanding customer.

With that in mind, we would suggest that kids perform certain tasks around the house simply because they are part of the family. This might include taking care of their own rooms, picking up their toys, helping prepare meals, washing their own clothes and, yes, even taking out the trash.

On the other hand, you might pay your kids for chores that demand more time and energy -- contributions to the life of the household that go beyond the call of duty. This might include mowing the lawn, washing the car or, in the case of a responsible teenager, baby-sitting younger siblings for an entire Saturday afternoon.

Whether it's a regular responsibility or a chore that earns a "paycheck," it's important to communicate clearly what you're looking for in terms of the timeframe and the level of quality you expect.

Q: What do you do when your spouse is unwilling to compromise or discuss issues that you don't agree on in your marriage?

Jim: Compromise can be a challenge in any marriage! I'm going to let Dr. Greg Smalley, Focus on the Family's executive director of Marriage and Family Formation, tackle this one.

Greg: The key is to dig down below the surface issue to what is actually driving both spouses' feelings of hurt. Instead of getting stuck arguing about a specific issue (money, sex, kids, work, etc.) or what each partner is doing wrong, use the opportunity to discuss what is really going on deep inside of you.

What drives hurt and frustration in marriage? Buttons. Whenever someone says something that hurts you or makes you mad, it pushes your buttons. Common buttons include feeling rejected, abandoned, helpless, inadequate, unloved, worthless or unimportant. All of these buttons are ultimately rooted in fear. When someone pushes your fear button, you tend to react with unhealthy words or actions calculated to motivate the other person to change and give you what you want. For example, if you fear being a failure, you want to feel successful. If you fear being rejected, you desire to feel accepted. Most of us use unhealthy reactions to deal with our fear, and as a result, we sabotage our relationships.

The key to breaking this cycle is for you and your spouse to first identify your buttons, and then your reactions. Remember, you can either talk about the surface issue, arguing about what the other person does that hurts or frustrates you, or you can talk about what is really driving your hurt and frustration -- your buttons. Don't be afraid to ask an outside party for help with this process, if necessary. Focus on the Family can offer you a free counseling session by phone and also put you in touch with a qualified counselor in your area.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: The TV is always on at our house! I like to do other activities with the kids, but I just can't pull everyone away from the TV. What is the appropriate amount of time to spend watching TV each day, and how can I get my family interested in other activities?

Jim: The solution to your dilemma can be summed up in three words: Turn it off! Countless studies testify to the detrimental effects of too much TV exposure, especially on children. It places them at higher risk for obesity, smoking, learning difficulties and being bullied. I could go on ...

And I will! There's also the issue of content. Whether through advertising or depictions of sex and violence, it's likely your children are receiving messages that you don't want them to hear.

Television isn't inherently evil, of course, and I'm not suggesting that you make your kids quit "cold turkey" (although many families, including my own, have made their homes largely TV-free, with no regrets). Considering the steady diet to which they've become accustomed, your children will likely balk at the thought of curtailing their TV intake.

Your family can go outside. In the warmer months, your family can play miniature golf or visit the local swimming pool. You can get involved in charity work as a family.

Your kids will likely relish the opportunity to engage in physical activity as a family and will thank you in the long run.

Q: My father died this year, and our young son has been asking questions. He wants to know where Grandpa has gone and whether he's become a "guardian angel." What's the best way to talk about death with a child?

Jim: There's no one better qualified to answer this question than Focus on the Family's executive director of parenting and youth, Leon Wirth.

Leon: We'd encourage you to be open with your son about his grandfather's passing. Death is a part of life, and it's important for children to understand that. So be honest when you talk about it. Say, "Grandpa died," not, "He's gone away," or, "He went to sleep." These phrases can lead to confusion and might even cause your son to wonder if he'll die when he goes to sleep!

Look for teachable moments and opportunities to talk about what has happened. Parents often avoid this subject to protect their kids, but we can use everyday occurrences -- wilting flowers, changing seasons, even the death of a pet -- to help them understand the reality. Perhaps most importantly, remember that when a death occurs, our kids will take their cues from us and react in great part based on how we react.

Also, help your son feel comfortable sharing his feelings. Let him know that you miss Grandpa, too, and that it's OK to feel sad when we lose a loved one. Part of this process might involve recalling good memories of special times with Grandpa. Look through photo albums and tell fun stories from the past.

Be sure to use age-appropriate language. Most young children don't have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts such as death and eternity. Depending on his age, there's a chance your son will not fully understand what has happened to his Grandpa and won't be able to appreciate the permanence of death. So keep the discussion simple, geared to your son's level of maturity and insight.

For more on helping your son process this time of grieving, seek out a copy of H. Norman Wright's book, "It's Okay to Cry: A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Through the Losses of Life" (WaterBrook Press, 2004). It includes a number of practical suggestions for helping kids cope with the death of a loved one.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How do I train my 2-year-old to clean up after herself? She'll go into her sisters' room and destroy it and won't help clean up unless I threaten to punish her. Then she only picks up a couple of things before getting distracted. Frankly, it's easier for me to clean it up myself. My older girls complain that they have to clean up, but their little sister doesn't. I know this isn't fair, but what else do I do?

Juli: As any parent knows, the most challenging task of raising a toddler is setting boundaries. It is important to teach your daughter that she has to clean up the messes that she makes, but that might be an impossible task if the messes are too big. Part of teaching your 2-year-old responsibility is not allowing her to get into trouble or messes that are too big for her to clean up.

To start with, limit her play areas. If she's going to trash her sisters' room, then make that room off-limits. Keep play areas to her own room or a family room. Even in those areas, limit the number of toys she has access to at a given time. She can choose to play with the dollhouse or the blocks, but not have access to every toy in the house. Consistently ask her to clean those up immediately before she moves on to the next thing.

What she's capable of handling is going to grow with time. The lesson of cleaning up a few toys will transfer to greater responsibility in years to come. Resist that temptation to swoop in and clean up for her. The extra time and effort now will be well worth it as your daughter grows.

Q: I was astonished to read how much childhood obesity is increasing. Do you have any suggestions for parents who want to help their kids avoid this health nightmare?

Jim: Rather than focusing on the obvious, like eating well-balanced meals and keeping junk food to a minimum, let's look at something that Moms and Dads might tend to overlook: snack time. Every situation is different, but research suggests that on the whole, many children are simply snacking too much.

Health Affairs reports that kids are taking in significantly more calories from snack foods today than they did in the 1970s. Other statistics show that half of American children snack four times a day, with some kids eating almost constantly -- as many as 10 snacks a day! It's not likely that these kids are hungry that often. Researchers believe they're simply eating the food because it's there, almost as a form of entertainment. Obviously, when kids spend so much time snacking, they're less likely to eat a balanced meal at breakfast, lunch or dinner.

The snacks themselves are a problem, as well. Cookies and cakes are the most popular snacks among kids, with chips and other salty items running a close second. Children are also drinking a lot more fruit juice. That might sound good on the surface, but most of these drinks are loaded with excess sugar and are much less healthy than an actual piece of fruit.

An afterschool snack isn't a bad thing. But most people would agree that snacks are no substitute for a healthy and well-balanced meal. And, of course, the snack itself should be nutritious. Parents need to make sure they're setting a good example for their kids in this area. Don't expect your child to be happy with an apple if you're snacking on candy bars and soda!

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)