Researchers are now preparing a study seeking to confirm that dog slobber, by itself (and not just the psychological advantages of playing with and petting a dog), might provide human health benefits (such as relief from asthma, allergies and inflammation). Specialists from the University of Arizona and University of California San Diego point to existing evidence of the comparative healthiness of dog-owning families and suspect that canine saliva, like yogurt, may have unusual probiotic value. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 3-17-2015]

-- India Justice: Since News of the Weird last visited the judicial backlog in India (2013), the problem has worsened. The open caseload grew to 31,367,915 by the end of that year -- a quantity that, if all of the country's judges, working around the clock, each resolved 100 cases an hour, it would still take 35 years to clear. Bloomberg Business Week reported in January that lawyers needlessly fatten the backlog with multiple filings, mainly to jack up their fees (and thus encouraging "extortion threats," in place of "law," as the preferred method of resolving disputes). [Bloomberg Business Week, 1-8-2015]

-- Death-penalty opponents have long sought a clear-cut case in which an obviously innocent person was wrongfully executed, and unsurprisingly, the great state of Texas appears about to provide that, in Cameron Todd Willingham (convicted in 1992 and executed in 2004). Since his trial, the arson evidence "proving" murder has been thoroughly discredited, and recently an ex-cellmate's 1996 letter surfaced -- demanding that his own prosecutor comply with the sentence-reduction he was promised if he claimed that Willingham had "confessed" to him (and in fact the cellmate's sentence was substantially reduced after he wrote the letter, though the cellmate later appeared grievously remorseful). Prosecutor John Jackson is facing a state investigation for not disclosing the sentencing promise before trial. [Washington Post, 3-9-2015]

-- Elf Justice: Public policymaking in the United States is often gridlocked by recalcitrant ideologues, but at least administrators are not constrained by elves, as in Iceland. After seven years of controversy, the country's Road Administration recently approved a new pathway near Reykjavik that had been delayed by a troublesome, 70-ton boulder in the right-of-way -- which could not be dislodged because it is believed to be a "church" for the country's legendary "hidden people." The elves' leading spokeswoman, Ragnhildur Jonsdottir, finally declared, to officials' relief, that the elves had accepted the boulder's relocation (to the side of the road), having "been preparing for this for a long time, moving their energy to the new location." [mbl.is (Reykjavik), 3-18-2015]

-- Four weeks ago, News of the Weird noted that a United Nations representative opposed a suggestion to open certain meetings to the public, fearing that it would only invite spectators in the gallery to throw "mayonnaise" at the delegates. However, two months earlier (and unknown to News of the Weird), the Belgian prime minister, defending his country's austerity measures, had faced a group of protesters who had rained upon him french fries topped with mayonnaise. [Daily Mail (London), 12-22-2014]

-- Three months ago, News of the Weird highlighted a London man's agreement to pay the equivalent of $500 for surgery on a nondescript office-aquarium goldfish, to relieve its constipation. Subsequently, however, veterinarians in Scotland (charging the equivalent of $750) performed cancer surgery on two goldfish, and in September 2014, in Melbourne, Australia, a goldfish received "brain surgery" (for the apparent bargain of $200). [Newser.com, 3-20-2015, 9-16-2014]

-- Japan may have its cat restaurants (where loaner felines lounge during meals) and even its penguin bar in Ikebukuro, and London (as reported here a month ago) an experimental owl cafe (with specially domesticated birds perched on diners' shoulders), but not to be outdone, an entrepreneur in Seoul, South Korea, guesses that his Thanks to Nature Cafe will be a big hit -- with sheep wandering through the dining room. (After all, according to the lunar calendar, 2015 is the Chinese zodiac Year of the Sheep.) Owner Lee Kwang-ho said his novel business model has attracted visitors from Macedonia, Saudi Arabia and New Zealand, among other countries. [The Independent (London), 2-6-2015]

-- Home Unimprovement: Recent cases to add to the classic "Don't DIY" Files: (1) Fred Horne of Columbus, Ohio, burned down his house in February trying to smoke the bedbugs out of his couch. Only that one piece of furniture caught fire, but carrying it out of the house, Horne got stuck in a doorway, and the blaze spread. (2) Near Darwin, Australia, in February, an unnamed woman living in an RV came face-to-face with a snake and decided to encourage the serpent to leave -- by lighting a fire beneath the RV's floor. The vehicle was destroyed but, said the police superintendent, "we don't know what happened to the snake." [WBNS-TV (Columbus), 2-4-2015] [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 2-25-2015]

-- Supporting the Troops: Federal law prohibits foreclosures and repossessions (unless by court order) against active-duty military members, but Americans would hardly know that from observing creditors. A 2012 Government Accountability Office report found at least 15,000 violations by U.S. financial institutions, small and large, including J.P. Morgan Chase (violations News of the Weird reported in 2011). In February, auto lender Santander Consumer USA agreed to pay $9.35 million to settle charges that it illegally seized cars of 760 service members (some while deployed in war zones) over the last five years. [New York Times, 2-26-2015]

-- Smash-Mouth Competition: Dentist Leopold Weinstein, 63, was arrested in February in Camarillo, California, and charged with suspicion of setting fire to three competing dental offices (one for the fourth time). One victim said the arsonist even drilled holes in the roof and poured in gasoline to accelerate the blaze. (Later in February, in Hua Hin, Thailand, a 36-year-old woman was arrested for scattering screws on a busy street in order to increase business for her husband's tire shop.) [KCBS-TV (Los Angeles), 2-2-2015] [Khaosod English (Bangkok), 2-25-2015]

-- Artists Working in the Medium of Silicone: Padge-Victoria Windslowe, a "Gothic hip-hop" performer known as "Black Madam" who carried out buttocks-enhancement procedures on the side ("thousands," she bragged) using industrial-grade silicone (and Krazy Glue to seal the injection site), was convicted in Philadelphia in March of the third-degree murder of one "patient" whose silicone leaked to her lungs. During the trial, Windslowe told the jury she had been called the "Michelangelo of buttocks injections" -- though the reigning overachiever still appears to be Ron Oneal Morris, some of whose patients achieved higher booty-circumference numbers. (Morris is awaiting trial in Miami on manslaughter charges.) [Associated Press via Courier-Post (Cherry Hill, N.J.), 3-9-2015]

(1) Devin Gesell, 17, and two underage accomplices are the most recent burglars to make off with a deceased person's ashes, believing they had swiped cocaine. Disappointment resulted from the very first taste, and the cremains were immediately tossed from the getaway car. (St. Peters, Missouri, March). (2) A 35-year-old woman became the most recent to get stuck climbing down a chimney, but she wasn't a would-be burglar. She was trying to enter the house of a former boyfriend (and father of her three children), who had forbidden her presence in the home. (Also, she was naked, perhaps to assist her descent.) (Woodcrest, California, January) [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 3-6-2015] [KCBS-TV (Los Angeles), 1-3-2015]

Too-Swift Justice: It is not unheard of for someone to commit a crime and then immediately surrender, usually for safety or the comfort of a jail cell. However, Gerard Cellette Jr., 44, tried to be even more helpful. Knowing that he would soon be arrested (and probably convicted) for running a $53 million Ponzi scheme in the Minneapolis area, he walked into a county judge's chambers in December (2009) and offered to begin serving time. The judge explained patiently that Cellette would have to wait until he was arrested and charges were filed and a plea recorded -- which would all take time. (He was disappointed but 12 months later was sentenced to eight years in prison.) [Star Tribune, 12-9-2009, 12-13-2010]

Thanks This Week to Alan Magid, Mark Hiester, Mel Birge, Gary Goldberg, and Tracy Westen, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Even dangerous felons sometimes serve short sentences, but Benito Vasquez-Hernandez, 58 -- guilty of nothing -- has been locked up for nearly 900 days (as of early March) as a "material witness" in a Washington County, Oregon, murder case. The prosecutor is convinced that Vasquez-Hernandez saw his own son, Eloy, murder a woman in 2012, and the case is on hold until the victim's body is found. The judge has given Vasquez-Hernandez two opportunities to leave, both impractical (pay a $500,000 bond or give a video deposition, but he speaks no English, is illiterate in Spanish and, said his lawyer, might be mentally incompetent). (Consolation: Material witnesses in Oregon earn $7.50 a day.) [The Oregonian, 3-12-2015]

-- The trendy St. Pauli neighborhood in historic Hamburg, Germany, suffers its share of uncouth revelers who wander out from nightclubs seeking restroom facilities but too often choose walls of storefronts and private homes, reported London's The Guardian in a March dispatch. The solution, according to the civic group IG St. Pauli: paint jobs with an "intensely hydrophobic" product known as Ultra-Ever Dry," which somewhat propels liquid aimed at it right back toward the source by creating an air barrier on the surface. In other words, said an IG St. Pauli official, it's "pee back" time, and shoes and trouser legs should expect splashes. [The Guardian, 3-4-2015]

-- We have "139 frogs, toads, lizards, turtles," Ms. Thayer Cuter told Seattle's MyNorthwest.com in March, touting her Edmonds, Washington, amphibian rescue shop, especially the heroic job done recently on Rocky, the Texas toad who came with stones in his tummy. "He had to have a lot of enemas (but) Rocky is rock-free now" and, after passing all the pebbles, is finally able to eat. Added Cuter, turtles are underrated pets, "very social" and love massages and "cuddl(ing)." [MyNorthwest.com, 3-11-2015]

-- The Job of the Researcher: Cockroaches can be bold explorers or shy and withdrawn, according to recent work by researchers at Belgium's Universite Libre de Bruxelles, who caught a bunch of them, affixed radio tags and studied their movements. "Explorers" are necessary for locating food sources, although, obviously, they are also most likely to find Roach Motels; "shy, cautious" roaches are necessary for survival and group stability, and a mixture of the types ensures cockroaches' legendary survivability. A Mother Nature News commentator wrote, hopefully, that understanding roaches' personalities might make us "less quick" to "grab a shoe." [Mother Nature News, 2-6-2015]

-- Ranson IB Middle School in Charlotte, North Carolina, has a strict dress code (requiring, for example, only "hunter green" outerwear). Thus, on Jan. 27, when parent Chanda Spates dispatched her three kids in improperly hued coats, Ranson officials confiscated the "contraband" clothing, leaving the three (along with 20 other sartorial miscreants) to make their way home after classes with no outerwear at all -- though the temperature that afternoon was in the 30s. (Following parental outrage, the administrators apologized.) [Fox News, 2-1-2015]

-- A female teacher working for the Arizona Department of Corrections was brutally assaulted in prison by a sexual predator and has sued the department, but in February the state attorney general's office, contesting the lawsuit, told the judge, basically, that the teacher understood all along that she could get attacked in prison. She was administering inmates a GED exam, but that day had no guard support, not even one to hear her screams, and was given an emergency radio tuned to an unmonitored frequency. Nonetheless, Assistant Attorney General Jonathan Weisbard essentially shrugged: "The risk of harm, including assault, always exist(s) at a prison like Eyman." [The Arizona Republic, 2-4-2015]

Clueless in Florida's Panhandle: (1) Debra Mason, 58, was arrested for theft of a pickup truck in Destin, Florida, in January -- and according to police, Mason said she knew it was stolen property but "didn't think it was 'that' stolen." (2) Ten miles away in Mary Esther, Florida, in February, Robert Pursley, 54, was arrested for DUI and was asked about items in his truck. According to the police report, Pursley insisted that everything was his -- "except for anything illegal." A baggie of cocaine was in the truck's center console. [Daily News of Northwest Florida, 1-24-2015, 2-25-2015]

-- Americans Abroad: (1) American sisters Lindsey, 22, and Leslie Adams, 20, were convicted, fined and deported by Cambodia's Siem Reap Court in February after taking several nude photos of each other at the Preah Khan temple, apparently for their social media "friends." The Angkor Archaeological Park, where the temple is located, is reportedly the world's largest religious monument. (2) Two other American women were arrested in March for carving 8-inch initials into a wall at Rome's ancient Colosseum and then snapping selfies for their friends. [Phnom Penh Post, 2-9-2015] [CNN, 3-9-2015]

-- Recurring Theme: Among the most recent lives ruined by badly botched prosecutions: (1) Joseph Sledge, now 70, was released from prison in North Carolina in January after wrongly serving 36 years for a double murder; hair samples (revealing another man's DNA), long thought to be lost, were discovered in a court clerk's storage room. (2) Kirk Odom, 52, served 22 years after his wrongful Washington, D.C., conviction for rape and robbery; a court in February awarded him $9.2 million in compensation, but on the other hand, after several prison rapes, he had contracted HIV. (Odom is one of several D.C. men convicted of rape or murder based on erroneous analysis by an "elite" FBI hair-analysis unit.) [Los Angeles Times, 1-23-2015] [Washington Post, 2-28-2015]

Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) Tyler Lankford, 21, attempting a robbery of Minerva's Bakery in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, in January, committed (according to police) the rookie mistake of laying his gun on the counter so he could pick up the money with both hands. The clerk grabbed the gun, and Lankford fled but was arrested in March. (2) There are expert counterfeiters, and then there is Cass Alder, 22, convicted by a court in Canada's Prince Edward Island of trying to pass $100 bills that had been printed on napkins but affixed by Alder onto thicker paper. [KDKA-TV (Pittsburgh), 3-4-2015] [The Guardian (Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island), 2-25-2015]

"America's Game" Is Gaming the Government: The U.S. Treasury recently took in more than $40 billion by auctioning off part of the wireless spectrum, but one buyer -- the Dish satellite-TV provider -- got a discount worth $3.25 billion by convincing the Federal Communications Commission that it is a "very small business" (despite its market value of $34 billion). Using awe-inspiring loophole-management, Dish created a separate company in partnership with a small Alaskan Natives' group, which theoretically "managed" the company -- though the Alaskans' hands were tied by an earlier Dish-friendly contract. Thus, Dish got the benefits of being "very small" while retaining control -- a "mockery" (said one commissioner) of the FCC's simple-minded attempt to help small businesses. [New York Times, 2-25-2015]

Recent Personal Appearances: Swansea, Wales, January (Jesus in fur in a Yorkshire terrier's ear); Crowthorne, England, January (Jesus as bird poop on a car); West Kilbride, England, December (Jesus on a stone in a garden); Pocono Summit, Pennsylvania, November (Jesus on a serving of chicken breast); Polk City, Iowa, November (Mary on a tree trunk); Memphis, Tennessee, September (Jesus on a tree trunk); Fresno, California, October (Jesus in a plume of smoke in a house fire); Ecorse, Michigan, September (Jesus on a pierogi); Liberty, Texas, September (Jesus on a downed tree); Jackson County, Mississippi, May (Jesus in a rusted air-conditioner unit). Swansea: [Metro.co.uk (London), 1-19-2015] Crowthorne: [Metro.co.uk, 2-2-2015] West Kilbride: [BT.com (London), 1-2-2015] Pocono Summit: [WNEP-TV (Scranton), 11-14-2014] Polk City: [KCCI-TV (Des Moines), 11-14-2014] Memphis: [WMC-TV (Memphis), 9-24-2014] Fresno: [KSEE-TV (Fresno), 10-29-2014] Ecorse: [WXYZ-TV (Detroit), 9-7-2014] Liberty: [KHOU-TV (Houston), 9-16-2014] Jackson County: [WLOX-TV (Biloxi), 5-30-2014]

Supervisors at the Department for Work and Pensions in Carlisle, England, issued a directive in March (2010) to short-handed staff on how to ease their telephone workload during the busy mid-day period. Workers were told to pick up the ringing phone, recite a message while mimicking an answering machine ("Due to the high volume of inquiries we are currently experiencing, we are unable to take your call. Please call back later.") and immediately hang up. [News & Star (Carlisle), 3-9-2010]

Thanks This Week to Todd Ludwig and Anthony Yeznach, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

"This will be upsetting," cautioned Justice Robert Graesser, addressing jurors in February in the Edmonton, Alberta, murder trial of Brad Barton. At issue was the cause of the victim's having bled to death from her genitals, and the judge, ruling that jurors would benefit by inspecting the actual wound, admitted the vagina itself (not a photograph) into evidence. The organ had been removed for autopsy and preserved, and the chief medical examiner donned rubber gloves and pointed out to jurors how "clean" the wound was (suggesting a sharp object), rather than the rougher, "scraping" wound that would have been created in other ways, such as by impalement. (At press time, the trial was still in progress.) [Edmonton Journal, 2-27-2015]

Researchers from Cornell University, inspired by the book "World War Z," recently computer-simulated the spread of a "zombie apocalypse" -- and now advise the anxiety-prone to head for higher ground if infections break out, recommending Glacier National Park in Montana or, even better, Alaska. Using differential equations and "lattice-based" models, the statisticians demonstrated that infections would slow dramatically as fewer people became available to bite (but that, ultimately, we're all doomed). The state most quickly wiped out? New Jersey. [Washington Post, 3-4-2015]

-- Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore told a radio audience in February that she would soon introduce a bill reforming end-of-life procedures for terminally ill cancer patients, such as administering baking soda intravenously to "flush out" the cancer "fungus." Before her election in 2013, she was CEO of Always There Personal Care of Nevada (which she describes as being "in the healthcare industry"). (Bonus: Fiore blames her accountant for the company's reported $1 million in IRS tax liens; the accountant is her ex-husband.) [Think Progress, 2-24-2015; Ralston Reports, 12-8-2014]

-- In February, Idaho state Representative Vito Barbieri, at a hearing on a proposed bill to ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medications via remote telecommunication, asked expert witness Dr. Julie Madsen about one alternative he had in mind: Couldn't a woman just swallow a small camera, he asked, and then have doctors "conduct" a remote gynecological exam on her? Dr. Madsen quickly reminded Rep. Barbieri that "swallowed" things do not end up in that part of a woman's body. [Associated Press via Salon.com, 2-23-2015]

The international sportswear retailer Bjorn Borg (namesake of the Swedish tennis player) created a promotional video game (now also sold separately) that encourages not mayhem and murder, but the vanquishing of one's opponents with love -- and "lovingly" stripping them down so that they can be outfitted in Bjorn Borg fashions. Said a company official, a player's mission is "to liberate haters by undressing them with your love guns and (then to) dress them in Bjorn Borg clothing." (The game also features "teddy bear smoke grenades" and a shirtless man resembling Vladimir Putin astride a bear.) [Washington Post, 2-9-2015]

-- Mark Rothwell made the news in Portland, Oregon, in March 2010 when he prevented a bank robbery (and rescued the terrified Chase teller) by jumping the thief, knocking his gun away and holding him until police arrived. He was later awarded a coveted Portland police Civilian Medal for Heroism. However, on Feb. 19, 2015, according to an arrest report, Rothwell himself pulled a gun and robbed the Albina Community Bank in Portland, making off with $15,700. [The Oregonian, 2-19-2015]

-- For Arthur Mondella, 57, a successful maraschino cherry supplier in Brooklyn, New York, the inspection by the district attorney's office in February was to be routine, concerning possible pollution of local waters from discharges of cherry syrup. Mondella was cooperative until the investigator discovered odd shelving "attached" to a wall with magnets, revealing a "secret" room, and then the smell of marijuana -- at which point Mondella calmly left the room and shot himself in the head. Ultimately, police found that the 75-year-old company was merely a side business to Mondella's substantial marijuana-growing operation in the basement. [New York Daily News, 2-24-2015]

Use What You Have: (1) Morrison Wilson, 58, was convicted of assault in Belfast (Northern Ireland) Magistrates Court in February for using his admittedly "big belly" to "bounce" an aggressive neighbor lady out of his garden in a dispute. The lady was injured as she fell backward. (2) In a March skirmish over a handicapped- parking space at a Walmart in Greenfield, Wisconsin, Ms. Kezia Perkins, 32, was charged with assaulting a 71-year-old woman by, said a witness, "chest-butt(ing) her," knocking her to the ground. Said Perkins, "It's not my fault (she) bounced off my big (chest)." (The euphemism "chest" was substituted by WITI-TV of Milwaukee.) [Belfast Telegraph, 2-26-2015] [WITI-TV via WLUK-TV (Green Bay), 3-3-2015]

(1) Several University of Iowa students requested, and received, special "exceptions from" or "assistance with" classwork, including exams, after complaining of stress and a "loss of focus" caused by the appearance of a Ku Klux Klan statue on campus in December. (2) As alleged de-facto policy at Avalon Elementary School in Orlando, Florida, officials last year prohibited toilet-flushing during the statewide Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. It was thought, an official said, that the whooshing water sounds from nearby bathrooms would disturb the students (and send their scores, according to an Orlando Sentinel reporter, "spiraling down the drain"). [Cedar Rapids Gazette, 3-2-2015] [Orlando Sentinel, 1-1-2015]

(1) A 37-year-old man and two female companions were charged in February with stealing tailgates from nine trucks in the Orlando area. (Their spree ended when, noticing that a club owner had offered a reward on Facebook for his branded tailgate, the three tried to sell it back to him but botched the transaction.) (2) The driver of an empty car-carrying truck pulled off the Bishop Ford Freeway near Calumet City, Illinois, in February after he heard a calamitous sound and felt the trailer shaking violently. It turns out Asa Cole, 23, speeding and following too closely, had inadvertently driven his pickup truck up the low-hanging tracks of the trailer and come to a stop only inches away from the cab. Said the carrier driver, "Is this 'Dukes of Hazzard' or something?" Cole was cited for several violations. [WESH-TV (Orlando), 2-23-2015] [Chicago Tribune, 2-6-2015]

Aleksander Tomaszewski, 33, was convicted of filing a false police report after a January incident in Lane County, Oregon, when he claimed police had beaten him up in his cell after his arrest for stalking and sexual abuse. Tomaszewski's face evidenced a beating, but he was obviously unaware of the surveillance camera, which revealed that, over a four-minute period, Tomaszewski (alone in his cell) had punched himself in the face 45 times to create the "police" attack. [Register-Guard (Eugene, Ore.), 2-18-2015]

More Americans who were unable to keep from accidentally shooting themselves: A Macon, Georgia, man checked into a hospital with a gunshot wound to his genitals (June). Another man wounded himself and another person with the same bullet; the round went through his hand and both legs of his female companion (Elkhart, Indiana, July). Peter Bonfiglio, 27, shot himself in the foot, but blamed a "robber" -- the second time he had shot himself and then blamed a "robber" (Port Charlotte, Florida, June). And then there are those who will never shoot themselves again: a 79-year-old hunter in Indiana, Pennsylvania (December); the son, 49, of a former sheriff in Chattanooga, Tennessee (June); and a St. Joseph, Michigan, woman, 55 (who shot herself in the face in February while adjusting her bra holster). Macon: [WMAZ-TV (Macon), 6-16-2014] Elkhart: [The Elkhart Truth, 7-6-2014] Port Charlotte: [WBBH-TV (Fort Myers, Fla.), 6-18-2014] Indiana: [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 12-11-2014] Chattanooga: [WRCB-TV (Chattanooga), 6-5-2014] St. Joseph: [MLive.com, 2-18-2015]

A 27-year-old man was arrested for trespassing in January (2010) in Seattle's Lusty Lady peep-show arcade, whose layout is a strippers' dance stage surrounded by private viewing stalls for customers. According to police, the man, after ogling the dancers, energetically climbed from his stall, through a ceiling panel and navigated the overhead crawl space -- which merely allowed him to continue staring at the strippers (but perhaps enriched the illicitness of his peeping). [Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 1-26-2010]

Thanks This Week to David Wasley, Russell Bell, Josh Levin, and Milford Sprecher, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.