Tennis instructor Osmailer Torres, 30, of Miami, was arrested in July 2016 after hitting a 5-year-old with the child's pint-sized tennis racket and causing a bruise on the boy's arm and a lump on his eyebrow, reports the Miami Herald. But now Torres believes he has a grand-slam defense: Florida's Stand Your Ground self-defense law. Defense lawyer Eduardo Pereira told the Herald the child was the "initial aggressor" who had participated in "various violent altercations" against other children, and Torres had acted "reasonably in trying to prevent harm" to others. Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Oscar Rodriguez-Fonts will consider the claim in an upcoming hearing. [Miami Herald, 12/6/2017]

Family Values

Mazen Dayem, 36, of Staten Island, New York, obtained a restraining order against his father-in-law, Yunes Doleh, 62, in September after Doleh repeatedly tormented him by waving his hairpiece at Dayem, provoking Dayem's greatest phobia -- the Tasmanian Devil of Looney Tunes fame. Not easily deterred, Doleh was arrested on Nov. 5 for violating the order after he "removed his wig (and) made hand gestures" at a funeral the two attended, Dayem explained to the New York Post. "It's just a very large fear of mine, his damn wig. ... I have nightmares." Court papers say Doleh "proceeded to grimace, snarl, gurn and gesticulate." He was charged with criminal mischief in Staten Island County court, and then sued his son-in-law for defamation after photos from the arrest appeared on social media. [New York Post, 12/20/2017]

Least Competent Criminals

Teller County (Colorado) Sheriff Jason Mikesell listed his SUV for sale on Craigslist in November, and he was a little perplexed when he received a response from Shawn Langley, 39, of Vail, offering to trade the SUV for four pounds of marijuana. Langley even provided photos of his black market booty and boasted about its quality, reported The Colorado Springs Gazette. "I saw that text, and I started giggling," Mikesell said. Detectives set up a meeting and arrested both Langley and Jane Cravens, 41, after finding the promised four pounds of marijuana in their car. Sheriff Mikesell has removed his SUV from Craigslist. [The Gazette, 12/19/2017]

Hiding in Plain Sight

On Nov. 27, 27-year-old Corey Hughes, who was due to be released from prison in February after serving most of a weapons charge, walked away from a San Joaquin County sheriff's work crew in Stockton, California, according to the Fresno Bee. It took police almost a month to track him to a home in Stockton, where they surrounded the dwelling and apprehended him without incident -- which might not be so remarkable were it not for the distinctive, whole-face tattoo Hughes sports, which makes his face look like a human skull. He was booked into the San Joaquin County Jail. [Fresno Bee, 12/22/2017]

Good Deed, Punished

Malcolm Whitfield of Rochester, New York, was only trying to help when he ordered a Lyft car to deliver a drunk woman home from a bar in November. But when the woman vomited in the car, Whitfield was hit with a $150 fine to cover the damage. "For a second, I was like, 'Never do anything nice again!'" Whitfield told 13WHAM. Lyft's terms and conditions include damage fees, which most people don't see in the fine print. Update: Lyft later refunded Whitfield's fine and added $100 to his Lyft account for future rides. "Mr. Whitfield absolutely did the right thing by helping someone get home safely," said Scott Coriell, a Lyft spokesperson. [WHAM, 12/16/2017]

Oh, Deer

It was just another early December day at the Horsetooth Store, Gas and RV Park outside Fort Collins, Colorado, as employee Lori Jones conducted inventory and restocked shelves. Suddenly, she looked up to see "Mama," a doe deer, inside the store, "looking at the sunglasses. Then she looked at the ice cream and over at the chips," Jones told CBS Denver. "I kind of did a double take." When shooing the deer away didn't work, she broke out a peanut bar and lured the doe into a nearby field. Jones then returned to work, but soon looked up to find Mama was back, this time with her three fawns in tow. It took another peanut bar to draw the family away from the store, and Jones said she has learned her lesson. "You should never feed the deer because they're going to keep coming back." [CBS Denver, 12/21/2017]

Sweet Revenge

A mom in Hillsboro, Oregon, came up with the perfect retaliation for a porch pirate who nabbed her baby son's Christmas pajamas package off the front porch. Angie Boliek told KATU she wanted to get her own "passive-aggressive revenge," so she taped up a box full of 10 to 15 dirty diapers with a note reading "Enjoy this you thief!" Boliek left the box on her porch on Dec. 3, and by the evening of Dec. 4 it was gone. Boliek alerted Hillsboro police, but they don't have any leads in the investigation. "It was fun to come home and see that it was gone," Boliek said. [KATU, 12/5/2017]

New World Order

Taisei Corp., a construction company based in Tokyo, announced in December that it will use autonomous drones, taking flight in April, to combat karoshi, or overwork death, reported The Independent. The drones will hover over desks of employees who have stayed at work too long and blast "Auld Lang Syne," a tune commonly used in Japanese shops getting ready to close. A company statement said: "It will encourage employees who are present at the drone patrol time to leave, not only to promote employee health but also to conduct internal security management." Experts are skeptical: Scott North, professor of sociology at Osaka University, told the BBC that "to cut overtime hours, it is necessary to reduce workloads." [The Independent, 12/10/2017]

Ironies

Paul Jacobs, 42, of South Hampshire, England, ordered a roll of bubble wrap from Amazon in November to protect his plants during a coming cold snap. Soon the box of bubble wrap arrived, protected by 100 feet of brown packing paper -- enough to cover his whole backyard, he told the Daily Mail. "At first I thought they'd sent me the wrong order because the box was so heavy," Jacobs said. He expects it will take two recycling collections to get rid of all the paper packaging. [Daily Mail, 11/21/2017]

Great Art!

At the courthouse in the Belgian port city of Ostend, performance artist Mikes Poppe, 34, was hoping to make a statement on the weight of history when he chained his leg to a 3-ton block of Carrara marble on Nov. 10 and began slowly chipping himself free. The Straits Times reports that for 19 days, Poppe ate, slept and worked on the marble until curator Joanna De Vos ordered the chain cut "for practical reasons." "I don't see the fact that I was freed as a failure," Poppe told the Flemish-language Het Laatste Nieuws. "The act of getting free in itself was not the main goal," he added, although he admitted that doing so had been more difficult than he thought. "I really underestimated that block of marble." [Straits Times, 12/1/2017]

When 5-year-old TyLon Pittman of Byram, Mississippi, saw the Grinch stealing Christmas on Dec. 16 on TV, he did what any civic-minded citizen would do. He called 911. TyLon told Byram police officer Lauren Develle, who answered the call, that he did not want the Grinch to come steal his Christmas, reported the Clarion Ledger. Develle made TyLon an honorary junior officer and had him come down to the station on Dec. 18 to help her lock away the Grinch, who hung his head as TyLon asked him, "Why are you stealing Christmas?" Although the green fiend apologized, TyLon wouldn't release him from the holding cell. Police chief Luke Thompson told TyLon to come back when he's 21, "and I'm going to give you a job application, OK?" [Clarion Ledger, 12/18/2017]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

In Gilgandra, New South Wales, Australia, on Nov. 29, sheep shearer Casey Barnes was tramping down wool, and her father and boyfriend were working nearby, when her long, curly hair became caught in a belt-driven motor. Horrifically, the motor ripped her scalp off from the back of her head to above her eyes and ears. Barnes was flown to Sydney, where doctors performed an emergency 20-hour surgery to save her scalp, but were ultimately unsuccessful. Barnes will have artificial skin attached to her head instead, reports The Sun. A GoFundMe page has been established to help with her medical bills. [The Sun, 12/19/2017]

Self-Absorbent

The Tea Terrace in London is offering a new way for customers to enjoy themselves -- literally. On Dec. 16, the shop began selling the "Selfieccino," an image of the customer's face in the frothy topping of either a cappuccino or a hot chocolate. Patrons send an photo to the shop via an online messaging app, and the "Cino" machine takes it from there, reproducing the picture with flavorless food coloring in about four minutes. "Due to social media," shop owner Ehab Salem Shouly told Reuters, "the dining experience has completely shifted. It's not enough anymore to just deliver great food and great service -- it's got to be Instagram-worthy." [Reuters, 12/19/2017]

An Engaged Citizenry

Pam Bisanti, a 31-year resident of Mount Dora, Florida, has approached the city council more than once about the speeding traffic along Clayton Street, where she lives. On Nov. 27, Bisanti made good on her threat to take matters into her own hands if the council didn't by wielding a handmade sign reading "SLOW DOWN" as she stood next to the roadway during rush hour wearing her pajamas and robe. "The mothers up the street who send their kids down to the bus stop should have every expectation that those kids will be able to cross Clayton without being killed," Bisanti told the Daily Commercial, saying she plans to continue her protest until the city takes action. "I am frustrated, angry and fed up. There needs to be a solution sooner than later. Remember that vision of me in my pajamas," she added. [Daily Commercial, 11/28/2017]

Unclear on the Concept

Melissa Allen, 32, was arrested on Dec. 19 after attempting to shoplift more than $1,000 in merchandise from a Framingham, Massachusetts, Target store, reported the Boston Globe. On hand to help in the arrest were more than 50 police officers who were at the store to participate in the annual "Shop With a Cop" holiday charity event. [Boston Globe, 12/20/2017]

Unintended Consequences

Stephen Allen of Tukwila, Washington, moved in with his grandmother years ago to help care for her. When she died last year, he invited his brother, a convicted drug dealer, to move in, but along with him came drug activity, squatters, stolen property and debris. Allen eventually asked police to raid the home, but when they did on Dec. 15, they evicted Allen as well, leaving him homeless. "It's all legal, but it's wrong," Allen told KIRO-7 News. "I can't do anything about it." [KIRO-7, 12/16/2017]

The Call of Nature

Tracy Hollingsworth Stephens, 50, of Alachua, Florida, answered nature's call on Nov. 25 by stopping her car in the middle of County Road 232 and stepping outside. An officer of the Florida Highway Patrol soon took notice as he had been searching for Stephens following her involvement in a two-car collision in the parking lot of a nearby T.J. Maxx store earlier that day. Stephens subsequently underperformed on a field sobriety test, according to The Independent Florida Alligator, and was arrested for driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident. [The Independent Florida Alligator, 11/26/2017]

The Sunshine State

-- Workers at Captain Hiram's Sandbar in Sebastian, Florida, resorted to calling police on Nov. 17 when customer William Antonio Olivieri, 63, refused to leave the bar after a night of drinking. Olivieri told Sebastian police he had arrived by boat, but when a quick walk down a nearby dock failed to uncover the boat, he said perhaps he had driven himself to the bar in a black Hyundai. Throughout the interview with police, reported the Sebastian Daily, Olivieri also maintained that he was in downtown Melbourne, Florida, where he lives. Finally, he was arrested on a charge of disorderly intoxication and taken to the Indian River County Jail. [Sebastian Daily, 11/21/2017]

-- Sumter County, Florida, sheriff's deputies were dispatched to The Villages on Nov. 19 where resident Lori Jo Matthews, 60, reportedly barked at her neighbor's dogs, then entered her neighbor's yard, yelling at the neighbor and finally slapping the neighbor after being told to leave. Deputies caught up with Matthews as she attempted to enter her own home, where she was handcuffed and arrested on charges of battery and resisting arrest. Alcohol, reported Villages-News.com, may have been involved. [Villages-News.com, 11/20/2017]

Alarming Animal

North Fort Myers, Florida, homeowner Joanie Mathews was terrorized for hours on Nov. 14 by a large pig that wandered into her yard overnight and spent the day destroying the lawn and biting Mathews three times before trapping her in the cab of her truck. "She would circle the truck ... and I would jump in the back seat and I was like 'Go away, pig!" Mathews told NBC-2 TV. Mathews finally called law enforcement, and it took three Lee County sheriff's officers to wrangle the testy porker. "It was just hilarious because the pig fought them every which way," Mathews said. No one, at press time, had stepped forward to claim the pig. [NBC-2, 11/14/2017]

Two American tourists, Joseph Dasilva, 38, and Travis Dasilva, 36, of San Diego, were arrested in Bangkok, Thailand, on Nov. 28 and detained in an immigration detention center after they posted a "butt-selfie" on Instagram, taken in front of the Buddhist temple Wat Arun, or Temple of the Dawn. The pair's Instagram account, traveling_butts, showcased their hindquarters at tourist sites around the world, but it was deleted shortly after the arrests. District police chief Jaruphat Thongkomol told Reuters that the two would also be fined for a similar photo at a different temple. [Reuters, 11/29/2017]

But Why?

In Birmingham, England, renowned 53-year-old surgeon Simon Bramhall pleaded guilty on Dec. 13 to branding his initials onto human livers using an argon beam during transplant surgeries. A colleague first noticed the initials "S.B." in 2013 on an organ during a follow-up surgery, which sparked an investigation, the Guardian reported. Bramhall resigned in 2014 and acknowledged that marking his patients' livers had been a mistake. But former patient Tracy Scriven of Dyrham, Wiltshire, told the Birmingham Mail that he should be reinstated. "Is it really that bad? I wouldn't have cared if he did it to me. The man saved my life." [The Guardian, 12/13/2017]

Inept Santa Moves

Jesse Berube, 32, of Rocklin, California, tried using a favorite trick of Old St. Nick -- but he got stuck in the chimney of a Citrus Heights business he was trying to rob on Dec. 13 and had to call police for help. ABC News reported that Sacramento firefighters responded and used special equipment to free Berube, who now faces one count of burglary. Citrus Heights police said Berube "does not have the same skills as the real deal." [ABC News, 12/16/2017]

The Check's in the Mail

Lorette Taylor of Burlington, Ontario, Canada, responsible for meting out her family's inheritance after her father's death sent a bank draft last February to her brother, Louis Paul Hebert, for $846,648.46 via UPS. Hebert waited at his local UPS store for the check to arrive -- but nothing came in. "I came back in the evening. Nothing shows up," he told the CBC. UPS could trace the package only to its distribution center north of Toronto, so along with an apology for Hebert's inconvenience, UPS refunded the $32 shipping fee. Taylor's bank, TD Canada Trust, initially assured her the check would be canceled, but two days later refused to issue a new draft until Taylor signed an indemnity agreement making her and her heirs liable for life should the original check be cashed. Not only that, the bank then asked her to put up collateral against the new bank draft, but that request was later recalled. Finally, 10 months after the whole ordeal began, the bank released the money, and Hebert, at press time in December, was making the 273-mile drive to pick up the check in person. [CBC, 12/14/2017]

Awesome!

An unnamed newborn boy underwent surgery at the Scientific Research Institute of Pediatrics in Baku, Azerbaijan, to remove a small remainder of a parasitic twin that had attached itself to the baby's back: a penis. Gunduz Agayev, head of the institute's neonatology department, reported to Metro News in December that the baby "has a normal sexual organ where it is supposed to be" and "the penis on the back ... has been surgically removed." The newborn was not traumatized by the surgery and is already at home with his parents, the doctor said. [Metro News, 12/18/2017]

Channeling Mike Tyson

British model Chloe Hammond, 27, also known as Chloe Rebelle, succumbed to a fit of road rage on March 19 when Julie Holloway, 56, tapped on her car window to ask her to stop using her phone while driving in traffic in London. Metro News reports that Hammond responded by parking her Audi TT and then "came out of nowhere" toward Holloway, kicking her in the stomach, grabbing Holloway's hair and biting off a piece of her ear. Holloway, bloodied and disturbed, didn't realize part of her ear was missing until someone "picked it up off the floor." In October, Hammond was convicted of causing grievous bodily harm with intent in Southwark Crown Court, and on Dec. 18, a judge sentenced her to five years in jail. [Metro News, 12/18/2017]

Inexplicable

Don't you ever just want to get away? An unnamed man in Catherine Way, Batheaston, England, started digging a "very deep" hole in his yard weeks ago, but caused a neighborhood disruption when he climbed into the hole on Dec. 12 and refused to come out. Neighbor Dominic Denny told the Bath Chronicle that "it started at about 4 a.m. ... when there was a lot of shouting and screaming coming from the house opposite me. The young man's family was outside trying to get him back in the house." Emergency responders from a variety of services converged on the scene, even bringing a crane to lower into the hole to retrieve the man. A spokesperson for Avon and Somerset police later reported that the incident was resolved and "the man got out of the hole of his own accord." [Bath Chronicle, 12/12/2017]

Special Delivery!

An employee at a TCBY yogurt shop in Matthews, North Carolina, got a surprise while opening three packages delivered to the store -- filled with $220,000 worth of marijuana. Upon further investigation, the store told WSOC-TV, the packages had been delivered mistakenly and were meant for a P.O. Box at the postal store next door. While the origin of the packages is still unknown, the drugs and the recipient's information have been turned over to police, who report that no arrests have been made. [WSOC, 12/14/2017]

Questionable Judgment

The Mirror reports that a flight attendant with Urumqi Air in China has been suspended after a co-worker captured her on video eating from in-flight meals meant for passengers. In the video, a line of open meals is on a shelf in front of the female attendant, who samples from at least two of them with a spoon. The airline said in a statement that the meals were leftovers not handed out to passengers, and it was launching a full investigation. [The Mirror, 12/9/2017]

Least Competent Criminals

Israel Perez Rangel, 38, of Santa Ana, California, raised suspicions begging for money at a service station to put gas in the 2015 Ferrari 458 Spider he was driving on Nov. 1. The $300,000 car was in rough shape, according to the Los Angeles Times, with cracked fins, emblems torn from the body and vomit caked on the side. When Santa Ana police arrived, Rangel ran away, but he was caught nearby hiding in bushes. Car owner Susan Friedman of Laguna Beach had left the Ferrari at a Costa Mesa service center in October, where it was stolen, and surveillance video confirmed it was Rangel who nicked the hot rod. Luckily for Friedman, her insurance company cut her a check and she replaced the Ferrari with a 2018 Lamborghini Huracan. "I love it," she said. [Los Angeles Times, 11/28/2017]

Wait, What?

Visitors to South Korea for the Winter Olympics may want to make a side trip to Haesindang Park near the coastal town of Sinnam. The park, also known as Penis Park, opened to the public in 2007 and was dedicated to the memory of a virgin bride-to-be left behind by her fisherman fiance. Locals told the Mirror that after being abandoned, the bride was swept out to sea and drowned, causing fish to leave the area. Now her spirit can only be soothed by the sight of male genitalia. The park features nearly 300 erect phallus statues, and about 12,000 visitors take in the titillating sights each year, most of them women. [The Mirror, 11/20/2017]