The world's most extensive array of animal "rights" took effect in Switzerland in September. Dog owners must take, at their own expense, classes in pet care (and anglers must take a class in humane treatment of fish). Animals listed as "social" (including goldfish, hamsters, sheep, goats, yaks) must be kept with or near another of their species. Goldfish must have some "privacy," e.g., no completely transparent tanks, and can only be killed humanely (never flushed alive). Even mud-loving pigs are entitled to showers. Yet, Swiss animal rights activists complained that the country still permits trading in cat fur (supposedly a pain-reliever for rheumatism), and that some new protections (for example, for rhinoceroses) are still inadequate.

-- In August two British couples were given sanctions by local councils because their loud, long sex sessions disturbed neighbors. Steve and Caroline Cartwright were issued a noise abatement order by the Sunderland City Council (Caroline: "I do admit I scream and make lots of noise"), and Kerry Norris was fined by the Brighton and Hove City Council for violating a previous sex-noise order with her boyfriend Adam Hinton (a neighbor said their headboard bangs against the wall until 6 a.m.). (Also in August, a neighbor of a swingers' party house in Des Moines, Wash., told a Seattle Times reporter than cries of ecstasy from the house sometimes sound "like a raccoon dying.")

-- Also, Some Animals Have Good Sex Lives: Officers responding to a neighbor's report of domestic violence in a subdivision near Payson, Ariz., in September decided that the "fight" the neighbor heard was the high-pitched mating scream of a male elk. And an August police search near Linz, Germany, was called off after the "bloodcurdling" screams reported as a woman in distress were actually the mating cries of a badger. And officials at the Bristol Zoo in England promised neighbors they would temporarily house gibbons inside during the night because of their loud mating duets.

-- Wealthy advertising executive Robert Schwartz died in 1997 and left a sizable estate, including a special "Party Trust" for his relatives, but with one condition: They must all celebrate Schwartz's birthday every August for at least 10 years at a posh party in Naples, Fla., with all expenses paid, and people missing two straight, or two in five years, would forfeit their inheritances. The Naples Daily News reported in September that each adult relative would receive up to $2,500 per party attended, and a final Party Trust accounting is now in the hands of a judge.

-- David Norris never knew his father, who left home when Norris was 5 months old. Now 22, Norris is serving a minimum-12-year sentence for killing a man after an earlier rape conviction and is housed in Peterhead prison, which is the primary lockup for Scotland's sex criminals. Soon after arrival, according to a Scottish Daily Record report, Norris ran into David Gilles, 39, serving life for the kidnapping and sexual torture of a young woman, and realized that Gilles is his dad.

-- Michelle Cossey pleaded guilty to one count of child endangerment in September in Norristown, Pa., admitting that she had bought her son Dillon, 14, a rifle and gunpowder (which prosecutors say Dillon was planning to use in a Columbine-style attack on former classmates at Plymouth Whitemarsh High School). Michelle said she had no idea of his plans, but only wanted to help boost Dillon's "self-esteem," since he is severely overweight and had left school after the seventh-grade because of bullying.

-- Wendy Brown, 33, was charged with identity theft in Green Bay, Wis., in September after she enrolled at Ashwaubenon High School pretending to be her 15-year-old daughter (who actually lives in Nevada). Though Brown has a "history" of identify-theft issues (according to a school official who spoke with Brown's mother), one motive in this case was to fulfill a longtime dream of becoming a cheerleader, and she had been attending practices and had made the squad, according to school officials, even though some people had noticed that she looked a little older than the other girls.

-- Entrepreneurs: (1) Sarah Lavely opened Sarah's Smash Shack in downtown San Diego this summer, inviting people who are angry at someone or something to slam ceramic plates, vases and glass pieces (such as framed photographs of an ex-) against walls in special rooms (15 minutes, 15 plates, $45). (2) Australian Wool Innovation recently introduced, for the Japanese executives' market, a washable business suit that can be cleaned in an ordinary shower and will dry overnight, virtually wrinkle-free (and, in a pinch, can even be worn in the shower).

Arrested recently and awaiting trial for murder: Nathaniel Wayne Lee, Attalla, Ala. (September); Michael Wayne Wood Sr. (arrested in Michigan in August as a fugitive from a 2005 Oklahoma murder warrant); Jeffrey Wayne Riebe, Myrtle Beach, S.C. (August); Barry Wayne Kaalund, Durham, N.C. (August); Joseph Wayne Keeler, Largo, Fla. (August). Captured after escaping while serving time for murder: Marlow Wayne Reynolds, Rosharon, Texas (September). Fugitive warrant issued: suspected murderer Larry Wayne Brucke Jr., Lenoir, N.C. (September).

-- Not Ready for Thugdom: (1) Police in Wilmington, N.C., arrested Anthony Mallette, 30, and Capria Rouser, 28, in September, driving a stolen car, after they had allegedly tried to extort money from the owner for its return. They wanted $40. (2) Two men attempted an armed robbery of the Brighton Mini Mart in Chicago in August, and when it was over, the man with the gun had accidentally shot himself in the foot and been stabbed in the back by the 61-year-old store owner. The pair fled, but the wounded man was arrested in a hospital waiting room.

-- Rookie Mistakes: (1) Kody Merrival, 21, was arrested in Iowa City, Iowa, in September after he used an alleged stolen credit card in three different establishments. At a coffee bar, he asked for points on his personal account while using the card; at another store, he absentmindedly signed his own name; and in the third, he offered his own ID to accompany the card (leading the merchant to confiscate the card and notify police). (2) Tommy Patterson, 41, vacationing in Ormond Beach, Fla., in July, decided to do some impromptu shoplifting at a Wal-Mart, according to police, but was caught after a chase that was brief because he was still wearing flip-flops from the beach.

The brain "fingerprinting" work mentioned here in 2000 and 2003, whose hypothesis is that different areas of the brain are active when a person recalls an actual experience, as opposed to recalling merely learned information, was used in June in Pune, India, to secure a woman's murder conviction. A neuroscientist convinced the judge that the suspect's responses to questions could only have come had she actually made a purchase of the arsenic in question and traveled the exact route taken by the alleged killer.

Daytime burglar John Pearce, 32, was arrested in Dartford, England, in August after getting his foot caught in a window and hanging upside down for over an hour in full view of congregating (and taunting) neighbors before police arrived. However, in Chester Township, Pa., in July, scrap-metal burglar Charles Ancrum, 50, beat that record, hanging from a window for an entire weekend, dead, after he broke his neck attempting to climb into a residential garage. (While sticking his head through a small window, he fell off the sawhorse he was standing on.)

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

The ashram-museum in Ahmedabad devoted to India's highly revered icon of freedom Mahatma Gandhi recently re-installed a replica of the spiritual leader's personal toilet, in that Gandhi's own hygiene-consciousness was such a part of his legacy. It is said that he cleaned the toilet daily and referred to it as his "temple," but ashram officials had removed it in the 1980s as somehow inappropriate, according to a September dispatch from New Delhi in London's Daily Telegraph. Gandhi had written that "a lavatory must be as clean as a drawing room."

-- Jose Rivera, 22, survived two tours in Iraq, but back home in California, he took a job at the high-security Atwater federal prison, where officers cannot carry even non-lethal crowd-control weapons, and Rivera was murdered 10 months later by two inmates armed with handmade shivs. "Every single inmate in there is armed to the teeth for his own protection," complained one officer, but a Bureau of Prisons spokesman told CNN in August that "communication" with inmates is a better policy than even modestly arming guards.

-- When Eric Aderholt's house in Rockwell County, Texas, burned down in June, it wasn't because the fire department was too slow. They arrived within minutes, but none was aware that local hydrants were locked. Apparently, departments know that hydrants in rural areas have been shut off, as part of post-9/11 security, and must be turned on with a special tool, which no one brought that night. Texas law even requires shut-off hydrants to be painted black, but the firefighters still arrived without the tool, and by the time they retrieved it, Aderholt's house was gone.

-- A member of Pakistan's parliament stood his ground in August, defending news reports from his Baluchistan province that five women had been shot and then buried alive as tribal punishment for objecting to their families' choosing husbands for them. A defiant Israr Ullah Zehri told the Associated Press, "These are centuries-old traditions, and I will continue to defend them," despite condemnation by Zehri's colleagues. "Only those who indulge in immoral acts should be afraid," Zehri said.

-- The incredibly patient Joseph Shepard Sr., 53, sat quietly in St. Louis-area lockups for more than two years expecting that his lawyer, Michael Kelly, was working for his release on bond, but it turns out neither Kelly nor prosecutors nor the judge was doing anything at all. In fact, Shepard seemed innocently happy when a St. Louis Post-Dispatch reporter told him in August that he had looked into the case himself and that Shepard would be released soon. Shepard's attitude: "If I just sit here long enough, something's going to happen." Three days later, federal judge Carol Jackson released Shepard and chastised Kelly. (Shepard's drug charges remain.)

-- After a 14-week trial in 2003 in Durham, N.C., Michael Peterson was convicted of murdering his wife with a fireplace poker and is now serving a life sentence, but his former neighbor, Larry Pollard, is certain that Mrs. Peterson was killed instead by an owl gone bad. Pollard offered voluminous information about owls to buttress his theory, but acknowledged earlier that no feathers had been found at the scene. However, in August, the State Bureau of Investigation disclosed that one "microscopic feather" was on a clump of hair in Mrs. Peterson's hand. Shouted Pollard, "(T)he feather has been found" (although it was likely a household speck of down).

-- In December 2003, Yves Julien worked a regular 11-hour shift, plus overtime, all at premium pay, for the Canada Border Services Agency, and then demanded an additional $9 (Cdn) for a sandwich he had purchased when asked to put in the extra hours. The agency said he was not entitled, by contract, because the overtime was already at premium pay. In September 2008, after nearly five years of multiple reviews, hair-splitting legal decisions and lengthy appeals, Julien won his $9.

-- Never Give Up: (1) In September, Melvin Dummar, now 62, the man who famously claimed to be in Howard Hughes' hand-written will (based on having given Hughes a ride in the desert in 1967), was turned down again by a federal appeals court in his latest challenge to the "official" 1976 will. (2) The U.S.'s most-ridiculed litigator, Roy Pearson of the Washington, D.C., dry-cleaning case (who in 2005 sued for $54 million over a pair of pants), announced in September he was appealing the dismissal of his case.

Police in Knoxville, Tenn., arrested Richard Smith, 25, in September after he called 911 from an air duct in the Knoxville Museum of Art, and Smith immediately volunteered that he was "special agent 0-9-3-1" with the "United States Illuminati" and that he had come to retrieve a nuclear warhead from the Soviet Union that was concealed in a blue plastic cow in the basement, according to a report on WBIR-TV. Smith got trapped, he said, after he received a phone call aborting the mission because the cow was actually supposed to be in a museum in Memphis. He said he had entered the Museum of Art by being lowered from a "CH2 Huey" helicopter, but police basically rejected everything Smith said except his name.

Angel Cruz, 49, was indicted in August in Florida for various dubious financial schemes, including attempting to convince employees and contractors to accept his "United Cities Group" "currency" as of parallel value with U.S. currency. Cruz came to federal prosecutors' attention when he tried to sneak $214 million of UCG money into a Bank of America branch in Miami and allegedly threatened to take over the bank when it balked at allowing withdrawals in U.S. dollars.

Critters 4, Humans 0: (1) A 17-year-old boy in Reno, Nev., accidentally set his family's house on fire trying to kill spiders (August). A woman in Santa Fe, N.M., accidentally caused severe fire damage to her home while trying to torch a rattlesnake (July). A 26-year-old man in Mobile, Ala., accidentally caused $80,000 damage to his home and a shed trying to kill a swarm of bees (June). A Buddhist monk accidentally burned down his temple in Ojiya City, Japan, trying to destroy a hornets' nest (September).

Elderly drivers' recent lapses of concentration, confusing the brake pedal with the gas (or however artfully they explain it): A Norfolk, Va., woman, 86, crashed against a Rite Aid pharmacy, damaging a vending machine (May). A Lake Oswego, Ore., man, 81, crashed through the front of a U.S. Bank building, sending employees scurrying (February). A Cincinnati woman, 80, crashed halfway into a Dollar General store, damaging displays (May). A 75-year-old Shriner, driving a go-cart in one of the organization's tiny-car exhibitions, lost control and hit, in succession, two kids and two adults, before coming to a halt in bushes (July).

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

Angela Pusateri, 79, may be unconventional, but, according to Jenna, 13, "She really is a cool grandmother." The Hallandale Beach, Fla., woman is a rap-music singer with a new CD ("Who's Your Granny?") and occasional playdates, where she shows up in hockey jersey, jewels, sunglasses and baseball cap. Sample rap: "I can bring the noise better than P-Diddy / I am older and wiser, I ain't a disguiser / I am condo commando in a high-riser, Who's your granny?" Also, "Move over, Trick-Daddy, 'cause this is my town / I gotta shuffleboard posse and we're known to get down." Actually, conceded Jenna to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel in September, "Sometimes it's embarrassing."

-- "In many ways," reported the Los Angeles Times in August, the Torajans of Indonesia's Sulawesi Island "spend a lifetime preparing for their demise," in that the most glorious highlight of their existence appears to be planning the elaborate celebration of the end of it. In fact, taking one's last breath is only the beginning of a lengthy tribute, such as the one for Toraja's last king, who died in 2003 but has not been put away yet, pending completion of the necessary ritual animal sacrifices. (In the interim, the deceased is considered more "sick" than "dead.") Said one local ("cheerfully," according to the Times), "Torajans! (We) live to die!"

-- About 250,000 women in the southern India states of Karnataka and Maharashtra are self-described "elite" sex workers whose impoverished, or devoutly pious, parents "dedicated" them as children to the Hindu goddess Yellamma, according to an August dispatch in The New Yorker. Despite the state's outlawing the practice in 1982, the women's fate as "devadasis" remains an attractive alternative to ordinary marriage (which would usually be to poor and abusive men) and provides a degree of status, in that they dress nicely and can inherit family property, while street prostitutes cannot. However, devadasis still fall victim to the region's rampant HIV rate.

-- Castrillo de Murcia, Spain, lacks a "running of the bulls" tradition, but since 1620, it has included in its annual El Colacho festival a "leaping over the babies." In late May, the town's infants are laid on mattresses in the village square, and people in red-and-yellow devil costumes jump over them and keep running, to symbolize the vanquishing of demons from their lives.

Toward a More Accessible Anglican Church: (1) In August, Birmingham Cathedral announced plans to open a series of wine bars in London, as (according to an official) one of the "alternative ways" of engaging non-church-goers. (2) The new church curate in Dursley, Gloustershire, is Rev. Skye Denno, 29, a married mother of two, whose down time is spent in biker boots, hot pants, a dog collar and her six piercings, listening to the Sex Pistols. Said she, "I don't do it to be difficult. (I) think it makes me more approachable."

-- The Nebraska legislature's new "safe haven" law for unwanted babies, like other states' laws, allows them to be dropped off anonymously at hospitals to discourage abortions (and neglect by unfit parents). However, unlike other states' laws, Nebraska's applies not just to infants, but "minors," because, said Sen. Tom White, "All children deserve our protection." In September, the first two non-infants were abandoned, as exasperated parents gave up on rebellious sons aged 11 and 15, and critics say the law could apply to those up to age 19.

-- In August, the U.S. Department of Transportation unveiled new rules for train and bus drivers returning to work from drug-use suspensions. They must now be tested first by a strip search to detect devices for cheating (such as artificial penises), and if none is found, they may re-dress themselves, but a monitor must still "directly watch the urine as it goes from the employee's body into the collection container." Not surprisingly, several unions have challenged the rule in court.

-- In July, Abbie Hawkins, 19, a hotel receptionist in Norwich, England, said she found a baby bat nestled inside the padded bra she had been wearing for several hours. "When I was driving to work, I felt a slight vibration but I thought it was just my mobile phone in my jacket pocket," she told the Daily Telegraph. Hawkins had fetched the bra off of a clothesline that morning, where it had been hanging overnight. First reaction: "I thought how mean I was for disturbing it."

Joey Bergamine, 19, who is preparing for a re-trial in Fayetteville, N.C., on a DUI charge stemming from a July 2007 incident, will argue that he should have been advised of his right to have a lawyer present when his father kicked open his bedroom door hours after the incident to help police officers who had come to question him. Joey's father is the police chief of Fayetteville, and Joey's lawyer said entering a locked room, as well as the subsequent interrogation, constituted "police" action and not "parental" action, and since his dad failed to "Mirandize" him, the charge should be dismissed.

Barbie's Not Just a Girls' Obsession: (1) Robert Martin, 47, was arrested in Cape May, N.J., in July after a State Police officer spotted an array of pornographic magazines in his car in a public parking lot, along with a serving platter resting on his dashboard, piled with women's underwear, and a collection of naked Barbie dolls lined up on the seat. (2) Christopher Sullivan, 43, was arrested in Oshkosh, Wis., in August as the person who allegedly sent his upstairs neighbors threatening packages, including a Polaroid photo of three naked Barbie dolls with their heads cut off. He told police he was angry that the couple were too loud when they had sex.

-- Least Competent Criminals: (1) Michael Mahoney, 25, is the most recent rapist (according to police in Somerville, Mass.) to believe he is such hot stuff that he gave his phone number to the victim, certain that he had charmed her into wanting to keep seeing him. Police quickly arrested him in July at home, where he lives with his parents. (2) In July, convicted sexual molester Donald Fox, 62, of Frederick, Md., became the most recent convict to challenge the unfairness of his sentence (40 years in prison) and then have the appeals court agree it was unfair, except because it was too short (he's now serving 80 years).

-- More Ways to Consume That Heavenly Food: The fourth annual Big Tex Choice award for best taste this year (at a precursor event to September's Texas State Fair) went to Glen Kusak's chicken fried bacon. Earlier this summer, fourth-generation candymaker Joseph Marini III introduced chocolate-covered bacon bon-bons at his stand on California's Santa Cruz Boardwalk. For the more sophisticated, restaurateur Don Yovicsin of Waltham, Mass., serves bacon-infused Absolut vodka (allowed to sit for four weeks' time and then filtered of the bits) (and for a Bacon Bloody Mary, add mix, a lime wedge, "barbecue rub" and a Slim Jim).

(1) A 21-year-old man fishing off Jones Beach on New York's Long Island in July was killed when he yanked his line back too quickly, propelling his 3-ounce lead sinker out of the water, where it struck his head and penetrated his brain. (2) A 32-year-old man lounging beside a pool in Leland, N.C., in August was killed when a burst of wind dislodged a canopy umbrella, thrusting the tip into his skull. (3) A 79-year-old motorist watching a crane lift a steeple onto a new church in Oklahoma City in July was killed when the crane toppled over and crushed his car.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)