Q: I'm a stay-at-home mom with four children under the age of 7. I love my kids and would do anything for them. But sometimes, I just lose it. I can't handle all of the noise and the constant demands. I feel so guilty for losing my temper!

Juli: You just exposed the greatest secret of most young moms: They get overwhelmed, they yell and then they feel guilty. Please know that you are not alone.

Being home all day with little ones is a demanding and thankless job. Even the most devoted mom can slip into anger and depression as the laundry piles up, the kids are vomiting and the cries for "Mommy!" fill the house. The stress of motherhood becomes more pronounced if you're isolated.

To do any worthwhile job well, including motherhood, you need regular breaks and things in your life that replenish you. This means you need to make time for outlets that reduce stress like exercise, friendship, hobbies and romance with your husband. A great first step is to join a local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group just to have time with other moms who can completely relate to your life. They even offer childcare during the meetings!

You also need to recognize when your anger and frustration are being triggered. Give yourself a time-out. Taking five minutes to calm down, get perspective and form a game plan can keep you from losing your temper.

You may also want to check out Julie Ann Barnhill's book "She's Gonna Blow! Real Help for Moms Dealing With Anger." You'll find practical suggestions from a mom who has walked in your shoes.

I respect your commitment to be home with your children and your desire to be a great mom. Don't lose sight of all of the wonderful ways you're investing in your kids.

Jim: This critical time, when it appears a proposal is imminent, is the perfect opportunity to explore pre-engagement counseling. While many couples seek out a counselor once they're already engaged and making wedding plans, we believe there are many reasons to start that process before the engagement is official. My wife, Jean, and I did this, and it was an important step for us.

Consider this: Engaged couples are far less inclined to take an in-depth, honest look at their relationship. In many cases they've already purchased the rings, reserved the church, sent out invitations and hired a photographer. There's also the social stigma of breaking off an engagement. For all these reasons, engaged couples have a vested interest in ignoring one another's flaws and overlooking potential rough spots in their relationship. They're already committed to moving forward. In many cases this can lead to problems later.

Therefore, we'd recommend that you and your boyfriend find a good marriage-and-family therapist and set up a series of sessions now. The process should include a personality test such as the PREPARE/ENRICH Premarital Inventory. Contact Focus on the Family (focusonthefamily.com) for help in finding a counselor in your area.

Yes, this process will require an investment of time and money. But hopefully you and your boyfriend will agree that it's worth it in order to make sure your relationship is really marriage material. It's much easier and a lot less expensive than going through a divorce later. Best wishes to you!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: I recently discovered that my wife has connected with an old flame through Facebook. She keeps telling me it's not a big deal, but I think it is. Do I have a right to be angry and to tell her not to talk to this guy?

Juli: This has become one of those gray areas that aren't exactly seen as "cheating." As innocent as it may seem to reconnect with a high school sweetheart, it's a recipe for disaster and it can devastate trust in marriage.

The deeper motivation behind connecting with someone from the past is to flirt with the question, "What if?" It's the stuff romantic comedies are made of. What if I had chosen differently? Would my life be any better?

I certainly believe you should be alarmed. You have the right to defend your marriage and to have a "healthy jealousy" for your wife. However, instead of getting angry, you may garner her attention more readily by expressing your hurt and concern for your marriage. If you react in anger and demand that she break off communication with her old boyfriend, she's likely to feel controlled or threatened. Even if you succeed in convincing her to sever ties, you haven't really addressed your marriage problem.

The real issues are trust and fidelity. Her rekindling an old flame opens a door that can easily lead to an emotional or sexual affair. Even if it never develops past playful banter, it can undermine intimacy and confidence in your marriage. What cracks are there in your relationship that might be prompting the "What if?" in her mind?

Instead of reacting emotionally, view this incident as you would the "check engine" light on your dashboard. The light isn't the problem. It's just a warning that something far more threatening may be developing.

Jim: It's encouraging to know that your daughter isn't doing anything inappropriate during those late nights, but that's always a risk, even for compliant teens. Even if they don't go looking for trouble online, trouble may find them, in the form of a predator or an offensive link. So remain vigilant.

Regardless of her activity online, you have reason to be concerned about the hours your daughter's keeping. A study of 20,000 youths in the journal Sleep found that those who slept fewer than five hours a night were three times more likely to become psychologically troubled in the next year. And much of that lack of sleep can be attributed to late nights on the computer, instant messaging, gaming and Facebook.

Less sleep was also associated with longer-term mental health problems, especially depression, later in life. Researchers think a lack of sleep may explain a rise in mental illness among young people in recent decades. The teenage years can be full of anxiety already. If you add sleep deprivation to the mix, the results can be disastrous. Some experts believe that this combination can even contribute to major depression and bipolar disorder long after adolescence is over.

The most straightforward solution is to place limits on your daughter's computer time. Make sure she's getting plenty of sleep every night. Let her know that, for her own sake, using the computer into the early morning hours isn't permissible. The same goes for smartphones and other devices. She may be surprised at how much better she feels!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband just returned from his first deployment to Afghanistan. We're both feeling a bit intimidated by one another after a year apart. How do we deal with this?

Jim: Military families face challenges that those of us in the general population don't have to experience. Thanks to your husband for his service to our country and to you for supporting him in that role.

Author Erin Prater has developed a list of tips for couples who are struggling to "reconnect" after a deployment. Here are a few:

1) While it may be tempting to plan a surprise homecoming party or family get-together, such celebrations may overwhelm your spouse. Ask him how he'd like to celebrate.

2) Remember the good old days of dating when the two of you remained engrossed in communication for hours? Enjoy frequent conversation, and relearn his temperament, preferences and quirks.

3) Laughter really is the best medicine during stressful times. Read the Sunday comics together or watch a funny movie. Don't be afraid to act silly around each other; it's a fun way to develop intimacy.

4) Offer a back scratch or massage when your husband has a hard time sleeping, but make sure he knows you don't expect one back.

5) Be available to watch movies or news reports about the conflict in Afghanistan. It's never wise to force a service member to watch such material, but a spouse who is otherwise unwilling (or possibly unable) to talk about difficult experiences might find it easier to express while viewing footage.

6) Find others you can help as a team. Spend time with the child of a deployed soldier, or bring cookies to war veterans. You'll find yourselves naturally refocused when working together to benefit others.

You can find Erin's full list of tips for reconnecting after deployment at focusonthefamily.com.

Juli: A Spanish proverb says, "An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship." The beautiful thing about families is the long-term nature of the connection, through thick and thin. In practically every other relationship, if you have a blowup or disagreement, you can just let the bond of friendship fade. You see each other less and less often until you've drifted apart.

But you and your sister can never stop being sisters. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings, decisions about aging parents ... each will connect your worlds again. Only in family relationships are we forced to walk through conflict and hurt feelings throughout the course of life.

I think the most difficult step in resolving a conflict like this is the question, "Who goes first?" Family members can stew over pretty minor arguments for years because both parties are too stubborn to take a step toward peace.

My advice is to take the initiative to mend the relationship with your sister before the reunion. I'm sure she has fault in the blowup; she may even be more at fault than you are. But show your love and maturity by taking responsibility for your part. You might send a card that says something as simple as, "I miss our friendship. Let's start over." Or just give her a call to say, "I'm really sorry we fought. It doesn't change how much I love you."

Whether your sister responds or not, you will have peace throughout the family reunion knowing that you've done what you can to extend goodwill.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)