A Canada goose got its final revenge on Feb. 1 when, after being shot out of the sky by a hunter in Easton, Maryland, it struck Robert Meilhammer, 51, of Crapo, Maryland, seriously injuring the waterfowler. NPR reported that Meilhammer was hunting with a group when one of the large geese flying overhead was killed and fell about 90 feet, landing on Meilhammer's head and knocking him out. It also dislodged two of Meilhammer's teeth. Adult Canada geese weigh about 12 to 14 pounds and can have a wingspan of 6 feet. At press time, Meilhammer was in stable condition after being airlifted to a hospital. [NPR, 2/4/2018]

Crime Report

-- When the city gets to be too much for Jo and Lonnie Harrison of Houston, they escape to their pre-fab vacation cabin, nestled on a 10-acre plot in Madisonville, Texas. Having last visited the property in November, Lonnie set out on Feb. 2 to check on it. But when he arrived, he told KTRK-TV, "I didn't see the house. All I saw were blocks and pipes sticking out. The whole house gone." Sgt. Larry Shiver of the Madison County Sheriff's Department later said, "I've never had a house reported stolen in my career yet." (Update: The house was found a few days later, having been repossessed from the previous owner.) [KTRK-TV, 2/5/2018]

-- Aaron Meininger, 29, of Hernando Beach, Florida, was arrested on Feb. 2 after Hernando County deputies caught him stealing items from the Demarco Family Funeral Home in Spring Hill. When officers arrived, Meininger was carrying a tub of formaldehyde out of the building. They also found makeup, nail polish, electric clippers, soap and other items used in funeral preparation in Meininger's car. Curiously, the Tampa Bay Times reported, Meininger told deputies that he was "bored" and "messed up" and didn't even know what kind of business he was burgling. He said he probably would have just thrown the stolen items away. [Tampa Bay Times, 2/2/2018]

Inexplicable

SOMEBODY in Muskegon, Michigan, didn't want the Philadelphia Eagles to win Super Bowl LII. Immediately following the Eagles' victory over the New England Patriots on Feb. 4, Subaru of Muskegon ran an ad on local NBC affiliate WOOD-TV that featured 30 seconds of silence and a written message: "Congratulations Patriots!" WOOD-TV reported via Twitter that the business had submitted only one version of the ad and had specified that it run regardless of the game's outcome. [United Press International, 2/5/2018]

Precocious

When a Texas stripper arrived at her 11:30 a.m. gig on Feb. 1, she smelled a rat: Her destination turned out to be Noel Grisham Middle School in Round Rock, Texas. Rather than going inside, the performer called the school and reported a prank. Jenny LaCoste-Caputo, a district spokesperson, told the Austin American-Statesman the student jokester had used his cellphone to order the stripper and paid for it with his parents' credit card. He is now facing disciplinary action. [2/1/2018]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

-- Houston Realtor Nicole Lopez is sporting a new nickname these days: The Taco Lady. Since late 2017, Lopez has incorporated a novel incentive for buyers of homes she's listed: $250 in free tacos with the purchase of a home. "Let's be honest, everyone in Texas loves tacos," Lopez told KHOU-TV. "And so, it's really been this 'taco the town,'" she laughed. Lopez cited as proof of her success a $170,000 home that's under contract "and they are super excited for their taco party at the end of this month." [KHOU, 1/29/2018]

-- Prason Sukkorn, owner of Coffee on the Day in Chonburi, Thailand, had his marketing idea laid bare after he posted "obscene materials" online -- photos and videos of model/barista Arisa Suwannawong, 22, wearing nothing but an apron while drawing shots and serving customers. Suwannawong, who goes by the nickname "Jaenae with the big boobs," glances down at her breasts in the video while gushing, "The coffee is so good, they use plenty of milk." Police commander Thanachai Usakit from the Sattahip district station told Metro News that Sukkorn "didn't realize it would break the law, because the model in the photos wasn't fully naked." Nevertheless, the owner faces three to five years in jail or a fine of 100,000 Thai baht, or about $3,200. [Metro News, 2/5/2018]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Staff at an internet cafe in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province, China, had to call paramedics on Jan. 28 when a gamer lost all feeling in his lower limbs after playing the same game for more than 20 hours straight. Newsweek reported that the unnamed man didn't realize he had become paralyzed until he tried to use the restroom and couldn't move his legs. As he was being carried out on a stretcher, he was heard begging his friends to finish the game for him. [Newsweek, 2/1/2018]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

A parking lot in Augusta, Georgia, became the scene of a nightmare for an unsuspecting motorcyclist and his 1982 Honda bike on Jan. 31. On his way to exchange some shirts at Target in the Augusta Exchange shopping center, Don Merritt told WJBF-TV, "I was going to go around the back to avoid the speed bumps," but when he did, he and his bike fell into a sinkhole. Firefighters were called to rescue Merritt, who suffered a skull fracture and a loose tooth as a result of the 15-foot fall. The bike was totaled. "It's not good customer relations," Merritt said about the sinkhole. The center property manager reportedly is fixing the hole. [NewsChannel 6, 2/2/2018]

Smooth Reactions

Sonny Donnie Smith, 38, of Clackamas, Oregon, was feeling snubbed in September 2016 when both his father and his brother were invited to a family wedding, but Sonny wasn't. As a perfectly reasonable revenge, Sonny made anonymous phone calls to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas and the Midland International Air and Space Port in Midland, Texas, claiming that his father and brother were terrorists and would be traveling through the airports. An FBI investigation revealed no terrorist threats, and after interviewing the father and brother, they were both released. On Feb. 1, Sonny Smith pleaded guilty to making the calls, according to The Oregonian, and will be sentenced on May 10. [The Oregonian, 2/1/2018]

Redneck Chronicles

Cheryl Merrill, 60, of Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, was arguing with her boyfriend of five years about who would win Super Bowl LII on Feb. 4 and became so enraged shortly after kickoff that she picked up a wooden shelf and threw it at him. St. Johns County sheriff's deputies were called and found Merrill "extremely intoxicated," according to reporting by WJAX-TV. Merrill was charged with aggravated battery and taken to the St. Johns County Jail. Her boyfriend was unable to sign an affidavit because of the hand injury he sustained in the assault. [FOX 30, 2/5/2018]

False Alarm

A Scottish farmer called Police Scotland after spotting what he believed to be a tiger in his cow shed near Peterhead in Aberdeenshire on Feb. 3. An armed response team scrambled to the farm and within 45 minutes, established that the fierce big cat was in fact a large cuddly toy. "Any call reporting a potential danger to the public has to be taken seriously," Peterhead Inspector George Cordiner told Metro News. "Until you know exactly what you are dealing with, every option has to be considered." [Metro News, 2/6/2018]

Awesome!

Undoubtedly, many records will be set during the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But before the events even began, one Winter Games record was in the books: Organizers distributed 110,000 condoms to the 2,925 athletes -- about 37 condoms per competitor. "We hope to aid the athletes visiting from various countries to complete their events successfully and safely," said a spokesperson for Convenience, the South Korea condom manufacturer that supplied most of the prophylactics. The Korea Biomedical Review reported on Feb. 1 that finely conditioned athletes have been notoriously "sexually unrestrained" before, during and after Olympics contests. Free condom distribution began in 1988 when 8,500 were handed out during the Seoul Olympics. [Korea Biomedical Review, 2/1/2018]

The Lucerne University of Applied Sciences and Arts in Switzerland has a new course of study for scholars to pursue: a bachelor's or master's in yodeling. Beginning in the 2018-19 academic year, students will be able to major in the traditional form of singing, which was used by Swiss herdsmen to communicate with each other in the mountains. The BBC reported that prize-winning yodeler Nadja Rass will lead the courses, which will also include musical theory and history. "We have long dreamed of offering yodeling at the university," gushed Michael Kaufmann, head of the school's music department. [BBC, 1/30/18]

Names in the News

Police in Logansport, Indiana, finally caught up with the thief who had been targeting churches in the area since Jan. 16: Christian J. Alter, 22, of Kewanna, was charged with breaking into five houses of worship and stealing cash, according to the Logansport Pharos-Tribune. Alter was apprehended Jan. 23 just moments before the fifth burglary, at Rehoboth Christian Church, was discovered by police. He was being held in the Cass County Jail. [Pharos-Tribune, 1/24/2018]

The Continuing Crisis

Birds nesting near natural gas compressors have been found to suffer symptoms similar to PTSD in humans, according to researchers at the Florida Museum of Natural History, and noise pollution has been named the culprit. The Washington Post reported the team studied birds in the Rattlesnake Canyon Habitat Management Area in New Mexico, which is uninhabited by humans but does contain natural gas wells and compression stations that constantly emit a low-frequency hum. The steady noise was linked to abnormal levels of stress hormones, and the usually hardy western bluebirds in the area were found to be smaller and displayed bedraggled feathers. "The body is just starting to break down," explained stress physiologist Christopher Lowry. [The Washington Post, 1/9/2018]

Armed and Naked

In Texas, game wardens came across an arresting sight in Gregg County last November: an unnamed Upshur County man hunting in the nude along a state highway. The Houston Chronicle reported that the hunter, who is a well-known nudist and activist in the area, contested his arrest on charges including hunting without a license, but one look in court at the warden's body cam footage undermined his case. The man then dropped his appeals and settled the citations. [Houston Chronicle, 11/22/2017]

You Have the Right to Remain Silent

Vincente Rodrigues-Ortiz, 22, was arrested on Jan. 24 in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for the assault and murder of Andre Hawkins, 17, the day before. But when Rodrigues-Ortiz appeared in court on Jan. 25 for arraignment, he questioned the judge about his "other murder case." WWMT TV reported that his query led prosecutors to interview and then swiftly charge him with the March 2017 homicide of Laurie Kay Lundeburg, and Rodrigues-Ortiz now awaits arraignment in that case as well. [WWMT TV, 1/25/2018]

Brutally Honest

Kane Blake of Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada, has great things to say about his Springvalley home: "It's a gorgeous neighborhood," and his family loves most things about it. Nevertheless, the Blakes have listed their home for sale, with a sign out front reading: "Home for Sale by owner because neighbor is an ---hole." Blake said a neighbor has been harassing his family for five years, including sending police and bylaws officers to the house for frivolous reasons and taking photos of Blake's house. "My kids won't even walk to school, they're terrified," he told the Kelowna Capital News, adding that he's received several offers on his house. (Update: Kane has since removed the sign.) [Kelowna Capital News, 1/27/2018]

Toilet Ghost

Homeowners in Noosa, Queensland, Australia, were perplexed about why their toilet kept randomly flushing, so on Jan. 28, they looked into the flush mechanism embedded in the wall behind the toilet. Then they summoned Luke Huntley, a local snake catcher. Huntley found a 13-foot brown tree snake in the niche, according to the Daily Mail, resting on the flush mechanism. "Hopefully, he's going to be able to come straight out," Huntley said on a video of the capture, "but he's a little grumpy." [Daily Mail, 1/28/2018]

Bright Idea

A landlord in Cardiff, Wales, was caught in a compromising position when he offered a special rent deal to an ITV Wales reporter with a hidden camera. The unnamed man posted an ad on Craigslist offering a 650-pound-per-month home with the option of a "reduced deposit/rent arrangement" for "alternative payments." When he met reporter Sian Thomas at a restaurant to discuss the property, he said, "I don't know if you have heard of a sort of 'friends with benefits' sort of arrangement," reported Metro News on Jan. 30. He went on to say that if a once-a-week sex arrangement could be struck, "then I wouldn't be interested in any rent from you at all." The ITV Wales report was part of an investigation into "sex for rent" arrangements, which apparently are not uncommon in Wales, judging from other advertisements. [Metro News, 1/30/2018]

Government in Action

-- Saugatuck, Michigan, attorney Michael Haddock's dog, Ryder, probably gave the mail carrier a day off after receiving an unexpected letter on Jan. 27 from the State of Michigan Unemployment Insurance Agency. According to WZZM TV, Haddock opened the envelope addressed to Ryder and found a letter saying that Ryder is eligible for $360 per week in unemployment benefits. "I knew he was clever," Haddock said of Ryder, "but he surprised me this time." The UIA admitted that its computer did send the notice to Ryder, but it was later flagged as suspicious, and the German shepherd won't receive any benefits after all. [WZZM, 1/31/2018]

-- In New Hampshire, the state legislature is considering a bill that would hold owners of poultry responsible for the birds' trespassing. According to the proposal, reported by the Associated Press, "anyone who knowingly, recklessly or negligently allows their domestic fowl to enter someone else's property without permission" can be convicted if the birds damage crops or property. Rep. Michael Moffett, a Loudon Republican, told a committee on Jan. 30 that one man told him his neighbor was using chickens as a "form of harassment and provocation." But Earl Tuson, a local vegetable farmer, opposed the bill, noting, "Everyone loves eating bacon until they move in next to the pig farm." [Associated Press, 1/30/2018]

Smooth Reaction

A Missouri State University freshman identified only as Hayden may have set the perfect stage for a romantic story he'll tell into old age. In January, as he trolled Tinder, he spotted Claudia, also a student at MSU in Springfield. But, as the Springfield News-Leader reported, Hayden accidentally swiped left, rejecting her, so he decided on a bold move to find her. On Jan. 20, he searched the MSU website for every person named Claudia and emailed them all, asking "the" Claudia to email him back. He offered a doughnut date for "the one that got away." Claudia Alley, a freshman from Jefferson City, got Hayden's email and knew she was his target because he referenced a joke she made in her Tinder bio. Alley emailed Hayden, and the two planned to get doughnuts -- and perhaps make history -- later that week. [Springfield News-Leader, 1/20/2018]

Awesome!

Rookie metal detectors Andy Sampson and Paul Adams were out looking for treasure along the Suffolk/Essex border in England when they came across more than 50 gold coins and pottery. Sampson said Adams started "shouting and jumping around and dancing." As for himself, Sampson immediately started figuring out how he would spend the money, which the pair thought might amount to 250,000 pounds or more. Alas, when Sampson showed the coins to his neighbor, he said, "They're not real -- there's something wrong with them." Sure enough, when the treasure hunters made inquiries, they found that the coins and pottery were props for a BBC TV show, "Detectorists." Sampson and Adams told the BBC on Jan. 31 that they have "got over" their huge disappointment and will continue to metal detect. [BBC, 1/31/2018]

In Turkmenistan's capital, Ashgabat, drivers of black cars are facing high costs to repaint their cars white or silver after President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov banned black vehicles because he thinks the color white brings good luck. Police began seizing dark-colored vehicles in late December, and owners have to apply for permission to repaint and re-register them. The average wage in Ashgabat is about $300 a month (or 1,200 manats); one Turkman told Radio Free Europe that he was quoted 7,000 manats for a paint job, but was told that the price would rise within a week to 11,000 manats. "Even if I don't spend any money anywhere, I will be forced to hand over pretty much my entire annual salary just to repaint," the unnamed man said, adding that his black car had already been impounded. [Radio Free Europe, 1/8/2018]

Bright Idea

Noting that "nobody else has done it," on Jan. 4 Nebraska state Sen. Paul Schumacher of Columbus proposed a novel constitutional amendment with the goal of stimulating growth in western Nebraska: Delegate complete or partial sovereignty over a designated, limited and sparsely populated area. "If I were a major business, I would not want Omaha or Lincoln ... telling me what to do," Schumacher said. The Lincoln Journal Star reported that the senator believes his concept would attract businesses looking for no state or local taxes and no state or local regulations. It presents the opportunity to "have your own state," he explained. The Nebraska legislature must approve the resolution before citizens get a chance to vote. [Lincoln Journal Star, 1/5/2018]

Public Safety

Tennessee's legislature has a newly renovated home in the Cordell Hull building in Nashville, so Lt. Gov. Randy McNally and House Speaker Beth Harwell have been busy outlining some new rules. "Hand-carried signs and signs on hand sticks" will be strictly prohibited because they pose a "serious safety hazard." Animals, too, will be turned away at the door, reported The Tennessean on Dec. 21. But in a dizzying twist of irony, McNally and Harwell will continue a policy they enacted last year, which allows holders of valid gun permits to bring their weapons into the building. [The Tennessean, 12/21/2017]

My Kingdom for a Burrito

-- Tampa, Florida, resident Douglas Jon Francisco, 28, was arrested for DUI after he mistook a Spring Hill bank drive-thru lane for a Taco Bell. On Jan. 17, around 5 p.m., the bank branch manager noticed a driver passed out in a blue Hyundai sedan in the drive-thru lane. When the manager went out to the car and banged on the window, Francisco woke up and tried to order a burrito, according to the Tampa Bay Times. After being set straight about the bank not serving Mexican fast food, Francisco drove around to the front of the building and parked, where deputies found him and administered a field sobriety test, which he failed. "He made several statements that were differing from reality," a Hernando County Sheriff's deputy reported. [Tampa Bay Times, 1/18/2018]

-- A Facebook event calling for a candlelight vigil to remember a destroyed Taco Bell restaurant in Montgomery, Alabama, started as a joke. But according to United Press International, about 100 people showed up on Jan. 21 to pay their respects to the popular fast-food restaurant, which burned on Jan. 17 after electrical equipment sparked a fire. The owner promised to rebuild and "have a true celebration upon re-opening." [United Press International, 1/23/2018]

Take That!

In Dresden, Germany, police reported that two men were injured on Jan. 15 after hitting each other with their cars in consecutive accidents. The first man, 49, pulled into a handicapped parking spot, then saw his mistake and backed out, accidentally hitting a 72-year-old man walking behind the car. The two men exchanged information for a report, then the older man got into his car and reversed out of his parking spot, hitting the younger man. Both men suffered only slight injuries, according to the Associated Press. [Associated Press, 1/16/2018]

For the Love of Animals

Richard the 15-year-old pony, of Bridgton, Maine, has had a rough winter. He was suffering from cancer of his penis and infection when temperatures plummeted to negative 25 degrees, which caused frostbite. As a result, part of the animal's flesh broke off while he was being examined, the Associated Press reported. The Animal Rescue Unit in Bridgton has taken responsibility for the pony and has raised more than $4,000 for his care, including reconstructive surgery. Brogan Horton of Animal Rescue Unit said the goal is for Richard to live out his life pain-free. [Associated Press, 1/17/2018]

Cliche Come to Life

Outdoorsman Sergey Terekhov, 64, had just let his dogs out to run before a January hunting outing in Russia's remote Saratov region when one of the dogs bounded back to him and clawed the trigger of Terekhov's double-barreled shotgun, shooting the man in the abdomen. The Telegraph reported that his brother rushed Terekhov to the hospital, but he died less than an hour after the shooting. [The Telegraph, 1/22/2018]

Road Rage

Distracted driving caused long backups and at least one minor traffic accident on Jan. 20 as a man wandered along I-95 in Philadelphia -- in the buff. The Philadelphia Inquirer reported the stripped-down man walked along the shoulder and in and out of the right lane around noon, throwing items at cars before being taken into custody by police. His name was not released. [The Philadelphia Inquirer, 1/20/2018]

Compulsions

Bradley Hardison, 27, of Elizabeth City, North Carolina, achieved minor celebrity status in 2014 when he won a doughnut-eating contest sponsored by the Elizabeth City Police Department. (He ate eight glazed doughnuts in two minutes.) At the time, police had been looking for Hardison as a suspect in break-ins going back to 2013, so they arrested him, and he received a suspended sentence that ended in October 2017. But a doughnut habit is hard to break: The Virginian-Pilot reported that Hardison was charged on Jan. 18 with robbing a Dunkin' Donuts store on Nov. 21. [Virginian-Pilot, 1/19/2018]

Fooled Ya!

-- Montreal, Canada, machinist and cabinetmaker Simon Laprise, 33, took advantage of a recent snowfall to carve a DeLorean DMC-12 (the "Back to the Future" car) in the snowbank in the street in front of his home on Jan. 16. "I decided to do something out of the mountain of snow, to do a little joke to the snow guys," Laprise told Vice. In a "stroke of luck," Laprise found a windshield wiper across the street, which he placed on the snow-car's windshield. He missed a visit from the Montreal police, but others, who snapped photos, caught them looking perplexed at the "car" parked in a no-parking zone. In the end, they left Laprise a "ticket" that read, "You made our night." Sadly, the snowplow drivers weren't as generous, and Laprise's snow-car was reduced to the junkyard of history. [Vice, 1/17/2018]

-- Levi Miles, 28, took a bold gamble on July 27 when he and Chloe Rimmer, 24, approached a valet desk at the posh Vinoy Renaissance Resort & Golf Club in St. Petersburg, Florida, and demanded the keys to the $300,000 yellow 2014 Ferrari 458 Italia Spider sitting nearby. The valet stand was busy, and Miles told the clerk his ticket was inside the car. The valet gave him the keys but stopped paying attention when Miles didn't return with the ticket and a tip, reported the Tampa Bay Times. Eventually, the car drove off, but within minutes was stopped by police for non-working taillights, and officers found cocaine on the dashboard. The couple were taken into custody. Miles explained to police that he was only trying to impress Rimmer, whom he had just met. Rimmer admitted she thought it was odd that Miles didn't seem to know how to drive the car, but he did manage to "move it." The car's owner filed a lawsuit for negligence against the resort and the parking operator in January. [Tampa Bay Times, 1/24/2018]

Update

If you've been wondering whatever happened to Barney the Dinosaur, the Daily Mail has the answer for you. David Joyner, 54, romped inside the big purple suit for 10 years on the 1990s "Barney & Friends" show on PBS. Today, he's a tantric sex guru in Los Angeles who says he can unite his clients' body, mind and spirit through tantric massage and unprotected sex. Joyner credits his tantric training with helping him endure the 120-degree temperatures inside the Barney suit. While "surprised," Stephen White, former head writer on the show, said he sees Joyner's new vocation as the "'I love you, you love me' deal, but different. I don't judge or anything, but that's a side of David I didn't know." [Daily Mail, 1/23/2018]