QUESTION: My teenager is constantly texting or on the phone and is not showing any interest in doing things with the family. Do you have some suggestions on how we can re-engage our child and help her want to do things with the family again?

JULI: No doubt about it, technology is a significant obstacle for communication in the average American family, especially with teens in the home. Here's a two-prong strategy to deal with it:

First of all, set boundaries on the use of technology in your home. Don't make this about your teenager; make it about the kind of home environment that you want to establish. Some reasonable and helpful boundaries include no technology at meal times, during carpool, or in the bedroom. Set those boundaries for yourself as well as for your kids.

Honestly, I am just as guilty as my 13-year-old son is when it comes to letting technology interrupt family time. Sure, I don't text someone every three seconds or play video games, but how often am I pulled away from my family to check email or take a quick call?

Second, make family time a priority. Often, we as parents decide to have family time on the spur of the moment when our schedule finally clears. We expect our kids to drop everything and be excited about bonding with Mom and Dad. Plan regular family times during which your kids know that you expect them to be engaged. These can include a dinner routine of talking about your day, Friday night game or movie nights, or a planned weekend getaway.

Don't take it personally if your teen still prefers her cell phone to you. Even when your kids are less than enthusiastic about a family event, it still provides a critical connection with you.

QUESTION: In order to tighten up the family budget, we recently got rid of our premium satellite TV package and switched to basic cable. But that's not cheap, either. Can you suggest other ways to trim our entertainment budget without going totally TV-free?

JIM: First, let me say that there are worse things than going TV-free. The Daly household eliminated the nightly TV routine from our home long ago, and we haven't regretted it for a minute. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!

However, if you're not ready to take that step, there's still a way to enjoy TV without paying for it on a monthly basis. The New York Times reports that a growing number of families are saving money by canceling their cable service altogether and attaching a good, old-fashioned antenna to their TV sets.

There are a number of TV antenna models available, and a decent one will generally cost anywhere between $25 and $150. But that's a one-time expense. There's no monthly fee after that. Of course, you won't get the wide variety of sports, movies and other programming that cable offers. But you'll get more than enough channels to keep up with the news and weather, and maybe a few of your favorite shows. And if you live in a large urban area, your choices expand dramatically. The Nielsen Group reports that there are more than 40 free broadcast channels available in Los Angeles, for example.

Just think -- your parents and grandparents survived for decades watching only a handful of channels on broadcast TV. I doubt whether any of them would suggest they were somehow "missing out" by not having hundreds and hundreds of channels to choose from. You and your family might consider the same arrangement ... and save yourselves hundreds of dollars a year in the process!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.

Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com

Copyright 2011 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

International Copyright Secured. All Rights reserved.

QUESTION: My wife and I have a 2-year-old of our own, but now we're considering adopting another child. Frankly, we can't decide if we should pursue it or if we're simply setting ourselves up for a lot of stress and heartache.

Jim: Adoption is a major undertaking, and there are many things to consider, as you well know. But with planning and a lot of prayer, it can be a beautiful thing.

Dr. Debi Grebenik is a licensed social worker and the executive director of a foster care and adoption agency. Her years in the field have led her to identify several traits of successful adoptive families.

First, according to Dr. Grebenik, the adoption journey begins with a commitment for life. In many ways, adoption is similar to marriage -- it calls for love and understanding in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. There will be unforeseen detours, mountaintop experiences and challenges along the way. But adoptive parents who begin the process with this rock-solid commitment are more likely to see it through.

In addition, adoptive parents, just like all parents, must be prepared to love their child unconditionally. You probably already know that some kids have deep emotional wounds after spending years in foster care. They may display manipulation, defiance, aggression, depression and other challenging behaviors. A parent's unconditional love may be the only lifeline they have as they emerge from an unstable environment and learn what it means to be part of a permanent, stable family for the first time in their lives.

There are difficulties associated with adoption, but they are not insurmountable. And the blessings and rewards far outweigh the challenges for those who are willing to take the plunge. For more resources on this issue, visit www.icareaboutorphans.org or www.focusonthefamily.com.

QUESTION: I am a single mother, and due to the economy, I am really struggling to make ends meet. Should I move back in with my parents until things get better?

Juli: Your question is becoming more and more common as many single parents face the realities of a tough economy and the unceasing demands of raising children by yourself. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. There are, however, some principles to consider that might help you make your decision.

It can be a true blessing for everyone when generations of a family live together. In many parts of the world, this is the norm. It can provide a wonderfully rich environment for children to grow up knowing their grandparents and having empathy for the older generation. It also gives grandparents a wonderful outlet to love and invest in their grandkids, as retirement often allows for more time. And it would give you, as a busy mom, another set of arms to help with cooking, homework and loving.

There are, however, some potential problems that you want to investigate before making the decision to move in with your parents. Many of these relate to boundaries and expectations. For example, how much would your parents like you to contribute financially? What expectations do they have regarding keeping the house clean, bedtimes and whether or not they are full-time babysitters for your kids? To what extent do they have the authority to discipline your children? What if they disagree with your parenting style? What if they don't approve of other choices you make for your family? How will you resolve these conflicts?

However stressful these conversations may be to initiate, they are absolutely essential to confirming whether or not moving in with your parents is a good idea. Do the work up front to avoid creating a situation that could eventually end up destroying your relationship with your parents.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.

Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com

Copyright 2011 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

International Copyright Secured. All Rights reserved.

QUESTION: Our 14-year-old granddaughter was recently staying with us. After she left, I looked at the history on our Internet browser and realized that she had been visiting porn sites and sexually explicit chat rooms. What do I do with this information?

JULI: I'm so sorry to hear about your discovery! Unfortunately, we hear stories like yours on a daily basis. Young teens, both male and female, are falling prey to Internet pornography. It represents a lethal combination of excitement and sexual curiosity that can quickly become addictive.

As difficult as it may be, I recommend that you talk to your granddaughter about what you discovered, ideally in person. It is really important that you approach her with a spirit of love and concern, wanting to help without judgment. She probably already feels a lot of shame about what she is doing. She is in over her head and doesn't know how to stop. Offer to help her in any way that you can. Encourage her to share her struggle with her parents. If she is unwilling to tell her parents, tell her that, out of love, you will share the information with them.

Some might argue that viewing porn has become an accepted norm for teens in our culture, so why make a big deal about it? Remember, just because so many teens view pornography doesn't make it any less dangerous to your granddaughter. It poses a serious threat to her mental health, emerging identity and future relationships. Her parents need to be involved in installing home Internet filters and helping her process what she has seen, perhaps through counseling.

QUESTION: Should my husband and I talk to our kids about drugs? We have a third-grader and a sixth-grader, and we're not sure whether their schools' drug education programs will be sufficient. But we don't even know how to begin to broach the subject at home.

JIM: For many parents, this is a topic that's almost as scary as the dreaded discussion about "the birds and the bees." Nevertheless, you need to have this talk with your kids. No school program or curriculum will carry the weight of your wise counsel and example. Joseph A. Califano Jr., a former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare, put it best when he said, "The severe problem of substance abuse in this country will not be solved in courtrooms or government chambers, but in living rooms and across kitchen tables."

And yes, this ongoing dialogue should begin before your children reach adolescence. My friend Glenn Williams, who co-authored "How to Drug-Proof Your Kids" curriculum, says: "Would you wait until your child is past puberty to discuss with him the realities and responsibilities of sex? Would you wait until your child turns 16 and drives the family car onto the highway to teach him how to drive? No, of course not. And neither should you let your child get to the point of greatest vulnerability to drugs and alcohol before presenting the topic in the way you want your child to learn it."

Our boys are both under the age of 10, so drug abuse might not be an issue in their school yet. But that day is coming sooner than my wife and I would like to think. That's why we are seeking out resources that will help us tackle this important subject proactively. I believe it's critical that every parent do the same. You might start by visiting focusonthefamily.com, which offers a range of helpful articles and other materials on this issue.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.

Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com

Copyright 2011 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

International Copyright Secured. All Rights reserved.