Q: Our second-grade twins came home with class lists for their Valentine's Day exchange. Last year my son, who's a bit quirky, didn't get cards from some classmates. He was so hurt. I have nothing against "love," but this holiday seems over the top -- especially in a school that doesn't allow Christmas! How can I push back without seeming petty?

A: Most principals leave the decision of whether or not to celebrate Valentine's Day in teachers' hands. In most schools it doesn't go beyond the primary grades. While the event is set in motion, there's still time to plan an extension of the activity so that children focus on the day's original intent -- spreading good wishes and affection -- rather than how many cards and heart candies come their way.

Keith Garton, publisher of Red Chair Press books on character development, suggests approaching the teacher with this idea: Volunteer to work with the class to start a new Valentine's Day tradition of sending messages of hope and happiness to others who need a shot in the arm.

"For example, many elderly people have little contact with family and friends," he says. "It's not uncommon for them to feel sadness as they see commercials for Valentine candy and flowers. Why not devote some class time to making colorful collages for residents of local nursing homes or assisted living centers? Call to get first names so that the card collages are personalized."

Ask classmates to join you and your twins in dropping these off in person. "Your children will learn that giving a smile, good wishes and a few minutes of unexpected friendship can remedy another's loneliness," says Garton.

If the visit goes well, talk to your children's teacher about "adopting" the residents of the nursing home, says Garton.

"Plan monthly visits," he says. "For each resident, create name poems they can post on their door. Write the person's first name in a vertical line on a piece of paper. Then, beginning with each letter of the person's name, write something nice about that new friend -- something they do well, something they like or want to be remembered for. Then decorate the paper with markers, stickers and glitter. Present the name poems on one of your visits."

The class could also make and send Valentines to children who are hospitalized or in homeless shelters, or to members of the armed services who are far away from their loved ones.

"We want our children to develop character, good values and show kindness and respect to others, yet we make many of our celebrations totally kid-focused," says Garton. "Many parents want to dial this back. Our research on character development shows that children as young as second grade want to help others and understand that giving brings us pleasure."

Want to encourage your children to learn the joy of helping others? Red Chair Press is offering parents a free eBook, "The Best Birthday Gift," a heartwarming story to help a child see the benefit of listening, loving and showing respect. For more information, go to info.redchairpress.com/blog.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My two teen girls chatter with their peers, but they haven't learned the art of adult conversation. They never ask good questions or push a topic along. Do schools cover this? Are there any tricks I can use to teach them?

A: Schools do teach this, but not nearly enough, say two California educators, Marie Crawford and Jeff Zwiers. They train teachers to help students learn the skills essential for dialogue -- conversations in which we share different perspectives, build ideas and solve problems. They outline many strategies in their useful book, "Academic Conversations" (Stenhouse Publishers, 2011).

Crawford and Zwiers say students should develop five core skills to hold more complex conversations: (BEGIN ITALS)elaborating and clarifying, supporting ideas with evidence, building on or challenging ideas, paraphrasing and synthesizing.(END ITALS)

You can model these with your teens using topics they raise. For example, your daughter says, "Using hashtags on Facebook is so annoying. I mean, who does that?" You might say, "That's such an interesting observation. Please tell me why you think that." And a dialogue begins.

Do this consistently and your teens will reap academic benefits way beyond becoming interesting conversationalists. Academic conversation builds vocabulary and grammar; critical thinking such as persuasion, interpretation and evaluation; literacy skills such as predicting, summarizing and understanding abstract concepts, such as irony; and respect for each other's ideas and voices.

Learning to ask useful questions is important. "Questions linger, push and energize thinking; they open up the mind rather than shut it down," say Crawford and Zwiers. Questions help kids become "creative, empathic, hypothetical and humble." These are all qualities we want teens to develop.

Crawford teaches students how to ask several kinds of questions. You'll find them easy to model.

-- Questions that sustain conversations: These clarify and focus. Some examples are: (BEGIN ITALS)"What do you mean by ...?" "What is that important?" "What do others think?"(END ITALS)

-- Questions that explore meaning: We ask students to memorize meanings, says Crawford, but rarely to come up with their own definitions for concepts they're studying, such as democracy and freedom. For example, if discussing Occupy Wall Street, you might probe, "What does being 'middle class' mean? What has it meant for people at other times in our history?"

-- Questions that linger: Pondering leads to more focused problem-solving, says Zwiers. Encourage students to write down questions of interest. For example, "Is college worth the cost?" Suggest people they can talk with. Encourage them to research answers on their own. Come back to the question over time as their understanding deepens.

-- Questions that inspire "higher order" thinking: These ask for answers that go beyond recall and memorization. For example, if your daughters are into the "Twilight" series, ask questions such as, "Is Bella right or wrong in her decision?" "What did the author do to get readers to feel a certain way?" "How are the books and movies the same? Different?" and so on.

If you apply these techniques to topics your girls care about, and you are genuinely interested in what they think, they'll walk the walk as conversationalists!

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My two boys, 6 and 8, aren't into fantasy books. They love science and I'm trying to find books for our nightly reading. Those in our school library are very textbooky. Can you recommend a science series that we can all enjoy?

A: Your boys are a step ahead of an important trend -- more nonfiction reading in the early grades, so students develop "academic vocabulary" and background knowledge to help them understand math and science concepts in the middle grades and beyond.

Ask your librarian to gather a collection of books by Sandra Markle, an award-winning children's science writer of more than 200 books. Sandra uses the tools of science to research and write the books, traveling the world to observe her subjects. She even trekked to the South Pole for her book on penguins. Her probing prose, keen eye for delight, and ability to impart a sense of wonder grabs readers of any age. (Her series "Arachnid World," featuring spectacularly photographed spiders, helped a girl I tutored overcome her fear of these fascinating eight-legged predators.) Check out her "Outside and Inside" series and "Growing Up Wild" series. Sandra, who lives in New Zealand, invites young readers to share her sense of discovery on her blog: sandra-markle.blogspot.com.

Another author who does his own research is conservationist Michael Patrick O'Neill. His marine life books are packed with his spellbinding photography of sharks, sea turtles, fish and ocean reef dwellers. Go to batfishbooks.com.

Animal Planet and Kingfisher partnered to launch two series -- "Weird and Wonderful" (ages 6 to 10) and "My Life in the Wild" (ages 4 to 8). The first titles in "Weird and Wonderful" are "Show-Offs" and "Attack and Defense," focusing on adaptive behaviors for mating and defense, such as camouflage. Cheetahs and penguins are featured in the first two "My Life in the Wild" titles.

This month, Scholastic launches its "Discover More" series of nonfiction titles in print and online for three reading levels: Emergent, ages 4 to 6; Confident, ages 7 to 9; and Expert, ages 8 to 12. The photos and trendy graphics have great kid appeal. I gave my 12-year-old neighbor "The Elements: The Building Blocks of the Universe," the first title in the Expert series, and "she just pores over it," reports her mom. Each book comes with a code that allows online access to a free digital companion book with charts, videos, quizzes and articles that encourage readers to join scientists on their explorations. Go to www.scholastic.com/discovermore.

Peachtree publishes two well-illustrated nature series. The "A Place For" series explores ways to protect species such as butterflies, birds, fish and bats. The "About Habitats" series explores mountains, grasslands, deserts, wetlands and oceans. Go to peachtree-online.com.

The award-winning magazine Kids Discover explores a different subject each month, from the brain and cells, to earthquakes and space. It's edited for grades three to seven, but your 8-year-old will do just fine with your guidance. Back issues are available on 140 topics. It carries no advertising. Go to kidsdiscover.com.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)