Q: How do I train my 2-year-old to clean up after herself? She'll go into her sisters' room and destroy it and won't help clean up unless I threaten to punish her. Then she only picks up a couple of things before getting distracted. Frankly, it's easier for me to clean it up myself. My older girls complain that they have to clean up, but their little sister doesn't. I know this isn't fair, but what else do I do?

Juli: As any parent knows, the most challenging task of raising a toddler is setting boundaries. It is important to teach your daughter that she has to clean up the messes that she makes, but that might be an impossible task if the messes are too big. Part of teaching your 2-year-old responsibility is not allowing her to get into trouble or messes that are too big for her to clean up.

To start with, limit her play areas. If she's going to trash her sisters' room, then make that room off-limits. Keep play areas to her own room or a family room. Even in those areas, limit the number of toys she has access to at a given time. She can choose to play with the dollhouse or the blocks, but not have access to every toy in the house. Consistently ask her to clean those up immediately before she moves on to the next thing.

What she's capable of handling is going to grow with time. The lesson of cleaning up a few toys will transfer to greater responsibility in years to come. Resist that temptation to swoop in and clean up for her. The extra time and effort now will be well worth it as your daughter grows.

Q: I was astonished to read how much childhood obesity is increasing. Do you have any suggestions for parents who want to help their kids avoid this health nightmare?

Jim: Rather than focusing on the obvious, like eating well-balanced meals and keeping junk food to a minimum, let's look at something that Moms and Dads might tend to overlook: snack time. Every situation is different, but research suggests that on the whole, many children are simply snacking too much.

Health Affairs reports that kids are taking in significantly more calories from snack foods today than they did in the 1970s. Other statistics show that half of American children snack four times a day, with some kids eating almost constantly -- as many as 10 snacks a day! It's not likely that these kids are hungry that often. Researchers believe they're simply eating the food because it's there, almost as a form of entertainment. Obviously, when kids spend so much time snacking, they're less likely to eat a balanced meal at breakfast, lunch or dinner.

The snacks themselves are a problem, as well. Cookies and cakes are the most popular snacks among kids, with chips and other salty items running a close second. Children are also drinking a lot more fruit juice. That might sound good on the surface, but most of these drinks are loaded with excess sugar and are much less healthy than an actual piece of fruit.

An afterschool snack isn't a bad thing. But most people would agree that snacks are no substitute for a healthy and well-balanced meal. And, of course, the snack itself should be nutritious. Parents need to make sure they're setting a good example for their kids in this area. Don't expect your child to be happy with an apple if you're snacking on candy bars and soda!

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: I often hear about the importance of boosting a child's self-esteem. But how can I accomplish that with my son without making him self-absorbed or self-centered?

Jim: Instilling a sense of self-esteem in children is a critical task for parents. And you're right -- there's a big difference between healthy self-esteem and destructive selfishness. Like you, many moms and dads find themselves asking how to find the right balance.

Dr. Kevin Leman, a frequent Focus on the Family broadcast guest, suggests that parents can cultivate healthy self-esteem in their kids by learning "the A-B-Cs."

The letter A stands for acceptance. We might not always approve of our children's choices or behavior, but we always need to let them know that we love and accept them unconditionally. In other words, you can tell your son that playing video games for six hours a day is unacceptable. But don't give him the impression that he is therefore unacceptable.

The letter B stands for belonging. We can give our kids a sense of belonging by creating a sense of community within the family. It's important that we give our sons and daughters a voice in family decisions when appropriate, that we listen to what they have to say, and that we support them in their activities.

Finally, the letter C stands for competence. We can give our children the gift of competence by allowing them to experience life firsthand. This means we need to avoid being overprotective. And we should fight the urge to do for our kids what they can do for themselves. Even when they make mistakes, they'll be gaining life experience that will boost their sense of self-worth in the long run.

Acceptance, belonging, and confidence ... if we can instill these A-B-Cs in our kids' hearts and minds, we'll be setting them on the road to healthy self-esteem.

Q: Every now and then, my 5-year-old daughter cries (usually when she doesn't get her way) and says things like, "Nobody loves me!" My family has a history of depression and I wonder if my daughter's behavior is normal, or if it is a sign that she is depressed.

Juli: You are wise to be sensitive to signs of depression in your daughter. However, the behavior you are describing sounds like a normal 5-year-old reaction. Children are not as sophisticated in muting their feelings as we are as adults. That's why they are so much fun to be with! Within a 10-minute span, they can experience elation and devastation, feel love and hatred, and think you are both the best mom and the worst mom in the world.

Even so, a 5-year-old can be depressed, and it's good to know what to look for. If your daughter were depressed, her feelings would be less situational. In other words, she would be down, expressing sad feelings even when good things are happening around her. You might also notice changes in appetite and sleep patterns. Depressed children sometimes withdraw, get panicky and lose interest in things they used to enjoy. If you consistently notice these symptoms in your daughter, seek help from a professional counselor or her pediatrician.

You also want to be careful not to overreact when your daughter displays negative emotions throughout the normal course of daily life. If you go overboard with consolation and comfort when she makes statements like, "Nobody loves me!" you may reinforce that behavior. She needs a steady supply of love and affection from you, not just when she is showing negative emotion.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My daughter is in elementary school and is extremely shy. So shy that it is affecting her schoolwork and friendships. What can we do to bring her out of this shell?

Juli: Unfortunately, many kids struggle with shyness. According to Dr. Jerome Kagan, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, about 10 to 15 percent of kids in elementary school are very shy. For some, their shyness is a manifestation of a reserved personality trait. For others, shyness is a symptom of anxiety. The fact that your daughter's grades and friendships are being impacted suggests that she is probably in the latter category.

One of the best ways to combat anxiety is to make the world a more predictable place. You can help your daughter with this by role-playing everyday situations like what to do when you meet someone new or when someone teases you at school. You can also work with her teacher and other school staff to make social interactions at school more predictable.

School can be an overwhelming experience for a young child. Your daughter may begin to develop more self-confidence in social situations by interacting with smaller groups of children outside the school setting. Start by inviting over a potential friend for a play date. It is even better if the friend is a classmate so that the relationship carries over into the classroom environment. You may even want to ask your daughter's teacher for recommendations of what kids in the class would be a good fit for a friend.

If you find that these interventions are not making a difference, it is time to seek help from a qualified professional. Most schools have on-staff counselors who are skilled at handling anxiety-related behavior. Your school or your daughter's pediatrician may also be able to refer you to an expert in your area.

Q: The other day I heard my junior high-aged son and his friend laughing about a classmate who passed out by sniffing an air freshener. I wanted to ask them about it, but I thought they were probably just making up stories. Surely they were joking about this?

Jim: Sadly, this has become an all-too-real phenomenon. Even as illegal drugs continue to plague youth culture, some of the most harmful substances to your kids might be sitting right under your own roof.

In 2010, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration released a study about an increasingly popular youth pastime known as "huffing." This, as you may have surmised from your son's conversation, is when kids attempt to get high by inhaling common household products such as shoe polish, glue and, yes, air fresheners. It sounds absurd, but research shows that more 12-year-olds have used household products to get high than marijuana, cocaine and hallucinogens combined. This is a very real problem.

The use of inhalants can cause a child's heart rate to increase dramatically. In some cases, the end result is cardiac arrest and sudden death. Even for kids who try huffing only once, the risk of serious injury or death is considerable.

I'm not suggesting that you lock up all of your household products. But your son needs to know that this is no laughing matter. As you talk to him about the pitfalls of alcohol abuse and illegal drugs like marijuana, be sure to let him know that "huffing" is a dangerous -- and potentially deadly -- pursuit as well. Help him make smart decisions and stand up to peer pressure. Your active presence in his life is the strongest defense he has against the dead-end road of drug and alcohol abuse.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)