Q: My son, Ezra, just entered kindergarten and is one of the youngest in his class. He's really unhappy, so I want to hold him back a year. My husband says he'll get used to it and his teacher isn't concerned, but two friends who held their sons back agree with me. Is there research about this?

A: The research on holding back a "young 5" is mixed. You can find studies to support it. Researchers Kelly Bedard and Elizabeth Dhuey found that the youngest members of kindergarten classes scored 4 to 12 percentiles lower than the oldest members in grade four, and 2 to 9 percentiles lower in grade eight. Other research shows that any academic benefits of starting a child later often disappear after middle school.

Recent research by professors Kevin Kniffin and Andrew Hanks looked at persons who received doctorates and found that holding kids back has little influence on those who earn a Ph.D. and may have negative influence on post-graduate salary.

The National Center for Education Statistics reports that depending on the region, approximately 6 percent of 5-year-olds eligible for kindergarten are held back each year. (The practice is often called "redshirting," a reference to college coaches who bench a freshman for a season, hoping that an extra year of practice yields a better athlete.)

Alia Wong covers education for The Atlantic. She reviewed several studies and concludes, "It's far from clear whether relative age has much to bear on a child's future success. And absent a consensus, it may be best to hold off on redshirting, if only in the interest of playing it safe." (Find her report at theatlantic.com.)

Every teacher can tell you of a 5-year-old who didn't demonstrate kindergarten readiness and benefited from "the gift of time." And that's really the question: Is Ezra unhappy because kindergarten is a new experience and he hasn't yet made the transition? Or is he unhappy because he's developmentally unprepared and struggling?

"Parents will do whatever they believe will help their children compete in school and life. But they need to remember that not all children progress in the same way and at the same rate or benefit similarly from the same opportunity," says literacy researcher Michael Milone.

"My advice," he continues, "is to be patient, observant and supportive. Don't hover, but try to find out why he is unhappy and address these concerns with his teacher and others at school and listen to what they say."

Meg Meeker, pediatrician and author of "Strong Mothers, Strong Sons" (Ballantine Books, 2014), advises against holding back a 5-year-old who doesn't need it. She says it "can grow into a devastating parenting philosophy," sending a message that high achievement is the only thing that matters.

The transition to kindergarten, says Milone, "is often stressful simply because it is a child's first experience with a perceived major life change.

"Helping Ezra make a successful transition can strengthen his ability to adapt to new situations -- an ability that will be incredibly important to his future."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: I just transferred my second-grade son Caeden to a new school. He's easily distracted; in first grade, he got labeled as a troublemaker at his old school. I refuse to have his first-grade problems define him. Should I meet his new teacher right away or wait until parent-teacher conferences?

A: Life doesn't offer many do-overs, but the beginning of each school year gives every child a chance for a fresh start. This is especially true when entering a new school.

If you don't want his previous record to define him, first make sure that he enters the new school with appropriate behaviors -- fix those that may have generated the labels (fair or not) in the first place.

"Second grade is not too young to have a good heart-to-heart talk about how to take advantage of a fresh start," says Allison Parker, a Texas educator with years of second-grade experience. "Sure, teachers look at a child's records to get a sense of how well that student has mastered content and behaviors that will make for a successful school year. But most teachers prefer to make up their own minds about a student: They observe carefully and get to know their new students during the first days of school.

"If his new teacher doesn't see the inappropriate demeanor displayed in first grade, the teacher assumes he's making progress with positive social interactions."

Be proactive about improvement; help Caeden master the comportment teachers expect in school. Can he listen intently, or does he talk or tune out while you're talking? Can he follow a sequence of directions? Does he have basic organizational skills, such as knowing how to gather, store and care for his school materials?

Give him opportunities to practice and be rewarded for behaviors that count in class, such as: respecting adults and other children by listening; raising a hand to ask a question or make a comment rather than blurting it out; focusing his eyes on the teacher when she is speaking; keeping his hands and feet still at his desk; following rules for walking in hallways.

And, yes, make an appointment to see his new teacher soon.

"Don't wait until the first conference," says Marissa Gehley, founder of the consulting group KNOW (Kids Need Our Wisdom). "Tell her you want to meet, so together you can get Caeden off to a great start -- that you want to make sure that you support the teacher's goals for student success."

Ask the teacher to suggest reinforcement strategies to try at home, and be sure to stay in touch with the teacher so that you both can monitor Caeden's progress and know of any problems right away, Gehley advises.

"Make sure you let Caeden know that you're talking to his new teacher and that the two of you will communicate regularly about his good work," she says. "Then ask him to make a list of three or four things that he will do (and that you'll review from time to time) to make sure second grade is the beginning of his best year ever!"

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: Our local service club is assembling backpacks with school supplies for students in our community's poorest schools. We've purchased generic supplies only to learn that many teachers compile specific lists with brand-name items. Isn't it better for a child to have a "no-name" notebook rather than no notebook at all? Why does a child need a certain brand of glue stick?

A: Kudos to your club for undertaking this wonderful effort. Every child deserves to start school with a backpack full of fresh supplies that support the work of the year ahead.

Is it important to follow teacher lists to the letter? It's not critical, but try if you can. If you're filling a pack for a specific student identified by the school counselor, you'll know the child's grade and teacher and can match the backpack to that child's needs. If not, look for general grade-level guidance from the schools you're serving. (For typical lists or to search for individual teachers' lists, go TeacherLists.com.)

Teacher-approved lists may seem picky, but they serve a purpose, says Tim Sullivan, the founder and president of PTOToday.com.

"By sticking to the list, you won't end up with things a child doesn't need," he explains. "When it comes to brands, teachers often have good reasons. For example, one type of notebook with sections and pockets might better suit the way a teacher organizes workflow. Or teachers might put supplies in a shared bucket for all the kids, so having one brand eliminates dustups between the kids over who gets what."

Forgo notebooks, pencils and backpacks with television, video game or movie characters. Many schools discourage them, plus kids outgrow themed supplies. That "Minions" backpack may not be so trendy come springtime.

Class supply lists, once limited to pencils, erasers and the like, now include hygiene items such as disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer.

"Tissues and paper towels are among the top five most requested back-to-school items," says Sullivan.

Activity fees are another school expense that has increased over the years. Since the Great Recession, many schools have asked parents to pony up for sports, field trips, after-school clubs -- even science lab courses and Advanced Placement tests. Approximately two-thirds of middle and high school students pay a fee to participate in school sports, according to a University of Michigan study.

The National Retail Federation projects that the average family with kids in grades K-12 will spend roughly $220 on new clothes, more than $100 on new shoes and just under $100 on school supplies during the back-to-school shopping season. If electronic devices are required, parents will shell out another $200.

For poor families, back-to-school shopping can present a real hardship, says Sullivan, which is why your club's project is so laudable.

"Not only will parents and kids appreciate your donations, teachers will too," he says. "Each year, teachers spend an average of $500 of their own money on their class. The less they spend buying notebooks, the more they can devote to children's books, games and art supplies that increase engagement and motivation."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)