Q: My husband just returned from his first deployment to Afghanistan. We're both feeling a bit intimidated by one another after a year apart. How do we deal with this?

Jim: Military families face challenges that those of us in the general population don't have to experience. Thanks to your husband for his service to our country and to you for supporting him in that role.

Author Erin Prater has developed a list of tips for couples who are struggling to "reconnect" after a deployment. Here are a few:

1) While it may be tempting to plan a surprise homecoming party or family get-together, such celebrations may overwhelm your spouse. Ask him how he'd like to celebrate.

2) Remember the good old days of dating when the two of you remained engrossed in communication for hours? Enjoy frequent conversation, and relearn his temperament, preferences and quirks.

3) Laughter really is the best medicine during stressful times. Read the Sunday comics together or watch a funny movie. Don't be afraid to act silly around each other; it's a fun way to develop intimacy.

4) Offer a back scratch or massage when your husband has a hard time sleeping, but make sure he knows you don't expect one back.

5) Be available to watch movies or news reports about the conflict in Afghanistan. It's never wise to force a service member to watch such material, but a spouse who is otherwise unwilling (or possibly unable) to talk about difficult experiences might find it easier to express while viewing footage.

6) Find others you can help as a team. Spend time with the child of a deployed soldier, or bring cookies to war veterans. You'll find yourselves naturally refocused when working together to benefit others.

You can find Erin's full list of tips for reconnecting after deployment at focusonthefamily.com.

Juli: A Spanish proverb says, "An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship." The beautiful thing about families is the long-term nature of the connection, through thick and thin. In practically every other relationship, if you have a blowup or disagreement, you can just let the bond of friendship fade. You see each other less and less often until you've drifted apart.

But you and your sister can never stop being sisters. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings, decisions about aging parents ... each will connect your worlds again. Only in family relationships are we forced to walk through conflict and hurt feelings throughout the course of life.

I think the most difficult step in resolving a conflict like this is the question, "Who goes first?" Family members can stew over pretty minor arguments for years because both parties are too stubborn to take a step toward peace.

My advice is to take the initiative to mend the relationship with your sister before the reunion. I'm sure she has fault in the blowup; she may even be more at fault than you are. But show your love and maturity by taking responsibility for your part. You might send a card that says something as simple as, "I miss our friendship. Let's start over." Or just give her a call to say, "I'm really sorry we fought. It doesn't change how much I love you."

Whether your sister responds or not, you will have peace throughout the family reunion knowing that you've done what you can to extend goodwill.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My husband left our four young children and me a few years ago. I recently met a wonderful man who wants to get serious very quickly. My kids need a dad and I need a husband. However, I'm terrified of making a mistake. Any advice?

Juli: I understand both your desire and your apprehension to find a husband. Being a single mom is the toughest job in the world!

There are plenty of wonderful and disastrous stories about remarriage. Finding the right husband for you and a father for your children could be a tremendous blessing. On the other hand, the wrong person would only augment the pain you and your children are already experiencing.

My advice would be to proceed very slowly, if at all. Some single parents choose not to date while their children are still in the home because of the insecurity and trauma breakups can cause. If you choose to pursue this relationship, be certain to protect your children's hearts.

With four kids, you have limited opportunities to date this man. It will take you a long time to get to know his character. Don't rush into a serious relationship or marriage, thinking that you are old enough to make a good decision quickly. You need time to let the relationship evolve, and you need outside "eyes" to notice things that you're too close to see.

If you get to the point that marriage becomes a possibility, remember that your situation is very complicated. This man would not only be marrying you, but your children as well. Consider the fact that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce, at least partly due to the additional complications of children and ex-spouses.

I know this sounds like a lot of nay saying. There are certainly plenty of successful blended families. Just be sure to proceed with your eyes wide open.

Jim: There are countless ways to create quality family time. You're only limited by your own creativity and each family member's willingness to make it happen.

But let's stay focused on dinnertime. I'd argue that it IS worth "re-orchestrating everyone's schedule." Honestly, this is a struggle for me. With my travel schedule and long days at the office, it's tough to be home for dinner. But my wife and I are determined to make it happen as often as possible.

The statistics speak for themselves. A federally funded study of American teenagers from 2000 found that regular family meals are strongly linked with academic success and psychological health, as well as lower rates of alcohol and drug abuse, early sexual activity and suicide.

A 2005 Columbia University study found that teenagers who eat with their families at least five times a week are more likely to get better grades and less likely to have substance abuse problems. In fact, the University of Michigan found that mealtime is the single greatest predictor of better achievement -- more than studying, sports or other school activities.

Another study of preschoolers found that mealtime conversation built vocabulary better than listening to stories or reading aloud. And research conducted in Minnesota found that adolescent girls who ate with their families at least five times a week were at far less risk for anorexia and bulimia.

The bottom line: It's GOOD to share mealtime. And it's worth the sacrifice to make it happen consistently!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: Our daughter just recently started to cut herself. We are in counseling and trying to get help for her. What are your thoughts on why teens want to hurt themselves in this manner?

Juli: Human beings are wired to avoid pain. So it is difficult to understand why your daughter would intentionally cut herself.

Imagine that your daughter's emotional well-being is like a bank account with deposits and withdrawals. Deposits are aspects in your daughter's life that make her feel secure and help her cope. Deposits might include a stable home life, solid friendships, accomplishments, exercise and getting enough sleep. Withdrawals are internal or external stresses like being rejected by a friend, bullying, going through divorce, failing (even perceived failure!), and dramatic changes in daily life.

Teens who injure themselves have an "overdrawn" emotional bank account. Their level of distress is greater than their ability to cope. Cutting is an attempt to control and express overwhelming pain. That pain might be the result of a traumatic event, like a friend's death or being sexually abused. Other sensitive teens can become overwhelmed by the "normal" challenges of adolescence. Cutting can also be triggered by underlying mental illness, such as depression, bipolar disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Helping your daughter through this crisis involves three steps: identifying the source of her distress, minimizing her distress, and giving her healthier ways to cope. Getting her into counseling will help do all three of these things. At home, you can be a source of encouragement and support. You can also model and help her develop healthy coping skills such as exercise, prayer and journaling.

Jim: Advocates of co-sleeping claim that it gives infants a greater sense of security and comfort and eliminates the need for parents to get out of bed for midnight feedings. Nevertheless, most reputable family counselors and child development experts advise against it.

For example, research indicates that babies sleeping with Mom and Dad are at greater risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), because adult bedding materials are not safe for sleeping newborns. The Journal of Pediatrics asserts that the risk of suffocation increases 20-fold when babies are placed in adult beds rather than in their own cribs.

There is also plenty of anecdotal evidence to support the theory that, once established, the habit of co-sleeping can be hard to break. It can actually become a commitment of many years if children are reluctant to transition out of their parents' bed.

Finally, there's the issue of marital intimacy. Couples who are looking to resume sexual activity after a pregnancy won't find the "family bed" particularly conducive to their design. One of the best things you can do for your child is maintain a close, healthy marriage.

For these reasons, we agree with pediatricians who maintain that children need to learn to fall asleep by themselves, in their own crib or bed. At the same time, we know that in some cases, it can be helpful to keep a baby in a bassinet next to the parents' bed for the first few months of his or her life. And you can always get the benefits of the family bed experience by snuggling with your child in bed after everyone is awake in the morning. My boys still do this even at 9 and 11, and it's a highlight of the day!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)