-- The executive in charge of the electronic infrastructure of Facebook confirmed to London's information-technology website The Register in June that when the company inaugurated its first "cloud" data-storage facility in Prineville, Ore., in 2011, the equipment was "drenched" when an actual cloud formed inside the building. (Facebook had only "hinted" previously at a Prineville "humidity event," according to The Register.) The tall, huge building's cooling units use an electricity-saving system that takes air from the outside (rather than re-circulated indoor air) and subjects it to various humidity levels to cool the heat coming from the aisles of computer servers. Apparently, engineers had not accurately anticipated the vapor condensation profile of the new system, and rain guards were promptly installed. [The Register (London), 6-8-2013]

-- In May, only two states away from last year's mass shooting at an Aurora, Colo., movieplex, management at the Goodrich Capital 8 Theaters in Jefferson City, Mo., hired a man dressed in full tactical gear and carrying guns resembling M-4 rifles and 9mm pistols (as "S.H.I.E.L.D." operatives) to greet patrons for the opening of the new "Iron Man" movie. Police were not pleased by the barrage of frightened 911 callers who were fearful that Aurora was happening all over again. Capital 8 manager Bob Wilkins said that "hundreds" of customers were entertained by the publicity stunt and that "only a few" were upset. [KMIZ-TV (Columbia, Mo.), 5-9-2013]

-- Since Rozie, a pregnant Asian elephant at Albuquerque's ABQ BioPark Zoo, stands a better chance of a healthy birth if she is strong, the "elephant manager" and staff have been putting her through twice-a-day, Pilates-type exercises (featuring leg lifts, squats, and other calisthenics). (Rozie is due sometime between August and November.) Lest anyone worry that Rozie is being mistreated, the elephant manager noted in a May press release that her participation "is completely voluntary." [City of Albuquerque press release, 5-22-2013]

-- The founder of the Beauty Park Medical Spa in Santa Monica, Calif., has introduced a 45-minute procedure called the "Male Laser Lift," which is also known colloquially as "tackle tightening," involving the removal of hair and wrinkles on the scrotum, along with laser treatment to remove "discoloration." Co-owner Jamie Sherrill ("Nurse Jamie") told London's Daily Mail that sales are up this year, and some might attribute that to a joke comment made by actor George Clooney that the latest Hollywood craze was "ball-ironing." [Daily Mail, 6-10-2013]

-- Recently, parents in Texas and New York City have pointed out that when children commit sex offenses against classmates, educational policy (and sometimes, the law) seeks to give light punishments and second chances to the perpetrators, thus posing risks to their classmates. A Texas child, raped at age 4 by a 13-year-old, recently was forced to endure the perpetrator's return to class after only 45 days away at an "alternative" program -- because federal law requires the child's prompt return to ordinary classroom settings if a "disability" played a role in the incident. A New York City mother filed a $6 million lawsuit in May against the city's Education Department after her son was allegedly forced to perform oral sex on a group of classmates, one of whom had already been involved in a sex assault -- for which he received a five-day suspension. [KHOU-TV, 5-6-2013] [New York Daily News, 5-30-2013]

-- As John Jacobson, 20, was being booked into jail in Portland, Ore., in May (for allegedly trying to steal a case of beer from a Plaid Pantry grocery store), police discovered a live mouse in his pocket. Jacobson had his father come down to the jail and take custody of the mouse. [KGW-TV (Portland) via KTVB-TV (Boise, Id.), 5-3-2013]

-- Christie's auction house in New York City reported that a May 15th sale of a painting of the late actress Bea Arthur -- nude from the waist up -- by the artist John Currin in 1991 had sold for $1.9 million. Currin said that he made the painting from a photograph of Arthur clothed, and Arthur, known for her roles in TV's "Maude" and "Golden Girls," appears younger in face and body in the painting than on the TV shows. [NBC News, 5-17-2013]

-- Maryland state troopers caught sight of a drummer rocking out on the shoulder of Interstate 695 near Windsor Mill Road in Baltimore on May 21st, at about 10:30 a.m. According to the troopers, the man had run out of gas and had decided to set up his drum kit to practice while he waited for assistance. When a utility truck arrived, supplying gasoline, the drummer packed up and resumed his travels. [Baltimore Sun, 5-21-2013]

-- The web sites OpposingViews.com and the Jewish Daily Forward (Forward.com), sweeping through all of the 2013 news accounts that two reporters could find, added up the fatalities so far this year (through May) of Americans killed by domestic "terrorist" attacks, compared to the number of Americans killed with guns fired by toddlers (aged 2-6). Terrorism's total: 4 (all from the Boston Marathon bombing). Gun deaths by toddlers: 11. (During the same period, 10 additional Americans were merely wounded by toddlers firing guns.) [OpposingViews.com, 6-11-2013; Jewish Daily Forward, 5-5-2013]

(1) New York state Assemblyman Vito Lopez of Brooklyn was briefly a candidate for New York City mayor but withdrew in May, shortly after a state ethics commission accused him of various "unbecoming" behaviors, including pressuring female assistants to massage him, and at least one to feel the cancer-striken Lopez's tumors on his neck, shoulder, and armpit. (2) Philip Garcia, 41, was arrested in April in Perris, Calif., after he allegedly crawled naked through the doggy door in a neighboring home and announced to the female resident that he was there for sex. [New York Daily News, 5-16-2013] [KCBS-TV (Los Angeles) 4-18-2013]

-- Recurring Themes: (1) A 38-year-old man was arrested in Wichita, Kan., in June and charged with trying to rob a Spangles restaurant by presenting a cashier with a demand note. He was arrested a short time later -- and easily, because the demand for money was written on the back of a check-reorder form that contained his name and address. (2) Joseph Meacham, 39, fleeing on foot during a mid-afternoon traffic stop in Clayton, Mo., in May, ran through town so indiscriminately that when he decided to duck into a building for cover, he failed to realize it was the St. Louis County Police Headquarters. He was found curled into a ball on the floor in a dead-end hallway, and promptly arrested. [KAKE-TV (Wichita), 6-8-2013] [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 5-22-2013]

-- Arrested recently and awaiting trial for murder: Nicholas Wayne Smith, Leland, N.C. (January); Jonathan Wayne Broyhill, Raleigh, N.C. (April); James Wayne Ham, San Jacinto County, Tex. (May); Kenneth Wayne Welch, San Diego County, Calif. (June); Bryan Wayne Brackbill, Jr., Carroll Township, Pa. (June). Indicted for murder: Darrell Wayne Parker, Belton, Tex. (March). Convicted of murder: Stanley Wayne Robertson, College Station, Tex. (February). Sentenced for murder: Derral Wayne Hodgkins, Dade City, Fla. (April); Jacob Wayne Smith, Tulsa, Okla. (June). Murder conviction upheld: Michael Wayne Fenney (also known as Michael Wayne), Janesville, Minn. (June). Re-sentencing for murder demanded: Dale Wayne Eaton, Cheyenne, Wyo. (June) (now allegedly ineligible for execution because of low IQ). NSmith: [Wilmington (N.C.) Star-News, 1-18-2013]

A News of the Weird Classic

Beneath the luxury hotels on the Las Vegas Strip is a series of flood tunnels that are home to dozens of people who work odd jobs such as hustling leftover change in slot machines of downscale casinos. A correspondent for London's The Sun gained the trust of a few and even photographed their "apartments" for a September 2009 dispatch, showing well-stocked quarters, with scrounged appliances and furniture and even one makeshift shower rigged from a water cooler. "Amy," who has lived in the tunnels with her husband, "J.R.", for two years, said she "love(s)" the Vegas lifestyle and appears in no hurry to leave. "Kathryn" (who lives with boyfriend, "Steven") also appears content -- except, she says, for the fragrance, the black widow spiders, and the periodic rush of water through their home (threatening any "valuables" not stacked on crates). [The Sun, 9-24-09]

Kogelschatz, Dave Abdoo, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Chengdu, China, barber Liu Deyuan, 53, is one of the few who still provide traditional "eye-shaving," in which he holds the eye open and runs a razor across the lids' inner surfaces. Then, using a thin metal rod with a round tip, he gently massages the inside of each lid. Liu told a reporter for the Chengdu Business Daily in April that he had never had an accident (though the reporter apparently could not be enticed to experience the treatment himself, preferring merely to observe), and a highly satisfied customer reported afterward that his eyes felt "moist" and his vision "clearer." A local hospital official said eye-shaving can scrape away scar tissue and stimulate the eyes to lubricate the eye sockets. [South China Morning Post, 4-15-2013]

-- One of April's most popular Internet images consisted of face shots of the current 20 contestants for Miss South Korea -- revealing that all 20 appeared eerily similar, and Westernized. Commented one website, "Korea's plastic surgery mayhem is finally converging on the same face." Wrote a South Korean commenter, "Girls here consider eye surgery just like using makeup." Wrote another, "I loved this episode of the Twilight Zone." The country has the highest rate of cosmetic surgery per capita in the world. [International Business Times (New York City), 4-24-2013]

-- Michinoku Farm of Tokyo finally agreed in May to withdraw its whale meat dog chews, but only after angering environmentalists for having favored the country's pampered canines over endangered North Atlantic fin whales, which were the source of the chews. The meat was purchased from Iceland, which openly defies the international moratorium on whale meat. (Japan officially disagrees with world consensus on which species are endangered.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 5-29-2013]

-- A marriage-encouraging initiative in the Sehore district of India's Madhya Pradesh state awards gifts and financial assistance to couples agreeing to wed in mass ceremonies, but the country also suffers from a notorious toilet shortage. Consequently, the district announced in May that to qualify for the government benefits, the groom must submit to officials a photo of himself beside his own toilet to prove that he and his wife will have home sanitation. [Times of India, 5-21-2013]

-- Recurring Theme (People Purporting to Speak for Islam): (1) A Saudi judge ruled in April that it was finally time for Ali al-Khawahir, 24, to suffer for stabbing another boy in the back when Ali was 14. The victim was paralyzed, and under Saudi justice, Ali must also be struck with paralysis or else raise the equivalent of about $260,000 to compensate the victim. (2) Saudi cleric Abdullah Mohamed al-Daoud in May urged his 100,000 Twitter followers to "sexually harass female cashiers" to discourage them from working outside the home. (He is the one who urged in February that babies be veiled to protect them from sexual harassment.) [The Guardian (London), 4-3-2013] [BBC News, 5-29-2013]

-- Closer to God Than You Are: (1) Crystal McVea, author of a recent book chronicling her near-death experience, told a "Fox & Friends" TV host in April that among her most vivid memories of the incident was getting so close to God that she could "smell" him. (2) In May, Anna Pierre, a candidate for mayor of North Miami, Fla., announced on her Facebook page that she had secured the endorsement of Jesus Christ. That would be doubly fortunate for her since a month earlier, she had complained that unknown people had been leaving bad-luck Vodou-ritual feathers, food scraps and candles on her doorstep. (Jesus' stroke is apparently not what it used to be: She finished seventh in the race.) [Raw Story, 4-2-2013] [Miami Herald, 5-14-2013; WTVJ (Miami), 5-15-2013]

-- Religious Messages From All Over: (1) A catering company in Leicestershire, England, became a holy site in May after the Hindu owner found an eggplant that resembles the elephant-headed Lord Ganesh. He said that he prays to it now twice daily and has so far welcomed about 80 visiting worshippers. (2) As part of his recent U.S. tour, the Dalai Lama, introduced to a University of Maryland audience by Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley, greeted the governor on stage by rubbing noses with him. [ThisIsLeistershire.co.uk, 5-6-2013] [Washington Post, 5-7-2013]

-- Expectant North Carolina parents Adam and Heather Barrington (who is due in July) have disclosed that they will accept underwater midwifing from the Sirius Institute of Pahoa, Hawaii, which arranges for the mother to swim with dolphins pre- and post-natally. "It is about reconnecting as humans with the dolphins so we can ... learn from one another," said Heather. Said Adam: "Dolphins are very intelligent and healing, which ... calms mother and baby. ..." Biologists writing for the Discovery Channel, however, reminded readers that underwater births are extraordinarily dangerous and that dolphins are "wild animals" that gang-rape female dolphins and "toss, beat and kill small porpoises." Said another, the Barringtons' plan is "possibly the worst idea ever." [Discovery, 5-29-2013; io9.com, 5-28-2013]

-- Local Governments at Work: (1) Washington, D.C., began registering its dogs this year by their primary breeds and, faced with many owners who claimed not to know their dog's heritage, quixotically settled on the Mexican hairless dog, or "xoloitzcuintli" (pronounced "show-low-eats-QUEENT-lee," according to The Washington Post) as the breed that will be listed in city records for those dogs. An official said the decision might encourage owners to learn more about their dog's breed. (2) Of all the businesses that could fall out of favor with a local government, it was the restaurant Bacon Bacon that was shut down in May by the city of San Francisco -- because of neighbors' complaints about the smell! (The fragrance of bacon is widely experienced as entrancing all across America.) A petition to overturn the ruling was underway at press time. [Washington Post, 5-15-2013] [San Francisco Examiner, 5-15-2013]

-- More than 50 Iowa sex offenders have open-carry gun permits, thanks to a 2-year-old state law that requires any disapproving sheriff to demonstrate "probable cause" in advance that a sex offender will use a gun illegally in order to reject his application. Before that, a sheriff could use a sex offender's previous felony conviction as sufficient cause. Said Washington County Sheriff Jerry Dunbar, "(J)ust the presence of a gun on a hip could be a threat to get (sex-crime victims) to cooperate." [Des Moines Register, 5-5-2013]

Congress established the Interagency Working Group in 2009 to set guidelines on advertising healthy foods to children, and public comments on the guidelines are now being posted. General Mills appeared among the most alarmed by the IWG proposals, according to its comments on the Federal Trade Commission website (as disclosed by Scientific American in May). Of the 100 most commonly consumed foods and beverages in America, GM asserted, 88 would fail the IWG standards, and if everyone in America started following the health recommendations, General Mills asserts that the cost of feeding the entire nation would increase $503 billion per year. [Scientific American, 5-19-2013]

Dennis Gholston, 45, with outstanding traffic warrants in Pennsylvania, decided in May that, even though alone in his car, he could not resist using a high-occupancy vehicle lane (HOV) on the New Jersey Turnpike near Carteret. His decision was even more unsound because, according to the officer who stopped him for the HOV violation, Gholston was hauling about $4,000 worth of heroin in the car, and he was charged with intent to distribute. [Star-Ledger (Newark), 5-31-2013]

But What If the Device Falls Into the Wrong Hands? A 55-year-old British man whose bowel was ruptured in a nearly catastrophic traffic accident has been fitted with a bionic sphincter that opens and closes with a remote controller. Ged Galvin had originally endured 13 surgeries in a 13-week hospital stay and had grown frustrated with using a colostomy bag until surgeon Norman Williams of the Royal London Hospital proposed the imaginative operation. Dr. Williams, who was interviewed along with Galvin for a November 2009 feature in London's Daily Mail, wrapped a muscle transplanted from Galvin's leg around the sphincter and attached electrodes to tighten or loosen its grip. [Daily Mail, 11-10-2009, 11-13-2009]

Thanks This Week to Mark Hazelrigg and Bruce Leiserowitz and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Orestes De La Paz's exhibit at the Frost Art Museum in Miami in May recalled Chuck Palahniuk's novel and film "Fight Club," in which lead character Tyler Durden's principal income source was making upscale soap using discarded liposuctioned fat fetched from the garbage of cosmetic surgeons (thus closing the loop of fat from rich ladies recycled back to rich ladies). De La Paz told his mentor at Florida International University that he wanted only to display his own liposuctioned fat provocatively, but decided to make soap when he realized that the fat would otherwise quickly rot. Some visitors to the exhibit were able to wash their hands with the engineered soap, which De La Paz offered for sale at $1,000 a bar. [WLRN-TV (Miami), 5-16-2013]

-- As recently as mid-May, people with disabilities had been earning hefty black-market fees by taking strangers into Disneyland and Disney World using the parks' own liberal "disability" passes (which allow for up to five relatives or guests at a time to accompany the disabled person in skipping the sometimes-hours-long lines and having immediate access to the rides). The pass-holding "guide," according to NBC's "Today" show, could charge as much as $200 through advertising on CraigsList and via word-of-mouth to some travel agents. Following reports in the New York Post and other outlets, Disney was said in late May to be warning disabled permit-holders not to abuse the privilege. [New York Post, 5-14-2013; NBC News, 5-31-2013]

-- After setting out to create a protective garment for mixed martial arts fighters, Jeremiah Raber of High Ridge, Mo., realized that his "groin protection device" could also help police, athletes and military contractors. Armored Nutshellz underwear, now selling for $125 each, has multiple layers of Kevlar plus another fabric called Dyneema, which Raber said can "resist" multiple shots from 9 mm and .22-caliber handguns. He said the Army will be testing Nutshellz in August, hoping it can reduce the number of servicemen who come home with devastating groin injuries. [KSDK-TV, 5-6-2013]

-- "Ambulance-chasing" lawyers are less the cliche than they formerly were because of bar association crackdowns, but fire truck-chasing contractors and "public adjusters" are still a problem -- at least in Florida, where the state Supreme Court tossed out a "48-hour" time- out rule that would have given casualty victims space to reflect on their losses before being overwhelmed by home-restoration salesmen. Consequently, as firefighters told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel in May, the contractors are usually "right behind" them on the scene, pestering anxious or grief-stricken victims. The Sun-Sentinel found one woman being begged to sign up while she was still crying out for her dog that remained trapped in the blaze. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 5-18-2013]

-- Researchers writing recently in the journal PLoS ONE disclosed that they had found certain types of dirt that contain antimicrobial agents capable of killing E. coli and the antibiotic-resistant MRSA. According to the article, medical "texts" back to 3000 B.C. mentioned clays that, when rubbed on wounds, reduce inflammation and pain. [Popular Science, 5-22-2013]

-- Researchers writing in May in the journal Pediatrics found that some infants whose parents regularly sucked their babies' pacifiers to clean them (rather than rinsing or boiling them) developed fewer allergies and cases of asthma. (On the other hand, parental-cleansing might make other maladies more likely, such as tooth decay.) [New York Times, 5-6-2013]

Archeologists discovered in May that a construction company had bulldozed 2,300-year-old Mayan ruins in northern Belize -- simply to mine the rocks for road fill to build a highway. A researcher said it could hardly have been an accident, for the ruins were 100 feet high in an otherwise flat landscape, and a Tulane University anthropologist estimated that Mayan ruins are being mined for road fill an average of once a day in their ancient habitats. Said another, "(T)o realize" that Mayans created these structures using only stone tools and then "carried these materials on their heads" to build them -- and then that bulldozers can almost instantly destroy them -- is "mind-boggling." [Associated Press via Yahoo News, 5-14-2013]

A woman in Seattle's Capitol Hill neighborhood reported to a local news blog in May that she had seen (and her husband briefly conversed with) a man who was operating a "drone" from a sidewalk, guiding the noisy device to a point just outside a third-floor window in a private home. The pilot said he was "doing research" and, perhaps protected by a 1946 U.S. Supreme Court decision, asserted that he was not violating anyone's privacy because he, himself, was on a public sidewalk while the drone was in public airspace. The couple called for a police officer, but by the time one arrived, the pilot and his drone had departed, according to a report on the Capitol Hill Seattle blog. [Capitol Hill Seattle via Betabeat.com (New York City), 5-14-2013]

Army Major Nidal Hasan went on trial in June for killing 13 and wounding another 32 in the notorious November 2009 shooting spree at Fort Hood, Texas, but his 43 months in lockup since then have been lucrative. WFAA-TV (Dallas-Fort Worth) reported in May that Maj. Hasan has earned $278,000 (and counting) in salary and benefits because his pay cannot be stopped until he is convicted. By contrast, some of the 32 surviving victims complain of difficulty wrenching money out of the Army for worker compensation and disability treatment -- because the Army has refused to classify the spree-shooting as a combat-similar "terrorist attack" (in favor of terming it the politically correct "workplace violence"). [WFAA-TV, 5-22-2013]

(1) John Allison, 41, who was arrested inside a Hannaford's grocery store in Massena, N.Y., in May, first aroused suspicion as an anticipated shoplifter, but it turns out that all he wanted to do was to remove a pepperoni from the meat case, rub it on his penis and put it back. He was charged with criminal mischief. (2) David Beckman, 64, was charged in DuPage County, Ill., in May with misdemeanor animal cruelty after he allegedly sexually abused his pet peacock, "Phyl." [Watertown Daily News, 5-16-2013] [WMAQ-TV (Chicago), 5-12-2013]

Three men committed home invasion of a Houston residence on May 14 and, although two escaped, one wound up in the hospital and under arrest. The three men kicked in a door and shut the resident in an upstairs closet while they ransacked the home, but they failed to inspect the closet first and thus did not realize that it was the resident's handgun-storage closet. A few minutes later, the resident emerged, locked and loaded, and wounded one of the men in the shoulder and leg. [Houston Chronicle, 5-14-2013]

(1) Bryan Zuniga, 20, was (according to a deputy) weaving in traffic in his SUV in May near the St. Petersburg, Fla., city limit, but instead of submitting to the deputy, he fled on foot and eventually climbed a fence to a water-treatment plant -- and apparently disturbed an alligator residing in a pond. Zuniga was treated at St. Petersburg General Hospital for bites to his face and arm. (2) In Albuquerque in May, Luis Briones, 25, became the most recent person arrested for distracted driving -- after he crashed into another car while engaged in sexual intercourse in the driver's seat. (His naked lady-friend was thrown from the car, but not seriously hurt.) [Tampa Bay Times, 5-9-2013] [The Smoking Gun, 5-29-2013]

Thanks this week to Elaine Weiss, David Swanson, Gary DaSilva, Michael Harris, Candy Clouston, John McGaw, Steve Dunn, Paul Krause, Peter Swank, and Chris Banta, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.