Quick-thinking paramedics in Dorset, England, saved the life of a man whose fishing outing went south when a dover sole jumped down his throat and blocked his windpipe on Oct. 5. Sam Quilliam, 28, had just caught the 5 1/2-inch-long fish and went to give it a kiss when it wriggled free and lodged in his throat. "I ran round the pier like a headless chicken and then passed out," Quilliam told The Guardian. When first responders arrived, Quilliam was not breathing, but friends were performing CPR. Paramedic Matt Harrison said: "It was clear that we needed to get the fish out or this patient was not going to survive. ... I was able to eventually dislodge the tip of the tail and very carefully, so as not to break the tail off, I tried to remove it -- although the fish's barbs and gills were getting stuck on the way back up." Finally, the fish "came out in one piece," Harrison said. Quilliam said his brush with death won't put him off fishing. "Once I am back at work and fit, I will probably get back at it again," he said. [The Guardian, 10/13/2017]

What's in a Name?

Carrie L. Hitt, 42, of Junction City, Oregon, died after her Ford Bronco left the road on Territorial Highway and rolled on Oct. 4. Hitt was ejected from her car and then struck by a second vehicle, driven by Nadine M. Killmaster, 32, of Yakima, Washington. Oregon State Police told The Register-Guard they believe Hitt was using a mobile phone just before the crash. [Register-Guard, 10/6/2017]

Horsing Around

-- Lindsey Partridge of Ontario, Canada, booked herself at a pet-friendly Super 8 in Georgetown, Kentucky, for the Retired Racehorse Project's Thoroughbred Makeover on Oct. 4. At check-in, Partridge asked the front desk clerk if the pet policy included horses, to which the clerk answered, "Aw, I wouldn't mind. You could do that." So Partridge returned to her horse trailer and brought Blizz, her retired racehorse, into the hotel. Partridge and Blizz took a video and a few photos in the room, but eventually Partridge took Blizz to the Kentucky Horse Park, where the rooms are more suited to equine visitors. The Lexington Herald-Leader reported that Blizz took third place in the trail competition during the event. [Lexington Herald-Leader, 10/14/2017]

-- Meanwhile, in Iowa, a pair of women stopped at a traffic light in Altoona in October looked at the car next to them and saw a horse staring back from the back seat. "This is the most Iowa thing that has EVER happened to me," Hannah Waskel tweeted, along with a video of the miniature horse. "We started laughing and the people driving the horse saw us and waved," Hannah told UPI. "They even rolled the window down for the horse." [United Press International, 10/16/2017]

Questionable Judgment

Tucson, Arizona, firefighters were called on Oct. 15 to a mobile home park after a resident there tried to remove spiderwebs from beneath his trailer using a propane torch, but ended up setting his home on fire. KVOA-TV reported that the unnamed man's elderly mother, who also lived there, suffered minor injuries while being carried out of the mobile home with the help of neighbors. [KVOA-TV, 10/16/2017]

Wait, What?

U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport made an unusual discovery in the luggage of a traveler arriving from Vietnam in October: 54 illegal bird nests. The nests, which are considered a delicacy in some countries, are built out of solidified bird saliva and are used to make soup and broth, reported UPI. However, they are banned from entering the United States because they may carry infectious diseases. The nests were destroyed. [United Press International, 10/13/2017]

What We'll Do for Love

The Daily World in Centralia, Washington, reported that Rachel A. Deckert, 27, tried to turn herself in at the Lewis County Jail on an outstanding DUI warrant on Aug. 21, but was turned away because she brought along her partner -- literally glued to Deckert by her pinky finger. When Deckert tried again the next day, still attached to her partner, police and firefighters were called. The two women were attached by a copper elbow pipe into which they had each inserted a pinky finger secured with "some kind of epoxy," a firefighter said. They told authorities they had been that way about a week at the suggestion of a couples therapy counselor. "They haven't been able to feel their fingers for three days," said police detective Patty Finch. Efforts to separate the women were unsuccessful, and Deckert was released with advice to seek medical attention. [Daily World, 8/22/2017]

Timing Is Everything

Eva Pandora Baldursdottir, a member of the Icelandic parliament from the Pirate Party, was scheduled to take part in a debate on Oct. 12, according to UPI, but an unexpected injury lent her an especially jaunty look for the televised event: She had to conduct the debate wearing an eye patch after her toddler daughter scratched her eye. "Sometimes astounding things can happen at the worst time," Baldursdottir shared on Facebook, along with a photo of her wearing the eye patch. [United Press International, 10/13/2017]

Awesome!

For the last time, Flight 666, traveling from Copenhagen, Denmark, to HEL (Finland's Helsinki-Vantaa airport), took off on Friday the 13th of October. A Finnair spokesman said the flight, questionably numbered for the superstitious among us, has been making the trip for 11 years and has flown on Friday the 13th 21 times. "Today will actually be the final time that our AY666 flight flies to HEL," a spokesman told The Telegraph. Some Finnair flights are getting new numbers, and the infamous route will be renumbered to 954. The flight arrived safely in Helsinki. [The Telegraph, 10/13/2017]

Bright Ideas

-- Malcolm Applegate, 62, of Birmingham, England, couldn't take life with his demanding wife anymore, so 10 years ago he escaped. Applegate spent five of those years living in the woods near Kingston, until applying to live at a homeless charity called Emmaus Greenwich Center in South London, Fox News reported. "Without a word to anyone, not even family, I packed up and left ... I went missing for 10 years," Applegate said. "I enjoyed my life," he wrote in a blog on the Emmaus Greenwich website, but says he's grateful to the charity for encouraging him to reconnect with his sister. As for his wife, there has been no reaction from her to Applegate's reappearance. [Fox News, 10/17/2017]

-- Residents of Rogersville, Missouri, are protesting a high school fundraising plan to convert an abandoned funeral home into a haunted house, according to KY3.com, calling the idea distasteful and insensitive. The Preston-Marsh Funeral Home had been scheduled for demolition, but the owner gave permission to students from Logan-Rogersville High School to use it at the end of October to raise money for a safe graduation celebration for seniors. Students said they would use leftover equipment such as gurneys to enhance the spooky experience. But one Rogersville resident said doing so is "akin to opening a strip club in an old church." [KY3.com, 10/12/2017]

Oops!

In Vero Beach, Florida, a husband and wife made a hot bet on the Dallas Cowboys vs. Green Bay Packers football game on Oct. 8: The loser would set their team's jersey on fire. When the Packers won, the husband, 27, took his blue and silver Cowboys jersey outside and set fire to it. But, as he later told sheriff's deputies, because he was drunk, he then tried to put the jersey back on, and that's when things got heated. Family members pulled the burning jersey off the man and rushed him to the Indian River Medical Center. A witness told the Sebastian Daily "skin was hanging off his arm and back." He suffered second- and third-degree burns to his hand, arm and back. [Sebastian Daily, 10/9/2017]

Unclear on the Concept

An unnamed Colorado woman apparently defied death when a train rolled over her near Whitewater, Colorado, on Oct. 15. The woman was sleeping on the tracks and wearing earphones when one engine rolled completely over her before the train could stop. She was then removed from the tracks and refused medical attention. Lands End Fire Protection District chief Brian Lurvey told the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel he was not sure whether she had been cited by Union Pacific for sleeping on the tracks. [Grand Junction Daily Sentinel, 10/15/2017]

Bryant Johnson of Casper, Wyoming, was on a mission on Oct. 2 when police responded to a call about a man warning citizens of an alien invasion coming next year. KTWO Radio in Casper reported that Johnson told police he had traveled back in time from 2048, explaining that the aliens filled his body with alcohol and had him stand on a giant pad that transported him back to 2017 -- although he was supposed to arrive in 2018. He also asked to speak with the "president of the town." Instead, Bryant was arrested for public intoxication. [KTWO Radio, 10/9/2017]

Farm Animals Gone Wild

The owners of a mischievous ass in Vogelsberg, Hesse, Germany, have been ordered to pay for damages after Vitus the donkey apparently mistook an orange McLaren Spider sports car for a carrot. When Markus Zahn left his $411,000 car parked next to a paddock on Sept. 16, 2016, he returned to find that Vitus had nibbled on its paint to the tune of almost $7,000 in damage. "The donkey had insurance, but the insurance didn't want to pay," Zahn told the BBC. Vitus's rap sheet also includes biting a Mercedes. [BBC, 9/28/2017]

Oops!

In Romania, it takes more than foul weather or a damaged field to stop football. On Sept. 24, a match between Bistrita Brosteni and Vanatorul Dorna Candrenilor was abandoned just 58 minutes in after all the teams' balls ended up in the nearby Bistrita River, according to the Hindustan Times. Bistrita was winning 2-0 when they ran out of balls. Fans suggested they might find the balls at the Bicaz dam nearby. [Hindustan Times, 9/28/2017]

Creeps on Parade

-- Samantha the intelligent sex doll suffered a number of indignities at the Ars Electronica Festival in Linz, Austria, in early September. Sergi Santos of Barcelona, Spain, who developed Samantha, said men at the show acted "like barbarians. Two fingers were broken. She was heavily soiled." Samantha, who talks, is also programmed to react when someone touches her. Santos told Metro News that Samantha would have to undergo repairs and cleaning, but she "can endure a lot. She will pull through." [Metro News, 9/27/2017]

-- Metro News also reports that women in Middlesbrough, Cleveland, England, have contacted police about a mysterious man handing out provocative notes in the streets. The notes begin: "No offence intended. You are simply a female that caught my eye. ... I am looking for a possible private arrangement. If you understand my meaning." The man has handed out several of the notes, one to a 14-year-old girl at Middlesbrough Bus Station. Her sister called the phone number at the bottom of the note and said the voice "sounded foreign." She went on: "It made me feel a bit uncomfortable and it set off my anxiety." [Metro News, 10/2/2017]

DO NOT EAT!

Doctors thought a 47-year-old postman in Preston, Lancashire, England, who complained of a persistent cough might have cancer, as he was a long-term smoker whose X-rays showed a spot on his lung. But when they removed the mass, the BBC reported, they found the "long-lost Playmobil traffic cone" the patient had received as a gift on his seventh birthday. He told doctors he had regularly swallowed the small pieces as a child and believed he had inhaled the tiny cone. Happy ending: After the toy was removed, the man's cough almost disappeared and his other symptoms improved. [BBC, 9/26/2017]

Corporate Shenanigans

The Russian division of Burger King has asked the country's Federal Anti-Monopoly Service to ban Stephen King's horror movie "It" from showing in Russian theaters because the clown character, Pennywise, looks too much like Ronald McDonald, and therefore the movie is advertising for McDonald's. However, the Hollywood Reporter noted, the movie opened in Russia on Sept. 7 and had already grossed millions of dollars by late September. A spokeswoman for the FAS, confirming that the complaint had been received, said, "We can't be concerned with the content of the film," but the agency would determine whether it contained advertising or product placement. [Hollywood Reporter, 9/26/2017]

Inexplicable

If you're already shopping for your 2018 calendar, Metro News recommends you don't overlook the Carponizer Carp Calendar, which features "12 beautiful carps with attractive women. On high quality paper." Oh, and the women are naked. Hendrik Pohler, 28, the calendar's creator, was struck with the idea when he was fishing with a friend "and at the spot next to us were two hot girls fishing," he told Maxim, which described the models as having "stiff, pained expressions." [Metro News, 10/3/2017]

Crime Report

Patrick Joseph Adams Jr., 36, of Great Falls, Montana, pulled the ultimate heist in July when he convinced two male friends and his girlfriend to help him "move out" of a house that wasn't his. One of the friends was suspicious when he saw a wall in the home dedicated to military service, but didn't remember that Adams had been in the service, the Great Falls Tribune reported. That friend left before the move was complete, but the rest of the group loaded about $40,000 worth of belongings into a U-Haul, requiring two trips. Later that evening, the true homeowner of the burglarized house called police and reported the theft, and through U-Haul records police were able to track Adams down. He was charged on Sept. 28 with burglary and criminal mischief. [Great Falls Tribune, 9/28/2017]

Bureaucracy in Action

Juana Escudero, 53, of Alcala de Guadaira, Spain, has been dead since May 13, 2010. Except she's still very much alive. FOX News reports that a Malaga, Spain, woman died on that date who shared Escudero's full name and birthdate. As a result, Escudero was pronounced dead by the government, which has given her headaches ever since. For instance, she can't renew her driver's license or go to the doctor. Finally, in April 2016, she tracked down the actual dead woman in Malaga, and in September of this year, she petitioned the courts to open the grave to prove that she is not the dead woman. She even offered to do a DNA test. "On the government's computers I am dead," Escudero said, "but for the banks I am alive and kicking." [FOX News, 9/27/2017]

Questionable Judgment

Minnesota State Police nabbed a motorcycle rider on Aug. 31 who was weaving in and out of traffic on Interstate 394 and performing stunts, all while wearing a panda suit, complete with an oversize animal head. The rider told police that the panda suit was meant to help his motorcycle videos "go viral," but police responded with a citation for reckless driving, and they confiscated the panda head. "A panda head will not protect you in a crash like a DOT-approved helmet would," police advised on their Facebook page. [United Press International, 10/3/2017]

Ironies

Samantha Faye Toope, 20, and Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, inmates of the Edmonton (Alberta, Canada) Institution for Women, must have been pumped up about their successful escape from the prison on Oct. 2, so they headed to a downtown "escape room" -- a problem-solving and strategy game room where players are given limited time to find their way out. SideQuests Adventures owner Rebecca Liaw told CBC News that the women arrived at the business on Oct. 3 and inquired about the game. As Liaw explained how it works, five uniformed police officers arrived and handcuffed the cons, both of whom Edmonton police described as violent offenders with weapons offenses. "We get lots of interesting visitors," Liaw said, "but this is definitely top of the list." [CBC News, 10/4/2017]

You may have seen the widely distributed weird news story about the Mad Pooper, a woman who has been seen defecating on lawns in Colorado Springs, Colorado. According to KRDO.com, on Sept. 25, an unidentified man claiming to be a spokesman for the Pooper posted (and has since removed) two videos in which he tried to justify her movements and win sympathy for her. In the videos, the spokesman says the unidentified Pooper is not responsible for her actions because she has suffered a traumatic brain injury and has had gender reassignment surgery, leaving her unable to control herself. He also claims her actions are protected by the First Amendment, in response to which Colorado Springs attorney Jeremy Loew called foul: "Defecating in someone's yard is definitely not protected under the First Amendment and it is actually a crime." Loew went on: "People all over the world are talking about this, and police will catch her." [KRDO.com, 9/25/2017]

What's in a Name?

Death Wish Coffee -- a cold-brewed, canned coffee the company touts as "fiercely caffeinated" (as much as 4 1/2 times more caffeine per fluid ounce than regular coffee), with a skull and crossbones logo -- recalled its 11-ounce cans on Sept. 20 because they could possibly contain the deadly toxin botulin. Company founder Mike Brown, 37, said no incidents have been reported, but he is very serious about the safety of his product. "I know our logo and name might not seem like it reflects that," Brown told The Washington Post. Production has been halted, and customers can request refunds from Death Wish's website. [The Washington Post, 9/22/2017]

People Different From Us

-- Mermaid Aries, 18, of Bromsgrove, Worcestershire, England, likes to wear her specially made mermaid tail when she swims at local pools. But the Dolphin Centre in Bromsgrove, under new management, has banned her from using the flipper because "they worry I might hit someone with my tail or might get into trouble in the water and drown," Aries (real name Leia Trigger) told the Worcester News on Sept. 22. "It is my ambition to become a professional mermaid that attends children's parties and other events. The only problem is that I have nowhere to swim." (UPDATE: After the story made headlines, the Perdiswell Leisure Centre stepped up. Aquatic development officer Vanessa Bale welcomed Aries to the pool, offering her "early mornings and late evenings." Aries is thrilled: "I am absolutely ecstatic. I never thought I'd be able to swim with my tail ever again.") [Worcester News, 9/22/2017, 10/2/2017]

-- An anonymous bidder in the United States has purchased a pair of Adolf Hitler's boxer-style underwear for about $6,700, according to auctioneer Bill Panagopoulos of Alexander Historical Auctions in Chesapeake City, Maryland. The drawers, with a size 39 waist and "A.H." embroidered on them, apparently were left in the Parkhotel Graz in Austria in 1938, Panagopulos told Metro News on Sept. 24. The seller was the grandson of the people who owned the hotel at that time. Panagopulos supposes the buyer will frame the underwear and hang them on a wall in his or her home: "It would be the most talked-about relic in the house." [Metro News, 9/24/2017]

The Farce Is Strong

A black-and-white photo depicting the signing of the Charter of the United Nations in San Francisco in 1945 has prompted the recall and reprinting of Saudi social studies textbooks because it pictures Saudi King Faisal seated next to the Jedi master Yoda. The photograph was created by 26-year-old Saudi artist Abdullah Al Shehri, who mixes pop culture icons into historic photographs. Shehri told The New York Times in September he inserted Yoda into the photo because he reminded him of the king. "He was wise and was always strong in his speeches," Shehri said. "I am the one who designed it, but I am not the one who put it in the book," he clarified. Saudi education minister Ahmed al-Eissa apologized for the mistake, but the mystery of how the photo got into the book remains unsolved. [The New York Times, 9/21/2017]

It's Good to Have Goals

Octogenarians Ray and Wilma Yoder of Goshen, Indiana, have finally achieved a goal they set nearly 40 years ago: to visit every Cracker Barrel location in the United States. On Aug. 31, they checked off the last of 645 stops in Tualatin, Oregon, where they each received a Four-Star apron, the company's highest honor. The Yoders once stopped at 10 Cracker Barrels in one day as they traveled up the East Coast. "I've always walked away feeling refreshed," Ray Yoder told ABC News. "For two old people, we're pretty fast moving." [ABC News, 7/26/2017; NPR, 9/3/2017]

Bright Ideas

-- The Detroit Red Wings' new promotion commemorates the Joe Louis Arena, where the team played until this year, when they're moving to a new rink. The Detroit News reported in September that fans who want to keep the old home ice close to their hearts and contribute to the team's foundation can buy a small vial of limited edition "melted ice" taken from the arena's surface (otherwise known as water) for $85. Only 3,000 vials have been produced; they are accompanied by a framed photo of The Joe. [The Detroit News, 9/20/2017]

-- Even Superman underwear couldn't protect Nathan French, 19, from Halewood, Merseyside, England, as he climbed to the top of the highest mountain in Wales, 3,600-foot Snowdon. French managed to hike to the summit on Sept. 9, but he quickly succumbed to the elements -- perhaps because he was wearing ONLY Superman underwear, shoes and gloves. French, who is studying sport, nutrition and health in college, told The Guardian, "It was when I was at the top I was shaking uncontrollably." He rode the Snowdon mountain railway back down, but fell ill on the train: "I started to go deaf and my sight started to go funny." Paramedics said his blood sugar had dropped and he was showing signs of hypothermia. Miles Hill of the Llanberis mountain rescue team noted, "We hope Mr. French is back in the mountains soon, perhaps in the full suit (cape optional), rather than just the underwear." [The Guardian, 9/18/2017]

-- And police in Cumbria County, England, responded on Sept. 23 to a call for help from 3,210-foot Scafell Pike (England's highest mountain), where four men ran into trouble while hiking. However, their problems didn't stem from dehydration or a painful fall. Instead, it seems the group had become "incapable of walking due to cannabis use," police told The Guardian. A police spokesperson wrote on Facebook: "Now having to deploy rescue, air support and ambulance to rescue them. Words fail us ..." Cumbria police superintendent Justin Bibby reminded hikers that "alcohol or any other substance that could impair your judgment ... has no place on a mountain." [The Guardian, 9/24/2017]

The Passing Parade

South Western Railway in England took over for South West Trains in August and in its first six weeks collected more than 10,000 items left behind on trains -- including an inflatable shark, an ironing board, a barrister's wig, false teeth, a leather chair and hundreds of jackets. The BBC reported that lost property manager Michael Pugh is beseeching riders to check their seats before leaving the train. While his staff works hard "to ensure passengers are reunited with their belongings," Pugh said, items can be kept for only three months. [BBC, 9/25/2017]

Crime Report

Apparently, even crime goes better with Coke! The manager at Rally's restaurant in Henderson, Kentucky, was busy preparing for the day's business on Sept. 25 when a man dressed in a Coca-Cola bottle costume robbed him at gunpoint, stealing more than $500. The Coke bottle then left the restaurant without hurting the manager and headed north in a gray minivan, according to WFIE-TV. [WFIE 14 News, 9/25/2017]

People With Issues

Timothy Bates, 37, of Collierville, Tennessee, was arrested on Sept. 24 by the Secret Service after being observed urinating at the corner of 17th and Pennsylvania Avenue NW, near the White House in Washington, D.C. WTOP-FM reported that Bates explained to the officers that he was headed to the White House, where he hoped to meet with National Security Agency Director Adm. Mike Rogers and Defense Secretary Gen. James Mattis to find out "how to get the dog chip out of my head." He explained that he is part of the MK Ultra project, managed by the CIA, and had chips implanted in his head that cause headaches, shaking and convulsions. Bates also told officers he had weapons in his car, which amounted to nine firearms, brass knuckles, a black jack and three knives. A former Memphis police officer, Bates has been involuntarily committed twice this year for mental health reasons. [WTOP-FM, 9/25/2017]