Q: We live far from Connecticut, yet the horrible tragedy there freaked out my 6-year-old daughter. The TV reports upset her so much I kept her home from school. Her principal called and said it would be better if she were in school. How does that make sense?

A: Your daughter's principal is right. Psychologists say one of the things kids need most after a tragedy is a return to a comforting and familiar routine. This is why UNICEF rushes "School in a Box" kits to places where children are dislocated by natural disasters. The rhythm of school "helps foster a sense of normalcy in times of crisis," says Christine Hoier, education technical assistant for UNICEF.

Schools are one of the safest places for children and youth during the school day and an important place for them to receive support and return to normal routines, says Kathy Cowen of the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP).

With children on holiday break, think about ways to establish reassuring routines at home, too, while being alert to kids' concerns and questions. "Be a good listener and observer," says Cowen.

NASP offers these guidelines:

-- Make time to talk. Let your child's questions guide you as to how much information to provide. Give a clear, developmentally appropriate explanation.

-- Provide ways for children to express their emotions. Good activities include writing letters, making collages, playing music, dancing and journaling. Younger children may need concrete activities such as imaginative play or drawing pictures to help them express feelings when they can't find ways to talk about them.

-- Cut down on TV. Kids don't really need to know every detail, nor see every "breaking news" brief. Take care in your conversations in front of children. 

-- Model resilience and compassion. How you react to this tragedy can shape the way your children react and influence their perceptions of safety.

-- Don't dwell on the worst possibilities. Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important that your daughter understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and the probability that it will affect her school. Find more suggestions as nasponline.org.

"Six-year-olds are curious and ask pointed questions about death," says Delores Seamster, Ph.D., a retired Dallas principal who now volunteers in an elementary school. "Last week, along with the tragic news from Connecticut, we dealt with the sudden death of one of our own precious students. In helping students cope, we learned that their biggest concern was that their classmate had not disappeared, that he was somewhere. Many parents drew on their faith to reassure their children that he was still with us -- just in a better place. You could see the lines of worry vanish from their faces."

It's not the school's job to use the tools of faith, says Seamster, but parents can. "Don't dwell on the tragedy over the holidays. Make it a time to share love and assurance. Your daughter will return to school more resilient in the new year." 

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: I heard an interview with an author who says character is more important than IQ in school success. I have zero time to read, but I like his idea. Are there character-building tips that will work with one bratty teen?

A: Chances are you heard author Paul Tough, whose new book, "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character" (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2012), has teachers and parents buzzing. It showcases the work of scientists who have identified skills they believe are crucial to success, such as persistence, curiosity, conscientiousness, optimism, gratitude and self-control. Neuroscientists call these executive functions, says Tough, but "the rest of us often sum them up with the word 'character.'"

There is no quick cure for brattiness, but you can shape your teen's character over time through daily experiences that reflect and reinforce a family's values, says Stephen Wallace, school psychologist and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education at Susquehanna University in Selinsgrove, Pa.

"Make this a family project over the holidays to identify and discuss values and character traits that you'd like to practice," Wallace says. "Don't think kids will balk at this. Research shows that they want to have these talks, much more than parents know!"

Create a family guide or rulebook -- give it a great title and cover. Credit the family member whose ideas are reflected in each entry. Insert inspiring quotes from thinkers that relate to specific character traits.

For example, do you want your children to be more respectful of others? Wallace suggests a family rule: Leave every place neater than you found it.

"This has an astounding impact on bathrooms, kitchens, and dens!" he says.

Would you like your children to be more appreciative? Practice thanking folks for everyday actions: the movie usher as you enter the theater, the bus driver as you exit the bus, etc. Gratitude leads to an optimistic outlook.

Do you want your kids to be more punctual? Consider Wallace's own personal rule: "Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable."

Is one of your kids a perfectionist, afraid to take chances? Consider an entry that says mistakes are OK: "Sometimes failure helps us succeed."

One value children love to discuss is, "Do the right thing, even when no one is watching," says Wallace. "It goes to the heart of character. It gets them to demonstrate whether they are serious about values they profess to hold."

"'Be kind to those who love you' is a great rule for families," says Wallace. "Write it on sticky notes to remind everyone that it's important to nurture our relationships!"

Many families are taking the dinner hour to build relationships and reinforce desired character traits, says Wallace.

"A University of Minnesota study shows positive social and academic effects on kids when families carve out mealtime together," he says. (For more information, go to thefamilydinnerproject.org.)

Exploring and defining your family's values is a wonderful a gift to give each other over the holidays, says Wallace.

"What better way to write family New Year's resolutions?" he says.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: When my nieces and nephews were little, I loved choosing books for Christmas gifts. Now that they're in third grade and up, it's harder. What series are popular for tweens and teens this season?

A: There's no blockbuster like the "Harry Potter" series or "The Hunger Games." But even if there were, what's popular with one reader may bore another.

As readers grow, it's best to let them choose their own leisure reading.

"This motivates them to read more, especially when they can choose books based on their interests, or a series that really hooks them," says Carl Harvey, library media specialist at North Elementary School, in Noblesville, Ind.

Take them to a bookstore -- as President Barack Obama did recently with his daughters -- and let them pick their own presents.

"Browsing the shelves together is a great outing -- young people want the gift of your time and attention, too," says Harvey. "You'll show kids just how important reading is to you. Don't worry if what they choose looks like 'junk.' Wouldn't you rather have them read a comics series than not read at all?

"Once they've made their selections, you can still have them wrapped for the tree."

If an outing isn't possible, ask them if they have a favorite author or series (many do), and order the latest work from that author. Or give gift cards from local or national booksellers. If they have iPads or Kindles, buy gift cards for downloading books, too.

There is one sure-to-please category of nonfiction books to consider -- almanacs and record books.

"These span age levels and make reading a whole family affair," says Harvey. "They're fun, and they can also serve as reference tools for homework assignments."

Four entertaining, fact-packed 2013 almanacs to consider: Scholastic Almanac for Kids 2013 (Scholastic Reference, 2012), TIME For Kids Almanac 2013 (TIME For Kids, 2012), The World Almanac for Kids 2013 (World Almanac, 2012) and National Geographic Kids Almanac 2013 (National Geographic Children's Books, 2012).

The granddaddy of record books is Guinness World Records 2013 (Guinness World Records, 2012). Depending on the recipients' interests, browse for other titles, such as Guinness World Records 2013 Gamer's Edition (Guinness World Records, 2012) or Scholastic Year In Sports 2013 (Scholastic Paperbacks, 2012). The TIME For Kids Big Book of Why (TIME For Kids, 2010) is a great discussion starter.

Another idea is to give magazines, suggests Harvey.

"Even in this age of email, texting and digital content delivery, tweens and teens love to get things in the mail," he says.

Most print subscriptions come with online access to special digital content. Some geared-for-kids magazines to consider for tweens include: National Geographic Kids, Kids Discover Magazine, Sports Illustrated Kids, Odyssey: Adventures in Science and Muse. Cicada is a literary magazine for teens 14 and up.

Consider, too, magazines to match young readers' hobbies and interests, such as Popular Science, Sports Illustrated, NASCAR Illustrated, National Geographic, Vogue, InStyle and People.

"Identify a passion, and there's probably a good magazine about it for a teen or tween reader to enjoy," says Harvey. "When you give magazines, you put good reading in their hands year-round!"

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)