(1) The May 28 US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia had to be diverted to Kansas City after a passenger's service dog did what dogs do, in the aisle, twice (an hour apart). One passenger used the terms "lingering smell," "dry heaving" and "throwing up" in describing the situation. (2) On a recent (perhaps July) Delta flight from Beijing to Detroit, a Chinese couple apparently nonchalantly laid down paper on their toddler's seat and encouraged him to address his bowels' needs despite numerous pleas from nearby passengers to take him to the restroom. According to Chinese news reports, social media sites erupted in criticism of the family for its embarrassing behavior. [KCTV (Kansas City), 5-30-2014] [Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 7-28-2014]

-- Steve Grossman, Massachusetts' state treasurer, who is running for governor, performed heroically at a candidate forum in March. The Boston Globe reported that Grossman "fervently answered questions on everything from transgender rights (to) sex education (and) issues facing (the) aging members of the (gay/transgender) community" while simultaneously passing a kidney stone (which most victims rate as "level 10" pain -- the highest on the medical scale, described by some as comparable to childbirth). [Boston Globe, 3-26-2014]

-- Steve Wiles gathered only 28 percent of the vote in his North Carolina state senate race in May after revelations that he -- lately an opponent of gay rights -- was until about four years ago a gay male who worked as the female impersonator "Mona Sinclair" at a gay nightclub in Winston-Salem. As recently as April, however (three weeks before a newspaper's revelation), Wiles was categorically denying that he used to be Mona Sinclair. "That's not me," he said. "That's him," said a man who worked with him at the club. Said the club's then-co-owner: "I have no ax to grind against him. I just think he's a liar." [Winston-Salem Journal, 5-3-2014]

-- The Alaskan government is scrambling to fulfill its obligation to welcome native communities' votes on a state tax resolution in August. That means paying translators (at up to $50 a hour) to set out the measure for communities using the languages Yup'ik, Inupiak, Siberian Yupik, Koyukon Athabascan and Gwich'in Athabascan. (The tax measure must also be available on audio -- for those communities that rely on the "oral tradition.") For example, the yes-or-no tax question in Yup'ik is "Una-qaa alerquun ciuniurumanrilli?" [Washington Times, 7-29-2014] -- Tough Love: Missouri state Sen. Rob Schaaf (who is a medical doctor) was credited in a July New York Times report with leading the resistance to the state's establishment of a database of controlled-substance prescriptions. (Sen. Schaaf champions "patient privacy" over curbing the wanton overuse of pain medications, even though the other 49 states have such databases.) In an earlier debate, Dr. Schaaf suggested drug abuse is self- regulating: "If (drug abusers) overdose and kill themselves, it just removes them from the gene pool." [New York Times, 7-20-2014]

Tom Lakin is challenging State Farm in a St. Clair County, Illinois, courtroom, claiming that the sexual abuse he was convicted of was "unintentional" and that therefore his homeowners' insurance ought to have covered any claims by the victim. (State Farm, and other insurers, generally pay out for "negligent" events.) He said he had no idea that serving minors alcohol and drugs and encouraging them to have sex with each other would lead to their later sexual exploitation by other adults. [Madison-St. Clair Record, 6-19-2014]

(1) Has to Be Tied Down: A man was hospitalized in Shreveport, Louisiana, in June after being carried away by a wind gust as he held onto a mattress in the back of a pickup truck on Interstate 49. He suffered road burn and fractures. (2) Jenna Ketcham, 25, was arrested in Sebastian, Florida, in July after exacting a bit of revenge against an ex-boyfriend, whom she encountered squiring another woman in his pickup truck. According to police, Ketcham hit the man in the face and the genitals, and emptied his "dip spit" cup on him. [KSLA-TV (Shreveport), 7-3-2014] [TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.), 7-29-2014]

-- Among the foods "you wouldn't even eat if trapped on a desert island" in a May London Daily Mirror feature: canned cheeseburger (Germany), canned whole chicken (Sweet Sue brand of USA), canned peanut butter and jelly sandwich (Mark One Foods of USA), canned bacon (Hungary), Squeez Bacon (in a plastic jar like ketchup, from Vilhelm Lilleflask of Sweden), whole peeled lamb tongues (New Zealand) and Elephant Dung Beer (from excreted coffee beans by Japan's Sankt Gallen). Also mentioned: Casu Marzu (cheese containing live maggots that the food's few fans swear make its taste irresistible -- and which News of the Weird reported in 2000). [Daily Mirror, 5-29-2014]

-- Update: The first "pheromone party" is said to have been staged in New York City in 2010, but the concept was revived recently in London, with men and women bringing three-each used, unwashed, un-fragranced T-shirts in plastic bags as the price of admission (along with the equivalent of $25). Guests sniff the coded bags one after another until genes kick in and signal the sniffer that a certain shirt belongs to Mr. or Ms. Right. At that point, the sniffer projects a cellphone selfie on the wall, and whoever brought that shirt sees the sniffer, at which time things return to normal, i.e., deciding if the sniffer is sufficiently good-looking. [Agence France-Presse via AsiaOne.com (Singapore), 7-24-2014]

-- The Italian news agency ANSA reported in July that Italy's San Vittore prison in Milan is scheduling regular "happy hour" socials for its female inmates -- catered, with alcohol, and with "external" guests welcomed, to the displeasure of the prison guards' union. The deputy director of the prison service was quoted by ANSA as approving the events, leading union representatives to complain to the ministry of Justice. [TheLocal.it (Rome), 7-24-2014]

(1) The Clay County (Florida) Sheriff's Office twice this year arrested the wrong Ashley Chiasson -- in January (for grand theft) and in May (writing bad checks) -- despite three years, five inches, 20 pounds and distinctive middle names separating them (Ashley Odessa, the suspect, vs. Ashley Nicole, the innocent victim). ("Odessa" spent five weeks in jail before deputies admitted their mistake.) (2) James Jordan Sr. died in Brooklyn, New York, in 2006, but NYPD officers have barged into his family's home 12 times since then -- four in 2014 alone -- seeking him on various charges. His widow, Karen Jordan, even taped his death certificate to the front door, but that failed to deter the officers, one of whom shouted during a recent raid that they "know" Jordan is hiding inside somewhere. Karen recently filed a lawsuit against NYPD for the raids, which include "turning out drawers, looking in closets, harassing my children." [St. Augustine Record, 6-12-2014] [New York Post, 5-6-2014]

(1) Among the important news learned from the July indictment of Raymond Black, 61, in Brentwood, New Hampshire, for sex crimes involving girls aged 11 and 13: The going rate for a man who wants preteen girls to kick him in the genitals is as much as $100, which is the amount Black allegedly offered them for various sexual favors. (2) Everything was completely consensual, Ms. B.J. Geardello, 53, assured officers in Ohio County, West Virginia, who caught her taking a stroll along U.S. Highway 40 at 9:30 a.m. on July 29 -- she in purple nightgown leading her nude boyfriend, 56, by a leash, on all fours, hooded, with his ankles bound. Prosecutors were unsure whether to file charges. [Eagle Tribune (North Andover, Mass.), 7-19-2014] [KDKA-TV (Pittsburgh), 7-30-2014]

In November (2009), a Chicago judge ruled that former firefighter Jeffrey Boyle is entitled to his $50,000 annual pension even though he had pleaded guilty to eight counts of arson (and allegedly confessed to 12 more). Boyle is known locally as "Matches" Boyle to distinguish him from his brother, James "Quarters" Boyle, who was sentenced to federal prison for bribery involving the theft of millions of dollars in state toll gate coins. Judge LeRoy Martin Jr. concluded that Matches' arsons were unrelated to his firefighting. [Chicago Tribune, 11-11-09]

Thanks This Week to Russell Bell and David Walker, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Jeff Mizanskey, 61, is a poster child for one well- known criticism of mandatory-minimum sentencing laws -- that nonviolent marijuana users (and small-time sellers) may wind up doing decades of hard time and in fact more time than some sociopathic offenders serve for heinous offenses. Mizanskey is 20 years into a life sentence with no possibility of parole for several violations of Missouri's "prior and persistent drug offender" law, and his only chance for freedom is a clemency plea now under consideration by Gov. Jay Nixon (and still opposed by Mizanskey's prosecutor). [KCTV, 5-29-2014]

-- Unconventional Food Prep: Leaked photographs taken by an undercover health and safety officer at China's Tongcheng Rice Noodle Factory in Dongguan city in June show workers in street clothes casually walking back and forth atop piles of vermicelli noodles about to be packaged for shipment to stores. Some workers were even seen lounging or sleeping on the mountains of noodles. (In 1992, News of the Weird noted that health officials in South Dennis, Massachusetts, had closed the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant for various violations, including the restaurant's habit of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing the bags between pieces of plywood in the parking lot and driving over them with a van.) [Ninemsn.com (Sydney), 6-12-2014] [Brewster Oracle, 8-21-92]

-- Unclear on the Concept: Werner Purkhart, who has been running a "silent disco" in Salzburg, Austria, for four years, was denied renewal of his business permit in July, supposedly because his parties were too loud. At a silent disco, each dancer wears headphones to hear radio-transmitted music; to those without headphones, the roomful of swaying, swinging dancers is eerily quiet. Salzburg Mayor Heinz Schaden said it was still too loud. "The noise ... is keeping (the neighbors) up." [The Local (Vienna), 7-17-2014]

-- "The Chinese fondness for napping in odd places is a well-documented phenomenon, one that's spawned a popular website and even a book," wrote The Wall Street Journal in a July dispatch. In a recent photo essay, a Getty Images photographer captured a series of shots of customers catching 40 winks in various furniture departments of IKEA stores, which officially does "not see it as a problem," according to a spokesman. Maybe "we can sell an extra mattress or two." [Wall Street Journal, 7-8-2014]

-- Five siblings in a rural Turkish family near the Syrian border were discovered by researchers in 2005 to be natural, fluid quadruped walkers (hands and feet to the ground, rear ends up), which was thought at the time possibly to mark the first known "turnaround" in human evolution. However, the siblings were re-characterized by recent PLOS One journal research as merely accommodating a musculo-skeletal imbalance in the brain. Other members of the family have normal gaits, and the five quadrupeds show additional developmental issues. [Washington Post, 7-17-2014]

-- Also, from the foreign press: (1) Moscow Times reported the arrest of "Tomas" in Moscow in March for allegedly stealing a mobile phone, noting that he was referred to adult court even though family members claim he is only 13. Officials decided he must be at least 16, based on medical examination -- especially "of his genitals." (2) Turkey's Hurriyet Daily News reported in May that a 62-year-old man on an Istanbul TV dating show said he was just "an honest person looking for a new wife" -- while also casually mentioning that he had served two prison terms, one for murdering one wife and the other for murdering a girlfriend. "Bad luck always found me," he said. "This time I'll leave it to God." [Moscow Times, 6-3-2014] [USA Today, 5-8-2014]

Inexplicable: (1) Alonzo Liverman, 29, was arrested in June in a Daytona Beach, Florida, police sting on prostitutes' johns. "I'm hungry," was the female officer's come-on. Responded Liverman, "I got a salad." Even though no salad was found on Liverman, police determined the banter constituted a sufficient offer for paid sex. (2) The robber of a Chase Bank in Tucson, Arizona, in March is still on the loose even though surveillance video has been widely distributed. An additional detail from the video: The man pulled the holdup while carrying a small dog in a basket. [The Smoking Gun, 6-11-2014] [Tucson News Now, 3-28-2014]

-- In the midst of the city of Detroit's water crackdown -- shutting off the spigots of residents delinquent on their bills -- the Council of Canadians has come to the rescue. First, the council pressed the United Nations to label Detroit's program a "human rights" violation (the denial of clean drinking water to the 3,000 homes per week being shut down). Said the council chair, "I've (only) seen this (oppression) in the poorest countries in the world." Second, the council arranged a convoy of "good Canadian, public, clean water" into Detroit in July to modestly help the estimated 79,000 homes in peril. [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 7-3-2014]

-- Ms. Ajanaffy Njewadda and her husband recently filed a lawsuit against New York City's transit authority (MTA) following her tumble down some stairs at a subway station (which caused a broken ankle, concussion and lingering trauma that has required psychiatric care). The MTA had placed a large ad for the serial-killer TV series "Dexter" on station stairs, positioned to be seen just as visitors left the subway. Ms. Njewadda said she was momentarily terrified by the ad and lost her balance. [New York Post, 6-25-2014]

-- Oh, Dear!: A man whose name was withheld ("D.B.") filed a lawsuit in April against medical clinics and physicians who performed his colonoscopy in Fairfax, Virginia, in 2013, based on what the patient learned from audio his smartphone recorded while he was unconscious. Though he originally intended to record only doctors' instructions, he was dismayed to know that they began "mocking" him the second he went under, making disparaging and untrue statements about his health, feigning disgust at his body ("Oh! Oscar Mike Goss!") (slang for "OMG" -- oh, my God), threatening to "fire a gun up his rectum," "diagnosing" him with syphilis or "tuberculosis in the penis," and threatening to (falsely) note hemorrhoids on his record -- all done amidst gales of laughter. [Fairfax Times, 5-13-2014; Courthouse News, 4-22-2014]

(1) In Turkey, some shepherds have outfitted their sheep-monitoring donkeys with solar panels and battery packs to illuminate nighttime isolated fields in emergencies. Thus, for instance, pregnant animals can be aided during field births and not have to return to the farms. (2) In an interview with Vice.com, the Swiss founder of Eurolactis touts donkey milk as the preferred substitute for cow milk -- since donkeys have only one stomach, as humans have. (Cows, goats and sheep have multiple stomachs to break down their complex milk, but that milk gives humans digestion problems.) On the other hand, as Vice.com pointed out, milk-drinkers, especially, must learn to ignore the A-word nickname for "donkey." [Mother Nature News, 7-22-2014] [Vice.com, 7-25-2014]

The most recent murder suspect to whine about his oppressive jail conditions appears to be Adam Landerman, 21, awaiting trial in the grisly 2013 murders of two people. In July, his patience apparently exhausted, he filed court papers in Joliet, Illinois, complaining that the jail's towels are too small, the jail offers no barber or beautician services or shaving cream, and the food is "monotonous and undiversified," among other inadequacies. [Joliet Patch, 7-15-2014]

At first, Rev. Fred Armfield's arrest for patronizing a prostitute in Greenwood, South Carolina, in January (2010) looked uncontroversial, with Armfield allegedly confessing that he had bargained Melinda "Truck Stop" Robinson down from $10 to $5 for oral sex. Several days later, however, Armfield formally disputed the arrest, calling himself a "descendant of the original Moro-Pithecus Disoch, Kenyapithecus and Afro Pithecus," a "living flesh-and-blood being" who, based on his (high) character and community standing, should not be prosecuted. Also, he said, any payment to Truck Stop with Federal Reserve Notes did not legally constitute a "purchase" since such notes are not lawful money. [Index-Journal (Greenwood), 1-29-10]

Thanks This Week to Perry Levin, Bruce Leiserowitz, Peter Swank, and Barclay Livker, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

(Read more weird news at www.WeirdUniverse.net; send items to WeirdNews@earthlink.net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

Facial recognition software, increasingly important to global anti-terrorism operations, is being brought to ... cats. Taiwanese developer Mu-Chi Sung announced in July plans for marketing the software as part of a cat health device so that owners, especially those with multiple cats, can better monitor their cats' eating habits. Sung first had to overcome the problem of how to get the cat to stick its head through a slot in the feeder so the software can start to work. The device, with mobile apps for remote monitoring by the owner, may sell for about $250. [CBS News, 7-22-2014]

-- The Environmental Protection Agency is already a News of the Weird favorite (for example, the secret goofing-off "man cave" of one EPA contractor in July 2013 and, two months later, the fabulist EPA executive who skipped agency work for months by claiming falsely to be on secret CIA missions), but the agency's Denver Regional Office took it to another level in June. In a leaked memo, the Denver deputy director implored employees to end the practice of leaving feces in the office's hallway. The memo referred to "several" incidents. [Government Executive, 6-25-2014]

-- The federal food stamp program, apparently uncontrollably rife with waste, has resorted to giving financial awards to the states that misspend food stamp money the least. In July, the Florida Department of Children and Families, beaming with pride, announced it had won a federal grant of $7 million for having blown only $47 million in food stamp benefits in 2013 (less than 1 percent of its $6 billion in payments). Vermont, the worst-performing state, misspends almost 10 percent of its food stamp benefits. [Fox News, 7-8-2014]

-- The Way the World Works: The U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration came down hard in July on West Virginia's Freedom Industries for violations of chemical safety standards in January 2014 that resulted in the 10-day contamination of drinking water for 300,000 residents. OSHA issued two fines to the company -- one for $7,000 and the other for $4,000. [West Virginia Gazette, 7-7-2014]

-- Ms. Milo Moire, a Swiss performance artist, startled (and puzzled) fairgoers at Germany's Art Cologne in April by creating a painting while standing on two ladders, nude and expelling "eggs," filled with paint and ink, from her vagina. Each "PlopEgg" canvas made what she called a powerful feminist statement about women, fertility and creativity. (In June, she attempted to tour Switzerland's Art Basel fair "wearing" only the names of clothing items written on her nude body, e.g., on her leg, the word "pants." Officials told her to go get dressed if she wanted to see the show.) [Huffington Post UK, 4-22-2014]

-- Update: Critics praised bad-girl British artist Tracey Emin's 1998 furniture-and-effects exhibit, "My Bed," supposedly representing a failed romantic relationship, featuring mussed sheets and, littering the room, empty vodka bottles and used condoms. Prominent collector Charles Saatchi turned heads when he bought the piece for the equivalent of about $200,000, and in June, almost 15 years later, he sold "My Bed" at auction for the equivalent of $4,330,000. [BBC News, 7-1-2014]

-- In July, the large cement "Humpty Dumpty" at the Enchanted Forest in Salem, Oregon, created by Roger Tofte in 1970, was destroyed when two intruders tried to climb the wall Humpty was sitting on. However, the wall crumbled and Humpty suffered a great fall, and Tofte said he doubted he could put Humpty back together again, but would try instead to make a new one. [KOIN-TV (Portland, Ore.), 7-5-2014]

-- Sheriff's deputies in Salina, Kansas, arrested Aaron Jansen, 29, but not before he put on quite a show on July 5. Jansen, speeding in a car spray-painted with derogatory comments about law enforcement, refused to pull over and even survived a series of tire-shredding road spikes as he turned into a soybean field, where he revved the engine and drove in circles for 40 minutes. As deputies set up a perimeter, Jansen futilely tossed items from the car (blankets, CDs, anything available) and then (with the car still moving) climbed out the driver's door and briefly "surfed" on the roof. Finally, as deputies closed in, Jansen shouted a barrage of Bible verses before emerging from the car wearing a cowboy hat, boots and a woman's dress. [KAKE-TV (Wichita), 7-7-2014]

-- The surveillance video in evidence in England's Wolverhampton Crown Court in July captured the entire caper of two young men comically failing to open a parking lot's automated cash machine five months earlier. Wearing hoods, they tried to batter the secure machine open, then tried to pull it away (but learned that it was rooted to an underground cable). Plan C involved getting in their Peugeot and ramming the machine, which did knock loose the money-dispensing part -- but also shredded part of the car's body. The dispenser (with the equivalent of $1,500 in coins) fit in the front seat only after some exhaustive pushing and cramming, but finally the men drove off -- with sparks flying as the weight of the coins made the crippled car scrape the pavement. Police arrived on the scene, and a brief chase ended when the car crashed into a wall. Final score: car totaled, money recovered and Wesley Bristow, 25, sentenced to two years in prison. [Express and Star (Wolverhampton, England), 7-5-2014]

(1) Roy Ortiz hired a lawyer in March and said he was considering suing the first responders who rescued him during the historic September 2013 flooding around Broomfield, Colorado -- because they failed to find him fast enough when his car plunged into raging waters. (2) In March, Houston sheriff's deputy Brady Pullen filed a lawsuit against the grieving family of the delusional man he was forced to shoot and kill during a 2012 emergency call -- because Pullen had been injured in the skirmish and believes the family failed to warn him just how dangerous Kemal Yazar was. Also, in Alcona, Ontario, in April, Sharlene Simon, 42, filed a lawsuit against the family of the teenage bicyclist she accidentally ran down, fatally, in 2012 -- claiming that the boy's dangerous joyriding at 1:30 a.m. initiated the events that left her traumatized. [KCNC-TV (Denver), 3-4-2014] [Houston Chronicle, 3-29-2014] [Toronto Sun, 4-25-2014]

In May, News of the Weird mentioned a Floridian with drug charges named Edward Cocaine. In June, in Lake Wales, Florida, Ms. Crystal Metheney, 36, was arrested on a (BB-)gun charge -- but she also has a drug arrest (marijuana) on her record. In July a northern California wildfire investigation turned up suspect Freddie Smoke III, 27. And for less-mature News of the Weird readers, Ryan Smallwood, 26, was arrested in Rock Hill, South Carolina, for making obnoxious sexual comments in a restaurant. [The Smoking Gun, 6-12-2014] [Associated Press via The Guardian (London), 7-15-2014] [Rock Hill Herald, 5-12-2014]

Recurring Themes: (1) Moshood Itabiyi, 22, was arrested in a traffic stop in July shortly after allegedly robbing the Northview Bank in Barnum, Minnesota. His dream of a quick getaway had vanished when he discovered that he had locked his keys in the car, and he was forced eventually to burglarize a nearby house for a hammer to smash a window open and get going. (2) Three teens, ages 13, 14 and 15, were charged with attempted burglary in St. Petersburg, Florida, in July when, as they were serial-testing parked cars' doors to find an unlocked one, they happened to inattentively open the door of an unmarked police car with a detective inside. [KBJR-TV (Duluth), 7-11-2014] [Associated Press via WCTV (Tallahassee), 7-17-2014]

The Fragrance of Love: First, farmer Dick Kleis of Zwingle in eastern Iowa, composing a birthday note to his wife, arranged more than 60 tons of manure in a pasture to spell out "Happy Birthday, Love You" in shorthand. Then, for Valentine's Day (2010), farmer Bruce Andersland created a half-mile-wide, arrow-pierced heart from plowed manure at his farm near the town of Albert Lea, Minnesota. "Now," said wife Beth, viewing the aerial image, "I've got my valentine!" [WTTG-TV (Washington, D.C.), 1-5-10] [Albert Lea Tribune, 2-11-10]

Thanks This Week to Gerald Sacks, Mel Birge, Bruce Leiserowitz, and Cindy Hildebrand, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.