In June, Connecticut State Police investigating a December armed robbery outside the Golden Palace Chinese Restaurant in Norwich arrived at the Corrigan Correctional Center in Montville to obtain a DNA sample from Gregory Blue, 38, who first accused police of planting his DNA at the scene of the robbery before telling them "a phlebotomist who took his blood years ago dropped his DNA at the scene via airplane," according to authorities. Investigators had found blood at the scene of the robbery and on hats the unidentified 45-year-old victim said had been left by the assailant. The Connecticut Post reported the DNA samples matched, according to the arrest warrant, and on Sept. 25, Blue was charged with first-degree robbery and second-degree assault. [Connecticut Post, 9/30/2020]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

-- Larry Stothers, 41, and Jayson Rappa, 31, were arrested on Sept. 26 in Largo, Florida, and charged with strong-arm robbery after allegedly stealing a prosthetic leg, according to The Smoking Gun. Police say they were called by the victim after Stothers and Rappa confronted him over a stolen backpack, "and in the course of the fight, a prosthetic leg was taken from the victim." Court records did not reveal the whereabouts of the leg. [The Smoking Gun, 9/28/2020]

-- An aggressive Muscovy duck named Bob in Mansfield, England, has terrorized postman Steve Hinds to the point that Hinds has refused to deliver mail to the duck's owners until they contain him, The Scottish Sun reported. Hinds told the Sun that on Oct. 3, "The duck started hissing at me and ... it ran me up the path snapping its beak." The apologetic owners left a Crunchie candy bar as a peace offering for Hinds and a note reading, "He used to be lovely and cuddly. Now he is a vicious sex-maniac! We have fenced him in and hopefully he won't escape." But two days later, Bob escaped the fence and came after Hinds again. At press time, the standoff continues. [The Scottish Sun, 10/7/2020]

Anger Management

Justin Anthony Garcia, 30, of Lehigh Acres, Florida, landed in the Lee County Jail on Sept. 27 on charges of aggravated battery following a heated argument over which is better: whole milk or almond milk, reported Fox 23 News. Deputies of the Lee County Sheriff's Office were called to the scene after the disagreement between two cousins escalated from verbal to physical, according to court documents, eventually ending with Garcia drawing a pocketknife and chasing his cousin through the front yard, cutting him on the torso. An uncle intervened and separated the two until deputies arrived, but the arrest complaint does not say which type of milk Garcia prefers. [Fox 23 News, 9/27/2020]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Three men are on the run in Philadelphia after a botched ATM burglary on Oct. 2, the Associated Press reported. The men entered a Chinese takeout restaurant and ordered food, then set off an explosive device while they waited that damaged an ATM, but they couldn't remove the cash box inside the machine, police said. They escaped empty-handed on foot and bicycle, and police are still searching for them. [Associated Press, 10/3/2020]

-- Alice Lavern Henry, 47, of Lake Wales, Florida, told a clerk at Griner's Jewelry in Winter Haven that she had found the ring she brought in to sell while treasure-hunting on a beach. The clerk became suspicious when she noticed the ring, valued at more than $1,000, had no damage, and investigators later determined it was part of a collection that had been stolen from the store in a July burglary, according to the Winter Haven Police Department. The Ledger reported that police also learned Henry had visited another jewelry store on several occasions in September, attempting to sell other rings from Griner's collection. She was arrested Oct. 4 on charges of felony grand theft. [The Ledger, 10/5/2020]

Great Art!

Passersby were in awe as 32 tons of raw carrots were dumped from a large truck onto a road running through the University of London campus on Sept. 30. The carrots were an art installation presented as part of the Goldsmiths art college Master of Fine Arts degree show by student Rafael Perez Evans, who titled his work "Grounding" and said it is designed to raise awareness about food waste, United Press International reported. The show ran from Oct. 2-6, and "Rafael has arranged for the carrots to be removed at the end of the exhibition and donated to animals," a university spokesperson said. [United Press International, 9/30/2020]

Recent Alarming Headlines

In White Marsh, Maryland, a person driving past the closed Rustic Inn bar on the morning of Oct. 7 saw what they thought was a Halloween decoration in the parking lot, WJZ reported. After doubling back, the driver determined it was a dead body, and "the body has suffered some sort of trauma," said Jennifer Peach of the Baltimore County Police Department. Peach went on to appeal for tips from the public: "We don't have a lot of information at this point." [WJZ, 10/7/2020]

Entrepreneurial Spirit

-- Two young men soliciting residents in Covina, California, for donations for the Covina High School football team ran into a problem when they appeared at the door of a resident who quickly questioned them: "It's funny you bring that up, because I know for a fact that you guys don't go to Covina because I teach there ... I'm a football coach." When neither of the alleged scammers could name the head coach, they left, Fox11 reported on Oct. 7, and the football team tweeted confirmation that the two were not with the program. [Fox 11, 10/7/2020]

-- Hotels.com is offering one lucky customer the opportunity to "live under a rock" to escape "election stress disorder" during election week Nov. 2-7, United Press International reports. The accommodations in a manmade cave 50 feet below ground in New Mexico will cost just $5 per night. "Political fatigue is real, regardless of the year or election," said Josh Belkin, vice president of Hotels.com. "Who knows what else 2020 has in store for us." [United Press International, 10/8/2020]

Wait, What?

A Japanese buyer with very precise requirements has paid a record $14,000 for a 22-pound traditional Iberian ham, Oddity Central reported. Julio Revilla, president of Sierra Mayor Jabugo, in Corteconcepcion, Spain, said the ham was produced according to the buyer's strict instructions: It had to come from an Iberian pig at least 2 years old that had grazed on a diet of only acorns and herbs in the mountains of Sierra Mayor for at least 100 days. The pig was slaughtered in 2015 and the ham was then cured for five years -- twice the amount of time for a typical premium ham. It was delivered to the buyer in September, who was also awarded with a Guinness World Record certificate. [Oddity Central, 10/6/2020]

Convicted drug smuggler Mike Gielen, 24, hired a helicopter at Deurne airport near Antwerp, Belgium, on Sept. 25, then hijacked the aircraft in mid-flight and forced the pilot to fly to Berkendaal women's prison south of Brussels to free his wife, Kristel Appelt, 27, who is being held there on suspicion of murdering an ex-boyfriend, The Guardian reported. As inmates cheered and waved below, the pilot circled the prison yard, trying unsuccessfully to land, while Gielen put his head out of the chopper to vomit five times, before giving up and flying off. Authorities arrested Gielen and several accomplices within 24 hours when they discovered he had used his real name to hire the helicopter. "It seems the whole thing has been staged quite amateurishly," remarked Tom van Overbeke, Gielen's attorney. [The Guardian, 9/28/2020]

Wide World of Sports

Hillsborough County (Florida) Sheriff's deputies responding to reports of a domestic violence situation on Sept. 23 arrived at the apartment of Devon Garnett, 26, to find Garnett and two friends, fans of the Tampa Bay Lightning, watching Game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals. Neighbors had become alarmed after hearing shouts of "Shoot! Shoot!" and "I dare you to shoot!" just before 8:30 that evening, reported the Associated Press. The deputies "thought there were guns in the house," said Garnett, who told them, "Nope, we're just screaming for Steven Stamkos." [Associated Press, 9/25/2020]

Recurring Themes

Voters in the village of Deveselu, Romania, reelected popular Mayor Ion Aliman to a third term in a landslide victory on Sept. 27 despite the fact that Aliman had died of COVID-19 10 days before the election. The Associated Press reported that word of the mayor's passing had spread fast among the village's 3,000 residents, but his name still appeared on the ballots, and many villagers used the vote as an opportunity to honor Aliman, who would have celebrated his 57th birthday on election day. After the results were revealed, many villagers went to his grave to pay respects and light candles, saying, "We will make you proud" and "This is your victory." [Associated Press, 9/28/2020]

Compelling Explanation

After throwing a Bible that struck a Marion County (Florida) Sheriff's deputy in the face, Robert Otis Hoskins, 39, of Summerfield, told officers that God had directed him to break into his neighbors' home and free their young daughter, according to authorities. WKMG-TV reports police were responding to reports of a burglary on Sept. 22 when they encountered Hoskins, who emerged from the house next door wearing nothing but briefs and yelling something like, "I condemn you!" before throwing the Bible. Officers tased him and took him into custody; Hoskins' wife told deputies he "does have a drug problem," according to the arrest report, and the alleged victim said about $50 worth of clothing had been stolen. Hoskins was booked on multiple charges. [WKMG-TV, 9/30/2020]

Latest Human Rights

A High Court judge in Liverpool, England, has rejected Cheryl Pile's attempt to sue the Liverpool Police for violating her rights in April 2017 when four female officers changed her out of the clothes she had vomited on, reports the BBC. Calling the officers' actions "an act of decency," the judge noted that Pile, who later paid a fine for being drunk and disorderly, was "too insensible with drink to have much idea of either where she was or what she was doing there," and would otherwise have been left "to marinade overnight in her own bodily fluids." [BBC 9/18/2020]

Bad Behavior

CNN reports a 32-year-old unnamed Irishman was charged with vandalism after being caught on Sept. 21 carving his first and last initials into a pillar on the first floor of the Colosseum in Rome. The structure, which has stood for two millennia, is a World Heritage Site, and Italian law calls for a hefty fine or prison sentence for damaging a historical and artistic landmark. Archaeologist Federica Rinaldi, who is responsible for the Colosseum, suggested it would be better to "take a selfie" than to carve into the amphitheater's walls. [CNN, 9/26/2020]

Annuls of Technology

-- Taro Kono, Japan's new minister for administrative reform, is wasting no time in starting his crusade to cut down on bureaucratic red tape, reports The Japan Times, and among his first targets is the fax machine, which is still in use in more than 95% of businesses in Japan. "I don't think there are many administrative procedures that actually need printing out paper and faxing," Kono said on Sept. 25. A day after being appointed to his new job, Kono created a red-tape hotline on his website, inviting public input, that had to be shut down the next day after receiving more than 4,000 responses. [The Japan Times, 9/27/2020]

-- Keith Bebonis knows a secret about the Chicago Police Department, reported the Chicago Sun-Times on Sept. 25: They still use typewriters. Bebonis knows because he repairs them when the officers "abuse" them. "Police officers, in general, are very heavy typists," said Bebonis, 46, who carries on the business his dad started in the late 1960s, Bebon Office Machines and Supplies. He contracts every year to repair 40 to 50 IBM Wheelwriters -- early word-processing machines that can store a few pages' worth of data. "I don't want it to seem like I'm saying they're taking their frustrations out on the typewriter," Bebonis said. "But they're just not very sensitive with these machines." [Chicago Sun-Times, 9/25/2020]

It's Good to Have a Hobby

Calling himself "Britain's dullest man," Kevin Beresford, 68, of Redditch, is the founder of the Roundabout Appreciation Society and has traveled all over the country for the past 17 years, searching for the best traffic circles, which he memorializes in calendars with photos of his favorites. His hobby began when he ran a printing company that created calendars for clients every year, he told BirminghamLive, and they jokingly created a roundabout calendar. Since then, this self-described "Lord of the Rings" has expanded his interests to include phone boxes of Wales and Birmingham's No. 11 Outer Circle bus route. His latest focus has been on car parks. "I started the Car Park Appreciation Society 10 years ago, but nobody has joined," he said. "It's a bit sad." [Mirror, 9/18/2020]

Police Report

Johnathan Lee Rossmoine, 36, of Louisiana, was charged with multiple sex crimes on Sept. 27 after deputies of the Hernando County (Florida) Sheriff's Office arrested him at the Spring Hill home of a teenager in whose bedroom Rossmaine had been living for a month, according to authorities. The Associated Press reports the two met online two years ago, deputies said, and Rossmoine told them he had traveled to Florida several times since then. The teen told officers Rossmoine had been living in the bedroom since Aug. 19, and hid in the closet when the teen's parents were home. [Associated Press via KATC, 9/30/2020]

Animal Capers

Five African gray parrots adopted in August by Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in the United Kingdom were on display to the public only 20 minutes before the park started getting complaints that the birds were using obscenities with guests, reported LincolnshireLive. When the birds first came to Lincolnshire, they were quarantined together, where it seems they taught each other some "fowl" language. "The more they swear, the more you usually laugh, which then triggers them to swear again," explained park CEO Steve Nichols. The birds have been placed in an offshore enclosure where Nichols hoped other birds would teach them some manners; when released, they'll go to separate areas so they can't encourage each other. [LincolnshireLive, 9/28/2020]

-- Ukraine International Airlines has banned a traveler from all future flights with the carrier after the unidentified woman opened an emergency door on a Boeing 737 and went for a walk on the wing as it was waiting at a gate at Boryspil International Airport in Kyiv. CNN reported the passenger had traveled from Antalya, Turkey, with her husband and children in the Aug. 31 incident, when other passengers heard her say she was "too hot" before she popped open the emergency exit and went outside. The airline criticized her for setting an inadequate "parental example" and threatened she may face "an exceptionally high financial penalty." Airport security and doctors on the scene determined she was "not under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs." [CNN, 9/4/2020]

-- A 51-year-old man from St. Cloud, Minnesota, was released from the Sherburne County Jail in Elk River on Sept. 12, but as he left the facility, he decided to take with him a DoorDash delivery that had been intended for a correctional officer working there. The Star News reported the officer contacted the former inmate by phone to inquire after his $29.13 order, and the man said he thought his family had sent it to him. He was cited for theft. [Star News, 9/17/2020]

Oops!

-- Officials in Dania Beach, Florida, recently upgraded signs welcoming visitors to their city, including a small one that has greeted drivers for years along Dania Beach Boulevard, but local activist Clive Taylor took exception, pointing out that the sign is actually in Hollywood, not Dania Beach. "The little sign was bad enough," Taylor, who is vice president of the Hollywood Historical Society, told the Sun Sentinel. "But to have Dania put up this mini-billboard with lights on it is wrong." Hollywood Mayor Josh Levy says he's confident the two towns can work together to resolve the issue. [Sun Sentinel, 9/17/2020]

-- An octogenarian in the village of Parcoul-Chenaud, France, set off a violent explosion in his attempt to kill an annoying fly, the BBC reported in early September. Not realizing a gas canister in his home was leaking, the man used an electric fly swatter to battle the insect and caused an explosion that destroyed his kitchen and damaged the roof of his home. While the man was mostly unharmed, he has had to move to a local campsite while his family makes repairs to the home. [BBC, 9/6/2020]

Chutzpah

Three unnamed Metro-North Railroad employees were suspended without pay on Sept. 24 for turning a storage room under New York City's Grand Central Terminal into a man cave, complete with a television, refrigerator, microwave and futon couch, according to the Metropolitan Transportation Authority. The Associated Press reported that investigators found the space after receiving an anonymous tip in February 2019 that the three -- a wireman, a carpenter foreman and an electrical foreman -- had built a secret room where they would "hang out and get drunk and party." [Associated Press, 9/24/2020]

Nature

Caesar, a 16-year-old alpaca at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage, was killed on Sept. 20 by a wild brown bear that tunneled under a fence while the facility was closed then left. Caesar, who had lived at the zoo for 15 years, was "a crowd favorite," executive director Patrick Lampi told the Associated Press. The bear had been hanging around the zoo, knocking over trash cans and breaking locks, and was later euthanized when it returned. Caesar's companion alpaca, Fuzzy Charlie, escaped the attack and was unharmed. Lampi said a similar incident took place about 20 years ago; that bear was captured and relocated to Duluth, Minnesota. [Associated Press, 9/23/2020]

Collections

September 22 marked the 60th anniversary of the day 14-year-old Boy Scout Steve Jenne scored a special memento of then-Vice President Richard Nixon's campaign visit to Jenne's hometown of Sullivan, Illinois. Nixon took a bite of a buffalo barbecue sandwich that day, then set it down. "I looked around and thought, 'If no one else was going to take it, I am going to take it," Jenne told the Herald & Review, and the leftover has been in a glass jar in Jenne's freezer ever since. In 1988, word of the sandwich earned Jenne a spot on "The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson" and led his acquiring half-eaten items from Carson and fellow guest Steve Martin, as well as Tiny Tim and Henny Youngman. [Herald & Review, 9/23/2020]

Smooth Reaction

A 78-year-old Spanaway, Washington, woman was alerted by her barking dog on Sept. 20, and opened her door to find "a man," she told KIRO, standing in front of her. As "he turned and started to leave," the woman, identified as Sandy, said, "Oh, no, you don't," and picked up her shotgun and cocked it. The alleged intruder plopped down on her porch steps and the two waited for police to arrive. "You know, I've got grandchildren your age!" Sandy told him. Pierce County Sheriff's deputies took the man into custody, but Sandy didn't press charges. [KIRO, 9/22/2020]

Government in Action

The Opa-Locka (Florida) City Commission voted 4-1 on Sept. 9 to repeal a 13-year-old ordinance that made wearing saggy pants a crime, the Miami Herald reported. Around town, visitors can see signs reading, "No ifs, ands or butts ... It's the city law!" and showing two young men with low-riding waistbands, but Vice Mayor Chris Davis explained: "I felt it disproportionately affected a certain segment of our population, which is young African American men." The ACLU of Florida agreed. [Miami Herald, 9/13/2020]

Frontiers of Farming

Cockroach farms are not new in China, where the bugs have long been used in Chinese medicine, but a new facility near the eastern city of Jinan is gaining attention as a way to deal with food waste while producing organic protein supplements for animal feeds. In four industrial-sized hangars, Australia's ABC News reported, rows of shelves are filled with food waste collected from restaurants through an elaborate system of pipes. A moat filled with roach-eating fish surrounds each building to keep the roaches from escaping. "In total there are 1 billion cockroaches," farm manager Yin Diansong said. "Every day they can eat 50 tonnes of kitchen waste." Said project director Li Yanrong, "If we can farm cockroaches on a large scale, we can provide protein that benefits the entire ecological cycle." [ABC News, 9/19/2020]

Armed and Clumsy

A Pineville (Louisiana) police officer who reported he'd been "ambushed" on Sept. 20 has been accused of shooting himself instead, according to authorities. The Pineville Police Department said John Goulart Jr. originally claimed that he'd been shot once in the leg, and that a second shot had hit the rear door of his police car while he was at a shopping center. But Police Chief Don Weatherford told KALB: "(E)vidence gives you some pretty clear direction and it led us to reinterviewing Officer Goulart Jr. and he admitted at that point that he had not been truthful with us during the investigation." Goulart was charged with filing a false police report and malfeasance; he's also been placed on administrative leave. [KALB, 9/23/2020]