Asparagus is healthy and delicious. But for 63-year-old Jemima Packington of Bath, England, the columnar vegetable is much more: Packington is an asparamancer, a person who can foretell the future by tossing the spears into the air and seeing how they land. "When I cast the asparagus, it creates patterns, and it is the patterns I interpret," Packington said. "I am usually about 75 to 90 percent accurate." In fact, out of 13 predictions she made for 2018, 10 of them came true. What's in store for 2019? Packington tells Metro News that England's women's soccer team will win the World Cup; "A Star Is Born" will win an Oscar; and fears over Brexit will be largely unfounded. Oh, and asparagus will see an all-time high in sales. [Metro News, 12/31/2018]

People With Issues

KION TV reported on Jan. 7 that a Salinas, California, family's Ring doorbell camera captured video of a man licking the doorbell for more than three hours. The homeowners were out of town during the encounter, which took place around 5 a.m., but their children were inside. Sylvia Dungan, who was alerted to the activity at her front door on her phone, said, "I thought, boy there's a lot of traffic. ... Who the heck is that?" Salinas police identified the man as Roberto Daniel Arroyo, 33. Arroyo also relieved himself in the front yard and visited a neighbor's house. "You kind of laugh about it afterwards because technically he didn't do anything," Dungan said, although police later charged him with petty theft and prowling. [KION, 1/8/2019]

Blame It on the Meth

Debra Lynn Johnson, 69, of Searles, Minnesota, suffered from heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and mental illnesses, according to the Mankato Free Press, and was a patient at a transitional care center before her husband took her home to have a "death party," he later told authorities. Brown County sheriff's officers responding to a 911 call from Duane Arden Johnson, 58, on Jan. 24 found the words "Death Parde God Hell" spray-painted on the front door. Duane came out of the house naked, yelled that his wife was dead and ran back inside, where officers found him in the bathtub picking "things" from his skin. Debra's body, still warm, was wrapped in a sheet. Duane told police his wife had begged him to take her home to die, so they had staged the party, "rocking out" to Quiet Riot's "Metal Health" and taking methamphetamines. After her death, Duane said he washed and wrapped her "like the Bible told me to do." Police found stolen guns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition in the home, and Duane was charged with felony counts of theft and receiving stolen property. [Mankato Free Press, 1/26/2019]

Inexplicable

-- Sharisha Morrison of Albuquerque, New Mexico, and her neighbors have been the recipients since Jan. 1 of an odd gift: plastic grocery bags with slices of bread and bologna inside, delivered by an unknown man. At first, Morrison told KOB TV, she thought the food deliveries were acts of kindness, until she opened the bag and smelled the contents. "It smelled like urine," she said. Morrison said she can watch the man on her surveillance camera. "He'll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away," she said. "I just want it to stop." Police have told her they can't do anything unless they catch him in the act. [KOB TV, 1/29/2019]

-- Zack Pinsent, 25, from Brighton, England, hasn't dressed in modern clothing since he was 14 years old. Instead, he makes and wears clothes that were popular in the 1800s. "At 14, I made the symbolic decision to burn my only pair of jeans in a bonfire. It was a real turning point," Pinsent told Metro News. On a typical day, Pinsent wears a floral waistcoat and knee-high leather riding boots, along with a jacket with tails and a top hat. He explains that his obsession started when his family found a box of his great-grandfather's suits. He now researches, designs and sews clothing for himself and other history buffs, to great response: "I've been all over the world and people are inquisitive and appreciative," he said. [Metro News, 6/27/2019]

Ewwwww!

Silence of the Lambs, indeed. A Manchester, England, woman named Joan has a unique project in mind for a custom clothing designer. Joan, 55, is anticipating having her leg amputated because of peripheral arterial disease, reported the Daily Mail, so she posted on Sewport.com, requesting help to "create something beautiful and useful" -- a handbag, using her own skin. She has budgeted about $3,900 for the project, which she envisions as a "medium-sized handbag with a short strap and a section down the middle that will be made from my skin," she explained in the post. "I know it's a bit odd and gross ... but it's my leg, and I can't bear the thought of it being left to rot somewhere." There are no laws against her keeping the limb, although there is paperwork to fill out. Boris Hodakel, the founder of Sewport.com, reports that no designers have come forward yet to help with Joan's request. [Daily Mail, 2/20/2019]

Dumb and Dumber

Rogers, Arkansas, neighbors Charles Eugene Ferris, 50, and Christopher Hicks, 36, were hanging out on Ferris' back porch on March 31, drinking and enjoying the spring air. Ferris was wearing his bulletproof vest -- because why not? -- and invited Hicks to shoot him with a .22-caliber semi-automatic rifle. KFSM reported the vest blocked the bullet from striking Ferris, but it still hurt and left a red mark on his upper chest. Next, Hicks donned the vest and Ferris "unloaded the clip into Christopher's back," according to the police report, also leaving bruises. That's where it all would have ended had Ferris not gone to the hospital, where staff alerted the Benton County Sheriff's Office. Ferris initially told officers an elaborate story about being shot while protecting "an asset" in a dramatic gunfight, but Ferris' wife spilled the beans about the back-porch challenge. Both men were arrested for suspicion of aggravated assault. [KFSM, 4/2/2019]

The High Price of Vanity

A "vampire facial" is a procedure during which blood is drawn with a needle and then "spun" to separate the plasma, which is then injected into the face. For customers of a spa in Albuquerque, New Mexico, though, the most lasting effects may come after a blood test. The state's Department of Health is urging customers of VIP Spa, which closed in September 2018, to undergo HIV testing after two people were infected following treatment there. Dr. Dean Bair of the Bair Medical Spa said people should always make sure they're going to a licensed facility for such procedures. "This is just the worst example of what can go wrong," he told KOAT. The spa closed after inspectors found its practices could potentially spread blood-borne infections, including hepatitis B and C as well as HIV. [KOAT, 4/30/2019]

Free Speech

TSA agents at Juneau International Airport logged unexpected cargo on April 15 when a "large organic mass" was spotted in a traveler's carry-on bag. TSA spokesperson Lisa Farbstein explained to KTOO that such a flag can indicate the presence of explosives. However, when agents opened the bag, they found a plastic grocery bag full of moose "nuggets." "The passenger told the TSA officers that he collects this and likes to present it 'for politicians and their (bleep) policies,'" Farbstein explained. The passenger was not detained and was allowed to continue on with his bag of moose poop. Later that day, the Anchorage Daily News reported that a man was seen at the state capitol, handing out baggies of moose nuggets in protest of Gov. Mike Dunleavy's proposed budget. [KTOO, 4/26/2019]

It's Come to This

The Pokemon Co. has made Japanese brides' dreams come true with its announcement that it is collaborating with a wedding planner to offer sanctioned ceremonies with its characters in attendance, dressed as a bride and groom. Yes, Pikachu will stand up with you and your betrothed (as long as you go to Japan to tie the knot), and the icing on the cake is Pokemon-themed food items and a Pikachu cake topper. Finally, United Press International reports, for your scrapbook, you'll have a marriage certificate decorated with Pokemon imagery -- surely an item you'll want to preserve in a licensed Pokemon photo frame. [UPI, 5/30/2019]

WJAR reported that an unnamed substitute teacher was fired on Dec. 16 for smoking marijuana in a classroom at North Attleborough High School in North Attleborough, Massachusetts. Peter Haviland, principal at the school, said students reported the incident and the teacher was removed from the school premises. Haviland also said the teacher not only used the drug, but led a discussion in class about marijuana. Campuses in the district are drug-free. Well, they were. [WJAR, 12/17/2019]

Update

Last year during the holiday season, former NASA engineer Mark Rober of Santa Clarita, California, created a glitter bomb exploding package in response to having a package stolen from his front porch. This year, Rober has a new and improved version: When it is touched, the BBC reported on Dec. 17, the box explodes in glitter and emits an unpleasant odor along with a soundtrack of police chatter. As a coup de grace, it also takes a video of the thief and uploads it to the cloud. One of the sponsors for Rober's project is "Home Alone" actor Macaulay Culkin. Rober calls it a labor of love: "I have literally spent the last 10 months designing, building and testing a new and improved design for 2019," he said. [BBC, 12/17/2019]

Family Values

It may not be the oldest fruitcake still (mostly) uneaten, but it could be the most beloved. The Detroit News reported that the Ford family of Tecumseh, Michigan, has been cherishing Fidelia Ford's fruitcake since 1878 -- over five generations. Julie Ruttinger, great-great-granddaughter to Fidelia, inherited the confection from her father, Morgan Ford, who kept it in an antique glass compote dish in his china cabinet until his death in 2013. It doesn't much look, or smell, like a fruitcake anymore ("Smells like old people," Morgan once said), but Ruttinger is determined to keep Fidelia's legacy alive. Each year, Fidelia made a cake that was meant to age until the next Christmas season. But in 1878, she died before her cake could be enjoyed. When Morgan was buried, the family tucked a piece of the cake into his jacket pocket. "He took care of it to the day he left the Earth," Ruttinger said. "We knew it meant a lot to him." [Detroit News, 12/13/2019]

Irony

Two workers with the Chicago Park District were spreading salt on an icy lakefront bike path on Dec. 11 when their pickup truck hit a slick spot and slipped into Lake Michigan, the Associated Press reported. It was halfway into the water before it got stuck on a breakwall. The workers were able to escape the truck and move to the shore uninjured. Park District spokesperson Michelle Lemons reminded Chicago residents that the path slopes toward the water and lake levels are high. "It might not look like it's dangerous, but it could still be a sheet of glass," she said. [Associated Press, 12/11/2019]

No Good Deed

Virginia Saavedra, 37, ran to a home in Sophia, North Carolina, on Dec. 11, telling the resident she had just escaped being kidnapped by a stranger. When the man let her sit in his truck to warm up while he called 911, Saavedra allegedly stole the truck, according to the Randolph County Sheriff's Office. Officers responding to the 911 call spotted the truck and engaged in a 26-mile high-speed chase before trapping the truck. The Associated Press reported Saavedra then rammed a patrol car before trying to flee on foot. She was eventually charged with more than a dozen crimes, including felony assault with a deadly weapon on a government official. [Associated Press, 12/13/2019]

Bright Idea

Around 7:30 a.m. on Dec. 18, an unnamed 17-year-old girl jumped a fence at Fresno Yosemite International Airport in Fresno, California, and climbed into the cockpit of a private airplane parked there. She put the pilot's headset on and was able to start one of the engines of the small plane, but instead of flying away, she steered the plane into a chain-link fence, causing substantial damage to the aircraft, the Fresno Bee reported. Airport officials said she appeared disoriented when officers reached the plane, but no others were endangered in the incident. She was booked into juvenile hall on charges of theft of an aircraft. [Fresno Bee, 12/18/2019]

Government in Action

A sharp-eyed Twitter user spotted an unexpected country on the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Agricultural Tariff Tracker list: Wakanda. The fictional country from the "Black Panther" film made the list of free trade agreement partners. USDA spokesperson Mike Illenberg told NBC News on Dec. 18 the agency had used Wakanda to test the tracking system and had forgotten to remove it from the list. "The Wakanda information should have been removed after testing and has now been taken down." [NBC News, 12/18/2019]

Compelling Explanation

Police in Tooele, Utah, conducting a welfare check on 75-year-old Jeanne Souron-Mathers on Nov. 22, found the woman dead of natural causes in her apartment, but as they searched further, they came upon the body of her husband, Paul Edward Mathers, in a freezer chest. With his body was a notarized letter, signed by Mathers and dated Dec. 2, 2008, stating that his wife didn't kill him. "We believe he had a terminal illness," police Sgt. Jeremy Hansen told Fox13. Paul was last seen alive on Feb. 4, 2009, at a doctor's appointment at the Veterans Affairs hospital. Investigators are probing whether the couple made the plan so that Jeanne would continue to receive her husband's government benefits. A neighbor, Evan Kline, said: "The story ... was her husband walked out on her. ... It was probably the plan for her to keep the money because it was her only source of income." Officials believe she received at least $177,000 in benefits over 10 years. [Fox13, 12/16/2019]

Oops

A driver in Halifax, West Yorkshire, England, caused an "enormous bang," according to witnesses, on Dec. 14 when he lighted a cigarette in his closed car after spraying air freshener. Nearby buildings shook from the impact, and the car's windshield was blown out, along with windows of nearby businesses, the Manchester Evening News reported. The driver sustained only minor injuries. West Yorkshire Police said the situation could have been worse and implored people to open their windows when using aerosol cans and open flames.

Holiday Shenanigans

-- A group of Santas participating in SantaCon -- a bar-hopping tradition in New York City -- brought muscle along with Christmas cheer to a Long Island Railroad train on Dec. 14. According to the New York Daily News, two men were fighting on the train around 6 p.m. when one of them, a 45-year-old, stabbed the other, 22, in the leg. Neither of the men was dressed as Santa, but the Santas on the train subdued the suspect until the train reached Queens. The victim was taken to a hospital, and the MTA arrested the stabber. [NY Daily News, 12/14/2019]

-- Security officers at Vilnius Airport in Lithuania got in the holiday spirit with confiscated items seized during the screening process, reported United Press International on Dec. 12. Apparently having a lot of time on their hands, the officers built a Christmas tree using items such as scissors, knives, lighters and other goods. Lithuanian Airports called the tree an "educational masterpiece" and warned: "If you don't want your personal, yet prohibited, belongings to land on our next year's Christmas tree -- better check out the baggage requirements before you pack for your next flight." [UPI, 12/12/2019]

Joe Rwamirama, 48, of Kampala, Uganda, has an unusually practical superpower: "He is known all over the city as the man who can kill mosquitoes with his farts," local barber James Yoweri told The Sun on Dec. 10. Rwamirama said no one in his home village has ever contracted malaria because his gaseous ejections knock out insects over a 6-mile radius. "He is respectful of people around him and will only fart when there are mosquitoes around," Yoweri continued. Rwamirama hopes to market his gas and claims that insect repellant companies have been looking into its chemical secrets, but The Sun couldn't verify those claims. [The Sun, 12/10/2019]

Undignified Death

When a Shelby, Ohio, police officer responded to a call on Nov. 13 about a sick or rabid raccoon on a residential street, he had a tough decision to make. The raccoon did seem either injured or ill, and according to WJW, the officer decided it needed to be destroyed. However, there is no area animal control department, and police officers don't have the "training or equipment to capture a potentially rabid animal," officials said. And the officer was hesitant to use his firearm because of the time of day and because some residents were outside their homes. So he decided to use his vehicle to eliminate the raccoon, running over it several times to finish the job. Unfortunately, a bystander was recording the incident, and people on social media are calling for the officer's removal. The Shelby police chief responded: "The video is disturbing to watch. ... We are having an independent group, with a prosecutor, to determine if any criminal charges are appropriate (but) ... this incident doesn't violate any wildlife laws." [WJW, 11/15/2019]

Just Weird

-- It's very cold and very dark, in an existential sort of way, in Minneapolis at this time of year. To wit: Cianna Violet, 24, passes by a certain spot, near a Broadway Pizza location, as she commutes to work. In November, she noticed a yellow traffic pylon with an extra something clinging to the top and pulled over to check it out. It was a rat -- dead, frozen, sad. Until Dec. 3, when Violet noticed something about the rat had changed. Sure enough, someone had dressed the chilly little rodent and even remembered accessories, like a tiny silver backpack and fur-trimmed boots. The outfit is "100 percent seasonably appropriate," Violet told CityPages. "I'm sorry it had to die, but in death it has brought a reason to smile to hundreds." [CityPages, 12/4/2019]

-- Meanwhile, it's warm and sunny in Las Vegas, and the pigeons are wearing cowboy hats. What? On Dec. 9, KVVU reported that pigeons have been spotted with tiny red cowboy hats on their heads. Mariah Hillman, who runs an animal rescue, at first thought the little headwear was cute, but then began to worry about how the hats had been affixed to the birds' heads. "Did they glue them? ... Is it something that's going to impede their flight or attract predators?" she wondered. Hillman and her agency have been handing out business cards and asking people who see the little urban cowbirds to "just feed them until I get here. I'm only 3 miles away and I'll come trap them." [KVVU, 12/9/2019]

Bright Idea

The Raleigh (North Carolina) News & Observer reported on Dec. 9 that a 14-year-old runaway made a logical choice when deciding where to hide. Around 8:30 that morning, as workers at Bed Bath & Beyond opened the store in Greenville, they discovered someone hidden in the store and called police. Officers responded for a "breaking and entering in progress," but found only a teenage boy who had "camped out" in the store overnight. He was returned to his home. [Raleigh News & Observer, 12/9/2019]

Great Art!

In Miami Beach, Florida, you don't even have to leave the oceanfront to get caught in a traffic nightmare. For Miami's Art Basel, Argentinian artist Leandro Erlich unveiled on Dec. 3 a masterpiece three months in the making: sand sculptures of 66 actual-size cars and trucks locked in a traffic jam, which he calls "Order of Importance." His artwork is meant to bring attention to the climate crisis, Dezeen reported. The work includes several lanes of traffic split by a traffic divider. Most of the vehicles are partially submerged in a nod to rising sea levels created by global warming. "As an artist, I am in a constant struggle to make people aware of this reality," Erlich said. It is his largest project to date. [DeZeen, 12/4/2019]

Bah, Humbug!

-- Marie Bennett, 40, and Joseph Betancourt, 24, of Woodland, California, would have made the Grinch proud, but police in Red Bluff weren't having it. On Dec. 5, the two allegedly broke into the Children First Foster Family Agency, where they stole "(a) large amount of toys that were being held there for children for Christmas presents," police told Fox News. Surveillance video showed the burglars coming and going from the home next door; officers arrested Bennett and Betancourt for burglary, theft and breaking and entering, and they recovered the stolen toys, declaring, "These 'Grinches' will not be stealing Christmas from kids on our watch." [Fox News, 12/9/2019]

-- The Bosch's Country View Nursery in Allendale, Michigan, is a longtime favorite destination for Christmas tree shoppers. But sometime in early December, the Grinch visited, lopping the top halves off more than a dozen trees, according to WZZM13. It takes a fir tree between six and 10 years to grow to Christmas tree height, explained owner Brian Bosch. "Somebody had a bad day, I'm assuming," he said. "I don't know why somebody would do that." Bosch did say that the trees might recover, although it would take a few years. [WZZM, 12/10/2019]

Police Report

-- In Turlock, California, mothers became alarmed when a man turned up at their doors, asking for "five strands" of hair and fingerprints from their children in order to collect their DNA. "He said he was with Amber Alert," Lauren Hassett told KTXL on Dec. 4, and "that he needed to finish a DNA file" on her daughter. She also said the man asked for her daughter using a name the 13-year-old girl only uses online. Hassett ordered the man off her property and called police, who were later able to catch up with him. Officers said the man's business was legitimate, but "the manner in which the information was relayed led to some misunderstanding. ... The involved adult male was passing out child DNA kits, which would be retained by the family, in the event it was ever needed for future investigations." [KTXL, 12/9/2019]

-- Operation Santa's Naughty List took place Dec. 3 to 8 in Polk County, Florida, seeking to target human trafficking and prostitution, and it was beyond successful. The sting stung 124 people, including 46 customers and numerous others for different crimes, but the standout was Rodney Davis, a 56-year-old husband and security guard at Disney World, the Tampa Bay Times reported. When Davis showed up to purchase sex from an undercover detective, he was wearing ... nothing. Not even socks. Prostitutes who were identified as victims of human trafficking were taken to shelters and offered support services. [Tampa Bay Times, 12/11/2019]