Q: I recently discovered that my wife has connected with an old flame through Facebook. She keeps telling me it's not a big deal, but I think it is. Do I have a right to be angry and to tell her not to talk to this guy?

Juli: This has become one of those gray areas that aren't exactly seen as "cheating." As innocent as it may seem to reconnect with a high school sweetheart, it's a recipe for disaster and it can devastate trust in marriage.

The deeper motivation behind connecting with someone from the past is to flirt with the question, "What if?" It's the stuff romantic comedies are made of. What if I had chosen differently? Would my life be any better?

I certainly believe you should be alarmed. You have the right to defend your marriage and to have a "healthy jealousy" for your wife. However, instead of getting angry, you may garner her attention more readily by expressing your hurt and concern for your marriage. If you react in anger and demand that she break off communication with her old boyfriend, she's likely to feel controlled or threatened. Even if you succeed in convincing her to sever ties, you haven't really addressed your marriage problem.

The real issues are trust and fidelity. Her rekindling an old flame opens a door that can easily lead to an emotional or sexual affair. Even if it never develops past playful banter, it can undermine intimacy and confidence in your marriage. What cracks are there in your relationship that might be prompting the "What if?" in her mind?

Instead of reacting emotionally, view this incident as you would the "check engine" light on your dashboard. The light isn't the problem. It's just a warning that something far more threatening may be developing.

Jim: It's encouraging to know that your daughter isn't doing anything inappropriate during those late nights, but that's always a risk, even for compliant teens. Even if they don't go looking for trouble online, trouble may find them, in the form of a predator or an offensive link. So remain vigilant.

Regardless of her activity online, you have reason to be concerned about the hours your daughter's keeping. A study of 20,000 youths in the journal Sleep found that those who slept fewer than five hours a night were three times more likely to become psychologically troubled in the next year. And much of that lack of sleep can be attributed to late nights on the computer, instant messaging, gaming and Facebook.

Less sleep was also associated with longer-term mental health problems, especially depression, later in life. Researchers think a lack of sleep may explain a rise in mental illness among young people in recent decades. The teenage years can be full of anxiety already. If you add sleep deprivation to the mix, the results can be disastrous. Some experts believe that this combination can even contribute to major depression and bipolar disorder long after adolescence is over.

The most straightforward solution is to place limits on your daughter's computer time. Make sure she's getting plenty of sleep every night. Let her know that, for her own sake, using the computer into the early morning hours isn't permissible. The same goes for smartphones and other devices. She may be surprised at how much better she feels!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband just returned from his first deployment to Afghanistan. We're both feeling a bit intimidated by one another after a year apart. How do we deal with this?

Jim: Military families face challenges that those of us in the general population don't have to experience. Thanks to your husband for his service to our country and to you for supporting him in that role.

Author Erin Prater has developed a list of tips for couples who are struggling to "reconnect" after a deployment. Here are a few:

1) While it may be tempting to plan a surprise homecoming party or family get-together, such celebrations may overwhelm your spouse. Ask him how he'd like to celebrate.

2) Remember the good old days of dating when the two of you remained engrossed in communication for hours? Enjoy frequent conversation, and relearn his temperament, preferences and quirks.

3) Laughter really is the best medicine during stressful times. Read the Sunday comics together or watch a funny movie. Don't be afraid to act silly around each other; it's a fun way to develop intimacy.

4) Offer a back scratch or massage when your husband has a hard time sleeping, but make sure he knows you don't expect one back.

5) Be available to watch movies or news reports about the conflict in Afghanistan. It's never wise to force a service member to watch such material, but a spouse who is otherwise unwilling (or possibly unable) to talk about difficult experiences might find it easier to express while viewing footage.

6) Find others you can help as a team. Spend time with the child of a deployed soldier, or bring cookies to war veterans. You'll find yourselves naturally refocused when working together to benefit others.

You can find Erin's full list of tips for reconnecting after deployment at focusonthefamily.com.

Juli: A Spanish proverb says, "An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship." The beautiful thing about families is the long-term nature of the connection, through thick and thin. In practically every other relationship, if you have a blowup or disagreement, you can just let the bond of friendship fade. You see each other less and less often until you've drifted apart.

But you and your sister can never stop being sisters. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings, decisions about aging parents ... each will connect your worlds again. Only in family relationships are we forced to walk through conflict and hurt feelings throughout the course of life.

I think the most difficult step in resolving a conflict like this is the question, "Who goes first?" Family members can stew over pretty minor arguments for years because both parties are too stubborn to take a step toward peace.

My advice is to take the initiative to mend the relationship with your sister before the reunion. I'm sure she has fault in the blowup; she may even be more at fault than you are. But show your love and maturity by taking responsibility for your part. You might send a card that says something as simple as, "I miss our friendship. Let's start over." Or just give her a call to say, "I'm really sorry we fought. It doesn't change how much I love you."

Whether your sister responds or not, you will have peace throughout the family reunion knowing that you've done what you can to extend goodwill.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband left our four young children and me a few years ago. I recently met a wonderful man who wants to get serious very quickly. My kids need a dad and I need a husband. However, I'm terrified of making a mistake. Any advice?

Juli: I understand both your desire and your apprehension to find a husband. Being a single mom is the toughest job in the world!

There are plenty of wonderful and disastrous stories about remarriage. Finding the right husband for you and a father for your children could be a tremendous blessing. On the other hand, the wrong person would only augment the pain you and your children are already experiencing.

My advice would be to proceed very slowly, if at all. Some single parents choose not to date while their children are still in the home because of the insecurity and trauma breakups can cause. If you choose to pursue this relationship, be certain to protect your children's hearts.

With four kids, you have limited opportunities to date this man. It will take you a long time to get to know his character. Don't rush into a serious relationship or marriage, thinking that you are old enough to make a good decision quickly. You need time to let the relationship evolve, and you need outside "eyes" to notice things that you're too close to see.

If you get to the point that marriage becomes a possibility, remember that your situation is very complicated. This man would not only be marrying you, but your children as well. Consider the fact that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce, at least partly due to the additional complications of children and ex-spouses.

I know this sounds like a lot of nay saying. There are certainly plenty of successful blended families. Just be sure to proceed with your eyes wide open.

Jim: There are countless ways to create quality family time. You're only limited by your own creativity and each family member's willingness to make it happen.

But let's stay focused on dinnertime. I'd argue that it IS worth "re-orchestrating everyone's schedule." Honestly, this is a struggle for me. With my travel schedule and long days at the office, it's tough to be home for dinner. But my wife and I are determined to make it happen as often as possible.

The statistics speak for themselves. A federally funded study of American teenagers from 2000 found that regular family meals are strongly linked with academic success and psychological health, as well as lower rates of alcohol and drug abuse, early sexual activity and suicide.

A 2005 Columbia University study found that teenagers who eat with their families at least five times a week are more likely to get better grades and less likely to have substance abuse problems. In fact, the University of Michigan found that mealtime is the single greatest predictor of better achievement -- more than studying, sports or other school activities.

Another study of preschoolers found that mealtime conversation built vocabulary better than listening to stories or reading aloud. And research conducted in Minnesota found that adolescent girls who ate with their families at least five times a week were at far less risk for anorexia and bulimia.

The bottom line: It's GOOD to share mealtime. And it's worth the sacrifice to make it happen consistently!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)