Rob and Grace Jones wanted to replace a built-in toilet paper holder in their home in Crystal Lake, Illinois, on April 16, which required them to cut into the wall of their bathroom, NBC New York reported. That's when they came across a most unusual find: a towel containing two McDonald's hamburger wrappers and a full order of french fries inside. Vintage 1959. "We were expecting the worst," Grace said. "I was shielding my kids in case there was any dried blood." More like dried ketchup. "Not a cold case, just some cold fries," she said. "They were very well preserved." Must not be many mice in Crystal Lake. [NBC New York, 4/27/2022]

Questionable Judgment

An American family returning to the United States from a trip to Israel on April 28 set off a chaotic bomb scare at Ben Gurion International Airport near Tel Aviv when they tried to take an unexploded artillery shell through a security check, the BBC reported. They had found the shell in the Golan Heights and picked it up as a souvenir; at the airport, a family member pulled it from a backpack and asked if it could be put in a suitcase. The security official called for her immediate area to be cleared, but someone misheard her, and panic ensued. The family members were later questioned and allowed to board their flight. [BBC, 4/29/2022]

That's One Way To Do It

As his United Airlines flight taxied to its gate at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport on May 5, one passenger apparently couldn't wait to deplane, WLS-TV reported. So he opened the emergency exit and walked onto the wing, then slid down the wing and onto the runway. The ground crew stopped the man, and he was turned over to law enforcement officers. [WLS, 5/5/2022]

Seeing Double ... and More

The Mansfield Independent School District in Texas will celebrate an unusual graduation this year, feting 35 pairs of twins in its senior class, along with one set of triplets. Anthony and Angela Morka are among the twins who will graduate at the end of May, CBS News reported. "Knowing that it's almost over is exciting, but it's also kind of sad," Angela said. "It will definitely be a change because we're not going to be together like we've always been," Anthony added. The district held a special event for the multiples on April 29 at Vernon Newsom Stadium. [CBS News, 4/29/2022]

Bright Ideas

-- Five students at Ponte Vedra High School in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, have been accused in a "senior prank" in which a probable sandbar shark (prohibited from recreational and commercial harvest in Florida state waters, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission) was hoisted over a staircase at the school on May 5, News4Jax reported. "I was going to first period, and there was this massive shark hanging from the ceiling, and it smelled really bad," said Cooper Gottfried, a sophomore at the school. The shark is the school's mascot. The responsible parties may face charges of trespassing, wildlife violations and criminal mischief. [News4Jax, 5/5/2022]

-- An unnamed man in Detroit was arrested in late April for illegally possessing guns, but the federal agents who arrived at his home with a search warrant were more interested in how he made a living: He sold marijuana from a vending machine attached to his house, clearing $2,000 a day, he told them. The Associated Press reported that agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives made purchases from the machine to collect evidence before the bust. The man was released on bond. [AP, 5/3/2022]

'Scuse Me

As Pinellas County (Florida) Sheriff's Deputy Todd Brien drove away from St. Pete Beach to check on a 911 hang-up call on May 4, he inadvertently drove over Robin Diffenderfer, a 23-year-old woman sunbathing on her back in the sand, ClickOrlando.com reported. He struck her right side and mid- to upper back area. She was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries, and an investigation is ongoing. [ClickOrlando.com, 5/5/2022]

Recent Alarming Headline

During a funeral in Lambayeque, Peru, on April 26, pallbearers were stunned to hear knocking coming from within the coffin of Rosa Isabel Cespedes Callaca as they carried it, Metro News reported. They lowered the box to the ground and opened the lid to find that Callaca was weak, but alive, following a serious car accident. Cemetery caretaker Juan Segundo Cajo said that Callaca "opened her eyes and was sweating." She was rushed to a hospital, where she was shown to have faint signs of life, but sadly, she expired a few hours later. Her family members suspect she may have been in a coma following the accident, rather than deceased. Police are now investigating the incident. [Metro News, 5/2/2022]

Florida OG

Even the retirees are getting crazy in the Sunshine State. On April 24, as Herbert Merritt, 64, walked his dog near the Kings Point golf course in Delray Beach, Robert Levine, 74, drove up in his golf cart and confronted him about walking too close to the course. Next, the victim said, Levine pulled out a handgun and started shooting as Merritt ran away. CBS12-TV reported that Merritt was shot in the ankle, causing him to fall, but Levine couldn't leave it there; he kicked Merritt in the head, then retrieved a golf club from his cart and hit him with it several times. Levine is being held on attempted first-degree murder charges along with aggravated battery and discharging a firearm in public. [CBS12, 4/28/2022]

Welcome Home!

After a trip to Sacramento, Gary and Patti Reitemeyer returned to their home in Redding, California, on April 22 to a most unwelcome surprise: hundreds of swallows that had apparently entered their home through the chimney, KRCR-TV reported. A neighbor had noticed a few birds earlier when he stopped by to feed the cat, but the numbers had increased dramatically by the time the couple got home. "We open the door and it's like an Alfred Hitchcock movie," Gary said. "It was crazy. We were ducking and dodging." They called a restoration company to help clean the house, as it was uninhabitable. "All of the furniture is gone, all of the carpet is gone, the blinds are gone," Gary said. Sadly, their homeowner's insurance won't cover the damage from the bizarre incident. [KRCR, 5/4/2022]

Don't Make Me Dance

Police who arrested Amy Ann Harrington, 38, after she rear-ended a car on April 28 in Madeira Beach, Florida, suspected she was driving under the influence, so they attempted to do field sobriety tests with her, The Smoking Gun reported. They asked her to do a one-leg stand and walk and turn, but instead, Harrington broke into "multiple ballet and Irish folk dance moves," according to the arrest report. Harrington also refused to take a breath test; she was charged with DUI and booked into the county jail. [The Smoking Gun, 4/29/2022]

Creme de la Weird

Harry Matadeen, 34, from Hampshire, England, has a wellness tip to share with the world: He drinks his own urine, and what's more, he rubs it on his face. Metro News reported that Matadeen claims his habit, begun in 2016, keeps him looking young and has cured his depression. "I felt a new sense of peace, calm and determination," he said of his 200ml-per-day dose. The skin therapy keeps his face "young, soft and glowing." Matadeen calls urine an "acquired taste," but says that "fresh urine is never as bad as you imagine -- it is neutral-smelling and not a bad taste unless you are really toxic." His family doesn't approve, and his sister has ceased talking to him. [Metro News, 5/5/2022]

On April 25, the Oklahoma Election Board ruled that state Rep. Sean Roberts, who is running for labor commissioner, cannot be listed on the ballot as "The Patriot," as he had hoped to be, KFOR-TV reported. "I'm not surprised they ruled I had to change my name," Roberts said. "Back in my area, in the grassroots, I'm generally known as The Patriot." He claimed between 200 and 600 people know him by that name. Roberts' opponent and current labor commissioner Leslie Osborn said Roberts has appeared on seven previous ballots as Kevin Sean Roberts or Sean Roberts, and that he is not generally known as The Patriot. Roberts is considering appealing the decision. [KFOR, 4/27/2022]

Crash Collector

Everyone needs a hobby. Christina Warren is a busy software developer, but in her free time, she collects the swag of epic corporate failure: from Enron to Fyre Festival to her latest acquisition, a PopSocket branded with the CNN+ logo. NPR reported that Warren isn't interested in milquetoast meltdowns. She wants stuff from the companies that made a big splash and then sank to the bottom of the barrel. "I'm looking at the ones that were flying high, too close to the sun," she said, which "makes it funnier to be out someplace wearing a shirt from one of those things." But she doesn't want to spend more than $75 on any one item. She avoids counterfeit merchandise, and said her "white whale, the thing I haven't been able to obtain yet, is something officially from Theranos. I would even take a pen, you know, like a ballpoint pen." [NPR, 4/27/2022]

Squirrel!

A 78-year-old man in Slidell, Louisiana, was unable to get a good grip on a squirrel that was attacking him on April 26, possibly because the squirrel was "eating his hand," according to Slidell police. KATC-TV News reported that the man was trying to choke the squirrel, who inflicted "significant injuries" on the victim. (He is expected to make a full recovery.) Police said the man was walking around outside when the varmint came at him from the direction of the roof without any provocation. In a prescient pre-scold, police said while the story might sound funny, the incident was serious. So stop laughing. [KATC, 4/27/2022]

All in the Family

April 18 was a tough day for Franklin County (Florida) Sheriff A.J. Smith, the Miami Herald reported. His deputies conducted a "controlled buy" that day involving Smith's 38-year-old daughter, Kristen Kent, who was charged with trafficking methamphetamine. The sheriff, whose office features a sign saying "We don't meth around," admitted that this case "hit him in the face." When his deputies arrested a different woman for trafficking, she told them she had gotten the drugs from Kent. "My daughter?" he asked. "Yes, sir," she answered. He called it "gut-wrenching." Still, he said Kent would receive the same treatment he recommends for others who are caught up in meth's effects. "Methamphetamine does not discriminate and neither do we," he said. [Miami Herald, 4/21/2022]

The King of PTO

In January 1938, Walter Orthmann started work in the shipping department at Industrias Renaux S.A., a textile company in Brusque, Brazil, at the age of 15. Eighty-four years later, he still works there, now as a sales manager, Oddity Central reported. Orthmann turned 100 years old on April 19, but he has no plans to retire: "I like working here at the company," he said. He noted that everything is easier now, with mobile phones and internet connections, but he no longer travels like he used to. "You have to like to work. You can't just do any job to say that you are working," Orthmann advised. [Oddity Central, 4/27/2022]

Bright Idea

Deborah Hodge, 49, of the Sidcup area of London, has been forced to rehome three pets because previous landlords wouldn't allow them, but she couldn't bear the thought of being separated from her current cat, India, Metro News reported. So Hodge came up with a plan: She would marry India, making it more difficult for a landlord to separate them. India wore gold lame and Hodge donned a tuxedo for the big event, where a friend presided over the wedding vows in a London park. "We cannot be separated under any circumstances, as she is as important to me as the children," Hodge said. "I refuse to be parted with her." [Metro News, 4/25/2022]

Fore!

Erik and Athina Tenczar bought their home abutting the Indian Pond Country Club golf course in Kingston, Massachusetts, for the beautiful views. However, they ended up suing the club over the 600+ golf balls that have left dents and shattered windows in their home over five years, NBC News reported. The couple said they've long since stopped repairing shattered windows, instead covering them with plastic. "When it hits, it sounds like a gunshot," Athina said. "We're always on edge," Erik added. A Plymouth County Superior Court jury sympathized and awarded them $4.93 million. The club is now launching an appeal and has worked with the course's architect to find solutions for the errant projectiles. [NBC News, 4/25/2022]

Oops

Darbi Boddy, a Lakota School Board member in Butler County, Ohio, was asked to resign on April 27 after she apparently mistakenly directed visitors on her "Boddy for Lakota" Facebook page to a pornographic website, WLWT-TV reported. On April 26, she created a post about topics being taught in classrooms and included a link, but she spelled it wrong. Other school board members recognized that it was a mistake but said she was negligent; board president Lynda O'Connor called the error "absolutely unacceptable." In response, Boddy said, "This is a ruse, a political ruse. I did nothing wrong," and called the meeting a circus designed to shut down conservatives. Before the website incident, Boddy had been the subject of a petition, signed by 1,500 people, seeking her censure for "continued disrespect and aggression toward Superintendent Matt Miller." She said she will never resign. [WLWT, 4/27/2022]

Crime Report

With the help of a fine feathered friend, investigators in Buncombe County, North Carolina, are finally wrapping a cold (duck) case from 2020, WLOS-TV reported. Nellie Sullivan, a woman in her 90s, was determined to be missing in 2020, but her body was never located. Nevertheless, her granddaughter, Angela Wamsley, 46, and Wamsley's boyfriend, Mark Barnes, 50, were arrested in December 2020 on multiple charges, including concealing a death. On April 14, a couple out walking their pet duck discovered a container after the duck wandered under a trailer where Wamsley and Barnes once lived. Sullivan's remains were inside. "If I could give that duck a medal, I would," said Sgt. Mark Walker. He said Wamsley and Barnes continued to collect Sullivan's Social Security and retirement benefits and fill her prescriptions after her demise. [WLOS, 4/21/2022]

Awesome!

You might have heard that Queen Elizabeth II is celebrating her 70th year as monarch across the pond. Along with snapping up collector teacups and T-shirts, loyal Britons can slather their excitement for the platinum jubilee onto their sandwiches, with two renamed condiments from Heinz: HM Sauce (ordinarily known as HP Sauce) and Salad Queen (Salad Cream). Sky News suggested trying them on (Bucking)ham sandwiches or coronation chicken. "Releasing limited-edition bottles in time for the Jubilee felt like the perfect fit," gushed Heinz brand manager Anke von Hanstein. Gotta love the Brits. [Sky News, 4/25/2022]

Can we all agree that any alligator walking anywhere in Florida -- on a golf course, down a street, through a parking lot, wherever -- is no longer news, let alone weird news? This moseying gator, for instance, is NOT weird: In Venice, Florida, a large alligator walked through a neighborhood on Easter morning on its way to Harrington Lake, United Press International took the time to report, for whatever reason. The Sarasota County Sheriff's Office took a video -- slow crime day. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission was notified, but did not respond BECAUSE THIS IS NOT NEWS. [UPI, 4/18/2022]

Anti-Social Media

The Federal Aviation Administration has revoked Trevor Jacob's pilot's license, The New York Times reported on April 20, after concluding that Jacob purposely abandoned a plane he was flying and filmed it crashing into the Los Padres National Forest in California while he parachuted to the ground. Jacob then posted the 13-minute video on YouTube, calling it "I Crashed My Plane." The FAA said Jacob acted in a "careless or reckless manner so as to endanger the life or property of another." In the video, the propeller can be seen as it stops spinning, and Jacob opens the door and jumps out with a parachute and a selfie stick. The FAA noted, "During this flight, you opened the left side pilot door before you claimed the engine had failed." The agency also noted that Jacob did not contact air traffic control, try to restart the engine or look for a safe place to make an emergency landing. But he got 1.7 million views! [New York Times, 4/20/2022]

Bright Idea

Guests at a February wedding reception in Florida reported feeling "ill and high," "having crazy thoughts" and having "no control over [their] mind and body" after consuming pasta, salad and an olive oil and herb dip, The Smoking Gun reported. And it's no wonder: The bride, Danya Svoboda, 42, and caterer Joycelyn Bryant, 31, were charged on April 18 with allegedly adding marijuana to the food served to wedding guests, several of whom ended up at the hospital. One victim told the best man that he "felt like he'd been drugged," but the best man was "incoherent" himself. The groom's aunt, 69, reported that she became paranoid and "loud and unruly" in the ER. One catering staffer thought the guests were aware that THC was in the food; Miranda Cady, 38, a (former?) friend of the bride, said Svoboda behaved as if guests should be happy about the addition to the food. Cady was terrified and sent herself a text so if she died, "someone would know what happened." Svoboda and Bryant are scheduled for arraignment in June. [The Smoking Gun, 4/20/2022]

Remember to Backup Your Phone

A woman in her 40s on a visit to Olympic National Forest probably won't want to go back anytime soon after a harrowing experience at the top of Mount Walker on April 19, The Olympian reported. The anonymous woman dropped her cellphone into a vault toilet (a waterless, nonflush toilet typically found at campgrounds and near hiking trails) and attempted to fish it out using her dog leash. Instead, she fell headfirst into the abyss; she tried to escape on her own but ended up calling 911 with her recovered phone. Fire crews from Brinnon, Washington, fashioned a platform she could stand on, and they pulled her out and washed her off. First responders, who said she was lucky not to have been overcome by toxic gases, encouraged her to seek medical attention because of her exposure to human waste. [The Olympian, 4/21/2022]

Government in Action

Citizens in Cornwall, England, are fuming after the St. Blaise Town Council ordered that 1,000 daffodils in the Old Roselyon Play Area be cut down because they can be poisonous if eaten and could give children diarrhea, Metro News reported. But a spokesman for the Roselyon Play Park Committee called the move "preposterous" and "totally bonkers." He went on to explain that the land was once an orchard and was home to so many of the flowers that a part of it was called Daffodil Walk. Residents took to social media to protest the directive: "When I was in primary school, every year we were given a daffodil bulb to grow ... Funny, I don't remember trying to eat them or anyone being poisoned." Another said, "Daffodils are also poisonous to dogs, (but) even my mutt has the common sense not to eat them." [Metro News, 4/5/2022]

Take a Deep Breath

Tom Jozsi, a 60-year-old maintenance worker in Kenosha, Wisconsin, was in the dentist's chair when his visit turned anything but routine, WISN-TV reported on April 18. Jozsi was getting a cavity filled when he inhaled an inch-long dental drill bit. "I didn't really even feel it going down," he said, but the bit was deep in his right lung, a CT scan showed. Pulmonary expert Dr. Abdul Alraiyes and his team at the Aurora Medical Center-Kenosha decided to try a catheter that's used for the early detection of cancer, allowing them to reach the small bit and pull it out without any harm to Jozsi's lung. Today, the bit is displayed on a shelf in Jozsi's home. [WISN, 4/18/2022]

Focus

One unidentified person in Dublin, Ireland, was responsible for making 90% of all noise complaints received at Dublin Airport in 2021, United Press International reported on April 19. The person averaged 34 complaints per day, totaling 12,272 for the year. They nearly doubled their number from 2020, 6,227, and are already on track for a new record in 2022, with a daily average of 59. The company that runs the airport says it responds to each complaint and works with communities on issues such as aircraft noise. [UPI, 4/19/2022]

Police Report

The moral of this story: Always keep an eye on that gas gauge. Police in Memphis, Tennessee, were called about an abandoned Chevy Suburban on the I-55 bridge between Tennessee and Arkansas on April 17, WREG-TV reported. The truck, left in a southbound lane of traffic, had been struck by another car, and while police were preparing to tow it away, the Chevy's owner, Catherine Mardesich, 54, returned to the scene, saying she had run out of gas. But when police started to inventory the truck, she allegedly said, "I don't want you going through my vehicle." And here's why: Inside they found 229 pounds of marijuana and $17,800 in cash. Mardesich was charged with possession. Nearest gas station? 0.9 mile. [WREG, 4/19/2022]

Suspicions Confirmed

When a load of "weird" items were delivered to a Los Angeles-area charity in February, a worker there thought the donor must have been "rich or famous or whatever," KABC-TV reported on April 21. But one item drew the attention of the Los Angeles Police Department: a large stuffed reindeer that had a hole on its underside. A staff member at the charity was inspecting the hole to see if it could be fixed when three bags of white powder fell out. Officers said the substance resembled cocaine, but they took Blitzen away for further investigation. [KABC, 4/21/2022]

Oops

Henry DeHart of Chattanooga, Tennessee, stopped to fill up his gas tank on April 14 and noticed that his 12 gallons of premium fuel only cost him $5.64. He figured out that while the price of gas was averaging more than $4 a gallon, the pump was set to $0.449. DeHart told the owner, who was "on the verge of tears," since he had been undercharging for several hours. "There's no telling how much money he lost today," DeHart told KRCG-TV. DeHart said the man behind him in line was not happy that he had brought the mistake to the owner's attention, but DeHart knew it was the right thing to do. In fact, he paid the owner what he would have been charged had the pump been set correctly. Good on him. [KRCG, 4/21/2022]