Q: My husband and I have a tradition of getting each other something really nice each Christmas, like jewelry or electronics. However, money is tight this year. How can I give my husband something special without breaking the bank?

Jim: Don't underestimate the power of the homemade gift! In fact, author Dena Dyer says, "Ask anyone to name a favorite gift that he or she has received and you'll probably hear 'the drawing my child did of me' or 'the poem my husband wrote to propose.' Handmade and creative presents are often the most meaningful."

Here are a few of Dyer's economical suggestions:

1) Frame a picture of your spouse in a blank photo mat. Surround the picture with written compliments. List the qualities you adore about him or her, including the little things that usually go unnoticed.

2) Leave short love notes around the house: "You warm my heart" on the oven, "Thanks for putting up with me" on the coat rack, and so on.

3) If you're musically inclined, compose and perform a song for your mate. Consider surprising your spouse with a performance in front of other people.

4) Does he usually clean the kitchen after you cook? Do both chores one night, and let him put his feet up. Is she the carpool and breakfast-and-lunch-making queen? Volunteer to take her shift, so she can sleep in.

5) Remember "mix tapes"? Do the same thing with a computer or digital recorder, alternating favorite songs with spoken memories.

6) Write a love poem -- it doesn't have to be a masterpiece. Try an acrostic: Write your loved one's name vertically and list adjectives that begin with each letter.

You can find Dena Dyer's full list at focusonthefamily.com. It might not seem as glamorous, but I'm guessing a heartfelt, handmade gift from you will be appreciated for years to come, long after an electronic gadget becomes outdated and boring.

Q: Our son, who is 11, was caught stealing. This seems to be an ongoing issue. I am at a loss as to what I need to do. What would be a fair punishment to give him?

Juli: Often, parents are tempted to respond to all bad behaviors in the same way. For example, they use the same punishment for arguing with a sibling as they do for a serious problem like stealing. Parents need to clearly distinguish between childish behavior (such as bouncing a ball in the house or not doing chores) and character issues (such as honesty and respect for others).

To address this issue with your son, you need to communicate to him that stealing is a very serious moral offense. Trying the same old speech or grounding him from video games for yet another week will not get his attention. Your words, and the consequences you give him, should set this apart as a severe infraction. You might even remind him that if he were to steal as an adult (in just a few years) he could go to jail. This is no small matter. I think it is very appropriate to require your son to apologize face-to-face to the person from whom he stole.

I'm also a big believer in the punishment fitting the crime. The Bible tells the story of Zacchaeus, a tax collector who was stealing money from his fellow citizens. Once he realized the crime he had committed, Zacchaeus repaid his victims four times what he had taken. Perhaps your son needs to feel the pain he has inflicted by giving away some of his most prized possessions. That is a consequence he won't soon forget.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: This is the first holiday season for my family since my father passed away. I'm dreading Christmas because I am afraid it will be so emotional, especially for my mom. What can I do to make it easier for her?

Juli: I am so sorry for you loss. Grieving someone you love during the holiday season can bring about many of the conflicting feelings you describe. Everyone around you seems to be celebrating while your heart is aching.

For both you and your mom, it is important to recognize and accept that this holiday season will be different from years past. Don't feel pressure to pretend that life goes on as usual. It is perfectly fine for your family to cry and grieve, even on Christmas morning. Instead of fighting against the grief, it may help to acknowledge it. Some families, for example, choose to set a place at the table for the family member who has died. But it is also appropriate for your family to celebrate. Some people feel as though they don't have the right to be happy or to laugh through grief. Give yourself and your mom permission to experience whatever emotions arise.

This Christmas will be more emotionally taxing than others. While maintaining family traditions can bring about feelings of normalcy and stability, it is also fine to scale back. Help your mom be realistic about what she feels up to.

Finally, Christmas provides a variety of opportunities to bless others who are in need. Consider helping a needy family or giving to a charity in your father's name to honor his memory. You may find joy even through grief as you look to ease the burden of someone less fortunate.

Q: We didn't build many Christmas traditions when I was young. Some years, in fact, my mom couldn't even be bothered to put up a tree. How can I make Christmas special and memorable for my own kids?

Jim: Author Lynne Thompson has developed an age-appropriate list filled with just the kind of ideas you're looking for. Here are a few of them:

AGES 0-3:

1) In order to avoid making Christmas a "don't touch" holiday for little ones, give them fun things they can touch.

2) Mold a nativity scene from clay dough and display it in a prominent place. Tell the story of Christmas while you do this.

3) Decorate cookies and build gingerbread houses together.

AGES 4-7:

1) When you receive Christmas cards from friends and family members, place them in a basket on the dinner table. Take turns drawing a card each night and then pray together for that person or family.

2) Pick out a new holiday picture book to read each Christmas Eve.

AGES 8-12:

1) Assign a country to your child, and ask him or her to report on how that country celebrates Christmas. Encourage your kids to prepare a traditional dish from that country, or perform a folk dance, etc.

Lynne also recommends several activities that are suitable for all ages. For example, join with some other families and go Christmas caroling. In addition to singing around the neighborhood, consider visiting a hospital, homeless shelter or nursing home.

Finally, many families choose to celebrate Advent -- the days leading up to Christmas Day. There are fun Advent calendars on the market, some with doors that open and play songs, others that hide chocolate candies or other treats.

For the full list, as well as other Christmas ideas, visit focusonthefamily.com. Best wishes to you as you seek to build special Christmas memories with your kids this year!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: Our 7-year-old daughter is asking skeptical questions about Santa Claus. We have encouraged her belief in "old St. Nick" up to this point. How do we break the news to her now without coming across as total liars?

Jim: Most kids aren't as traumatized by the revelation that Santa isn't real as their parents assume they'll be. My wife and I made sure we "broke the news" to our boys ourselves. That way, they wouldn't hear it from their peers, which may have been more distressing to them and more likely to cast Mom and Dad in a bad light. Our counseling team at Focus on the Family has addressed this question, too, and recommends using language like this:

"When you were little you liked to play make-believe. I remember when you pretended to be a princess for months after watching 'Cinderella.' In the same way, it was fun for you to believe that Santa Claus is a real person when you were younger. But now you're growing up, and your understanding of the world is changing."

When you have the discussion, touch on the fact that families all over the world have stories about Santa, whether he takes the form of Sinterklaas in Holland or Father Christmas in England. You might also want to do some research online about St. Nicholas of Myra, the 4th-century Christian bishop upon whom most historians agree our modern Santa is based. Apocryphal stories about St. Nicholas abound, but everyone agrees with the general idea that he was a pious individual who gave generously to the poor.

The celebration of Christmas is ultimately centered on the birth of the Messiah. Because St. Nicholas and Jesus are both "invisible" historical figures, be sure to make a distinction between them with your daughter. Christ's birth set the stage for His life on Earth, and His eventual death and resurrection to save sinners. Even if your family doesn't embrace this view, it's certainly worth talking with your daughter about the themes of self-sacrifice and selflessness that it embodies. Helping your daughter find joy in blessing others at Christmas will likely evaporate any disappointment she may feel at the realization that Santa isn't real.

Q: I am 32 years old and have two small children. Over the past year or so, I've had random thoughts, dreams and memories of sexual abuse in my childhood. I try to ignore these thoughts, but they won't go away. It has started to interfere with intimacy in my marriage. Is it possible to be remembering something that happened so long ago?

Juli: I am so sorry for the disturbing thoughts and memories you are having! Yes, it is possible to be remembering things that happened long ago. In fact, in many cases, memories of childhood abuse can surface in adulthood, once you have had children of your own.

There is a lot of controversy in the psychological world about the accuracy of repressed memories. However, most professionals agree with the fact that highly traumatic events are stored in our memories differently than normal childhood interactions. I believe that God has given our minds the ability to temporarily block traumatic experiences that are too painful to process. As you grow and mature, you develop the capacity to process and understand things that you couldn't as a child.

Addressing traumatic memories of childhood abuse is certainly a painful and difficult process. It may be disruptive to family relationships and is likely to create stress and chaos while you are in the midst of healing. It will be very helpful for you to work with a counselor who is trained in sexual abuse recovery. In addition, you will need a strong support network to encourage you through the process. At Focus on the Family, we would love to help you find a counselor through our national referral network or to point you to excellent resources to encourage you on your journey to healing.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)