Another birthday staring you down? Perhaps you can follow the lead of a man in the Netherlands who has launched a legal battle in the town of Arnhem to change his age from 69 to 49. "(Y)ou can change your name and change your gender," Emile Ratelband noted. "Why can't I decide my own age?" The Dutch positivity trainer told BBC News that he feels discriminated against both in the career realm and on Tinder. "When I am on Tinder and it says I'm 69, I don't get an answer," Ratelband said. "When I'm 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position." He also describes himself as a "young god." The arbiters of his case aren't so sure, though: One judge wanted to know what would become of the 20 years that would be erased by such a change. "Who were your parents looking after then? Who was that little boy?" he wondered. [BBC News, 11/8/2018]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

Roxy Sykes, 33, of London, had a brainstorm that started when someone complimented her on her beautiful feet. "I was convinced to set up a social media account to show them off," she told Metro News on Nov. 1. But that was just the ground floor for the pedo-preneur. "It wasn't until I started getting thousands of followers and messages about selling used items that I realized I could profit from it," she said. In her busiest month, she grossed more than 8,000 pounds peddling socks, shoes and videos to foot fetishists. "Pairs of shoes that I would wear for two months would sell for 200 pounds, and a pair of socks that I wore for a day would sell for 20 pounds. Then a single video of me just wiggling my toes would make 100 pounds, so I was really raking in a lot of money," she continued. Overall, she says she's pulling down about 100,000 pounds a year. Sykes has also mentored fellow fetish models: "It's great to be able to help others and teach people my apparent 'talent,'" she said. [Metro News, 11/1/2018]

New World Order

Coming soon from the state-run news agency Xinhua in China: the first artificial intelligence anchorman. "Artificial Intelligence Anchor" debuted at the World Internet Conference in Wuzhen, China, on Nov. 7. The virtual host, based on images of human news broadcasters, can have real-time news typed into its system even while it's on air. A synthesized voice reads the script. Xinhua told Time that its new anchor can work "24 hours a day ... reducing news production costs and improving efficiency." But does it have a personal catchphrase, such as "Good night, and good news"? [Time, 11/9/2018]

Weird Science

Duuuude! Scientists at the Stevens Institute of Technology in New Jersey have created a mushroom that can produce electricity using light, Discover magazine reports. Using common button mushrooms, cyanobacteria (very adept at photosynthesis) and graphene nanoribbons (to make electrodes to transport the electricity), researchers were able to produce harvestable electricity by shining a light on their "bionic mushroom." While the amount of electricity created was small, the team noted the experiment demonstrated an "environment-friendly and green source of photosynthetic bioelectricity." [Discover, 11/7/2018]

Wait, What?

On Nov. 12, a group of cyclists in Hustopece, Moravia, Czech Republic, enjoyed a sunny afternoon of riding to a local landmark known as Lookout Tower, reported United Press International. Taking in the view from the top of the tower, they saw a drone flying around and took video of it, capturing the moment when the drone picked up one of their bicycles from the ground and flew away with it. One of the cyclists threw his helmet at the drone as it flew off, and the others ran down the tower's steps to chase the drone on foot. Happily, the drone dropped the bike a few hundred feet from the tower. [United Press International, 11/12/2018]

Crikey!

A Jackson County sheriff's deputy in Kansas City, Missouri, serving an eviction notice on Nov. 7, was startled to discover Katfish, a 7-foot-long, 200-pound alligator that tenant Sean Casey kept as a pet (along with three pythons, a rabbit and several cats). Casey told KSHB-TV that he's had Katfish for four years. "He's a big cuddly gator," Casey said. "He wags his tail when I come home." The gator could lounge in the home's bathtub, and "get up and get out and cruise through the house," said Dana Savorelli with Monkey Island Rescue, who officers called to help wrangle the alligator. "He had a ramp." Unfortunately, alligators are prohibited in Kansas City, so Katfish was relocated to Monkey Island in nearby Greenwood, Missouri. And although Casey said Katfish was "not a vicious animal like some people make them out to be," he was ticketed for possessing an exotic animal within city limits. [KSHB, 11/7/2018]

Crime Report

-- In North College Hill, Ohio, on Nov. 6, Noel Hines' criminal love for Thin Mints finally caught up with her when she was arrested for stealing "a large order of Girl Scout cookies" last March, Fox News reported. North College Hill police said Hines took delivery of the cookies, valued at more than $1,600 and intended for a local Girl Scout troop, and never returned or paid for them. When Hines showed up at the town's Mayors Court on an unrelated matter, police arrested her, then posted on Facebook, "That's the way the cookie crumbles." [Fox News, 11/9/2018]

-- On Nov. 11, St. Johns County (Florida) Sheriff's deputies responded to reports of a car crashed into a home in St. Augustine Shores, according to Action News Jax. Officers discovered the car's driver, Darrin Dewayne Touchton, 58, had previously had a relationship with the homeowner, and at the time of the incident, another person was with her at the home. Touchton "did not approve," the deputies stated, and when he saw the other man in the front yard, he floored his Nissan Maxima in an attempt to kill the interloper. But the target jumped out of the way, and Touchton hit the house. Police also determined Touchton had previously threatened to kill the man with his car. He was charged with attempted homicide, three counts of aggravated assault and driving on a suspended license. [Action News Jax, 11/11/2018]

On the Lam

Perhaps in an effort to escape its likely fate, a turkey in Shoshone, Idaho, was rounded up by police on Nov. 7 after "terrorizing the neighborhood" around North Fir Street. United Press International reported the bird was detained at a local petting zoo pending the owner's coming forward to claim it. Shoshone police posted on Facebook that the claimer would have to do "an embarrassing dance" to get the bird back. [United Press International, 11/9/2018]

So There!

Administrators at Spalding Grammar School in Spalding, Lincolnshire, England, introduced a new policy this year, banning sixth-formers (high-schoolers) from carrying book bags between classes. The school felt the heavy bags were causing injury to students and encouraged them to carry their books in their arms instead. But Jacob Ford, 17, disagreed, reported Metro News, and made his point by carrying his books in a wicker basket and an open microwave oven, for which he received a two-day suspension. Head teacher Steven Wilkinson huffed, "We have a student who has behaved in an increasingly inappropriate way, actions the likes of which I have never witnessed, and who has been sanctioned entirely in line with the school's policies." But Ford's mother, Tracy, backed up her son's protest: "I'm very proud of him for standing up for something he believes in. Microwave or no microwave." [Metro News, 10/22/2018]

With the advent of driverless cars, new questions are being raised about a wide range of potential traffic situations. One example: What happens when police pull over an autonomous vehicle? According to The Washington Post, the company whose cars are now zipping around Phoenix is one car-length ahead of us: Alphabet's Waymo cars (Chrysler Pacifica minivans) will use "sensors to identify police or emergency vehicles by detecting their appearance, their sirens and their emergency lights," the company's "Emergency Response Guide" explains. "The Waymo vehicle is designed to pull over and stop when it finds a safe place to do so." Next, the car will unlock its doors and roll down its windows, allowing the police officer to communicate with a remote support team. The company will even send a human representative to the scene if necessary. So relax and enjoy the ride. Hal will take care of you. [Washington Post, 10/24/2018]

Irony

Kids at Pierre Part Primary school in Pierre Part, Louisiana, thought they knew what to expect during Red Ribbon Week, an annual alcohol awareness program, but a school administrator threw them a curveball, reported WBRZ-TV. Rachel Turley, 49, assistant principal at the school, was on her way to work on Oct. 29 when other motorists reported that she was driving dangerously on Highway 70. Officers caught up with her at the school and took her to a police substation, where they determined her blood alcohol content was .224, nearly three times the legal limit of .08. She was charged with DWI and careless operation. "The fact that she chose to do this on the Monday of Red Ribbon Week is a slap in the face," commented Niki Lacoste, grandparent of a Pierre Part student. [WBRZ-TV, 10/31/2018]

Surprise!

A homeowner in Upper Tantallon, Nova Scotia, received an unsettling phone call from a neighbor on Oct. 16, saying there were two strangers in her house. The door had been left unlocked so a neighbor could walk the dog, CTVNews reported, and police expected to find that the home had been "cleaned out," said Nova Scotia Royal Canadian Mounted Police spokesperson Cpl. Dal Hutchinson. Instead, the two women inside the house had cleaned UP -- they were employees of a cleaning company and had gone to the wrong address. They left without realizing their mistake. Hutchinson praised the neighbor for being so observant and noted the silver lining: The house was cleaned for free. [CTVNews.ca, 10/16/2018]

Election Roundup

-- An Independence, Missouri, city councilman who was not on the Nov. 6 ballot managed to let his temper get away from him that morning at a church polling station. Witnesses told KSHB-TV that councilman Tom Van Camp was in the parking lot of the church when another man yelled at him, "Tom Van Camp, you SOB!" Witness Lee Williams said the man then approached Van Camp, and the next time she looked up, Van Camp and the man were "down there on the grass and they're punching each other. I was just shocked to see my councilman in a fist fight." A voter called police, who responded, but both men had already left the scene in separate vehicles. Van Camp is under fire in Independence for spending public money on personal travel. He is up for re-election in 2020. [KSHB, 11/7/2018]

-- The Associated Press reported on Nov. 7 that Virginia's 5th Congressional District has a new Republican representative, Denver Riggleman, who beat Democrat Leslie Cockburn despite Cockburn's suggestion in July that Riggleman was unfit for the office because of a Bigfoot erotica book he had written, "The Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him." While Riggleman is indeed the author of "Bigfoot Exterminators Inc.: The Partially Cautionary, Mostly True Tale of Monster Hunt 2006," he says the erotica book was a joke among himself and buddies from the military. (BONUS: Distillery owner Riggleman entered the race when incumbent Tom Garrett dropped out after announcing he is an alcoholic.) [Associated Press, 11/7/2018]

Family Values

In Italy, an unnamed 48-year-old woman was ordered to pay $1,000 in late October after failing to peacefully settle a two-year dispute with her mother. The daughter, a vegan, threatened her mother with stabbing after the mother prepared Bolognese meat sauce. The daughter told the court she had long avoided sensory and olfactory contact with animal products before moving back in with her mother, but the Telegraph reports, there had been an escalation of aggression between the two women, and apparently the long-simmering sauce was the last straw. "If you won't stop on your own then I'll make you stop," the March 2016 complaint quoted the daughter saying as she grabbed a knife. "Quit making ragu, or I'll stab you in the stomach." [Telegraph, 11/1/2018]

Bright Ideas

-- David Weaver, 37, of Nelson, British Columbia, glibly avoided becoming dinner for 14 sharks at Toronto's Ripley Aquarium on Oct. 12 after stripping naked and jumping into a 3-million-liter tank and swimming about as other patrons looked on and recorded his stunt. Weaver arrived around 10 p.m. and quickly climbed to an overlook of the "Dangerous Lagoon," where the sharks and other animals are displayed. Onlookers exclaimed as he made several attempts to climb out of the tank, exposing both his front and back sides. "I thought he was a worker until I noticed he was naked," said one witness. The sharks "seemed angry but also frightened of him. They are fed daily, so I guess they had no reason to attack him." The National Post reported police also connected Weaver to an assault a few hours earlier outside the nearby Medieval Times dinner theater. He was later arrested near Thunder Bay. [National Post, 10/15/2018]

-- Two unnamed Marine Corps flyers have been grounded pending an investigation after they flew a penis-shaped flight pattern over the Salton Sea on Oct. 23, the Los Angeles Times reported. The pilots were outed by a Twitter account called Aircraft Spots, which tracks flight patterns. Josef Patterson, a Marine Corps spokesman, said the jokesters are assisting with other duties in their squadron at Air Station Miramar in San Diego. They can't take credit for the idea, though: In November 2017, a Navy jet crew flew in a similar pattern over Washington, D.C. [LA Times, 11/6/2018]

Crime Report

Two employees of a waste disposal company in Germany have been convicted of pinching more than 100 portable toilets and selling them to a company in the Netherlands. The Associated Press reported on Nov. 6 that the toilets, worth almost $80,000, disappeared over a period of months. The Duesseldorf district court sentenced a 40-year-old man to a 10-month suspended sentence and a 28-year-old to six months. Only three of the missing toilets have been recovered. [Associated Press, 11/6/2018]

Suspicions Confirmed

Steven Carroll, 61, and his brother, Michael, 57, had been trying to solve the mystery of their dad's disappearance since 1961, when George Carroll "went out and just never came back," as their mother, Dorothy, explained it to them. Michael bought the family's Lake Grove, New York, house in the 1980s from Dorothy, who died in 1998. Over the years paranormal investigators and psychics have sensed an "energy" in the home, and radar indicated there was something about 5 feet below the basement. A few months ago, Michael's grown sons began digging, and on Oct. 30, they unearthed human bones. Now, according to Newsday, dental records and DNA will be used to determine if the bones belong to George Carroll, a process Suffolk County Chief of Detectives Gerard Gigante says could take months. [Newsday, 11/2/2018]

For some folks, Disneyland and Walt Disney World are more than amusement parks. Take Jodie Jackson Wells of Boca Raton, Florida. In 2009, after her mother died, Wells smuggled in some of her ashes to Disney World and spread them on a favorite spot of her mom's along the It's a Small World ride. Later, she leapt over a barricade at Cinderella's Castle and flung ashes from both hands as she cavorted on the lawn. "Anyone who knew my mom knew Disney was her happy place," Wells told The Wall Street Journal. However, for the theme parks, the spreading of ashes presents a constant cleanup challenge, referred to by the code "HEPA cleanup" among custodians. (Other secret signals are Code V for vomit and Code U for urine.) Alex Parone of Saratoga Springs, New York, sprinkled his mother's ashes in a flowerbed, then boarded It's a Small World. "I was still crying. That song is playing over and over again, and there are those happy little animatronic things. I remember thinking, 'This is weird.'" But a Disney spokesperson said: "This type of behavior is strictly prohibited and unlawful," and the Anaheim Police Department confirmed that spreading ashes without permission is a misdemeanor. To add insult to injury, when cremation residue is found on rides, they have to be shut down (riders are told there are "technical difficulties") for cleaning. [The Wall Street Journal, 10/24/2018]

What Would Your Mother Think?

In what can only be described as a "shaking my head" incident, an unnamed employee of the U.S. Geological Survey invited malware into the government agency's computer system by visiting more than 9,000 porn websites on his work computer, according to an inspector general's report. The Washington Post reported on Oct. 30 that many of the websites were Russian, and the malware spread to the entire network at the USGS. The employee also saved images from the sites on a USB drive and personal cellphone, which also contained malware. The Office of the Inspector General made recommendations to the USGS about preventing future malware infections, and a spokesperson for the IG's office said the employee no longer works at USGS. [The Washington Post, 10/30/2018]

Who's Crying Now?

After the package bomb scares in New York and Florida, things were tense in Charlotte, North Carolina, in the early morning hours of Oct. 30 when mailroom employees at Duke Energy discovered a suspicious incoming package. They welcomed the Charlotte-Mecklenburg police and the bomb squad with "Open Arms," and the building and surrounding roads were evacuated as officials investigated. But WBTV "Faithfully" reported that the small, hand-addressed manila envelope was "Worlds Apart" from a mail bomb: It merely contained a cassette tape with songs from the band Journey. To which we say, "Don't Stop Believin'" in your fellow '80s music-loving humans. [WBTV, 10/31/2018]

Latest Religious Messages

If "Pokemon Go" has overextended your short attention span, up your game with the Vatican's "Follow JC Go," a new augmented reality mobile game in which players collect saints and other notable Bible figures as they move through the world. Pope Francis has approved the game, which asks players to answer questions about the characters and donate to charities to earn game currency. The Italian newspaper Corriere Della Sera reported on Oct. 21 that the app is available only in Spanish, but other languages are on the way. [Corriere Della Sera, 10/21/2018]

Bright Ideas

Two mothers are suing the Adventure Learning Center day care in St. Louis over an incident in December 2016 when teachers organized a "fight club" among preschoolers. According to Fox 2 in St. Louis, the idea was conceived as a way to entertain the kids while the heater was broken. The 10-year-old sibling of one of the preschoolers was in the room next door and captured video of the fights with an iPad, then texted the video to his mom, Nicole Merseal, who believes the fight was broken up only because she called the director of the center. The video shows one teacher jumping up and down in excitement as another one puts "Incredible Hulk" fists on the kids, and cameras at the center recorded more than 30 minutes of fighting. While the St. Louis Circuit Attorney's Office declined to prosecute, the teachers were fired and the center has been subject to increased inspections, resulting in 26 violations. The lawsuit is scheduled to go to trial in December. [Fox 2, 10/29/2018]

Ewwwww

Construction workers in Valdosta, Georgia, were rattled on Oct. 30 when they tore down a second-story wall in a turn-of-the-20th-century building to find about 1,000 human teeth secreted inside. The T.B. Converse Building, constructed in 1900, was originally home to a dentist, Dr. Clarence Whittington, reported the Valdosta Daily Times. In 1911, Whittington was joined by Dr. Lester G. Youmans. Ellen Hill, director of Valdosta Main Street, said two other Georgia towns have had buildings, also home to dentists' offices, where teeth have been found in the walls. "I'm not sure if it was a common practice" to deposit extracted teeth in the walls, she said. Valdosta police said there was no evidence of a crime. [Valdosta Daily Times, 10/31/2018]

But, Why?

WPVI-TV in Philadelphia reported on Oct. 30 about a new fashion accessory: the Skin Heel. These thigh-high boots feature moles, hair and uneven skin tones, and the shoes are meant to look like surgically altered feet, with toes and long, realistic-looking skin-colored spikes on the heels. Conceived by Montreal, Canada, designers Hannah Rose Dalton and Steven Raj Bhaskaran, the creepy footwear will set buyers back $10,000. Fortunately, they've produced only one pair so far. [WPVI, 10/30/2018]

Animal Antics

In the spirit of "be careful what you wish for," a monkey in Vrindavan, Uttar Pradesh, India, shimmied down a wall and stole a venomous cobra from a snake charmer at the Barbanki temple on Oct. 26. The man had just removed the snake from a basket when the monkey grabbed it and ran back up the wall, according to United Press International. The snake charmer tried to climb on a vendor's cart to chase the monkey, but it got away. No word on the monkey's fate. [United Press International, 10/29/2018]

Recurring Theme

Doctors at the Hai Duong Hospital in Hai Duong Province, Vietnam, treated a man who arrived complaining of pain in his ear. Using an endoscope to look inside his ear canal, they found the cause: a live cricket digging around in the duct. United Press International reported on Oct. 26 that the doctors were able to successfully remove the cricket. [United Press International, 10/26/2018]

Awesome!

When October Books, a shop in Southampton, England, got ready to move just up the street into a new building on Oct. 28, about 250 people showed up as volunteers to form a human chain, handing the shop's more than 2,000 books 160 yards from one location to the other. "It's amazing. The power of community coming together and achieving something like this," said Jani Franck, who participated in the chain. October Books was forced to move after a rent increase in its old building. "It was a tremendous show of support ... and we're moved and incredibly touched by it," Clare Diaper, who works at the store, told the Guardian. [The Guardian, 10/29/2018]