The Federal Aviation Administration recently granted (likely for the first time ever) an application to fly a paper airplane. Prominent drone advocate Peter Sachs had applied to conduct commercial aerial photography with his "aircraft" (a Tailor Toys model with a tiny propeller and maximum range of 180 feet), and the agency, concerned with air traffic safety, accommodated by treating the request (unironically?) under the rules for manned flights (that, among other restrictions, Sachs must not exceed 100 mph and must engage a licensed airplane pilot to fly it). "With this grant," said the "victorious" Sachs, "the FAA has abandoned all logic and sensibility." [Forbes.com, 8-27-2015; Popular Science, 8-31-2015]

-- Because temperatures were in the high 90s the last weekend in August, tourists visiting the historical Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland were greeted by the outdoor sprinkler system dousing them near the gates. It was intended as relief, said operators, to keep guests from fainting, but, as one Israeli visitor said, "It was a punch to the gut" -- too reminiscent of Auschwitz's gas chamber. (Jewish prisoners had been marched calmly to their deaths under the pretense that they were only being taken for showers.) [Ynet News (Tel Aviv), 8-31-2015]

-- DIY dentistry seemed off-limits -- until amateur orthodontia got a boost from a 2012 YouTube video in which Shalom DeSota, now 17, praised rubber bands for teeth-straightening. DeSota's family lacked dental insurance at the time, so the would-be actress experimented by looping rubber bands around two front teeth she wanted to draw together. Many painful days later, she succeeded. The American Association of Orthodontists expressed alarm in August at the video's recent popularity. So much could go wrong -- infection, gum-tearing, detachment between tooth and gums -- that DeSota, the organization said, had simply been lucky. [Today.com, 8-17-2015]

Digital World: (1) The North Carolina Department of Public Instruction announced in July that it would be experimenting with online phys ed courses for high schoolers. Students would watch videos on certain activities, then engage in them, and later self-report their (as the agency calls it) "mastery." (2) British police warned in August of a brand-new sex crime based on the iPhone app AirDrop. The app sends text or photos instantly to nearby AirDrop users (who choose to receive from "contacts" or from "everyone"). Thus, perverts can "flash" strangers by posting nude pictures of themselves to reach AirDrop users set carelessly (or purposely!) to "everyone." [Charlotte Observer, 7-21-2015] [BBC News, 8-13-2015]

(1) All Sherri Smith wanted was copies of background emails about her son (who has a disability) in the files of the Goodrich, Michigan, school system, but the superintendent informed her in June that the Freedom of Information request would cost her $77,780 (4,500 hours of searching -- taking two years to complete). (Michigan's FOI law was somewhat liberalized on July 1, and Smith said she may refile.) (2) After a McKinney, Texas, police officer was filmed pointing his gun at unarmed black teenagers at a pool party in June, the online Gawker Media filed a Public Information Act request for the officer's records and any emails about his conduct. The city estimated that request's cost at $79,229 (hiring a programmer, for 2,231 hours' searching -- plus "computer time"). Gawker said it would appeal. [WNEM-TV (Saginaw, Mich.), 7-1-2015] [Gawker.com, 6-29-2015]

The streets of Jackson, Mississippi, apparently have potholes that rival the worst in the country, but without adequate budget to fix them, according to Mayor Tony Yarber. His remedy, offered earnestly to constituents in August: prayer. "I believe we can pray potholes away." (Yarber, elected in 2014, was pastor of the Relevant Empowerment Church.) [Times-Picayune, 8-21-2015]

Charged with choking and punching his fiancee: Mr. Daniel Gentleman, 28 (Prescott, Arizona, May). Charged with killing her husband and burying his body in a manure pile on their farm: Ms. Charlene Mess, 48 (Attica, New York, April). Charged with sexual assault: Mr. Huckleberry Finn (Keene, New Hampshire, July). And prominent in the news (confusingly so) when the Food and Drug Administration approved the so-called "female Viagra" drug Addyi in August: FDA spokesperson Dr. Janet Woodcock. [Prescott Daily Courier, 5-19-2015] [Associated Press via KCCI-TV (Des Moines, Iowa), 4-21-2015] [Union Leader (Manchester), 7-29-2015] [New York Times, 8-19-2015]

"Selfies" continue to take their devastating toll on Americans. On Aug. 30 in Orient, Maine, driver Jordan Toner, 29, attempting to lean into a seven-person selfie among his passengers, crashed into a tree, causing numerous injuries. On Aug. 24, Alex Gomez, 36, of Lake Elsinore, California, tried to take one after draping an angry 4-foot-long rattlesnake around his neck. The predictable bite was damaging but not fatal. On Sept. 1 in Houston, a 19-year-old man taking selfies while clumsily fondling his handgun is no longer with us. [WCSH-TV (Portland, Maine), 8-30-2015] [KCBS-TV (Los Angeles), 8-25-2015] [KPRC-TV (Houston), 9-2-2015]

-- In June, News of the Weird mentioned a drug dealer in Marseille, France, who was distributing loyalty cards to his best customers (fill 10 squares, get a discount). In August, a small-time cannabis dealer in the central France town of Villeurbanne pushed the envelope further by taping 1-gram samples to hand-lettered leaflets (offering home delivery for 100-euro orders, along with his first name and phone number). The man was of course arrested, with the local police superintendent musing about the man's "very special" business model. [The Local (Paris), 8-28-2015]

-- More "Slow TV": Norwegian TV viewers have somehow given strong ratings to a series of seemingly interminable programs (a continuous camera on a salmon-fishing vessel, 12 hours of live log-burning with commentary, five hours of knitters spinning their way to a world record, 100 straight hours of chess-playing, a five-day stretch from a cruise ship), and in August were presented another such gift. The Norwegian caviar company Mills said it would live stream, on a YouTube channel, nearly 11 months of fish eggs aging 24/7 in barrels -- 7,392 hours of "programming." [United Press International, 8-21-2015]

-- People With Issues: Alexander Carlsson, 25, was jailed in Sanford, Florida, in August on federal child pornography charges, but also told agents that he is a "clopper," which identifies him, he said, as one who masturbates while gazing at figurines and pictures depicting Hasbro's My Little Pony toys. [Orlando Sentinel, 8-6-2015]

A thief grabbed the purse of an elderly woman shopping with her husband at a Fred Meyer store in Spokane, Washington, on July 23 and fled through a parking lot. They had no chance to catch the man, but he happened to run right by hospital nurse Heidi Muat, 42, who surmised the situation and started after him. The thief quickly saw that Muat could outrun him, and he gave up the purse, which Muat returned to the couple. Muat later revealed her alter ego: On her Spokannibals Roller Derby team, she is known as Ms. "Ida B. ChoAzz." [KXLY-TV (Spokane), 7-27-2015] [New York Daily News, 8-7-2015]

Though India is recognized as a world leader in promoting the health benefits of urine, its dominance will be assured by the end of the year (2009) when a cow-urine-based soft drink comes to market. Om Prakash, chief of the Cow Protection Department of the RSS organization (India's largest Hindu nationalist group), trying to reassure a Times of London reporter in February, promised, "It won't smell like urine and will be tasty, too," noting that medicinal herbs would be added and toxins removed. In addition to improved health, he said, India needs a domestic (and especially Hindu) beverage to compete with the foreign influence of Coca-Cola and Pepsi. [The Times (London), 2-11-2009]

Thanks This Week to Wayne Ballard, David Melcher, and Alice Sullivan, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Bob McCabe, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Sandy Pearlman, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Peter Smagorinsky, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).

Muslim clerics complain of the commercialization of the holy city of Mecca during the annual hajj pilgrimages, but for Pope Francis' visits to New York, Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia in mid-September, shameless street vendors and entrepreneurs already appear to be eclipsing Mecca's experience. Merchants said they'd be selling, among other tacky items, mozzarella cheese statuettes of the pope ($20), a "pope toaster" to burnish Francis' image on bread, a Philly-themed bobblehead associating the pope with the movie boxer Rocky, local beers Papal Pleasure and YOPO (You Only Pope Once) and T-shirts ("Yo Pontiff!" and "The Pope Is My Homeboy"). The Wall Street Journal quoted a Philadelphia archdiocese spokesman admitting that "you kind of have to take it in stride." [Wall Street Journal, 8-26-2015; Washington Post, 8-24-2015]

In May, suspect David Riffle, charged with trespassing (after shouting "religious proverbs" at patrons of the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood, Florida), greeted Broward County judge John "Jay" Hurley at his bail hearing by inquiring, "How you doin', a--hole?" Unfazed, Hurley responded, "I'm doing fine. How are you, sir?" After listening to Riffle on religion a bit longer, Hurley set bond at $100. In August, talking to Judge Hurley from jail via closed circuit TV, arrestee Susan Surrette, 54, "flashed" him as she tried to prove an alleged recent assault. The self-described "escort" and "porn star" ("Kayla Kupcakes") had lifted her shirt to reveal bruises. (Her bond, also, was $100.) [WPLG-TV (Miami), 5-13-2015] [WPTV (West Palm Beach), 8-21-2015]

-- A Chinese woman identified only as Zeng was detained and stabilized at Beijing Capital International Airport in August after being found dazed on the floor at a boarding gate. She had attempted to fly with a bottle of expensive cognac (Remy Martin XO Excellence) in her carry-on -- a violation of Chinese regulations barring liquids over 100 ml (the cognac was 700 ml, selling for about $200 in the United States) and was presented with the ultimatum to give up the bottle or miss the flight. She decided to drink the contents on the spot (but was subsequently declared too drunk to board). [South China Morning Post, 8-24-2015]

-- "And Another Thing, Dad": Michael May, 44, was arrested in Lincoln County, Kentucky, in August after the Pilot Baptist Cemetery near Stanford reported that he had tried to dig up the grave of his dead father "in order to argue with him," according to Lexington's WLEX-TV. May told officers his dad had died about 30 years ago. (Alcohol was involved in the decision to dig.) [WAVE-TV, 8-18-2015]

-- Under a 1981 treaty, at least 50 countries, including the United States, have banned their militaries from employing flamethrowers (as "inhumane"), but entrepreneurs have begun to market the devices domestically for $900 to $1,600 each (based on the distance of the flame, at 25 feet or 50 feet). Federal regulators appear uninterested (as the contraptions are technically neither firearms nor explosives), and only two states prohibit them outright, though a few jurisdictions believe flamethrowers are illegal under fire codes. The Ohio startup Throwflame has sensed the need for marketing savvy and describes flamethrowers as primarily for "entertainment." (Recent news reports indicate a slight run on sales under the suspicion that authorities will soon realize the danger and outlaw them.) [ArsTechnica.com, 8-25-2015; CNN via WTKR-TV (Norfolk, Va.), 8-14-2015]

-- After two women accused Sheffield Village, Ohio, attorney Michael Fine of "hypnotizing" and sex-talking to them during office consultations, police and the county bar association opened an investigation in November 2014. Though Fine was being consulted on a custody matter, he was secretly audio-recorded (according to one woman's lawsuit) touting "powerful whole body orgasms" and suggesting that he was "the world's greatest lover" -- among details the client recalls only vaguely if at all. The bar association later said as many as 25 women may have been victimized. Though no criminal charges have been filed, Fine's lawyer said in August that his client had voluntarily given up his law license and was seeking "medical" help. [Associated Press via Columbus Dispatch, 8-19-2015] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 2-3-2015]

-- Former Massachusetts Institute of Technology lecturer Joseph Gibbons was sentenced in July to a year in prison for robbing a New York City Capital One bank in December (while operating a video camera) in a heist that he had insisted all along was merely "performance art." (He had been suspected in a similar robbery in Rhode Island in November.) His biography on the MIT website described him as "blurring the boundaries between fact and fiction, self and persona ... with a contradictory impulse to confabulate and dissimulate." The Queens Museum in New York City has offered to screen the footage of the robbery as an art piece. [New York Times, 7-13-2015]

-- Artist Anish Kapoor initially denied that his 400 to 500 tons of stones, called "Dirty Corner," were "problematic," but later conceded that they might have "multiple interpretive possibilities." The installation, which ran through the summer at France's Palace of Versailles with five other large sculptures, was arranged in the form of a huge vulva, and represented, he said, "the vagina of a queen who is taking power." [Washington Post, 6-8-2015]

(1) A Pig Flies: On Aug. 20, a 250-pound pig was knocked free of a trailer traveling at 65 mph on Interstate 25 near Fort Collins, Colorado -- thus briefly, at least, sailing. It was not badly hurt. (2) In July, Mexican customs officers detained an American and a Mexican on the bridge between El Paso, Texas, and Juarez, with 13 pounds of marijuana the two allegedly were smuggling into Mexico to sell. (The month before, Juarez officials arrested another El Paso woman with a kilo of crystal meth allegedly destined for Mexican sale.) [Coloradoan (Fort Collins), 8-20-2015] [El Paso Times, 7-23-2015]

-- Short-Term Rehab: Heath Franklin, 44, was arrested on Aug. 20 at the Wal-Mart in Dalton, Georgia, charged with taking "upskirt" photos of female shoppers. Franklin, a registered sex offender, had been released on Aug. 19 from Central State Prison, where he was serving a term for sexual offenses (including taking unlawful photos). [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 8-21-2015]

-- "Excessive" (I): Three weeks ago, News of the Weird mentioned that a federal judge had officially declared 29 years as an excessive amount of time for the Bureau of Land Management to have sat on a natural gas permit, but four years' waiting is apparently an acceptable period for a judge to sit on a decision whether to fire a New York City schoolteacher. Edward Morrissey, charged with pushing and shoving a student at PS 109 in Brooklyn in 2009, had his administrative hearing in 2011 and since then has been drawing full pay and benefits (including seniority raises) while reporting to a no-duties "job" (termed a "rubber room") every school day. In May 2015, he was finally found guilty. [New York Post, 8-23-2015]

-- "Excessive" (II): In August the independent Police Foundation declared it "excessive" that cops in Stockton, California, had fired 600 gunshots trying to apprehend robbers of a Bank of the West branch in July 2014. None of the robbers was hit, but one hostage was -- fatally, hit by 10 police bullets. According to the report, "a few" of the officers engaged in "sympathetic fire," shooting merely because their colleagues were shooting (and since the sequence was chaotic, sympathetic fire occurred even though other colleagues were actually positioned in front of shooters). [Los Angeles Times, 8-17-2015]

In Ogden, Utah, in October (2009), Adam Manning, 30, accompanied his pregnant girlfriend to the McKay-Dee Hospital emergency room as she was going into labor. According to witnesses, as a nurse attended to the woman, Manning began flirting with her, complimenting the nurse's looks and giving her neck rubs. When Manning then allegedly groped the nurse's breast, she called for security, and Manning was eventually arrested and taken to jail, thus missing the birth of his child. [Salt Lake Tribune, 10-10-2009]

Thanks This Week to Rosie Martinez and Paul Peterson, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

British director Missouri Williams brought an adaptation of Shakespeare's "King Lear" to the London Courtyard art facility in August for a one-week run, centered on a human actor struggling to stage the play using only sheep. The pivotal character, Lear's daughter Cordelia, famously withholds flattering Lear (thus forgoing inheriting the kingdom), and her silence forever tortures Lear -- and of course silence is something sheep pull off well. Actor Alasdair Saksena admitted there is an "element of unpredictability with the sheep," but lauded their punctuality, calmness and lack of fee demands. Williams promised another Courtyard run for "King Lear With Sheep" in the fall. [New York Times, 8-11-2015; Islington Gazette, 8-12-2015]

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office in Alexandria, Virginia, has an award-winning "telework" program allowing patent examiners flexible schedules, leading half of the 8,300 to work at home full-time -- despite a 2014 Washington Post report on employees gaming the system. In August, the agency's inspector general exposed several of the most ridiculous cases of slacking off, including one examiner who was paid for at least 18 weeks' work last year that he did not perform and that his manager did not notice. (The examiner, who had been issued nine poor-performance warnings since 2012 and who had flaunted his carefree "workday" to co-workers for years, abruptly resigned two hours before a meeting on the charge and thus left with a "clean" personnel record.) Wrote the Post, "It's a startling example of a culture that's maddening." [Washington Post, 8-21-2015]

Only China and Iran execute more prisoners, but Saudi Arabia also has a soft side -- for jihadists. Saudis who defy a ban on leaving the country to fight (usually against the common enemy, Syria's Bashar al-Assad) are, if they return, imprisoned at a maximum-security facility in Riyadh, but with liberal short "vacations" at "Family House," hotel-quality quarters with good food, playgrounds for children and other privileges (monitored through guest-satisfaction surveys). Returning jihadists also have access to education and psychologists and receive the equivalent of $530 a month with ATM privileges. The purpose is to persuade the warriors not to return to the battlefield once released, and officials estimate that the program is about 85 percent effective. [Bloomberg Business, 7-8-2015]

-- Impersonating a police officer in a traffic stop is not uncommon, but Logan Shaulis, 19, was apparently so judgment-impaired on May 30 that he set up his own elaborate "DUI checkpoint" on route 601 near Somerset, Pennsylvania, complete with road flares, demanding "license, registration and insurance" from driver after driver. The irony of the inebriated Shaulis judging motorists' sobriety was short-lived, as real troopers soon arrived and arrested him (on DUI, among other charges). [Associated Press via WGN-TV (Chicago), 6-2-2015]

-- A woman identified only as Zeng, age 39, was finally imprisoned in August in Urumqi, China -- 10 years after she was convicted of corruption. Availing herself of a traditional "probation" option in Chinese law for expectant mothers, Zeng had remained free by getting herself pregnant (and proving it) 14 times during the 10 years (although only some of the fetuses were carried to term). [People's Daily Online via Daily Mail (London), 8-13-2015]

-- The president of the University of New Hampshire publicly complained in July about the "bias-free language guide" posted on the school's website -- since, he said, it denounces use of such words as "Americans" (as insensitive to South Americans), "seniors" (better, "people of advanced age"), "rich" (should be "person of material wealth") and "poor" (change to "person who lacks advantages that others have"). (One state senator mockingly suggested changing the state's "Live Free or Die" motto to "Live Free But Upset No One.") [WMUR-TV (Manchester), 7-29-2015]

-- Tough Love: Sexual assault is certainly punishable in New Hampshire by prison time, but pending legislation assumes prison is not enough. By House Bill 212, anyone who commits sexual assault while out hunting or fishing will also have his hunting or fishing license revoked. [House Bill 212, 6-11-2015]

After five students drowned while swimming in a reservoir in China's Yunnan province, parents of two of them sued the reservoir's management company, complaining that it should have posted signs or barricades or, even better, guards to keep kids from frolicking in the dangerous waters. According to an August report, the management company has now countersued the parents, demanding compensation for the additional water-treatment measures it was forced to undertake because the reservoir had been "polluted" by their children's corpses. [The Shanghaiist, 8-20-2015]

(1) A female Yangtze giant softshell turtle, believed to be the last female of her species, was artificially inseminated in May at Suzhou Zoo in China through the efforts of animal fertility experts from around the world. She is thought to be more than 100 years old (as was the last male to "romance" her, although their courtship produced only unfertilized eggs). (2) The Times of London reported in July that Briton Pamela Horner, seeking her "escaped" tortoise Boris (even though, as they say, he couldn't have gone far), found "tortoise porn" on YouTube (mostly, mating sounds) to play in the yard and lure him back. A tortoise expert told The Times: "They make quite a lot of noise. We can hear them groaning for miles." [San Diego Zoo press release, 5-24-2015] [The Times of London, 7-9-2015]

(1) Wrong Place, Wrong Time: Late one night in July, police in Phoenix were chasing a speeding truck whose driver eventually lost control and careened into a house near Mulberry Drive. As officers were checking for victims (it turned out no one was home), they discovered a large quantity of suspected marijuana -- and opened an investigation of the super-unlucky residents. (2) Right Place, Right Time: Shane Peters' cherished 2004 Dodge Durango broke down on the road in Livingston, Texas, in June, but before he could return to tow it, a thief hauled it away. About a month later, Peters' wife spotted the familiar Durango in town and with the help of police got it back -- with (courtesy of the thief) a newly repaired drive shaft and three new wheels (and the thief's drug supply, but police seized that). [KPHO-TV, 7-10-2015] [KHOU-TV (Houston), 7-13-2015]

The Michigan legislature and the state Court of Appeals (as News of the Weird reported in December) have, for some reason, given its concealed-carry gun licensees the additional right of openly carrying weapons on school grounds, and in August, a judge in Genesee County upheld that interpretation. Asked a lawyer preparing to appeal the decision, "If I'm a principal" and see someone "walking up to my building with a gun, what am I supposed to do?" He should, he said, "declare a lockdown ... call the police." However, the open-carry parent who had been denied access to the school said the court ruling in his favor was just "common sense." [Detroit Free Press, 8-11-2015]

No. 1 in the News: Fukuoka Prefectural Police arrested two officials at a video company in June, along with three "actresses," in the making of videos of the three seated on the floor of trains of the Nishi-Nippon Railroad and urinating. Police said they were acting on complaints of DVD customers (who, after all, had selected the disks from the video company's "inappropriate urination" category, but nonetheless complained to the railroad). [Tokyo Reporter, 6-23-2015]

The human brain's 100 billion neurons may have such specific functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients, inadvertently discovered this property, which apparently varies with individuals but remains internally consistent (recognizing the celebrity's name, picture or sound). Patients were presented "hundreds of stimuli," one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October (2009), but "the neuron would respond to only one or two." For example, neurons were found that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, only to Mother Teresa, only to characters on "The Simpsons." [Wall Street Journal, 10-9-2009]

Thanks This Week to Jim Moir and Edward Hess, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.