parenting

Channel Kids' Political Fights Into Substantive Discussions

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | September 19th, 2016

Q: My high school-aged daughter and son have been assigned to watch C-SPAN and political shows about the presidential election. She supports Hillary Clinton. He's for Donald Trump. They end up screaming at each other. I've had to warn my son to stop using disrespectful, offensive language and my daughter to stop throwing things at the TV. This is crazy. Help!

A: I'll say this for their teachers: They aren't backing away from teaching this election as some have said they are. A Texas history teacher (who asked that her name not be used) wrote me to say, "I love teaching the presidential election, but this year I'm scaling back because the administration warned teachers to 'stay objective.' I work in a diverse school. I would not be able to let the divisive, anti-immigrant rhetoric go unchallenged. Instead of class discussions, I assign online games from iCivics.org because students can work through them thoughtfully and be held accountable for their views."

For decorum at your dinner table, two teachers who've taught three decades of elections offer this advice:

"Since the kids have gone all 'Lord of the Flies' on Mom, adopt the 'pass the conch' technique from the book," says Newton, Massachusetts, educator Marj Montgomery. "Choose any object. No one may speak without that object in hand. No one. If they haven't read 'Lord of the Flies,' do so with them. Enjoy the discussions it prompts."

Illinois educator Kevin Pobst suggests not allowing them "to watch programs together if they cannot conduct themselves with civility, period. Break the rule and the TV goes off. Then they suffer the consequence of not getting the assignment done."

Discuss what their goal is when they argue. "Do they want to persuade each other, or are they just expressing their preference to insult?" Pobst asks. "Vicious, yelled, personal arguing is not persuasive. It's mutual offensiveness. No one persuades by offending. You persuade by making a rational, fact-based case for your ideas, not an emotional rant."

Montgomery suggests using debate and mock trial techniques. After they make a case for their candidate, "have them switch sides," she says. "That turns down the volume. Daughter speaks for Trump, son for Hillary. Nothing comes out of either's mouth without checking the fact with an unbiased fact-check site. Mom can even sound an obnoxious noisemaker when any statement is found to be false." (See factcheck.org, politifact.com and the Fact Checker at washingtonpost.com.)

For a meaty discussion (and history lesson), "make a short list of successful presidents. Ask them to figure out what the job description really is," says Montgomery. "Discuss demonstrated skills and personality traits."

As for your son and daughter, Pobst says, "Their own relationship will, God willing, go on for another 60 to 70 years, while electoral preferences are time-bound. They shouldn't fall into a pattern of talking to each other in ways that will undermine their relationship -- or turn each other into cartoon characters."

While these election-driven arguments are clearly frustrating you as parent, Montgomery says, "Rejoice that your kids are involved in the political process -- noisy and uncomfortable as it is. It's way preferable to the teenage shrug, followed by the mantra, 'Whatever.'"

Find useful election resources at Harvard's justiceinschools.org, c-spanclassroom.org and newseumed.org.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Family & Parenting
parenting

Third-Grader's Anxieties About School Worry Parent

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | September 12th, 2016

Q: My third-grade daughter is struggling in school. She is anxious and thinks she's dumb. I'm worried that she might have a learning problem. How can I find out?

A: It's not unusual for a child to be anxious about going to school once in a while, especially early in the year. But if she's feeling like she's dumb and is struggling, take steps to find the reason why.

Amanda Morin, an educator and parent advocate, says it's important to know your daughter is not alone in having these anxieties and challenges. In fact, roughly 1 in 5 kids have some type of challenge.

You may have heard the term "learning disabilities," however, "the term 'learning and attention issues' is a little broader. It covers a wide range of challenges kids face -- whether their issues have been formally identified or not," says Morin, who's an adviser at understood.org, a nonprofit organization for parents whose children have learning and attention issues.

Having these challenges doesn't mean a child isn't intelligent. "In fact, kids with learning and attention issues tend to be just as smart as their peers," Morin explains.

Learning and attention issues are brain-based difficulties that can create struggles in different ways and to varying degrees. Kids may have trouble with reading, writing, math, organization, concentration, listening comprehension, social skills, motor skills or a combination of these.

It can be hard to know whether you're seeing signs of learning and attention issues in your daughter if you're not sure what skills are typical for her age and what's expected of her developmentally and academically. To see key developmental milestones for third-graders, check out Morin's article, "Developmental Milestones for Typical Second and Third Graders," at understood.org.

This will help you get a better sense of where her skills fall. It's also useful to become familiar with the academic skills kids usually learn in third grade. For some key concepts she'll master, go to understood.org's article, "What Third-Grade Academic Skills Typically Look Like in Action."

Meet with your daughter's teacher to see what she has noticed. Is your daughter having trouble with recognizing letters or with rhyming? Is reading, writing or math a challenge? Is she more distractible or less focused than other kids her age? Is she having trouble making friends?

You can ask your school district to do a free educational evaluation to identify issues your daughter may have and to help guide the type of support she will need at home and school.

The evaluation may introduce terms like "learning disability" or "learning disorder." Those phrases are necessary to open doors to important services and supports for kids with learning and attention issues. It's a way to get your daughter on a path to success -- so don't be too concerned about the label.

Neither you nor your daughter is alone in this, says Morin. "Learn what the experience may look like through your child's eyes at understood.org," she says. "Connect with other parents on the site. They can share experiences and tips that can help clear up confusion and make your journey easier."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

School-Age
parenting

Tips on Teaching Kids 'Executive Functioning'

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | September 5th, 2016

Q: Our son is having a rocky start in middle school. It's thrown him completely off balance. He forgets assignments and can't manage time. The counselor thinks he needs better "executive functioning skills" and says to work with him. What are they?

A: Executive functioning concerns the "numerous mental processes and skills (that) help us plan for -- and respond to -- the tasks, challenges and opportunities we face," writes Kristen Stanberry, an education writer who became interested in the topic after helping her son navigate the demands of high school.

Students with strong executive functioning skills have impulse and emotional control and can keep track of time, prioritize, plan and finish work on schedule. They can apply previously learned information to new problems. They're good at analyzing ideas. They know where and when to look for help when they get stuck.

For an in-depth look at these skills, go to Stanberry's excellent article, "Executive function: a new lens for viewing your child," at GreatSchools.org.

A rough transition to middle school isn't unusual, says Jan Abraham, a Naples, New York, middle school math teacher who has taught in the U.S. and abroad.

First, she says, "Determine where your son needs help. For some, it's as simple as establishing and practicing routines that make days go smoothly. For example, getting ready at night for the following day (i.e., preparing his backpack with his homework in the proper folders, putting his trumpet next to his backpack for band practice, setting his alarm and so on)."

Some students are overscheduled and parents need to discuss prioritizing time: What choices will they make if priorities compete?

Others need to learn how to use the school's web portal and school planner. "I ask students to add to their planner everything they know they'll do during the school year, from Grandma's birthday party in December to robotics on Tuesdays in January and February," explains Abraham. "We discuss how to record and monitor assignments. They need to know and own their schedule."

Many students benefit from explicit instruction in how to plan. "They are surprised to learn that there are actual steps to follow to get things done -- whether it's writing a report or building a fort," Abraham says.

She teaches six steps using real-life projects that match students' interests:

1) Analyze the task. Describe what needs to be done.

2) Plan. How will you handle the task?

3) Get organized. Break down the plan into steps.

4) Figure out the time needed. Plot hours, days or months for each step. Set aside the time on your calendar. Set alerts.

5) Make adjustments. Stuff happens; be flexible and regroup.

6) Finish the task in the time allotted. If you can't, analyze why not. Was it poor planning, or factors outside of your control? How would you do it differently?

Projects can be as simple as planning a movie outing or as complex as that of an avid skateboarder who wants to build a half-pipe.

"A disorganized student doesn't become an efficient whiz overnight," says Abraham, "but if you model and make him practice, he'll master skills that will give him a leg up all his life."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

School-AgeFamily & Parenting

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Mother of the Groom Prefers Not to Attend Bachelorette Party Bar Crawl
  • Neighborhood Politician Ruffles Feathers
  • LW Finds Cemetery Picnics a Weird Practice
  • Eating Microwave Popcorn Increases the Level of PFAS in Body
  • Sinusitis Shares Symptoms With Many Other Conditions
  • Latest News on Gut Microbiome Includes Idea of Stool Banking
  • Woman Confesses Disappointment in Friend’s Support
  • Friend Wants To Support Woman’s Relationships
  • Engaged Reader Doesn’t Want Bridal Party
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal