Q: We were overjoyed when our daughter was born, but since that time my wife has slipped into a pit of depression. She's uncommunicative and completely uninterested in romance. This is taking a toll on our marriage. Help!

Jim: Between 50 and 80 percent of new moms experience a temporary emotional slump, popularly known as "baby blues." Another 10 percent suffer from a more severe condition known as postpartum depression. In view of the intense physical and psychological changes that accompany the birth of a baby, these figures are not surprising.

The postpartum blues usually develop during the first week after delivery. Symptoms can include irritability, tearfulness, anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite and difficulty concentrating. While this slump typically resolves itself within a couple of weeks, it should not be met with an attitude of "ignore it and it will go away." Your wife needs your emotional support and practical assistance during this time.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is more serious, and can last for months. A mother with PPD may be so intensely depressed that she has difficulty caring for her baby. If symptoms continue for more than two weeks, seek professional help. Treatment might involve counseling, the use of antidepressants or both. If your wife is breastfeeding, input from the baby's doctor will be needed before initiating drug therapy.

Meanwhile, assist your wife in practical ways during this difficult time. Even though you're tired after a long day of work, put her concerns ahead of your own. Help with the household chores, and ask her what she needs from you to get through this period. Don't expect any sexual response if she's exhausted and depressed and you haven't done much to help. This situation will get better, but you'll need extra doses of patience, delicacy and understanding in the meantime.

Q: In the past year, my wife has started seeing a counselor to deal with memories of childhood sexual abuse. I want to be supportive of her, but I wish I could just have my old wife back. It's like she's falling apart. I'm not sure how to help.

Juli: I am so sorry for what you and your wife are walking through. It is quite common for memories and the trauma of childhood abuse to resurface in adulthood, particularly when a woman becomes a mom.

Although it seems like your wife is falling apart, working through the trauma of the past is a necessary step to maturity and healing. Many adults spend their entire lives finding ways to hide from deep pain. They may become addicted to alcohol, control or spending money and will try to keep the voices from the past silent.

I understand that your wife's healing is disruptive to your life and probably even a bit frightening. Remember that her step toward dealing with the pain from her past is a courageous one and will eventually result in strength and confidence.

Because emotional wounds are not visible, it is easy to assume that they don't need to be addressed. However, your wife's pain is as legitimate as physical pain. Think of her "healing journey" as similar to going through chemotherapy for cancer. It is painful and apparently damaging, but it also temporary and has the purpose to bring health and life.

You have an important role in helping your wife get through some deep waters. Although you don't have to be involved in all of the details, it is key for you to understand the process of healing. It may help you to meet with her counselor periodically. Most importantly, your unconditional love and support are critical.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband works with a lot of women. I'm OK with this, but I don't like the fact that he texts them all the time, even in the evening. When I asked him about it, he said that I was being paranoid and that it is just part of his work. What do you think?

Juli: Most likely, your husband's texting is innocent and work-related. However, I think it is legitimate to be concerned for a few reasons.

First of all, most affairs begin with innocent communication between friends or co-workers. People don't set out to get entangled in an inappropriate relationship. They just evolve into that over time as sharing becomes more comfortable. For that reason, it is wise to keep clear boundaries and accountability with opposite-gender co-workers.

Secondly, texting is a very private and impulsive form of communication. It is much easier to text something that crosses a line than to make that same comment in front of other people at work. Texting histories are easily erased, eliminating the accountability of email, for example.

Ask your husband if he would be willing to communicate with co-workers only during work hours or through email, simply as a safeguard for your marriage. He is likely to hear these concerns as an accusation that you don't trust him. It is important for him to know that you are not accusing him of anything, but just guarding your marriage against even the possibility of a temptation in the future.

Q: My stepdaughter resists my attempts at friendship, to the point that she sometimes screams, "You're not my dad!" I know having a blended family is tough, but I really want to make it work. What can I do?

Jim: You're absolutely right -- having a blended family can be incredibly hard because of the unique challenges they face. It's difficult to comment without knowing specifics, but there are many reasons a child might react strongly to a new parent.

Focus on the Family's counseling team, which deals with this issue frequently, suggests that the problem might be rooted in unspoken signals emanating from your relationship with your new spouse. If the biological parent fails to give the stepparent an explicit endorsement of authority, the child may feel that she has no reason to recognize the stepparent as a full-fledged guardian with all the rights and responsibilities of parenthood. If that's the case in your situation, your wife needs to take the initiative by setting the ground rules for your stepdaughter and affirming your authority.

On the other hand, it's easy for an enthusiastic stepdad to come on too strong in expressing his excitement about the new family. This can be confusing -- even threatening -- to a child. When that happens, the stepparent needs to step back and let the relationship develop at the child's pace. In other words, find ways to operate at your stepdaughter's comfort level. When you sense bitterness or resentment, don't force the issue. Just make it clear that you're ready to listen when she decides to express her emotions in a respectful manner. If the hurtful words persist, it may be time to seek help from an objective third party. Contact Focus on the Family for a referral to a licensed counselor in your area.

Being a stepparent takes patience, determination and lots of love. If you're persistent, your efforts will eventually bear fruit. For more help in this area, we recommend that you seek out Ron Deal's excellent book "The Smart Stepfamily" (Bethany House Publishers, 2002). It contains a wealth of practical advice for parents in your situation.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband was recently deployed to Afghanistan. Just before he left, I discovered that he was having an affair. I want to try to repair the damage to our relationship, but it's difficult to communicate with him now that he's overseas. What can I do?

Jim: I'm sorry to learn of your terrible predicament. Infidelity deals a terrible blow to any marriage, and this period of separation adds another layer of difficulty.

Until your husband returns, there isn't much you can do to deal with this directly. But Focus on the Family's counseling team recommends some proactive steps you can take in his absence.

First, a vital part of the healing process can be found in consultation with a counselor. Contact Focus on the Family for an initial consultation, as well as help in locating a licensed counselor in your area with whom you can discuss your hurt and disappointment. When your husband returns, get involved in joint counseling as soon as possible.

Second, while your husband's deployment lasts, stay in touch with him to the best of your ability. You don't need to address his infidelity in your letters or emails -- in fact, military experts advise against this because on-base disclosures can affect security. Instead, supply him with detailed information about you and your kids (if you have any). Keep the lines of communication open even when he doesn't respond in kind. This will remind him of your love and commitment to the marriage until he returns.

Once he comes home, you'll have the opportunity to talk face-to-face about the affair and to discuss the future of your marriage. May God grant you grace during this trying time!

Q: My husband and I have two small children. We don't want them to be in day care, but we can't agree about who should stay home with them. I always assumed that I would be home with my kids, but my job pays more than my husband's. How do we resolve this?

Juli: First of all, I applaud your desire to be home with your children. While some parents don't have a choice about childcare, it's wonderful when parents are able to be with their young children during the day.

Thirty years ago, this question was a no-brainer. Practically everyone thought that mom should stay home and dad should bring in the paycheck. Now, there are many different opinions. Stay-at-home dads are on the rise, and many couples are finding ways to co-parent, with both mom and dad taking less demanding jobs so that each can contribute substantially to parenting.

The key issue is that you agree with the plan you decide upon. While finances are important to consider, they should be low on the list compared to unity. I'd encourage you as a couple to wrestle through two important questions:

First, "What is best for the kids?" Normally (but not always), moms are better equipped to handle the day-to-day interactions with young children. A woman's body is designed to nurse, and her hormones are geared toward nurturing and greater patience.

Second, "What is best for our marriage?" In some families where dad stays at home, his wife may feel resentful that she's not able to be at home with her kids and has to take on the financial burden for the family. Likewise, the husband's confidence may take a hit when he's not providing financially. Don't ignore these underlying basic drives as you make your decision.

I know my answer isn't exactly politically correct. However, when making important decisions for your family, look beyond what's trendy and consider what you might possibly regret 10 years from now.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)