What began as a quiet family dinner at home quickly escalated into a front-yard brawl on April 22 in Bedford, Virginia. Fox News reported that Mark Turner, 56, his girlfriend, the girlfriend's son and the son's girlfriend had retired to the front yard after dinner when an argument broke out between the two men about whether Chevrolet or Ford makes better vehicles. According to the Bedford County Commonwealth's Attorney Wes Nance, Turner allegedly pulled out a knife but ended up slashing his girlfriend's back as she tried to calm the situation. Next Turner went inside and retrieved a gun, but as the girlfriend again tried to get between him and her son, he allegedly shot the woman five times in the leg. He also shot the son in the arm, and two of his stray bullets hit the son's girlfriend in her back and cheek. Finally, according to prosecutors, Turner barricaded himself in the house, where police eventually shot him with a beanbag round and took him into custody. Turner was charged with felony malicious wounding, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony and possession of a firearm by a felon. [Fox News, 5/2/2019]

Free Speech

TSA agents at Juneau International Airport logged unexpected cargo on April 15 when a "large organic mass" was spotted in a traveler's carry-on bag. TSA spokesperson Lisa Farbstein explained to KTOO that such a flag can indicate the presence of explosives. However, when agents opened the bag, they found a plastic grocery bag full of moose "nuggets." "The passenger told the TSA officers that he collects this and likes to present it 'for politicians and their (bleep) policies,'" Farbstein explained. The passenger was not detained and was allowed to continue on with his bag of moose poop. Later that day, the Anchorage Daily News reported that a man was seen at the state capitol, handing out baggies of moose nuggets in protest of Gov. Mike Dunleavy's proposed budget. [KTOO, 4/26/2019]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Arnold J. Teeter, 49, became angry while dining at a Perkins restaurant in Painesville, Ohio, on April 16. First, he threw a menu at his waitress; when a manager stepped in, Teeter upped his game and grabbed his pet iguana from under his shirt, twirled it in the air and launched it toward the manager. Teeter was charged with disorderly conduct -- and with cruelty to animals, because Copper, the turquoise iguana, suffered a broken leg in the incident. The Lake County Humane Society has taken the female lizard into protective custody and is trying to raise money for the surgery she needs, reports WEWS. No word on whether the Perkins manager suffered any injuries in the incident. [WEWS, 5/3/2019]

Yikes!

John Gardner was minding his own business, driving to work in Conway, South Carolina, on April 30 when "a big, black dot" flew into his windshield, shattering the glass, according to WBTW. "I didn't get hurt at all," Gardner said, although he was covered in glass fragments. The flying object didn't fare so well: A nearby truck had hit a tortoise crossing the road and projected it into Gardner's car. Rob's Auto Body said the animal died on impact. The truck driver was also unhurt, but it's estimated that repairs to Gardner's car will cost about $2,000. [WBTW, 5/2/2019]

Crime Report

Sometimes a girl just wants a pretty new thing. But Aida Melcado, 18, and an unnamed minor accomplice, let greed get the best of them. Lower Allen Township Police say Melcado and her helper browsed through the Victoria's Secret store in the Capital City Mall in Bethesda, Maryland, on April 7, carrying large shopping bags and talking on cellphones. While the minor acted as a lookout, Melcado allegedly shoveled delicates into her bag, to wit: 375 hipster panties (worth $3,937.50), 375 cut thongs ($3,937.50), 1,000 thongs ($10,500) and 250 raw-cut hip-hugging panties ($2,625), for a grand total of $21,000. Police told WPMT they later identified the thieves during a drug investigation in Fairfax County, Virginia. [WPMT, 5/3/2019]

Likely Story

Police in Tempe, Arizona, said Vanessa Santillan, 40, and her boyfriend were arguing as she was driving on April 21. When she stopped, he exited the car and crossed the street to a sidewalk. Santillan then honked the horn, and her boyfriend returned a rude gesture, according to KTVK/KPHO. That's when police say Santillan drove onto the sidewalk and hit the man, causing injuries serious enough to require a trip to the hospital and stitches. Santillan drove away, but later spoke to police saying she wasn't aware it was "that bad" when she left the scene, further elaborating that she had "blacked out" and didn't remember hitting the boyfriend -- even though her car had visible damage. She was booked on one count of aggravated assault and one count of failing to remain at the scene of a collision with injuries. [AZFamily.com, 5/1/2019]

Update

News of the Weird reported in May 2018 about Thomas Tramaglini, the superintendent of Kenilworth Public Schools in New Jersey, who pleaded guilty to defecating on the Holmdel High School track and football field "on a daily basis." On April 30, Fox News reported, Tramaglini filed a lawsuit against the Holmdel Police Department for releasing his mug shot, claiming doing so tarnished his reputation and "altered his life forever." Tramaglini's actions earned him the nickname "pooperintendent," and he claims to be "underemployed" and "fighting for any semblance of normalcy he can create for himself and his family." However, he also negotiated a "separation agreement" of more than $100,000 with the district in August 2018. [Fox News, 5/1/2019]

Oops

Runners of the Belfast City Marathon on May 5 who felt the course would never end had a legitimate reason, CNN reported. Organizing committee chairman David Seaton admitted later that "approximately 460 additional meters were added to the officially measured course of 26.2 miles," a difference of about three-tenths of a mile. Seaton blamed the mistake on "human error, with the lead car diverting from the official route." Organizers promised to adjust runners' times to account for the additional mileage. [CNN, 5/5/2019]

Wait, What?

Bartender Sarah Krueger was hoping to raise awareness about women's health issues at Yuzu in Lakewood, Ohio, when she introduced a new cocktail, the Even Can't Literally -- a red berry margarita sporting a tampon applicator as a garnish. She told WJW that $1 from the sale of each drink goes to the Domestic Violence and Child Advocacy Center in Cleveland, and patrons can decide whether they want the garnish included or not. Critics were quick to complain on social media, but bar owner Dave Bumba defended the promotion: "This is a small way to bring awareness to real good causes that we are behind." Bumba also assured customers that the health department had OK'd putting the feminine hygiene product in the drinks. [WJW, 5/3/2019]

The Continuing Crisis

In Spokane Valley, Washington, two thieves must have been really thirsty on May 1 when they heaved a 700-pound soda vending machine into the back of a pickup truck. Ryan King, owner of ProFormance Lube, noticed that the "monstrosity" of a vending machine was gone as soon as he arrived at work that morning. When he checked his surveillance camera footage, he saw two men loading it into the truck -- even though the store is right across the street from a police station. "It just goes to show how brazen criminals are," King told KHQ. The machine was later found but was damaged beyond repair. Police are still on the lookout for the thieves. [KHQ, 5/3/2019]

Police officers in Indialantic, Florida, responded to at least seven calls about a man disturbing the peace on April 7. Patrons of Starbucks and Sassy Granny's Smoothies, among others, were startled when 61-year-old Thomas Devaney Lane started yelling, calling himself "the saint" and threatening to unleash his army of turtles on the community. According to WKMG, Lane went along with an officer to the police station, where he screamed at the dispatcher and pounded on the walls, but then left the building. He was located later at a 7-Eleven, verbally assaulting customers. As officers stood by, Lane called 911 and told the dispatcher, "I need to leave now or you will all be sorry you (expletive) with the saint." Lane was charged with disturbing the peace, resisting arrest without violence and misusing 911. [WKMG, 4/12/2019]

The Way the World Works

In Nashville, Tennessee, as the NFL Draft was taking over the town, brides and bridesmaids celebrating bachelorette parties were confounded by the crowds. WZTV reported on April 25 that the influx of crazed football fans was cramping the style of several groups: "We come here to listen to country music, not hang out with football boys," pouted a bride named Cara. "I'll tell you who's going to pay for this. My husband. No football next season," threatened a bridesmaid named Cyndi. But a bride named Savannah was more Zen about the situation: "We're gonna make the best of it. It is what it is." [WZTV, 4/26/2019]

Running Out of Time

Lukas Bates, 30, of southeastern England, dreamed big while running the London Marathon on April 28, according to Fox News. In addition to finishing, Bates hoped to secure a Guinness world record as the fastest runner dressed as an iconic building. His costume, the tower known as Big Ben in London, rose several feet above his head -- and that, it turns out, is what tripped him up. As Bates approached the finish line, his costume got caught on the scoreboard structure overhead. Finally a sympathetic race steward helped Bates free himself and make it over the finish line in three hours, 54 minutes and 21 seconds -- missing by only 20 seconds the record held by Richard Mietz, who ran last year's Berlin Marathon dressed as Germany's Holstentor gate. [Fox News, 4/28/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

One way to assure a negative response to a job application is to lift a few items from your prospective employer on the way out. So it went for an unnamed 36-year-old man in Gillette, Wyoming, who visited a Sportsman's Warehouse on April 24, where he paid for some items with a rewards card but also left the store with some bullets and a pair of sunglasses. Two days later, the Gillette News Record reported, the man returned and asked to fill out a job application, then walked out with two more pairs of sunglasses worth $85. This time, workers called police, who arrested the man and recovered all the stolen items. [Gillette News Record, 4/28/2019]

Inexplicable

The Lankenau Medical Center in suburban Philadelphia was the site of a break-in on the morning of April 20, but it was the stolen loot that leaves us scratching our heads. Two men and a woman stuffed several colonoscopes worth $450,000 into three backpacks. The scopes are used to examine colons during colonoscopies. "This is not something that a typical pawn shop might accept," said Lower Merion Police Det. Sgt. Michael Vice. "My feeling would be that it was some type of black market sales." He also told WCAU that it's not yet clear whether it was an inside job. [WCAU, 4/25/2019]

Lame

Why spend all that money on a real vacation when you can just fake a trip to an iconic destination? That's the service offered by Fake a Vacation, a Nebraska company that offers to superimpose you in a photo from a popular vacation spot, such as Las Vegas or the Grand Canyon, for posting on your social media pages. According to United Press International, they'll even offer you some fun facts about the place you choose to help you make your trip stories more legit. Packages start at $19.99; no word on what it costs to get your dignity back. [UPI, 4/25/2019]

You Know You've Thought of It

United Press International reported on April 25 that the Arizona Department of Public Safety arrested yet another driver using a dummy in the passenger seat to cruise in the HOV lane along State Route 202. "Don't let this be you," the department's Twitter feed warned. The mannequin in this case was dressed as a woman. [UPI, 4/25/2019]

Awesome!

Idahoans embraced the Big Idaho Potato, a 28-foot-long steel-and-plaster potato constructed in 2012 to mark the Idaho Potato Commission's 75th anniversary. It's been traveling the country ever since, promoting Idaho's biggest crop, and the plan was for it to be retired this year, when Big Idaho Potato 2.0 arrives. But Kristie Wolfe had better idea. The tiny house builder has converted the sculpture into a single-room hotel (aptly called the Big Idaho Potato Hotel), reported USA Today. It features a queen bed, two chairs and a bathroom with a whirlpool and skylight for stargazing; Wolfe lists it on Airbnb for $200 per night. "It's a way of inviting people to experience Idaho in a unique way," remarked Frank Muir, CEO of the Idaho Potato Commission. [USA Today, 4/24/2019]

The High Price of Vanity

A "vampire facial" is a procedure during which blood is drawn with a needle and then "spun" to separate the plasma, which is then injected into the face. For customers of a spa in Albuquerque, New Mexico, though, the most lasting effects may come after a blood test. The state's Department of Health is urging customers of VIP Spa, which closed in September 2018, to undergo HIV testing after two people were infected following treatment there. Dr. Dean Bair of the Bair Medical Spa said people should always make sure they're going to a licensed facility for such procedures. "This is just the worst example of what can go wrong," he told KOAT. The spa closed after inspectors found the spa's practices could potentially spread blood-borne infections, including hepatitis B and C as well as HIV. [KOAT, 4/30/2019]

Smooth Reactions

An unnamed Ogden, Utah, woman who accused her boyfriend of cheating added emphasis to the charge in a most unusual manner on April 27, according to a Salt Lake County Jail report. The 23-year-old was with her boyfriend in the parking lot of a strip mall in Sandy when she "took her clothing off as she accused the boyfriend of cheating. ... The incident took place in a busy public area with constant vehicle and pedestrian traffic." KSL reported the woman told police she stripped because "her boyfriend doesn't want her anymore." She was arrested for disorderly conduct and lewdness involving a child. [KSL, 4/29/2019]

Family Values

A 33-year-old man from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was arraigned April 29 on two counts of abuse of a corpse and one count of criminal mischief after he flushed his grandparents' ashes down the toilet. The Tribune-Review reported that Thomas Porter Wells was living at his mother's house when she became fed up with his drinking and marijuana use and asked him to leave last September. Denise Porter told police she learned from a relative in February that Wells had disposed of her parents' remains, which had been stored in a box as part of a memorial in her bedroom, before leaving. Wells denied flushing the ashes, but he later texted his mother that he would flush her remains, too, after she died. [TRIBLive, 4/29/2019]

In St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, Lucas Dawe, 20, appeared in court on April 11 to face charges of possessing stolen skeletal remains. According to court documents reported by The Chronicle Herald, Dawe is suspected of stealing a skeleton, estimated to be more than 100 years old, from the All Saints Parish cemetery. The skeleton was found along a walking trail on April 6, and police were led to Dawe after an anonymous witness reported seeing him licking the bones. He was also charged with interfering with human remains, after he was accused of boiling the bones and drinking the water. [Chronicle Herald, 4/12/2019]

What's in a Name?

Residents of a particular neighborhood in the Denver suburb of Cherry Hills Village may not have ever known the name of their subdivision: It didn't appear on signs, but could be found in the fine print of real estate documents. Nonetheless, the Cherry Hills Village City Council voted unanimously on April 16 to change the neighborhood's name from Swastika Acres to Old Cherry Hills. Councilman Dan Sheldon explained that the name came from the Denver Land Swastika Co., which divided the land into plots in the early 20th century, before the Nazis appropriated the symbol: "There was nothing wrong with (the name) at that time," Sheldon told KDVR-TV. Only one resident opposed the name change, Sheldon said. "She thought it was important to preserve that historical value of that symbol ... even though she herself lost family members in the Holocaust." [KDVR, 4/16/2019]

Florida.

Some days everything goes right. So it was for the Polk County Sheriff's officers who responded to a call on March 24 from Marta Diaz in Winter Haven, Florida. Diaz's car, a tan Jeep Patriot, had been stolen earlier in the day. As the officers took Diaz's statement, that same tan Jeep pulled up in front of the house, and Ronnie Dillon Willis, 25, emerged, telling deputies he was "looking for his cellular phone, which was pinging back to the residence," reported the Miami Herald. Diaz told the officers she didn't know Willis but had seen him earlier on her street. Willis told the officers he woke up that morning at that location, inside a vehicle, but he wasn't sure if it was the Jeep or a minivan also parked there. He knocked on the door of the house, but when no one answered, he took the Jeep to look for his phone, which was missing. The deputies arrested Willis for grand theft of a motor vehicle; Willis also had a suspended license, for which he received a traffic citation. [Miami Herald, 4/5/2019]

Latest Religious Messages

Over Easter weekend, hundreds of people visited a gum tree in a suburb of Perth, Australia, after the tree appeared to start "weeping" on Good Friday, which the faithful took to be a divine sign. For three days, the tree continued to leak water from a branch stump, provoking people to drink the "holy" water and bathe in it. "What made it exciting yesterday, a man decided to take all his clothes off and have a shower," remarked neighbor Jacqui Bacich to 9News. The excitement died down after the Water Corporation discovered the tree's roots had wrapped around a cracked iron water pipe about a foot underground, and the leaking water had slowly filled up a hollow part of the trunk. [9News, 4/23/2019]

What Goes Up ...

Two years ago, 39-year-old Dion Callaway was attempting a high-speed landing after skydiving at the Cloverdale Municipal Airport in Sonoma County, California, when he shattered his left heel and eventually having to have his leg amputated below the knee. On April 21, the Santa Rosa resident was back at it, skydiving, when he lost his leg again -- his $15,000 prosthetic leg "just flew off," Callaway told the Press Democrat. "I've jumped with the prosthetic before, but a rush of air got inside this time. I tried to watch where it was falling, but ... I could not keep track." Early the next morning, workers at Redwood Empire lumberyard spotted something they first thought was a soda can. Yard production manager Micah Smith said his first reaction was, "Oh, that's not a soda can, that's a leg ... where's the rest?" The story ended happily after Smith called the sheriff's office, where Callaway picked up his leg later that day. "Skydiving is my everything," Callaway said. "I always seem to come back to it." [Press Democrat, 4/22/2019]

... Must Come Down

Members of England's Colchester United Football Club were confused by the cheeseburger they found on the pitch at their training ground in March. "When we discovered the burger ... we weren't quite sure what to think," media manager Matt Hudson told Sky News. But Tom Stanniland, who was tracking the burger, knew exactly what had happened and called the club to explain. "I sent a burger into space using a weather balloon," Stanniland said. "It had gone about 24 miles up and the weather balloon popped. It's ... traveled over 100 miles and landed." The burger was attached with a zip tie to a styrofoam box fitted with a GoPro camera and a tracking device. Stanniland took a bite out of the burger after retrieving it, but wasn't impressed: "That's not nice," he said. [Sky News, 3/29/2019]

Update

The news on Easter was full of videos of the man in a bunny costume involved in a brawl in Orlando, Florida, who claimed innocence by saying he was defending a woman who had been spit on. "I am the type of person who avoids fights by any means necessary, but in that situation, I would fight any day," 20-year-old Antoine McDonald told the media. But the Tampa Bay Times reports McDonald has a rap sheet that belies this chivalrous image. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said McDonald is wanted in New Jersey in connection with a vehicle burglary and was a person of interest in a carjacking and two armed robberies in Florida. Police in Dover, Delaware, report arresting McDonald for two armed robberies there in 2017. No arrests were made in the Orlando incident. [Tampa Bay Times, 4/23/2019]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

In College Station, Texas, the Peach Creek Vineyard is trying out a new concept for its wine-tasting events: wine with alpacas. Teaming up with the Bluebonnet Hills Alpaca Ranch, the vineyard offers customers the chance to pet and take selfies with alpacas while sipping wine and shopping for yarn, wool or clothing. "In 24 hours, we were sold out," vineyard owner Kenneth Stolpman told KTRK-TV. One event sold out so quickly Stolpman had to turn away more than 1,000 people. [KTRK, 4/22/2019]

Family Values

Police in Phoenix responding to a suspected child abuse call on April 19 arrived in time to see 27-year-old Rebecca Gonzales slap and punch her 7-year-old son in the parking lot of a Walmart store, reported ABC15-TV. The boy, according to court documents, had been at Walmart with his grandmother and was supposed to be Grandma's lookout while she shoplifted, but Gonzales wasn't happy with his performance. The boy, whose mouth was bleeding, told police his mother hit him because "he didn't watch out for his grandma good enough." Gonzales was arrested for aggravated assault. [ABC15, 4/22/2019]

Police Report

At a Rotterdam, New York, Walmart, two men pulled off a well-choreographed scam on April 13 that cost the store $2,000. The men purchased three laptops, for which they paid cash, according to The Daily Gazette. But after the cashier counted the money, one man asked for it back, saying he wanted to make sure he hadn't paid too much. The other man then started dancing around the checkout area as a distraction. The thief with the money gave some of it back to the cashier, but pocketed the rest, and the clerk did not recount the cash. Police are still looking for the suspects, who were captured on surveillance video. [Daily Gazette, 4/22/2019]