Q: I have just entered into a relationship with a man whom I really love and care for. I have one small but nagging concern about our relationship -- I'm 22 years old and he's almost 40. Is this a problem? Will it be a problem in the future?

Jim: There's nothing inherently wrong with such an arrangement, but there are certainly some things you should consider before going too deep into the relationship.

The first has to do with the basic difference in your life experiences. You're barely beyond college-age; he's approaching midlife and has already spent considerable time in the adult world pursuing a career and having romantic relationships. Under normal circumstances, he will have achieved a greater degree of maturity than you have at this stage in your life. Now, I'm not accusing you of being "immature." And it's quite possible that he's young at heart. But you should honestly consider whether the difference in your levels of life experience will impact your relationship before forging ahead.

In addition, some young women are attracted to older men because they're really looking for a father figure. The men recognize this and end up manipulating or controlling their younger girlfriends. Take a personal inventory and consider whether you view your boyfriend as a peer and partner, or if you're seeking an unmet father-need in your life. If it's the latter, you should put a halt to the relationship in fairness to you both.

I know plenty of happily married couples who have significant age differences between them. But you do need to take these things into account before moving forward.

Q: When I got engaged last week, I got a hostile reaction from my parents, especially my mom. She believes we're "too young," even though we're both in our mid-20s! I'm wondering if this is because of the "empty nest" syndrome -- my mom and I have always been close, and I'm the last of her children to leave the home. We've always been a tight-knit family and this crisis really concerns me. What should I do?

Juli: Even though, in your mind, parents should greet an engagement with a lot of enthusiasm, it's fairly normal for them to have some anxiety, and even hostility. You've already touched on the idea that it will be difficult for your mom to let you go. Your marriage means a huge transition, not only in your relationship with her, but in her own life. Give her time to adjust to the idea of losing you.

Having said that, your parents may also have legitimate concerns about your engagement. Often they can see something that you can't. For example, they may observe that your fiance is controlling or rude. If they're hitting on something that could be true, validate the concern. You could say, "I can see what you're saying. That's why we are going through premarital counseling." This mature attitude will assure your parents that you're going into marriage with your eyes wide open and that you're aware of possible red flags. If your parents continue to harp on the same concerns, remind them that you've already talked about that and considered their advice.

Also, be careful not to put your fiance in the middle of the drama with your parents. Emotions are probably running high on all sides. Don't make decisions or statements that could do lasting damage to the long-term relationships. Your parents will likely come around to supporting your engagement and marriage. In the meantime, reaffirm your love for them, acknowledging that this is a tough time for them.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband and I have three kids from his previous marriage and two from mine. He favors his kids and he accuses me of favoring mine. We fight about it a lot. Please help!

Juli: Playing favorites among children can be an issue in any family, but it's especially difficult in blended families. It's unrealistic to think that you'll have the same feelings of affection and connection with stepchildren as you do with your biological children, particularly early in the "blending" process.

To the extent that you and your husband are divided on this issue, the problem will grow worse. You'll begin to view his children as causing division and he'll feel the same way about yours. It's critical that you begin to work as a team, learning to love and understand all the children. Sometimes a forced role reversal can help. For example, you might focus on praising his children and he focus on praising yours.

Your feelings do not have to determine your behavior. You may feel more connected to your kids, but that doesn't mean you're destined to act out those feelings through favoritism. Part of maturity is learning to act on principle rather than always responding to emotion. It might be helpful for you and your husband to write out principles that you want to guide your parenting. For example, "Every child in our family is worthy of love," or, "Every child in our family deserves to be heard and understood."

Working through the complications of step-parenting takes a lot of effort and determination. But the results will be worth it. For more tips on how to blend your families together, visit www.smartstepfamilies.com.

Q: My wife and I sent our last child off to college this fall. I'm worried that we won't be able to reconnect now that the kids are out of the house. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: You've invested many years together as partners in parenting. But it's probably been a while since you and your wife have been able to relate to each another as best friends. Author Alyson Weasley has developed a list of 10 suggestions to help make this happen.

1) Recognize that friendship takes a lot of work -- and time. Even without the kids at home, you'll still lead busy lives. Establish a few hours each week to spend quality time together.

2) Find out what your spouse is passionate about, whether it's theater or sports or gardening. Then join her in it, even if it's not your cup of tea.

3) Find some things that you and your spouse both enjoy, as well.

4) Use conflict to sharpen and purify your friendship. Honest disagreement is essential for healthy communication.

5) Care for one another. You'd put an arm around a childhood friend during tough times. Do the same for your spouse!

6) Be accountable and honest about your own hang-ups and struggles. Don't hide them from your spouse.

7) Establish daily habits together. Pray or take a walk. Just a few minutes of uninterrupted time with the one you love can work wonders.

8) Affirm one another every day. Make an effort to highlight your spouse's strengths.

9) Be transparent. If you're feeling angry or sad or depressed, don't be afraid to say so.

10) Communicate, communicate, communicate! Relationship experts agree that regular communication between spouses can build a friendship that weathers the storms of life.

Maintaining marital friendship takes a lot of work, but it's worth the effort. It will help you and your wife develop deeper intimacy as you move into the "empty nest" years.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: We recently discovered that our teenage son is using drugs. In fact, it looks like he's in the throes of a full-blown addiction. How can we help him?

Jim: I'm sorry to learn of your son's addiction. In dealing with situations of this nature, Focus on the Family's counseling team recommends keeping the following principles in mind: First, don't deny or ignore the problem. If you do, it's likely to get worse. Second, don't succumb to false guilt. Most parents assume a great deal of self-blame when an addiction surfaces in their home. Third, don't expect quick-fix solutions. Remember that there will be no complete healing until your son learns to assume responsibility for his own actions. This could be a long process.

We suggest that you seek professional counseling for your son, and we highly recommend that you do this together as a family. The most successful treatment programs take a family-systems approach that involves intensive evaluation and a series of counseling sessions offered in an environment of community and accountability. Contact Focus on the Family for referrals to programs of this nature, or a list of qualified therapists in your area who specialize in treating drug addiction.

During this process, you may need to present your son with a number of options, including entering an inpatient drug-treatment center, a halfway house, a boot-camp program or youth home, or staying with a relative who is willing to accept him for a defined period of time. More extreme possibilities may include making your child a ward of the court or even turning him over to the police if he has been involved in criminal activity. If you shield him from the consequences of his behavior or bail him out when his drug abuse gets him into trouble, he will not be motivated to change.

May God guide you as you endeavor to walk with your son on the road to healing!

Q: My 14-year-old daughter spends hours and hours in her room. When she comes home from school, I ask her questions about her day, but she just gives one-word answers. How do I connect with her without badgering her?

Juli: First of all, your experience is pretty common. Many affectionate, chatty 10-year-olds turn into reclusive teens with no apparent explanation, other than hormones and peer pressure.

As you are realizing, you can't connect with your daughter in the same ways that you used to. However, that doesn't mean that she no longer needs you. In fact, teens are desperate to know their parents' unconditional love and support. Here are a few ways you can stay connected to your daughter through the changes of adolescence.

Let her know that you are always there to talk, and then back up that promise. Be available when she is ready to talk. A time will come when your daughter will need to talk, cry and even ask for your advice. Most likely, it will be at an inconvenient time for you (like at 2 a.m. or in the middle of the workday). Drop everything and just be there for her.

Spend time with your daughter without asking somewhat complicated questions like, "How are you doing?" Driving her to activities, shopping together or just listening to her music tells her that you are invested and interested.

Find ways to show that you care about her and you love her. That might be placing a note on her pillow that says, "I love you," or putting a special little gift in her backpack every now and then.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)