Small-Town Mayors: (1) Mayor Ken Williams resigned in Centerton, Ark. (pop. 2,146), in November and revealed that he is actually Don LaRose, an Indiana preacher who abruptly abandoned his family in 1980 because, he said, satanists had abducted and threatened him, and brainwashed him to rub out details of a murder he supposedly knew about. He said his memory returned only recently, thanks to truth serum. (2) Mayor Lino Donato of Poteet, Texas (pop. 3,500), said in November that he would remain in office despite his inability to set foot in city hall. That building is less than 1,000 feet from a youth recreation center and therefore off-limits to Donato, who was adjudicated a sex offender in October.

-- The Texas Board of Education announced in November that it had made its selections of approved math textbooks for the next school year, even though the group of chosen books contained a total of 109,263 errors. Books of the industry giant Houghton Mifflin accounted for about 86,000. All publishers have guaranteed to correct the errors by the time the books are shipped.

-- In October, rescue crews in Pittsburgh freed a woman who had become stuck underneath an SUV in front of another woman's house. She told police that she suspected her husband was having an affair with the woman and had crawled around to get a better vantage point for spying. She said she inadvertently fell asleep and, when she awoke, could not crawl out.

-- Spectacular Errors: (1) In November, a 77-year-old man in Jacksonville, Fla., intending to help his daughter by riding his bicycle to Long Branch Elementary School to pick up her 4-year-old son (his grandson), arrived back home with a kid on the bike but did not realize that he had picked up the wrong boy. Said the picked-up kid's frantic mother, "(The two boys) don't even look alike." (2) The Rhode Island Department of Health fined Rhode Island Hospital $50,000 in November because three doctors so far this year have performed neurosurgery on the wrong side of the patients' brains. (Two patients survived.)

-- In November the Food and Drug Administration told Smiling Hill Farm of Westbrook, Maine, that it would have to recall all of its egg nog because it did not list "egg" as an ingredient on the label. Federal law requires the listing to protect people with egg allergies from inadvertently consuming foods that they might not have realized contain egg (even products called "egg nog").

-- Jesse Rodriguez, 33, was scheduled to testify in December in Redwood City, Calif., against the man who ordered him to shoot another to death in 1989, even though triggerman Rodriguez has been, and is, exempt from any prison time. Rodriguez was 14 when he killed the man, and state law at the time prohibited authorities from holding him beyond his 25th birthday. Since Rodriguez went on the lam after the crime and did not surface until he was 31, the state would have to let him go even if he were tried and convicted.

-- The existence of the 50-year-old, ultra-secure computer protocol required for a U.S. president to launch nuclear weapons is well-known, through newspapers, books and Hollywood films, but according to papers released by Britain's National Archive in November, a similarly complex protocol has been in place in that country only since 1998. Before that, a person could arm a nuclear bomb simply by removing two ordinary screws and (according to BBC News) using "an Allen key to select high yield or low yield, air burst or groundburst and other parameters."

-- Yikes! (1) The China Daily newspaper reported in November that local markets and beauty salons in Guangdong province were selling low-priced hair bands made from used condoms. (2) "Fires during surgeries a bigger risk than thought," headlined a November Boston Globe article, citing data from hospitals in Pennsylvania (28 operating-room fires a year for the last three years) and Massachusetts.

-- People Who Have a Way With Words: (1) Washington state Rep. Jim Dunn, responding in October to a reprimand by colleagues about unwanted sexual remarks made to a female staff member, said he couldn't recall exactly what he told her, but that he was "sure it was very inappropriate, because I do that kind of thing." (2) Russia's checkerboard serial killer (who said he aimed to commit 64 murders even though only charged with 49), explained in court in October how he got started, at age 18, by killing a classmate: "A first killing is like your first love. You never forget it."

Mesa, Ariz., police arrested Sebastian Mancilla, 41, in November after a security camera at Mervyn's department store caught him being not too subtle in looking up the skirt of a female shopper. According to an Arizona Republic reporter, citing a police source: "At one time Mancilla approached the woman from behind and laid down on the floor to look up her skirt. He then got back to his feet and continued to act as if he was shopping." Mancilla allegedly tried again with the same woman, dropping to his knees, but to no avail, as the woman walked away.

Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) A man in a werewolf mask tried to rob a Subway sandwich shop in Pittsburgh in October, but came away empty as the two employees on duty refused to give up money even though he implied that he had a gun (covered with a paper bag). The employees said the man argued a bit and then in frustration removed his mask and fled, saying, "I can't believe you won't listen to a man with a mask and a gun." (2) Gregory Holley was arrested in Largo, Fla., in November and charged with robbing three stores and a bank. He was picked up the day after the bank robbery, carrying cash from the bank and wearing the same clothes that the robber wore, with stains from the bank's chemical dye pack.

(1) A court in Preston, England, convicted Akinwale Arobieke, 46, of violating an earlier court order (reported in News of the Weird in 2006) by doing the same prohibited behavior: He accosted a man in public at a mall and fondled his bicep. (2) In October, the singer Donovan, 61, announced plans to open the Invincible Donovan University in his native Scotland to advance Transcendental Meditation teachings, which assert (as mentioned in News of the Weird in 1999 and 2005) that a critical mass of practitioners, concentrating in unison, can cause society to reduce its crime, violence and stress (and, he said, the critical mass for improving a small country like Scotland would be only 250 meditators).

Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (85) The errant animal (often a squirrel) that wanders into an electrical line or substation, kills itself, and thereby plunges a wide neighborhood area into darkness, as in Ashland, Wis., and Auburn, Calif., in November. And (86) the parent who decides to commit a crime (often, shoplifting) with his or her toddler in tow, only to irrationally decide, when spotted by police, to abandon the child and run away, as a panicked Suzette Gruber, 39, did in October, leaving her baby in his stroller after being caught in a T.J. Maxx store in Hartsdale, N.Y.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

Software engineers told Fortune magazine in November that they are constructing a filter to eliminate stupid messages to online forums and bulletin boards. Lead researcher Gabriel Ortiz said his team had compiled a database of idiotic comments and that the new software would detect unintelligible remarks and either alert the writer to fix them or divert the message to the recipient's "junk mail." Easy dumb messages to filter: those with the tacky, immature repetition of a closing consonant, e.g., "That thing is amazinggggg!!!" More difficult: how to treat sarcasm and irony, in that smart writers sometimes deliberately use dumb statements to mock other writers.

-- An Indonesian fisherman, Dede, age 35, is in reasonably good health except that his hands and feet resemble something out of the "Alien" movie series, with huge root-like growths that render his arms and legs useless, according to a November Discovery Channel TV program, "Half Man, Half Tree," reported on by London's Daily Telegraph. Dermatologist Anthony Gaspari of the University of Maryland flew to Indonesia and determined that Dede's condition was caused by a genetic inability to restrain the growth of warts ("cutaneous horns") produced by the human papillomavirus. Gaspari prescribed a regimen of vitamin A, which he said should reduce the size of the warts enough so that, with surgery, Dede could eventually use his hands again.

-- Twin sisters Doris McAusland and Dora Bennett are 80 years old, live in Madison, Wis., apparently like and dislike the same foods, met their husbands on the same day, from the same church group, had hysterectomies at the same time, always get their hair done together, and, ever since they were toddlers, have worn identical outfits every day (except for one time that they had different shoes), according to a November CBS News report.

-- In October, Taiwan's minister of national defense, Lee Tien-yu, instituted a policy of requiring recruits and their squad leaders to hug each other, which he thought would build mutual respect. According to the ritual, each would place his right hand on the other's back and left hand on the other's waist, with the leader saying, "Brother, I will take care of you," and the recruit replying, "Squad leader, I respect you." Not surprisingly, Lee was forced to abandon the policy three weeks later, especially after critical officials kept challenging Lee to hug some of his military officers in the same way (which he declined to do).

-- In October a police officer in Scranton, Pa., charged Dawn Herb with disorderly conduct after he passed her home and heard her, through an open window, cussing her toilet, which at the time was overflowing and leaking into the kitchen. Herb, and the American Civil Liberties Union, were incredulous.

In October, Beckley, W.Va., police detained a 61-year-old man whom they found at the King Tut Drive-In on a Saturday afternoon, apparently sober, after he had "driven" his four grandchildren, all around age 4, "on a busy street in a 15-foot motorboat pulled by a lawnmower," according to an Associated Press report. The vehicle was of course unregistered and uninspected, and the children not properly seat-restrained, but the man seemed unaware that he had placed the kids in danger.

British Airways, via a high-profile advertising campaign, has bragged about its environmental awareness, but London's Daily Mail revealed in November that the company had recently flown "dozens" of planes across the Atlantic Ocean empty, spewing thousands of tons of carbon dioxide, allegedly because it could not find enough crew members for the flights. Critics said the airline merely wanted to preserve its valuable use-them-or-lose-them landing spaces at England's Heathrow and Gatwick airports, but the company denied that.

-- (1) The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency made a special announcement in October that it is once again safe to eat squirrels in New Jersey. (In January, EPA had discovered lead in tissue samples from local squirrels, but later said the lead might have come from defects in the sampling machine.) (2) Karl Marx's writings glorifying communism (though Western capitalists regard it as grim and joyless) may well have reflected merely his alienation from society due to a lifelong series of excruciatingly painful boils, according to a recent British Journal of Dermatology article. In an 1867 letter, Marx wrote, "The bourgeoisie will remember my carbuncles until their dying day."

-- As protesters gathered at colleges around the country to criticize federal budget cutbacks that would raise the price of subsidized birth control at student health services, one University of New Mexico student described the imminent horror to Albuquerque's KFRQ-TV: "(Students shouldn't) have to make a choice between their birth control and their cell phone bill or their birth control and their gym membership ..."

(1) In November, two mid-level bureaucrats in the District of Columbia tax office were charged with stealing $16 million over three years (since raised by investigators to more than $20 million) by granting tax "refunds" to phony companies run by their friends and relatives. Authorities said six-figure refund checks were routinely issued to companies no one had ever heard of, yet the scam was not discovered by supervisors or auditors until an employee of a bank branch located in a grocery store got suspicious. (2) A November Washington Post investigation found an almost complete lack of oversight of the often-bountiful "activities funds" of D.C. public schools, which were looted by some administrators and teachers for personal travel, meals and even strip-club tabs.

Paul Keith, 75, was arrested in Framingham, Mass., in November after he had allegedly driven aggressively into the car stopped in front of him waiting for a traffic light to change. Keith earnestly explained to police that the other driver had failed to move once the light turned green. "(S)o I drove into the back of him. When the light turns green, you're supposed to go." (Keith demolished the front end of his car.)

Armin Meiwes, the German gourmet-cannibal who was convicted in 2004 of killing, filleting and eating an apparently willing victim whom he had met via the Internet, gave his first extensive interview from prison in October to German TV and mentioned in passing that his sauteed morsels "tasted like pork, a little ... bitter, stronger." And in November, a Green Party activist who visits Meiwes' prison told a reporter that Meiwes had been elected by fellow inmates as a discussion leader on environmental, tax and legal issues and was demonstrating his commitment to Green Party principles by eating mostly vegetarian meals.

(1) In October, Shannon Whisnant innocently bought a meat smoker at auction when owner John Wood of Maiden, N.C., fell behind in storage payments, but then Whisnant discovered Wood's amputated leg inside (where Wood had been keeping it for posterity). Whisnant claimed ownership and then suggested a joint money-making project with Wood after the story made worldwide news, but Wood insisted on getting his leg back, and in November, a judge ruled in his favor. (2) A 66-year-old man was hospitalized in South Kitsap, Wash., in November after accidentally shooting himself in both legs. Police said he had become frustrated with a stuck lug nut on his Lincoln Continental's wheel and fired his 12-gauge shotgun at it, resulting in buckshot wounds from his feet to mid-abdomen.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)

The Modern Mother: Style- and environment-conscious Canadian mothers insist on cloth diapers, especially designer labels of flannel, fleece or wool-knit, according to a November report in Toronto's Globe and Mail. Handmade embroidered diapers (perhaps in tie-dye or camouflage) are priced at up to $80 each (and some babies get to wear them only just after taking care of business in an ordinary diaper). And, in London, mothers can take babies for workouts, as several gyms recently reacted to warnings about childhood obesity by creating programs to shape up kids as young as 10 months (teaching galloping, "monkey jumps" and forward rolls), and in February, one gym will begin accepting 4-month-olds.

-- In October, Italy's economic minister, noting that a third of all men over 30 still live with their parents and that rental housing markets are depressed, proposed a tax break worth the equivalent of about $1,400 for each man in his 20s who will finally leave Momma's house. (A week earlier in Sicily, one mother publicly turned her adult son over to the police for staying out too late, and also took away his house keys and cut off his allowance. The son, who immediately complained that the allowance was too small, anyway, is 61 years old.)

-- The normal daily tension between India and Pakistan arises in many forms, but one nightly ceremony on the border at Wagah crossing is particularly odd (described by a Los Angeles Times reporter in September as part pomp, part macho posturing, and part Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks). Uniformed guards from both countries march toward each other in their inexplicably complicated headgear, "glower fiercely through their mustaches" and puff themselves up, eyeball to eyeball, in a show of confidence for their respective countrymen. However, they then meekly shake hands and close the border for the night.

-- Residents of small fishing villages in northern Newfoundland have for centuries been "mumming" at Christmastime, in rituals described in an October academic journal article by University of Missouri-Columbia researchers. People disguise themselves, go to neighbors' houses and threaten violence, at which point the neighbor must guess the visitor's identity, and, if all goes well, refuse to be scared. Supposedly, the ritual induces trust by both parties, as the visitors show their good hearts by failing to actually beat anyone up, and the host shows trust by his courage and passivity. Mumming, the researchers conclude, continues today only on a "small scale."

-- "This is a college education that I can use," said sophomore Emily Felts, 19, as she praised the homemaking curriculum of the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas (which leads to a Bachelor of Arts in Humanities). Men and women may be equal, the school says, but they have different roles, and for women, that includes "how to set tables, sew buttons and sustain lively dinnertime conversation," or how to use the Internet to track grocery coupons, according to an October dispatch in the Los Angeles Times. Felts said she enjoys the work (except vacuuming), but it "doesn't matter what I think. It matters what the Bible says."

-- In November, Catholic priests in Ireland and Northern Ireland complained about their respective governments' proposals to lower the presumed-impaired blood-alcohol level for drivers from .08 to .05, which they say is unfair. Because of a priest shortage, current priests expect to be driving great distances to conduct Masses this Christmas season, and since they are obliged to drink any leftover sacramental wine from each Mass, they fear inevitably approaching, or exceeding, the blood-alcohol threshold.

-- In October, Patty Cooper, 50, accused her landlord (the Central Vermont Community Land Trust) of failing to "accommodate" her disability under the federal Americans with Disabilities Act when it barred her "service horse" from living in her apartment. Cooper uses a wheelchair because of a brittle-bones disorder and says the miniature horse (100 pounds, 32 inches tall) not only pulls the chair but cheers her up. A trust spokesman said keeping rats out of the hay bales would be difficult enough, but he doubted Cooper's assurance that the horse could be easily housebroken.

-- In November, a California administrative judge sided with state dental authorities and suspended Dr. Mark Anderson's license, following complaints by female patients that he had massaged their chests to treat a jaw disorder. Anderson's lawyer, citing alleged dental journal articles, had asserted that jaw pain was related not only to pectoral muscles but even calf muscles. (In November, Anderson was also indicted for sexual battery against patients.)

-- The head teacher of Sandhurst Junior School in south London apologized in October because a professional photographer had arranged, for his own convenience, an unfortunate group photo of the school's 100-plus students. The photographer, trying to keep from having to re-set his reflector screens, lined up the kids from the lightest-skinned on the left, gradually over to the darkest-skinned on the right. Said the head teacher, "We can see that this was an error of judgment."

-- Also Questionable: (1) Japanese adults push their children to save more, but few are buying the piggy bank introduced by the TOMY Co. in November, because, if not fed with savings for a period of time, the bank just explodes, scattering the contents. (2) In September, three young men in a dinghy on a canal in Australia's Gold Coast region stood up to moon a group of people but lost their balance and fell in, with two recovering quickly, but the third was chopped in the face by the then-circling dinghy's outboard propeller and was in serious condition.

Several men were arrested recently and charged with sex "crimes" involving inanimate objects. In Ayr, Scotland, Robert Stewart was convicted of sexually aggravated breach of the peace (and officially labeled a sex offender) after being caught alone and pantsless in his hostel bedroom thrusting against a bicycle. Craig McCullough, 47, was arrested in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in October after allegedly being caught "in a compromising position" with an inflatable toy doll, in an otherwise-empty public restroom. Steven Marshall, 18, was arrested in Galashiels, Scotland, in November (and officially labeled a sex offender) after being caught simulating sexual intercourse against the pavement of a city street.

In Monticello, N.Y., Steven King, 40, was indicted in October as a result of a traffic stop, for allegedly doing nearly every single thing wrong: intoxicated, driving in oncoming-traffic lanes, with an open beer container, not wearing a seat belt, driving an uninsured car, with expired safety inspection sticker, with license plates belonging to another car, and with his 2-year-old daughter-passenger neither in a car seat nor belted in.

Something About Dentists: Hard-core federal income-tax resisters are frequently in the news, but a recent spate of them involved dentists. In October, Ed Brown and his dentist-wife, Elaine, were arrested after a nine-month standoff with federal marshals in Plainfield, N.H., where they had holed up, vowing to die before paying the federal government any of Elaine's $1.9 million in unreported income. In October, dentist Nancy Montgomery-Ware was convicted on two counts of tax evasion in Tampa, Fla., still believing that the federal government has no authority over her taxes or her practice, based on her research finding that there's no such thing as a "U.S. citizen." In October, Slidell, La., dentist Louis Genard was a U.S. citizen, though he renounced, but was nonetheless found guilty on three tax-evasion counts after a court was unimpressed that he had become an "ambassador of heaven" who is exempt from federal taxation.

(Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com or www.NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.)