A prominent chef once wrote, "If you're going to kill the animal, it seems only polite to use the whole thing," and recently restaurants specializing in such "nose-to-tail" cuisine have opened in several cities, according to a May report in Toronto's National Post. The hamburger at New York City's Tasting Room includes cow heart, liver, bone marrow, tongue, flatiron, brisket, shank and clod. New York's Casa Mono features dishes of lamb's tongue, duck hearts and the red combs on top of the rooster's head. San Francisco's Incanto serves lamb necks, pig trotters and venison kidneys. Said Incanto's executive chef, "It's about viable cuts of meat that we have thrown into the trash can for years. ... When it comes to food, we (have been) very wasteful."

(1) In April, as the police officer approached the motorist relieving himself on the side of the road in South Kitsap, Wash., the man explained that he had consumed "a bunch" of beers but was not driving drunk. According to the officer, the man said he was slurring his words because "his dentist advised him his mouth was too big for his tongue." (2) Comedian Aries Spears pleaded guilty in April to assaulting a woman in the audience during his act at a New York City club. Said prosecutor Elizabeth Pederson, ridiculing Spears' initial explanation: "You can't high-five a woman's breast."

(1) Accused triple-murderer Jeffrey Gilham earned a hung-jury verdict in April in Sydney, Australia, by relentlessly denying that he had stabbed to death his mother and father. They and Gilham's brother all died by the same knife, at about the same time, stabbed from 13 to 16 times each in the heart, by a murderer kneeling over the victims. Nevertheless, Gilham said he killed only his brother and not the parents. (2) Jessica Vasquez, 19, was arrested in Indianapolis in April for a road-rage assault, but swore she was only exercising self-defense. Her victim, an 81-year-old woman whom Vasquez said was driving too slow, had been punched in the face, yanked from her car and thrown to the ground, suffering leg fractures in 14 places.

-- The graduation ceremony in May at Naperville (Ill.) Central High School was marred by the revelation that about half of the valedictorian's speech was plagiarized from a speech on the Internet, but in this case, the principal was helpless to punish him because the principal plagiarized his own speech. (He said he forgot to ask permission of the author, a Naperville Central graduate who was in the audience that day.) The principal has been reassigned, and the valedictorian's speech was removed from the graduation video.

-- Among the items on the menu for world leaders who met in June in Rome to discuss the crisis in world hunger: pasta with a sauce of pumpkin and shrimp, veal rolls, pastry puffs with corn and mozzarella, cheese mousse, Parmesan risotto, ragout of veal with legumes and zucchini pie, washed down with fine Italian wines.

--Hardcore Ironies: (1) The prominent Texas personal injury attorney Brian Loncar, whose ubiquitous TV ads offer motorists a "strong arm" if they've been hurt by another driver's negligence, landed in critical condition after a Dallas accident caused, said police, when Loncar's 2008 Bentley failed to yield to an emergency vehicle and was struck by the speeding fire engine. (2) A Lynnwood, Wash., mother has been leading a fanciful campaign to pressure an Urban Outfitters store to remove "sexual"-type books from its shelves, such as Pornogami ("Paper-Folding for Adults"). The mother's surname closely resembles an acronym familiar to prurient young men: Marci Milfs.

-- An English professor at Dartmouth College acrimoniously left her position earlier this year to accept one at Northwestern University, but not before threatening to sue Dartmouth and seven students because they so disrespected her theories as to create a "hostile work environment." Priya Venkatesan's academic specialty is treating "science" not as natural or physical realities but as mere social or political ideas. She said some students were so "intolerant" of her teaching and so questioned her knowledge as to constitute harassment.

-- Ari Ne'eman, 20, who has Asperger's syndrome, has formed the Autistic Self Advocacy Network to persuade public opinion that those diagnosed with autism are not ill or disabled but merely different in the way they process information, in that social interaction is very difficult for them. Those without autism, say the activists, are merely "neurotypical," and a progressive society must be "neurodiverse." Notwithstanding such articulate advocates as Ne'eman, most medical professionals continue to consider autism a potentially devastating affliction, according to a June report in New York magazine.

-- Legislating Love: (1) Ecuadorian legislator Maria Soledad Vela proposed in April that the nation's constitution express the public-health principle that women have a right to enjoy sex and not be mere breeding machines. Opponents ridiculed Soledad Vela's "right to orgasm" that might lead to lawsuits against husbands. (2) In April, Tommy Tabermann, a member of Finland's parliament, submitted a bill to require one week's paid vacation a year solely for romance, to counteract the country's alarmingly high divorce rate. (3) In April, Mayor Gonzalo Navarrete of the impoverished town of Lo Prado, Chile, ordered public money for funding up to four Viagra tablets a month to men over age 60, to improve "quality of life."

-- The longtime elected clerk of court in Pasco County, Fla., Jed Pittman, admitted to WTSP-TV in May that he rarely comes to work and in fact has researched state law to learn that as long as he shows up once every 43 days, he can't be fired. (The law provides for removal by the chief judge only if the clerk is absent for "44" consecutive days.) Pittman's salary is about $136,000 a year, but he exploited another loophole in state law to "retire" in 2004, and then un-retire the next day, which brings him an additional $75,000 a year (besides the $362,000 lump sum he received on the day he "retired").

Judgment-Challenged: (1) Howard Shanholtzer was arrested in Garden Grove, Calif., in May in connection with stolen security cameras. Figuring that police might be looking for his white Mitsubishi pickup truck they probably saw on surveillance video, Shanholtzer allegedly stole another pickup, but for some reason, it was another white Mitsubishi. (2) Wesley Jumper, 36, and Shawn Stewart, 36, were arrested in Charles County, Md., in April and charged with running out of a CVS store with about $500 worth of soap and shampoo. Their easy-to-spot getaway vehicle was the Good Humor ice cream truck Stewart works from at his day job.

News of the Weird reported on "objectophilia" in June 2007, based on a prominent German sexologist's belief that people can develop romantic-type relationships with inanimate objects (beyond mere fetishists, who derive only short-term arousal from items like shoes or underwear). In May 2008, Britain's Channel Five produced a documentary with on-camera interviews with several such "mechaphiles," including a 57-year-old American from Washington state who claims his "girlfriend" is a white Volkswagen Beetle (but who said he has had "sex" with 1,000 cars), and a 54-year-old woman in Sweden who claims she has been "married" to the Berlin Wall since 1979.

A new stand appeared at the Corvallis (Ore.) Farmers Market in the last week of May, manned by Jeff Oliver, 21, lifelong resident of Oregon. His "Meet a Black Guy" booth let him mingle with shoppers and have their pictures taken with him as he tried, he said, to promote racial understanding and break stereotypes. "Corvallis is not a very diverse place," he said.

Leading Economic Indicator: Rising prices of synthetic fertilizers and organic foods have intensified the collection of bird droppings on 20 climatically ideal islands off the coast of Peru where 12-inch-thick seabird guano coats the land. In the 19th century, Spain fought with Peru on the high seas for the right to mine the guano, which at that time was 150 feet high in places. Said an official of the Peruvian company that controls guano production (to a New York Times reporter in May), "Before there was oil, there was guano, so of course we fought wars over it." The exceptionally dry climate means that 12,000 to 15,000 tons of guano are available yearly.

-- The Los Angeles Police Department announced in April that it had investigated 320 complaints against its officers last year for alleged "racial profiling" and found that not a single one was valid. The Los Angeles Times reported that that was at least the sixth consecutive year that LAPD reported a perfect record on racial profiling.

-- WWL-TV reported in April that at least one east New Orleans floodwall, built immediately after Hurricane Katrina, had been temporarily stuffed with newspaper to create seals, but that in the two years since had not been upgraded. Among the stuffing that had not decayed or been eaten by bugs was an issue of Parade magazine of May 21, 2006. A contractor of the Army Corps of Engineers told a resident at the time that the newspaper seals were used only until money from Washington arrived to finish the job. Two weeks after WWL-TV's report, the corps repaired the seals properly, but a spokesman insisted that the newspaper stuffing "ha(d) no effect from a structural or safety factor."

-- The Government Accountability Office revealed in April that more than 60,000 of the federal government's contractors owe a total of about $7.7 billion in unpaid federal taxes, and that health care providers who take Medicare payments owe an additional $1 billion in late taxes. One unnamed company owes $10 million in back taxes, yet the Pentagon did $1 million worth of business with it. (One activist on tax issues pointed out that firms might find it easy to win low-bid contracts if they don't have the tax expense that their competitors have.)

-- The British government compensates soldiers the equivalent of about $115,000 if they lose a leg in battle. In March, though, the Defense Ministry paid out the equivalent of about $400,000 in disability to a civil servant who had injured his back while lifting a printer, and in May the ministry paid out the equivalent of about $500,000 to an army paratrooper to settle a claim of "humiliating and demeaning" treatment. The soldier had undergone sex-change surgery, converting from "Ian" into "Jan," yet was ordered by the army to report for a physical exam dressed as Ian.

-- Austrian director Johann Kresnik's re-interpretation of the classic Verdi opera "A Masked Ball" opened for a limited engagement in Berlin in April, aimed at America's "war and the excesses of American society today," he said. In one scene, against a backdrop of the ruins of the World Trade Center, 35 naked senior citizens danced, wearing Mickey Mouse masks.

-- "Art is no longer just a painting on the wall," said the curator of the Museum of Bat Yam, near Tel Aviv, Israel, in April. "Art is life; life is art." He gave that as an explanation for why he had accepted, as a live exhibit, seven young people from Berlin whose art is merely to live in the museum for three weeks with lice on their heads. The artists denied they intended a Holocaust expression based on Nazis' references to Jews as "parasites."

-- Worth Every Penny: (1) At an April auction in Beijing, artist Liu Xiaodong's large (8 feet by 30 feet) oil painting, part of his Three Gorges series, brought the equivalent of about $8 million. The work, "Breeding Ground No. 1," depicts 11 men in their underwear playing cards. (2) In May in New York City, a buyer spent $15.2 million at a Sotheby's auction to acquire sculptor Takashi Murakami's "My Lonesome Cowboy," which is of a naked man holding his penis and creating a long, curly lasso out of his ejaculate.

In May, eighth-grader Michael Avery of Thousand Oaks, Calif., told the hometown newspaper The Acorn that he was undecided which area high school he would attend next fall. This was a matter of interest in that Avery, 15, is a basketball prodigy and, though undecided on high school, he knows exactly where he will go to college because he had just accepted a full scholarship at the University of Kentucky beginning in 2012. The following week, Kentucky offered another one, to ninth-grader Jeremiah Davis III, to enroll in 2011.

(1) Martin Turner, 39, of Blackpool, England, pleaded guilty to four counts of harassment in May, specifically, pestering several workmen by telephone over a three-year period to please come by and stand on his face, his fingers and his genitals while wearing their heavy boots. His lawyer said it had something to do with "domination." (2) Jeremy Pope, 26, was arrested in April in Madison, Wis., in an alleged second episode at a Target store (the first was in December at a ShopKo), in which he urinated on women's underwear on the shelves. Police said Pope was quick to confess: "Yeah, I have a problem."

Police in Mesa, Ariz., chased driver Christopher Psomas, 38, in May after his companion, Ashley Strahan, 20, allegedly tried to pass a forged check at a business. The pair's car ran red lights at high speeds to get out of town, then left the road near the Salt River Reservation, and when the car became disabled, kept going on foot. However, they ran smack into a bed of chola cactus, becoming virtual pin cushions. At Banner Desert Medical Center, as nurses plucked the needles from his body, Psomas, in pain and in tears, said, "I am so stupid. This is what I get for trying to run from the police."

In March, News of the Weird reported the bratty behavior of two Boynton Beach, Fla., high school girls who not only swiped money from a Girl Scout selling cookies at a supermarket, but then told a TV station on camera that they were "pissed" because they got caught and had to give the money back. One of the girls, Stefanie Woods, 18, chose to go to trial on the theft charge in May, but was quickly convicted and will be sentenced in June. A week after the conviction, she also pleaded no-contest to an intervening event in which she allegedly skipped out on a $28 dinner tab at a Denny's. She said she was sorry for the theft, but that "I still don't think it gives (the public) the right to be screaming things at me" around town. "People scream things at me every single day, and it's getting really hard."

Arrested recently, and awaiting trial for murder: Cody Wayne Moore, Rockford, Ill. (April); Larry Wayne Rubin, Decatur, Ga. (April); Darrell Wayne Buchanan, Burke County, N.C. (February). Pleaded guilty to murder: Christopher Wayne Hudson, Melbourne, Australia (May); Fred Wayne Douty II, Martinsburg, W.Va. (June). Committed suicide while a suspect in the murder of a state trooper: Brandon Wayne Robertson, Cass County, Texas (May).

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

The Fates of Three Class of '08 Students in Durham, N.C.: Two men did not graduate from Duke University in May because they were two of the three lacrosse players accused of rape in March 2006 and were forced to suspend their academic pursuits in order to defend themselves against the charges that were later dismissed. Another '08 student did graduate in May in Durham, from North Carolina Central University: Crystal Mangum, the drug-abusing, part-time stripper who had relentlessly accused the three of raping her but whose story was later found to be completely unsupported. Mangum's degree is in police psychology.

NOTE: As evidence that the weird news keeps repeating itself, this week's collection consists of recent instances of people doing the same old things that we've seen before in News of the Weird.

-- In what would be a new modern record for the lapse of time between a death and its notice, neighbors found the mummified body of a Croatian woman in her Zagreb apartment in May, and police said no one remembered seeing her alive after 1973. (A Croatian news organization said the last sighting was in 1967.) She missed no maintenance payments because her building, which was state-owned when she was last seen, has since become a cooperative, and aggregate charges were paid for collectively by the other residents.

-- News of the Weird informed you in 2007 of camel beauty pageants in Saudi Arabia, but the obsession with the animal runs deeper, based in part on nostalgia for the days when camels were important for transportation. Breeders cuddle and nuzzle them, and at the country's largest camel market near Riyadh in March 2008, they bought and sold based, one breeder told The New York Times, on the standards of "judging a beautiful girl. You look for big eyes, long lashes and a long neck." Said another, "See this one? She isn't married yet, this one. She's still a virgin. Look at the black eyes, the soft fur. ... Just like a girl going to a party." He added (after kissing the camel on the mouth), "My camels are like my children, my family." (In January, a prominent cleric issued a decree condemning the pride people take in their camels.)

-- March is the season for Shinto religious fertility festivals in Japan at which symbolic phalluses are offered to the gods for business fortune as well as good sexual and marital luck. In the small town of Komaki, a 2-meter-long phallus is carried through town every year and presented to the local temple. The best-known celebration is the Kanamara Matsuri ("Festival of the Iron Penis") in Kawasaki, where colorful phallus floats abound and delight the children of all ages who line the streets.

-- Because Japan's suicide rate is so high, there is sometimes collateral damage. In April 2007, News of the Weird reported yet another instance in which a despondent person leaped off of a building (a nine-story edifice in Tokyo), only to land on someone else (a 60-year-old man, who was only bruised). These days, chemical ingestion is the trendy method, and in May 2008, a despondent farmer drank a chlorine solution and was rushed to Kumamoto's Red Cross Hospital, but as doctors tried unsuccessfully to save him, he vomited, and the fumes sickened 54 workers, including 10 who had to be hospitalized.

-- With rising prices paid for scrap metal come the increased threat of theft, and metal dealers are on alert, as well as power companies, which use valuable copper wire. However, as the number of thieves increases, so does the number of clumsy ones who fail to respect that electrical substations are live. In May, at least three men were killed and three others badly injured in attempts to steal wire from substations in Lancaster County, Pa., Somerset County, Pa., Savannah, Ga., Chicago and Edmonton, Alberta.

-- In April in Marion, Ill., an alert newspaper carrier discovered an 84-year-old woman who was alive but had been pinned to the floor for four days without food or water because her much larger husband, 77, had died of a heart attack and fallen on top of her. (In a notorious 1984 incident at a strip club in San Francisco, a dancer had been pinned down overnight underneath the body of club manager Jimmy Ferrozzo, who had had a fatal heart attack while having sex with her. She could not move because they were lying on top of a stage piano that descended on a pulley, for the dancer's grand entrance, and Ferrozzo, in the throes of ecstasy, had accidentally tripped the switch sending it back up, where it jammed against the ceiling.)

-- There was yet another fight in Jerusalem's Church of the Holy Sepulchre this past Easter (celebrated in mid-April by Orthodox Christians). This time, Armenians (one of the six Christian branches that share management of the holy site) believed that a Greek Orthodox priest had encroached on their part of the church and tried to eject him, leading to a brawl in which some in attendance used Palm Sunday fronds as weapons. It usually falls on Jerusalem's Muslim police officers to restore order.

-- For Easter every year in Vrondados on the Greek island of Chios, villagers carry on a 19th-century tradition in which parishioners of two churches attack the other's building with homemade rockets during midnight Mass. Villagers spend the days before Easter boarding up windows in order to minimize damage, and the goal is to be first to hit the other church's bell tower.

-- In 2006, News of the Weird featured the 5-year-old boy who was set to enter kindergarten as a 5-year-old girl after his parents agreed with therapists that 5 is not too young to be formally switching genders. In 2007, pediatric endocrinologist Norman Spack started a gender-identity clinic at Children's Hospital Boston, motivated by his observation that even preadolescents can be at risk to harm themselves if they are confused or angry about their sexual orientation. According to a March 2008 Boston Globe report, Spack first recommends drugs to delay puberty, to give the child more time, before moving on to the usually irreversible effect of gender-changing hormones.

-- In a well-publicized story in January, two New York City men were charged with fraud after they rolled a dead friend's body in a chair from their apartment to a check-cashing store, propping him up to suggest that he was alive and wanted the men to cash his Social Security check for him. In May, a judge set the men free after they told him that the three had an income- and expense-sharing arrangement and that they thought their friend was merely incapacitated. Since the autopsy was inconclusive as to time of death, the charges were dropped.

-- An Indonesian man whose skin disorder caused him to grow hideous, root-like tissue that overwhelmed his hands, feet and face, and who was featured on a Discovery Channel program in November, has now lost four pounds' worth of the wart-like growths through surgery and a vitamin A regimen, and at last can grip a pen. American dermatology professor Anthony Gaspari, who is helping him, concluded that he has the human papilloma virus, which normally causes tiny warts, but because of an immune deficiency, the man was unable to restrain their growth.

-- In April retired engineer William Lyttle, 77, was ordered by the town council in Hackney, England, to pay the equivalent of about $560,000 for repairing the damage he has caused to neighbors in his 40-year obsession of digging deep into the ground on his property, causing not only collapses of parts of his own home but in some cases the integrity of surrounding houses and the street. Authorities discovered a maze of tunnels underneath the 20-room house, in addition to the many holes in the yard, into which Lyttle had dumped cars and boats.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)